Kissing A Fool

Prologue


“Hey, Yunho, Yoochun,” Jaejoong said to his best friends as he arrived at his locker. “God, I’m so glad it’s almost the weekend.”

“Why, you got a hot date?” Yoochun sounded interested, though Yunho merely leaned against the lockers. Jaejoong gave Yoochun an unamused look and resumed putting in the combination for his lock.

“Speaking of hot dates, “Yoochun continued, “Yunho is an idiot.” Yunho looked away, feigning disinterest.

“What??” Jaejoong asked as he pulled out his chemistry textbook, baffled. “What does Yunho being an idiot have anything to do with a hot date? Don’t tell me you’re asking him out. That, I think, would make you the idiot, Yoochun-ah.”

“Yah,” Yunho protested. “I am not interested in guys, least of all Yoochun, and I’m not an idiot.”

“Oh yeah?” Yoochun retorted, smirking. “Who else would date Hee Jin for one week and then dump her? Hee Jin. Seriously. God that girl is so hot, I’d tap that.”

“Haven’t you already?” Jaejoong responded dryly.

“Have I?” Yoochun asked thoughtfully. “Huh. I think I need to start making a list.”

“Look, she just wasn’t my type,” Yunho replied defensively.

“What is your type? Because if every girl you’ve gone out with hasn’t been your type, it seems like you’re looking for someone who is unpopular, butt-ugly, and weird,” Yoochun remarked.

“He’s got a point,” Jaejoong tilted his head and shrugged. “You’ve dated almost all the available girls here. Going out with anyone here now seems like social incest.”

“Maybe I’m just looking for someone nice,” Yunho said distractedly, picking a stray thread off his shirt.

“Nice?” Yoochun scoffed. “You want someone nice? Soo Hyun’s nice…in the chestal area, if you know what I mean. Eh? Eh?” He grinned and elbowed Yunho knowingly, who only gave him an exasperated look and pushed his arm away.

“What, is that supposed to be clever?” Yunho said, annoyed at his friend.

“Yunho-ah,” Jaejoong ignored Yoochun’s crude remarks. “Maybe you’re just scared of commitment.”

“Of course he’s scared of commitment,” Yoochun interjected. “He’s a man, isn’t he? Why limit yourself to one entrée when you could have a buffet?”

“Grow up, Yoochun,” Jaejoong rolled his eyes.

“Yah, Jaejoong’s got a point, though,” Yoochun said, a little more serious. “You’ve never been in a relationship for more than a week. I bet it’s because you can’t have a girlfriend for longer than that. You probably wouldn’t know what to do with her.”

“Of course I’d know what to do with her!” Yunho’s masculinity was being threatened.

“Oh yeah? Then do it. I bet you can’t date a girl for a whole month,” Yoochun dared.

“Oh yeah?” Yunho retorted, needing to defend his ego. “Name the girl, and I’ll show you I can.”

“Whoa whoa whoa,” Jaejoong interrupted the testosterone-fest. “Don’t you think this is really unfair to the girl?”

“Whatever,” Yoochun said flippantly. “We’ll just choose someone who’s nice.” He emphasized the criterion Yunho had mentioned earlier. “She’ll just forgive him in the end. Don’t you ever watch dramas? Now, who to pick, who to pick…” A lightbulb turned on in Yoochun’s head, and a devious grin emerged on his face. “I know. Bae Seul Gi. You know, Jaejoong’s nerdy friend.” Yunho blanched as Jaejoong began to protest.

“Deal,” Yunho replied quietly, extending his hand. Yoochun shook Yunho’s hand, an even wider grin on his face. There was no way that Jung Yunho, leader of the five kingkas at the school, could date Bae Seul Gi, a bookish social unknown, for an entire month…but at least the next month would provide some entertainment.


Chapter 1
Baby, you're a 9.999999999...but you'd be a 10 if you were with me.



I lie flush against the brick wall, eyeing my surroundings. I inch forward as quietly as possible, painfully aware that exposure could be catastrophic. I approach the corner and take a breath before quickly peeking over the edge. There, surrounded by vicious looking beasts, lies my target. I clasp my hands together, forming a makeshift “gun,” ready to infiltrate.

My mission is clear: I am to rescue Kim Jaejoong from the enemy’s camp. I take a step, ready to—

“Whatcha up to?” Ri In’s voice comes out of nowhere. This girl! She is risking the whole operation!

“Shh!” I say to her. “I’m on a mission!”

“Ohhh…” Ri In whispers knowingly, then shrugs and says in a normal voice, “Cool. What’s our mission?”

“We are on reconnaissance right now, Private Jang,” I inform her, concerned that she is in a vulnerable and open position by not standing against the wall as I am. “We are rescuing POW Kim Jaejoong from the enemy.” Ri In’s look is unimpressed.

“No, thank you, General Bae,” she says to me. “I don’t think he’s that hot.” That’s because you are a transfer student from China, my little dongsaeng. I’m not sure what is considered hot over there, but here in Korea? We like our men pretty, ambiguously gendered, even (Lee Junki, anyone?). And oh, is Kim Jaejoong pretty. “I think I’m going to risk a dishonorable discharge from your army, Seul Gi, and head to class.” She starts to leave, but then turns to me and says, “By the way, your prisoner of war? Is heading over here.”

What?! Dilemma!

She walks away. What a pal.

At any moment, Kim Jaejoong, that god-like hunk of a man, is going to appear, and I have yet to pop a Tic Tac into my mouth in case we spontaneously start making out! What to do! What to do!

I frantically search in my messenger bag for a mint, a piece of gum, anything that could—

“Seul Gi-ah!”

I freeze. “Hey, Jaejoong-sshi.” I’m not brave enough to look into his eyes (lest I drown in their beauty), but I unabashedly stare at his luscious lips.

I would just like to say right now that it is a tragedy that he does not share his excessive beauty with us lesser beings. Pfft, I bet all of his relatives are gorgeous, too. Is it really my fault that I was born into a mediocre-looking family?

“I thought I saw you over here. How are you?” he asks.

I suppose now is as good a time as any to mention that he’s one of the few popular guys at my school who is also decent. This is very important: kingkas tend to be jerks, right? Not this one. Kim Jaejoong is magnanimous enough to bestow his attentions among the members of the lower social castes at our school.


Well…I mean, among those of us who practice general hygiene anyways.

