Towards The Sky

She realizes that there are many people in the world who are less fortunate than her. At the very least, she has a job and a roof over her head.

But it does not stop her from feeling this way. After all, everyone else is moving on with their lives. Jan Di is married with a child, and many of her old high school classmates are beginning to fall into the same pattern. Her parents have moved out to the countryside to enjoy a simpler life. Even Okami-san has decided to close down shop and search the globe for the man (men?) that she loved with all her heart.

Only Ga Eul remains. Only she has stayed the same. And how she wishes that life didn't pass by so quickly; if she had a second chance she probably would have been more social. Made more friends. Gone on more dates.

At the very least, she wouldn't be alone like she is now, wishing and waiting that someone somewhere would think of her. But instead she sits, staring at the phone, longing for a call that will never come.

Only one person has the power to make all of this better, but she knows that he would never give her the time of day. He has only run away a dozen times at the sight of her, making his feelings perfectly clear. Still, she knows that if he were to apologize for his childishness she would forgive him immediately, no questions asked.

Hell, he wouldn't even need an apology. She would forgive him anyway, and she hates herself for being so weak-willed. But she can't help it; he's like a drug that she can't quit, his presence so intoxicating it makes her head spin. Simply being with him brings her the most euphoric high as well as a most depressing low. She celebrates his presence, yet agonizes in her misfortune because he will never be with her.

It is a simple truth that she simply needs to accept. So Yi Jeong will never be hers.

If only she could numb the pain...

Everything would be so much better.

Her eyes fall to the top of the cabinet, where her father left a bottle of his favorite rice wine. He intended for it to be consumed at Ga Eul's wedding.

Sorry Appa, Ga Eul thinks bitterly, reaching for the bottle. That's never going to happen.

A half-hour later finds her sprawled across the foyer of her apartment. Her mind's in a haze and she's not sure how she got there, but she doesn't care. The phone's in her hand now and she's pressed the first entry on her speed dial, and when he picks up she's too wasted to express her surprise that he actually answered.

She's probably spouting all kinds of nonsense right now and he occasionally responds to what she says. If she concentrates hard enough she thinks she can hear a little bit of concern in his voice, though it could just be her overactive imagination. Before she realizes what's happened she drops the phone from her grasp and she slumps against the wall as unconsciousness tugs at her from within.

---

Her eyes slowly open and she sees white all around -- a long path stretches out in front of her, flanked by legions of people, suited in their best attire. At the end of the pathway is the man of her dreams, smiling gently at her.

Congratulations, the people say to her, and their expressions share that sentiment.

She looks down at herself, wrapped in a pure white gown, and feels the corners of her mouth curl up in happiness.

This is the day she's waited for. This is it.

No more emptiness. No more longing -- everything she has ever wanted is waiting for her at the end of this aisle, and all she has to do is take it in her hands and grasp it.

Step by step she walks.

But no matter how much she moves forward, her happiness seems to be receding back. She breaks into a full-out run in her heels, and the distance between them increases and she feels her heart drop into the pit of her stomach as a loud banging noise interrupts the scene.

She wills the racket to stop, but when it doesn't, she opens her eyes and finds herself in a pile in the foyer of her apartment. The noise is coming from her front door, she realizes belatedly, and she sluggishly goes to see who it is.

Suddenly she's forced back by the visitor, who shoves open the door and proceeds to shout at her for her carelessness and how she shouldn't drink all by herself and what if she were to injure herself with no one to look after her. Or at least she thinks that's what the person is saying. She probably would be more panicked if this intruder didn't feel so familiar.

Visibly she sways and nearly falls down if not for the strong pair of arms that circle her waist. Intruder is definitely male, she decides. In her drunken haze, she peers up at the stranger's face to see if she can recognize him. Nope, just a peculiar run-together of eyes, nose, and mouth. If she squints he kind of looks like yi Jeong sunbae.

Then again, she'd probably say that about anybody right about now. And there's no way that he of all people would be here, at her her apartment, at one in the morning.