I actually didn’t know this my freshman year, but once I found out… Well, let’s just say that sophomore year, I started taking a shower every day (I even invested in eyeliner and mascara! Too bad I always poked myself in the eye when I tried to wear it…hand-eye coordination is something I certainly do not have).

“I’m doing well,” I respond politely (and grammatically correctly!). “How are you today?”

“I’m good,” he replies. Ouch. Somewhere, the Korean Grammar Goddess is crying her eyes out. Language, though a mutable entity, ought not to be abused. No one should ever tALk LikE DiS. “You have any weekend plans?” ‘Do you have’, Jaejoong. Do.

I laugh though, and say “Hardly. You know as well as I that my social life is quite atrophied.”

“Oh, no Speech and Debate tournament? Or Model United Nations? Or Mock Trial? Quiz Bowl? Key Club? Or…I forget what else you’re in,” Jaejoong lists off most of my extracurriculars.

“Oh no,” I respond wryly. “I am sadly without academics to occupy my lonely Friday night.” This isn’t entirely true—I am re-reading my way through the complete Jane Austen (a guilty pleasure of mine).

“Oh, I’m sorry…” Jaejoong seems to think I really would flail in despair if I were without academics for a day. Wouldn’t he be surprised to learn that I can be vapid! I can be quite vapid! Like, totally! I do have a subscription to S Magazine, you know. “Well, it’s no intellectual stimulation, but if you need something to do on Saturday night, I’m having a small get-together at my house.”

My jaw drops, and I can’t be bothered to close my mouth, because, really: Kim Jaejoong has just invited me to a social gathering! Surely, surely, a physical principle has been violated! Has Hell frozen over? Perhaps someone has learned the exact location and momentum of a particle! Someone should notify Heisenberg!

Jaejoong merely chuckles at my expression. “Just think about it. It’d be great to see you there.” He lightly taps my nose, and I blush as he walks to his class.

I grin to myself. Most successful recon mission ever.

-----



“So are you going to go?” Ayumi asks me, after the last bell has finally rung.

“Hah!” I scoff at her, packing my notebooks into my bag. “Underage drinking and other debauchery? Kim Jaejoong or not, I’m going to have to politely decline this invitation. Besides, Mr. Darcy and Lizzie Bennett await me in my reading chair.”

“You’ve already read Pride and Prejudice, though,” Ri In notes. Why, yes, I have. This hardly stops me from re-living my escapist fantasies, however.

“I used to go to parties like that in Japan—“ Ayumi starts.

“You mean, back when you were cool,” Ri In teases her.

“Hey! These dimples used to work overtime for me!” Ayumi responds with a grin, showing off her adorable dimples. Psh. I again feel a little resentment towards my mediocre-looking family. “I was saying, these parties are a lot of fun!”

“Mr. Darcy will always be waiting for you, but how many times has Kim Jaejoong invited you to a party? At his house? And at least Jaejoong’s real,” Ri In reasons as we head out the door. Yes, but real people are overrated.

“I knowwww,” I whine. “But, he’ll have all these people there that I don’t know or like! Like his friends!”

“What’s wrong with his friends?” Ayumi asks innocently. Oh Ayumi, Ayumi, Ayumi. This is what I get for being the unofficial foreign exchange student welcome committee (having to explain the ins and outs of our high school repeatedly).

“Where do I start?” I scoff as I open my locker. “First, there’s Kim Junsu—captain of the over-funded soccer team. Conversations on penalty kicks and grass? No, thank you. Then there’s Shim Changmin—the mysterious model who doesn’t talk. I’ve heard rumors that he is actually incapable of speech, but that his handsomeness makes up for what he lacks in verbosity. Also, Park Yoochun. My God, that guy scares the crap out of me. He’s also supposed to have connections with the Yakuza!” I look at Ayumi meaningfully.

“What??” She makes a face. “Like I’m a mafia princess just because I lived in Japan??” Isn’t she? I could have sworn her father was in import/export…

“Well, what about Yunho?” Ri In interjects.

“Yunho??” I pause putting my book away to turn to them face on. “Jung Yunho is the worst. Not only is he the leader of this compound mixture of kingkas, but he is a serial dater. My appa would, in no particular order, have a heart attack, buy me a chastity belt, and get a restraining order against the guy if he knew I would be in the same room as Jung Yunho.”

“You called?” I almost drop my book. Ri In and Ayumi look terrified. I slowly turn around and see, speak of the devil, Jung Yunho.


Awesome.

“Oh…hi, Yunho-sshi…” I look around awkwardly, really hoping he didn’t hear me. “I promise, I was only saying positive things about you.” Oh my God. What is he doing here?? His locker is way down the hall, where the other popular people have their lockers (i.e., far away from the biology/chemistry/physics rooms, where mine is).

“Haha, great.” He smiles and then turns serious. “Do you mind if we talk?”

“No, not at all,” I say, fiddling with the strap on my bag.


Silence.


Why isn’t he talking?? The suspense is killing me (and the strap on my bag)!

“I meant,” he clears his throat and stuffs his hands in his pockets, “alone?” Oh. That’s...

This situation just got a lot more awkward. I look at Ri In and Ayumi, whose eyes are so wide I’m scared they’re going to fall out.

“Uhhhh, yeah, sure,” I say and walk to a more secluded corner of the hall. What the hell does he want??

“I don’t know how to say this other than to just say it…” he starts. So just say it! I look at him expectantly. “Seul Gi, will you go out with me?”


Of all the possible scenarios that could have occurred here, this is one that I would have never anticipated.

“Um…” I blink a few times, completely baffled. “Uh…Wh…um…why-what?” My brain is usually much faster than this, I assure you.

Yunho inhales. “Seul Gi, I’d like for you to be my girlfriend for the next month.” I am deeply perplexed.

Am I supposed to be jumping up and down in delight because Jung Yunho has finally dated all the popular girls at this school and, before making his way to neighboring schools, has decided to try his hand at the less popular girls?

“No, thank you,” I reply. “Was there anything else you needed?” I assume this has all been a prank. That gangster Yoochun probably bet Yunho to ask some lonely nerd out and see how fast she’d say yes.

“Wait,” he says, panicking. “Hear me out!” I am feeling very benevolent today, I think, because I wait for him to offer some lame excuse. I promise, it’s just so that I can say “No, thank you” again and laugh at him.

Yunho takes a deep breath and says so fast that I can barely make it out,
“Yoochun-bet-me-that-I-couldn’t-date-the-same-girl-for-a-month-and-I-said-I-could-and-he-picked-you-to-be-the-girl-that-I-would-date.”