But the presence of Fake-Yi Jeong sunbae is enough to surge within her a torrent of emotions, of all of her sadness and pain and loneliness and the emotions are enough to send her over the edge. She grabs onto his shirt with as much strength as she can muster and closes her eyes, feels the tears cling to her eyelashes.

He says nothing at first and just holds her, and all of her strength escapes her and together they slide to the floor, a tangle of limbs and torsos and faces just inches apart. Fake-Yi Jeong sunbae softly strokes her cheek and tucks the crown of her head just under his chin. Everything else that he's said or done up to this point is blurry, but his next sentence is enough to sober her up considerably -- "How can you expect me to take care of you when you can't even take care of yourself?" -- his tone gentle and defeated.

She looks up at him and it's like she's seeing him for the first time. So Yi Jeong's features come into view and she has to take in a breath; seeing him always causes her lungs to constrict no matter how long they've known each other. And she just can't believe that he would be here at this moment.

She doesn't question it, and stretches fingers out to touch his face. When that's not enough, she cups his face with both of her hands, and watches as he closes his eyes and leans into her touch. Quietly she whispers his name, just to make sure that he's real.

His eyes open and they flash darkly with something she can't identify as he responds to her in an equally quiet fashion. "Ga Eul yang."

She's amazed at how clear things are now as she registers him picking her up by the hips and situating her on his lap. She squirms, but his arms trap her. She protests, regardless of the fact that she's wanted this for the longest time. "W-we shouldn't..."

"Hush, Ga Eul yang," he interrupts her, and before she can say anything else, he's sent her head spinning with the sensation of his lips on hers.

What sweet, sweet torture. She gives in to her temptation and wraps her arms around his neck, fully engaging herself in the kiss and she feels him pull her waist even closer to him, completely eliminating the distance between them. She ignores the fact that it's not right for him to be kissing her -- hell, he shouldn't even be at her apartment in the first place. But God, she wants him, she needs him, and if she doesn't have him, she's sure she'll die.

In between kisses his hands travel up underneath her shirt and she nearly cries out loud, his touch burning hot. But still she can't get enough. Being here with him now in his embrace is wrong on so many levels, but she just can't bring herself to care. She's denied herself his presence for so long and now that he's here she wants to take full advantage of it because this will not last. She doesn't know when -- if -- he will ever come to her again, and so this is her only shot.

Ichi-go ichi-e.

He trails his lips down the column of her throat and she grinds her pelvis into his and she can hear him growl, a feral sound echoing from deep in his chest. He pulls away just far enough so he can look her in the eye and she can see it clearly now -- his gaze heavily shrouded in desire. "Don't -- do that," he says sharply, and he closes his eyes, likely trying to keep himself in check.

Any trace of innocence she has left in her body goes flying out the window when she runs her fingers down his shirt's button placket all the way down to the front of his pants. His eyes shoot open in alarm. "But I want to," she murmurs. "Just this once. Please..."

He growls once again and gathers her in his arms and stands. "You asked for it," he warns her, as he makes his way determinedly down the hall to her bedroom, and as he tosses her down onto the bed none-too-gently and nearly rips her blouse from her skin, she wonders if she's made a mistake to be so bold with him.

Going this step may very well destroy whatever relationship they have at present. They've gone on the casual date and know each other well, though she does not consider them friends. No, friends do not obsessively chase after one another. And nor do friends run away from each other.

They are acquaintances in a way, but much more than that. She's loved him for years on end, and he's never given her so much as a second glance until now, and she's left wondering what on earth made him change. But she doesn't question it anymore as he drags her underwear down her thighs and spreads her legs and when he lowers his face to her she arches her back to welcome the ecstasy.

She was never one to ruin relationships in the past, and tonight she's being ambitious and wrecking two at the same time. She conveniently ignores the ring on his finger and wonders if he's doing the same.

She knows that this won't last -- but she's desperate right now and would do anything to rid herself of her reality, of her miserable lonesome existence. Because the truth is, when this is all over, he will go home to a beautiful woman who loves him.

And she will look forward to no one. She knows this -- and she knows that he's the worst person in the world for her, but right now she'd rather be with him than be alone.