Have you ever experienced a feeling so surreal that it’s almost as if time has stopped? Your senses are heightened, and you are viscerally aware of your surroundings. The air flowing through the vent directly above you makes a slight whistling sound; you notice a slight pressure in the small of your back due to a bit of your shirt that has bunched awkwardly over the course of the day; your breaths are slow, controlled.

I am zen. I am zen. I am—


“What the hell?!” I yell at him. “You can’t just barter me around like I’m a goat! Who do you—“

“—I know! I know,” Yunho tries to placate me. “I’m trying to be upfront about this with you. God knows the last thing I want is someone to accidentally reveal that it was all a bet after you’ve fallen for me at the end of the month. Whatever my reputation with girls may be, I don’t want to hurt you.” I know he means that to make me feel better, but seriously? This is most definitely one of the strangest situations I’ve ever been in.

I would even argue it is stranger than Schrödinger’s cat being simultaneously dead and alive.


How does one respond to this kind of situation? How do I respond to this kind of situation?

“That’s nice,” I say. “No, thank you.” I adjust my messenger bag strap and start walking away, when Yunho decides to pull his trump card.

“I can help you make Jaejoong jealous,” he calls out softly enough that no one else can hear, but the impact of his words is as if he’d used a loudspeaker.

I turn around.

“I know, I know,” he says. “What more incentive does a girl need than the opportunity of a lifetime to date Jung Yunho?” I glare at him a little, and he drops the smirk, instead opting to look embarrassed. Good. It is definitely his turn to feel sucky. “I over heard you earlier. Think about it: Jaejoong and I are best friends. He’ll definitely notice who my girlfriend is—especially if I go out with her for a whole month.” I’m glad he’s aware of his track record. I swear, that boy goes through girls more often than some of my friends do their laundry.

There is something about Kim Jaejoong that makes me throw logic to the wind, because I find myself shaking hands with Yunho and telling him I’ll be his girlfriend for a month.


What have I just gotten myself into?

“Great!” He says and grins charmingly at me. “Oh, and, uh, call me oppa. Jaejoong’ll love that. You should also probably tell your appa to start looking for chastity belts.” Omo! He heard that?!

-----


“No kiss doushite dame lady, No touch koko ni oide baby, No sweet love is never gone lady, No no kimi ijou wa not good…”

There’s my cell phone alarm going off (the Japanese song is Ayumi’s influence). I reach over to my bedside table and turn it off as I slowly sit up in bed and stretch. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I smile. The morning sun is streaming through my curtains, and I can smell breakfast wafting up to my room.

Today is going to be a great day. I love mornings, don’t you? There’s just something about waking up and knowing that it is a brand new day. Yesterday’s problems are yesterday’s problems, because today has just begun, and there is a world of opportu—

“Seul Gi-ah!” I hear my mother screech from downstairs. “There’s someone at the door for you!” Ooh, it’s probably Ri In or Ayumi! We have plans to go visit a used bookstore today. I jump out of bed and pull my covers slightly to make my bed and run downstairs.

“Heeeeey you are not one of my friends.” My voice had started out peppy until I realized who it was. There, standing in my foyer, is Jung Yunho. What could he possibly want at 8 o’clock on a Saturday morning?!



Notebook:
The Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle – states that it is impossible to know both the location and momentum of a particle in a certain region; so named after Werner Heisenberg.
S Magazine - is a Korean magazine devoted to artists from SM Entertainment (e.g. Dong Bang Shin Ki); also the magazine at which the Bae Seul Gi in my other story worked.
Pride and Prejudice - is a novel written by Jane Austen; Elizabeth Bennett is prejudiced against the prideful Mr. Darcy.
Yakuza - is one of the world's largest organized crime organization in Japan.
Schrodinger's cat - is a thought experiment by Erwin Schrödinger in which a cat in a box is simultaneously dead and alive; meant to illustrate the strangeness of the Copenhagen interpretation of quantum mechanics in a certain application.
No? - is a track off of Tohoshinki's third Japanese album, a lighthearted plea to an angry girlfriend; also Seul Gi's cell phone alarm.

Chapter 2
If you were words on a page, you'd be what they call fine print!



“Heeeeey you are not one of my friends.” My voice had started out peppy until I realized who it was. There, standing in my foyer, is Jung Yunho. What could he possibly want at 8 o’clock on a Saturday morning?!

“Ouch,” Yunho pretends to clutch at his heart. “Such harsh words in greeting to your boyfriend?”

“What?!” My mother steps out from where she had been listening behind the kitchen door with a smudge of pancake batter on her cheek. “You have a boyfriend?!”

“Umma,” I heave a sigh. “This is Jung Yunho. He is, for lack of a better word, my boyfriend for the next month. Yunho, this is, for lack of a better word, my umma.” I don’t know right now who is more deserving of a glare: my mother for eavesdropping or Yunho for showing up unannounced at my door? How does he even know where I live??

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Yunho says and shakes my mother’s hand, holding it half a second too long. What a womanizer!

My mother is blushing and giggling. Pull yourself together, woman! You’re twice his age!

“I’ll take good care of your daughter, Mrs. Bae.”

“Wonderful! Fantastic! That’s just wonderful.” My mother is making a fool of herself. “Would you like to have some breakfast? I’m making pancakes. If you’d like, I can make chocolate chip pancakes, or I can run out to the store and buy some fresh blueberries if you—“

“—Umma,” I interrupt. “Do I smell burning?”

My mother pauses to sniff the air and then runs back to the kitchen, yelling out, “Please do stay for breakfast, Yunho!”


Awkward silence.

“Your mother’s…”

“—desperate to please?” I fill in. “I’ve never had a boyfriend before. She’s probably ecstatic because you’re the first boy to come over who looked like he bathed regularly.”

“I…uh, do bathe regularly.”

“Well, great,” I snap at him. “Apparently, this is my mother’s sole criterion for a future son-in-law.” Yunho looks a little stricken. Ack! I didn’t mean that she’s planning marriage! I cringe. This morning could go a little better, I think. “What did you want, anyway?”

“Oh, I actually came over to straighten things up about our arrangement,” Yunho replies, and it’s then that I notice that he brought over his laptop. I can’t help but laugh at him.

“Omo, are we seriously going to do this? Are you going to type out a love contract?” Just saying the last two words starts me laughing again. I never realized kingkas could be so ridiculous. I may keep my nose buried in a book, but it appears Yunho keeps his eyes glued to his television watching dramas.

“Yah,” Yunho says defensively. “I’m just making sure you don’t back out of our agreement.”

I cross my arms and shrug. “Alright,” I say, mildly hurt that he thinks my integrity is so lacking. “Take turn that thing on, and let’s get started.” He pulls out a pretty MacBook Air and we sit at the dining room table.

He narrates as he types, “Jung Yunho and Bae Seul Gi’s Love Contract.” I roll my eyes.

“Alright, maestro,” I say to him. “What are the terms and conditions?”

“I…have no idea,” he responds. This is going to take awhile.

-----


“Kids?? Kids?? Are you done yet?” I hear my mother from the kitchen. I’ve been trying to get Yunho to expedite the process, but I think he’s writing a novel over there. It looks like we’re going to have to endure an awkward breakfast because my umma is certainly not going to let us continue working without some pancakes in us. Yunho leans back and stretches.

“Kids??” My umma hasn’t called me a kid in years—why does being paired with Yunho diminish my maturity, I would like to know?

“Coming, umma!” I yell at her a little impatiently. “It appears we cannot escape the inevitable. I hope you like pancakes.” I lead him to the kitchen table where my appa is reading a newspaper.

Huh. I didn’t even see him come home. Apparently, love contract writing is very distracting.

“Good morning, appa,” I say as I plop down into my chair. Yunho sits across from me where the extra setting has been placed.

The newspaper rustles as my father puts it down to look at me and says, “Good morning, Seul Gi-ah. What’s this I hear about a boyfriend?”

I wince, knowing my mother has already exaggerated the very simple story to him.

(“Dear, did you know Seul Gi likes boys? Finally! I was worried she was a lesbian!”;
or “Sweetie, Seul Gi is betrothed! Her wedding is next week! I hope your tuxedo is pressed!”;
or even better “Honey, do you think it’s alright if we buy a new house for Seul Gi and the father of her unborn baby? They’ll need plenty of room if they’re going to really have that family of eight, like they say they will…”)

“Ah…about that,” I start. I take an appraising glance at Yunho. I hope he’s good enough for my father. I don’t want to have to call Ri In and Ayumi to tell them I have to postpone perusing used books with them because I had to deposit Yunho’s dead body in the river.

“Appa, this is Jung Yunho. Yunho, this is my appa.” Yunho smiles charmingly at my father (does he know how to smile non-charmingly?) and shakes hands with him.

“It’s an honor to meet you again, sir.” Yunho has most definitely turned on the charisma. “Thank you for the ride over here.”

The what?! A look of sheer horror has come over my face.

“Ah, of course,” my father says, and I look at him like he’s a complete stranger. I think he must be. The father I know certainly wouldn’t give a ride to a boy like Yunho. Yunho! Shouldn’t my appa be concerned for my innocence right about now?? “It’s the least I could do since you won the golf game.”

The what?! Yunho, how have you infiltrated my family already??

Yunho laughs. “I think my appa was a little annoyed to be shown up by his own son.” I’m not entirely sure what has happened here. Please, someone explain to me!

“Seul Gi-ah,” my appa has finally noticed my expression. “Didn’t you know I play golf with Yunho’s father every Saturday morning?” I thought he played golf with some business associates every Saturday morning! “I hadn’t met Yunho until today, but his father said he insisted on coming to play today. Hahaha, I almost wish he hadn’t, because I almost won today.”

They share a laugh. I don’t know how this happened, but my appa likes my boyfriend more than I do.

It looks like I will be buying myself a chastity belt.

“Enough golf talk!” My mother interrupts The Appa and Yunho Show. “Eat up before the pancakes get cold!” We look at the massive plate of pancakes she puts down in front of us.

My stomach sinks.

She’s made a heart shaped pancake with chocolate chips that spell “Seul Gi + Yunho.”

I sort of want to die right now a lot.

-----


“What is this??” We’re back to the love contract, and we’re almost done, except I’m looking over it, and it is complete gibberish to me. “I can’t read this!”

“Just sound it out,” Yunho smirks at me. I don’t need any of your patronizing, young man!

“No wonder you were taking forever to type this out,” I realize. “You’ve been typing in weird legal language this whole time. Sheeeesh, I have no clue what any of this means. Frustration of purpose? Unjust enrichment??”

“What, our little nerd can’t figure out what the dumb kingka wrote?” Yunho is taunting me. I glare at him.

“Yunho-sshi,” I bite out at him. “How am I to be sure that you even know what you wrote? For all I know, this whole contract could mean nothing at all.”

“Trust me,” Yunho grins at me. “My dad’s lawyer used to babysit me when I was a kid. Legalspeak is like a second language to me.” I gape at him. What a depressing childhood. “If you have such a problem with it, we can start over…”

“No!” I cry out. It is almost lunchtime, and if Yunho stays over for lunch too, I may just die. Or kill something. Not necessarily in that order. “Just…bah! Fine. Just send it to my printer so we can sign it.” I am about to head to the printer when one last clause pops into my head. “Wait! One last condition—no makeover!”

“What?” Yunho asks, affronted. I wasn’t implying he needed one, if that’s his concern.

“I refuse to undergo a makeover. Yoochun probably chose me because he didn’t think I was pretty, so trying to make me pretty would defeat the purpose, wouldn’t it?”

This is all a lie—I just don’t want Jaejoong to suddenly notice me because all of a sudden, I look prettier and wear makeup and dress well. If he is going to be jealous, I want it to be because he likes me and not because he likes the way I look. Anyways, it’s so cliché in dramas. Why can’t we all just embrace how we actually are?

“Uh…”

“No, nothing you say can dissuade me.” I am resolute on this.

“Well, I guess that’s alright then,” Yunho says and starts typing the last clause. He sends the revised contract to my printer and closes his laptop.

“You know, you’re not unpretty.” Wow. That is the worst compliment I have ever received in my life. “Unpretty” isn’t even a word. I think Yunho can tell I’m unimpressed.

“I mean, you’re not as bad as you think you are.” Yeah, dig yourself a little deeper there, Yunho.

“What I mean to say is: you’re cute as you are.” Okay, that is much better.

Actually, I’m pleasantly surprised, and I can’t successfully hide my smile…then I see Yunho notice my smile and grin himself, and that wipes the smile right off my face. What, he thinks he’s the one who made me smile? I just…like to smile, alright??

I return with two copies of the contract (it’s as thick as one of my books! Aish!) and a pen. Yunho just whips out his own fountain pen (Jerk!) and signs the contracts. What a large and ostentatious signature—very appropriate for his personality. I sign my own name and hope to God that I haven’t signed away my soul (or virginity).

“Great,” Yunho says as he packs up his things. “So I’ll pick you up at 8, then?”

“What?” I ask. “For what?”

“Jaejoong’s party, silly,” Yunho answers, reaching out a hand to ruffle my hair. Ughhh, I really have to go? And with Yunho?? Yunho notices my hesitation and can tell I’m about to make up an excuse to not go, I think, because he says, “It’s in the contract that you have to appear at social functions with me. If you want, I can find the exact—“

“—that’s alright,” I heave a sigh. “You win. Is this party one that will require formal dress?”

“It’ll require dress that is more formal than what you’re wearing,” he smirks at me.

And then I realize that I’ve been wearing my pajamas all morning.
And I forgot to put on a bra.
I fold my arms across my chest self-consciously.

“Anyway, I thought you didn’t want to change the way you looked. Or are you just so desperate to impress me that you’ve changed your mind?” I could do without your cockiness, young man!

“Yah, Yunho, dream on. I just don’t want to look out of place.” I usually don’t see these people outside of school where we all wear the same uniform (though admittedly, the queenkas at my school can still make the ensemble look cute and girlish, whereas on me, it looks shapeless and manly).

“You’ll look out of place, no matter what,” Yunho says. Aish, what happened to the loving and charming boyfriends of the world? “You’ll look like a goddess among mere mortals.” Ugh, I take it back. Rescind your love and charm, good sir! I roll my eyes, but he just turns and walks out the door.

“Yah!” I call out after him, though he’s too far to hear me. “That doesn’t help me at all with what to wear!”

-----


Yunho pulls up to Jaejoong’s house, but we sit in the BMW for a few minutes. The ride over has been mostly silent. I don’t know what he’s been thinking about, but I’ve been contemplating the various advice from this afternoon.

“Wow them with your wit,” Ri In had said, not glancing up from the book on global warming in her hands.

“Be bubbly and friendly!” Ayumi suggested, glancing at the book spines in search of the trashiest, most romantic title.

“A lady never gets drunk,” my mother had intoned. “Only tipsy.” Ironic, considering I have most definitely seen her drunk.

My father had merely said, “I expect you home before the sprinklers come on.” The sprinklers come on at 6 in the morning. I would hope he would call the police to report a kidnapping if I didn’t come home before 6 in the morning. Whatever happened to the good ol’ days when fathers used to lock their daughters in towers to keep them safe? Instead, my appa just hands me to the dragon himself.

Peripheral vision. Oh geez, is his car going to grab my seatbelt back? It handed me the seatbelt when I got in, and that nearly scared me witless. Nope, it is Yunho, opening the door and offering me a hand. I take it (only because his car is too low to the ground!) and notice his hand is slightly sweaty. Ha! Nervous, much?

“Remember,” Yunho whispers in my ear as we ring the doorbell. “Call me oppa.” I try not to scowl at him.

“Yunho-ah! Seul Gi!” Jaejoong answers the door, pleased to see us. I plaster a smile on my face. “Come in, come in!” We follow him in and anxiety churns in my stomach as I see the other guests. I will be facing not only Jaejoong’s friends, but also the queenkas of my school—girls I have been terrified of since elementary school. For most of my high school career, I have successfully avoided coming in contact with them, but tonight, I will be forced to shmooze with them. I don’t think I can handle it. My stomach is churning a little more insistently.

“Seul Gi-ah?” Yunho asks. “Are you okay?” I shake my head.

“Jaejoong, where’s your bathroom?” I think I’m going to throw up. We haven’t even started, and tonight already looks like it’s going to be the worst night of my life.


Notebook:
Love contract – is a cliché premise in many Asian dramas in which a contractual relationship emerges due to potential mutual benefits; though usually neither party likes the other, they usually end up falling in love.
MacBook Air – is the world’s thinnest notebook at 0.76 inches thick, weighing 3 pounds; as of the writing of this chapter, it has not been released yet, which means Yunho’s got the hookup, i.e. he probably acquired it from Yoochun’s yakuza connections.
Frustration of purpose - is a defense in contractual law in which both parties know of the purpose for entering into the contract, but an unforeseen event undermines said purpose.
Unjust enrichment - refers to when one party is unjustly enriched due to an event, at the expense of another party, thereby obligating some restitution.
Makeover – is the modern day version of a Fairy Godmother in which a person undergoes a retooling of their wardrobe and appearance to be more fashionable and more attractive; a premise used in many classic works ranging from George Bernard Shaw’s Pygmalion to The Princess Diaries to bechedor79's Selfish Sympathy.
BMW 335ci – a coupe sold by BMW; has a mechanical contraption that pushes the seatbelt forward for easy access by the driver and passenger that scared the author when she rode in one.




Chapter 3
Would you like to enjoy my laptop? I promise I don't have any viruses.




It’s okay, I didn’t throw up. I had a couple close calls, but Jaejoong was there with me, and I can’t throw up with people around. I finally assure Jaejoong that I’m alright, and we go back to the living room where everyone else is. He deposits me next to Yunho whose expression is a mixture of annoyance and something else I can’t quite identify. I’m thoroughly embarrassed.

“You better, honey?”


Ha, I bet you thought Yunho said that, didn’t you? No, thank God. I turn to Boa, who looks concerned.

“Yes, thank you,” I say to her. Better face my fears now, I suppose. Alright Popular Girl. Do your worst.

“That’s good,” she says and smiles. “I didn’t know Jaejoong had a new girl,” she says. “I’m Kwon Boa.” Psh, I know who you are, Miss Queenka!

“Hello, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Bae Seul Gi, but I’m not with Jaejoong.” Yet. Mwahaha.

I extend my hand to shake hers. I don’t realize my faux pas until she raises her hand in greeting, leaving my hand lonely and awkwardly thrust in the space between us.

Should I pull the Oh-I-was-just-running-my-hand-through-my-hair save? Or should I transition into a wave of my own? Or—

—someone has grabbed my hand.

“We’re doing introductions, are we?” I look up at the perpetrator. “I’m Yoochun.” He winks at me and pulls my hand up to kiss it, but I pull it away before his lips can touch me. I look at Jaejoong and then Yunho, both of whom have mildly pissed off looks on their faces.

“It’s, um, nice to meet you,” I say to Yoochun, trying hard not to get on the Yakuza’s blacklist. It wouldn’t do to be offed before 6 tomorrow morning—my father would ground me.

“So, you’re not with Jaejoong?” Yoochun knows exactly who I’m with, that jerk.

“No, she’s mine,” Yunho says, putting an arm around me protectively. I stiffen at the unwanted body contact and at the implication that I am a possession. I am most definitely not a belonging, Yunho-sshi! “While we’re doing introductions, Seul Gi, this is Junsu.”

“Hello, Junsu,” I say. “Congratulations on winning the game today.” Take that, Small Talk! Mental victory dance (oh yeah, oh yeah)!

“Thanks, Seul Gi! Did you come to the game?” Junsu asks with an expectant grin.

“Oh, uh, no…I just heard my appa talk about it,” I respond, somewhat embarrassed at being caught. Remedy for this situation? Time for another compliment, I think! “He says you’re a great team captain.” My appa doesn’t say that, really, but he isn’t here, now is he?

“Ue kyang kyang!” Junsu laughs. Are kingkas allowed to laugh like that?? “Hey, hyung,” he hits Yoochun’s arm in excitement. “Look how popular I am! Even Seul Gi’s appa knows who I am!”

“That’s nice,” Yoochun says and tries to block Junsu from hitting him further.

“Ah! Changminnie,” Jaejoong says to the last kingka. “Meet Seul Gi. Seul Gi, Changmin.” I greet him, but Changmin, true to his mute ways, just nods and smiles at me. He’s lucky he’s so handsome, or else I’d be thoroughly annoyed with his rebuff, vow of silence or not. “And you know the rest of the girls, yes? Hye Bin, Yeon Hee, Ara,” Jaejoong gestures at the girls who are sprawled all over each other in what I assume is an attempt to look sexy for the guys. To me, they just look uncomfortable.

They’re supposedly watching the huge-normous HDTV, but I doubt they’re really paying attention to KBS. At least a couple are reapplying lip gloss to their already-shiny lips. I’m suddenly very aware of the fact that all I have is chapstick in my pocket.

Boa pushes Ara over and sits next to her, creating an empty space on her other side. “Come, sit!” Boa commands (kindly). “Yunho, you too!” There’s most definitely not enough room for both of us on the couch, but we obediently go over there.

“You could sit on my lap,” Yunho suggests cheekily, as we eye the space that is too small for both of us.

“No, thank you,” I respond and plop down in the seat. “You can stand.” Yunho looks put out, but he takes a seat on the arm of the couch.

“Ooh!” Boa exclaims at the television. “Planet Earth is on! I’ve been watching this with my umma at home! Total guilty pleasure!” I’m equal parts surprised and impressed. Who knew Little Miss Pretty indulged in nature documentaries? Ri In would be glad to know this—Ri In is quite the environmentalist (sometimes bordering on eco-terrorist).

“Oh God,” Hye Bin wails. “Can we change the channel? Boa gets way too into this show.”

“No!” Boa and I cry out simultaneously. I look at her shyly. Perhaps I will make a friend tonight (and without the assistance of alcohol!). “I love this series too,” I admit, and we spend the next hour completely absorbed in the drama of our little planet. The other party-goers have found some other entertainment, I assume, but I have no clue what, because I am busy answering Boa’s oh-so-thought-provoking questions.

“Is the baby whale dead?” Boa asks, scared of the answer. We have just watched a mother whale try desperately to save her baby from orcas, but it looks like her efforts are to no avail.

I try to comfort Boa as I watch the orcas consume the very dead baby whale. “Well…orcas need to eat, too, right?” She looks heartbroken. Right. Better not discuss baby carcasses. New tactic. “Surely, you like orcas. They’re like dolphins!”

“Dolphins?!” Junsu interjects. “I love dolphins!” And then he squeals like one, except I’m not sure the imitation is intentional.

I laugh (because what else do you do when the captain of the soccer team admits he likes dolphins?). “Dolphins are my friend Ri In’s favorite animal.”

“Ri In sounds like a cool girl,” Junsu says. Uhh, yes, yes she is. But not because she likes dolphins. Junsu’s criteria for coolness are severely lacking, I think. I believe I will spread the news among the lower social castes that they just need to proclaim their love for dolphins as their in to the upper social caste.

“Shh!” Boa shh’s at Junsu. “Another episode is coming on!” I vaguely register Yunho huff a little and leave the couch, but I can’t be bothered to care, because I am making new friends and learning about our amazing planet.

-----


“So, that went well,” I comment as we get to Yunho’s car. He seems annoyed, but opens the door for me regardless.

…oh well! I had fun anyway. I glance warily at the mechanic “hand” that is giving me my seatbelt.

“Yah, Seul Gi,” Yunho says as the car purrs to life. “You didn’t call me oppa at all tonight.” Is this what he’s mad about?? Lighten up, dude! “At this point, no one is convinced that you’re my girlfriend. I’m not even convinced of that fact.”

“Yah, Yunho,” I respond, imitating his tone. “If anything is a fact, it is that we don’t even like each other. Is it my fault your friends are perceptive?”

“Yah, Seul Gi,” Yunho says. “If Jaejoong doesn’t think we’re going out, what will he have to get jealous about?” I bite my lip. I hate to admit he’s got a point. “Also, if you read the contract,” as if I could make my way through that dense material! “You’ll see that it is required for you to act like my girlfriend to the best of your ability. I don’t think you were trying at all tonight.”

“Well, since you’re the expert at relationships, how would you have wanted me to act tonight?” I bet he expected me to lie at his feet and feed him grapes.

“Tonight? You could have taken my hand, held me tight, and taken a rest in my heart so that you might feel the heat simmering in,” he says somehow with a straight face. Ha. Good one, there. Maybe if I was on a variety show, and there was some amazing prize.


“Or anything! Come on, you have to work with me here. Like when I put my arm around you? What was that?? Girlfriends are supposed to enjoy it when boyfriends put their arms around them.”

“Alright, alright,” I relent. “Starting Monday, I’ll put on my Yunho’s-the-best-thing-since-kimchi face.”

“Yunho-oppa?” he makes sure.

“Yunho-oppa,” I say.

-----


I’ve a test on Monday, and I’ve never been this nervous for it. The entire drive to school, I considered turning around. I don’t think I’m ready for it.

The subject? Drama. A love scene between two actors. It is unscripted, unrehearsed, and unpredictable. Will my fellow lead actor be able to play his part successfully? Will we be able to build a sufficiently romantic scenario off of each other? What happens if we break character?


I also have an Advanced Chemistry test this morning, but that will be easy as hana, tul, set.

…I know. Who gives a test on Monday morning??

I arrive at my locker and Ayumi is already there, leaning against hers.

“Good morning, Seul Gi,” she says. “I have something for you.” She holds out a dozen red roses.

“Unnie,” I say to her and pretend to act coy, looking down and swaying side to side in shyness. “You should know I already have a boyfriend.”

“Ha. Anyway, Yunho says he’s sorry.”

“He enlisted you to give this to me?” Ayumi nods at me, handing me a note. I don’t know whether to be touched or annoyed that he’s trying to utilize my friends, in addition to winning over my parents. “Great, what am I supposed to do with these all day?” They certainly won’t fit in my locker. Boo.

Ayumi grins at me and says, “Why, carry them around to every class and pretend like it’s such a hassle that a gorgeous young man gave you a dozen roses, of course!”

-----


Lunchtime. Yunho’s note says to meet him at his locker. I walk down the hall, my stomach all aflutter. I’m not sure if I’m going to even be able to eat anything this lunch. Wonderful. I hope he is prepared to deal with the consequences if I get an eating disorder because of him. Man, I wonder if he included that in his contract… Okay, I can’t get distracted this easily. Time to pretend Yunho is someone I like a lot. Like Jaejoong. Except if I pretend Yunho is Jaejoong, that just means I’ll stalk him and run away (paradox, you’d think, but not so—I have mastered accomplishing both simultaneously). Aaagh, focus. Focus. There they are.

“Seul Gi-ah!” Yunho calls out to me. Alright, here we go.

“Oppa!” I call out and give him a hug. The only men I’ve ever hugged in my life have been related to me, so this is entirely awkward for me, let me assure you. “Thank you for the roses! How were your morning classes?” Yunho grins at me. It looks like a smug grin of victory to me (because of my insta-affection), but I’m sure everyone else thinks he is smiling in fondness at his girlfriend.


Barf.

“I’m glad you liked the roses,” he says. “Classes were terrible this morning.”

“Terrible?” I ask.

“I was so nervous that you wouldn’t like the roses that I couldn’t concentrate on a thing the teacher said,” he says solemnly. Ugh, does he pull this with all his conquests? How do they not kick him in the groin and walk away? I fake smile my way through that horrendous line.

“Well, aren’t you two the cutest couple?” Yoochun smirks. I look at Jaejoong who is eyeing us skeptically. Changmin is (surprise surprise) not saying anything.

“Awwwwww, you two are so cute!” Junsu affirms with a squeal.

“Let’s get some food,” Jaejoong suggests loudly (the volume startles me a bit, actually). Well, you know teenage boys and their stomachs—they all race off to find sustenance. Yunho and I fall behind.

“Not bad,” he remarks. “You came on a little strong, but I think that speaks volumes about my amazingness.” I roll my eyes at him.

“Yah, Yunho. I have yet to discover why any girl would fall at your feet,” I say to him.

He merely laughs, though, and says, “I doubt it’ll take too long for you to figure it out. You’re a smart girl. Kaja, let’s go get some food.” He puts his arm around me, and I automatically stiffen in discomfort.

Aish, I’m supposed to relax! This skinship is supposed to be natural, as if there is actually some attraction between us. I try to relax.

“Why does your face look like that?” Yunho sounds alarmed.

“Like what?”

“Like it can’t figure out what expression to make. Is it disgusted or happy or discontent or comfortable? Oh! Is it gas?” This guy. How crude! And unnecessary! And totally wrong!

“Ah…I guess now it’s chosen one expression: annoyance.” I attempt to remove his arm from my shoulder, but he just holds me tighter. “Come on,” he says, his voice a little softer. “You can’t back out of the bet, remember?”

“What bet?” I whirl around and am incredibly shocked on multiple fronts. Beyond the fact that someone heard us mention the b-word, Shim Changmin, the mute model, has finally spoken.


Notebook:
Faux pas – is a social mistake or offense.
Ue kyang kyang - is the three character onomatopeia for Junsu's laugh as revealed in the All About DBSK 2 DVD.
Planet Earth - is an award winning documentary by the BBC that uses breakthrough technology to document the wonders of the planet.
Eco-terrorism – is when terrorist tactics are used in order to further an environmentalist cause, ranging from setting free minks from fur farms to setting SUVs on fire.
Dolphin - is a marine mammal, closely related to the whale and porpoise; also, Junsu is able to mimic high pitched dolphin squeals, and is fondly referred to as such by his fellow band members.
Tonight - is a track off of Dong Bang Shin Ki's second Korean album; Yunho famously sings it to Seul Gi in an episode of the variety show X-Man.
Hana, tul, set – is “1, 2, 3” in Korean; these are the pure Korean numbers, not to be confused with the Sino-Korean numbers, as the author had to conduct thorough research to determine.



Chapter 4
Most women are so complex. They're always like "i! i! i!" But you - you're just so real.



I attempt to remove his arm from my shoulder, but he just holds me tighter. “Come on,” he says, his voice a little softer. “You can’t back out of the bet, remember?”

“What bet?” I whirl around and am incredibly shocked on multiple fronts. Beyond the fact that someone heard us mention the b-word, Shim Changmin, the mute model, has finally spoken.

“Changmin…” I start. “You…can speak?” Yunho snorts at my question.

“Of course I can speak,” Changmin looks at me like I’m an idiot (Hey, mister! I have perfect grades!). “What bet?”

What to do! What to do! He can’t possibly find out that I know about the bet!

“Changminnie,” Yunho says. “Did you forget something here?” Good plan! Distraction!

“Yes, my book for the next class,” Changmin replies. “Now, hyung, what bet would Seul Gi know about?” Persistent little bugger, isn’t he? I look at Yunho. He looks at me.

“Oh,” Yunho says nonchalantly. “I just bet Seul Gi that she couldn’t drink four sodas and still finish her lunch.” This…is the worst save ever. If Changmin buys this, I will give him my roses.

“Hyung…” Changmin starts. I hold my breath. “That’s a terrible bet. Good thing you weren’t betting me. That would be so easy.” Whew. Wow. Changmin, you’re a good guy. I’m not giving you my pretty pretty roses, though.

Yunho laughs in relief and says, “Yeah, but you’re Shim Changmin. You can—and do—eat everything. Alright, I’m going to go buy Seul Gi those sodas.” Yunho puts his arm around my shoulder again (I make sure my face does not look annoyed/gassy this time). I try not to worry about the contemplative look on Changmin’s face as we leave.

“Seul Gi-ah,” Yunho says. “You look really cute today.”

“Yah, Yunho, you can stop pretending. Changmin’s out of earshot. No one’s around to hear you act so disgustingly sweet.” I glare at him.

“Who says I’m pretending?” Yunho smirks. I want to wipe that smirk off his face. I suppose punching his arm will do. “Ow!”

-----


“Seul Gi-ah! Come sit by me!” Boa pats the seat next to her (she does this a lot to me), and I obediently sit down with my food, eyeing the miniscule amount she has in front of her. Ayumi would be so disappointed in her. But then again, Ayumi has ridiculously high standards for food. I’ve barely gotten her to eat at places that don’t always serve an amuse-bouche. Yunho, still rubbing his arm, sits across from me next to Jaejoong.

“I was just telling Jaejoong that we should have another Amateur Iron Chef competition,” Boa says. ”Last time, Yeon Hee and Hye Bin won, but I think Ara and I should have won. Yunho was a judge, but he was dating Hye Bin then, so I think they rigged it.”
I look at Hye Bin who looks at Yunho who is looking at me.

L’awkward. Way to bring up an ex, Boa.

“This time, Seul Gi, you should be on my team, and we’ll have Yunho judge again, and then we’ll win!”

I laugh nervously. “Boa, you should probably know that I don’t know how to cook, so even if Yunho is judging, we’d probably have to bribe him to overlook my food, anyway.”

“Yah,” Yunho says. “Aren’t you a girl? Aren’t you born with the ability to cook?” Okay, what century are you living in, Yunho?? Yunho smirks and elbows Yoochun, who smirks back.

“Cooking is an art, oppa,” I say a little sarcastically. “And baking is a science. I’m definitely a scientist and not an artist. Give me a recipe, and I can follow the directions perfectly, but if you just give me some ingredients and tell me to make something, I’m at a complete loss.”

“That doesn’t make sense,” he insists. Yoochun nods. “Even Jaejoong’s good at cooking, and he just looks like a girl.” Jaejoong looks to the side in, I don’t know, annoyance?

“Yah, Yunho,” my voice gets a little louder. I’m really sort of pissed off. “There is no correlation between estrogen and domestic ability. I’m sure even you, manly as you think you are, could learn to cook.”

“Right, of course,” Yunho holds his hands up in surrender. “I love women.”

“I do too,” Yoochun pipes in, unhelpfully.

“Some of my best friends are women,” Yunho tokenizes an entire gender. Chauvinist pig!

“You know what I love?” Junsu asks, looking at me. “I love Japanese hitsumabushi. We should get the school to serve authentic hitsumabushi!” I look at Junsu for a moment, and then can’t help but laugh along with everyone else. Jaejoong ruffles Junsu’s hair. This guy. I need to send him a thank you note for breaking up what could have been a very tense situation.

“Did someone say hitsumabushi?” Changmin finally arrives (will I ever get over the shock of hearing his voice??).

“Changmin!” Boa exclaims. “You can be a judge for our Amateur Iron Chef competition too!”

“Yessssss!” he says. “I love being a judge for those! You guys always make so much food!” Everyone laughs (apparently Changmin eats a lot. I would personally like to know where it all goes, because that boy is skinnier than I am! He and Ayumi would probably get along quite well). I look at Yunho, who is looking at me. I think my inner feminist will wait for an apology from him later.

-----


“Your inner feminist?” Ri In asks, after I tell her what happened. I’m driving her home from the Speech and Debate meeting after school. Her bike is getting fixed, and she is all about carpooling to minimize gas emissions.

“Your inner feminist is more like an outer feminist.” I smile wryly at her. “Yunho doesn’t know that you’re all about equality, right? Well, obviously,” she answers her own question, “or else he wouldn’t have said those things. Are you sure you’re going to be able to pretend to be his girlfriend for an entire month?”

I take a deep breath. “We only see each other at school, and even so, we don’t have any classes together. It’s really only lunch, and I’ve already told him that I won’t be eating lunch with him everyday. He thinks it’s because I’ve got Academic Decathlon meetings on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but I don’t think I could handle being with him every lunch, five days a week.”

“Mmm,” Ri In acknowledges, smelling the roses that I gave her to hold for me. “These are really pretty apology-flowers,” she says. And they are. “Though these flowers have been severed from their home to be packaged and sent to you, their death wasn’t in vain.” Ummm, sure.

-----


“Good morning, oppa,” I greet Yunho at his locker the next day. “I can’t stay, I need to go to class early today, and I won’t be having lunch with you today either, if you remember. Also, I’ve got some errands to run after school today.”

“Well, good morning to you too,” Yunho replies. “So when will I see you?” He pretends to look sad. He is very good at pouting, I must admit.

“Um…” Actually, I was really hoping to not see him at all today, except for right now. “I’ll call you later.” I don’t even have his number. “I have to go now.”

“What, no goodbye hug for the most awesome man in your life?” Yunho pouts even more.

“I already gave my appa a hug today,” I reply dryly.

“Come on, Seul Gi,” Changmin says, startling me again. “How else is Yunho going to make it through the day?” He is watching me very closely. Eeek. I plaster a smile on my face and hug Yunho. I hope Jaejoong is watching closely as well, because though I try to step away, Yunho holds me a little longer than I’d have liked.

“Bye, oppa!” I quickly make my way out of there and successfully avoid Yunho all day.

-----


“Seul Gi,” Ayumi says the next day. “You’re not going to turn into one of those girls who becomes popular and forgets all about her friends, are you?”

“Of course not,” I reassure Ayumi. “That’s why I have lunch with you and Ri In on Tuesdays and Thursdays.”

“What Ayumi is trying to say,” Ri In fills me in, “is: why don’t you ever invite us to lunch with the Populars?”

“Oh.” I stop. “I didn’t think you guys would want to.” What I’ve learned from my time with this group is that they are not mean to social outcasts like us. No, these people just never bother to think about us—we are like the background to them. Their world exists without people like us in it. Would they be mean to Ri In and Ayumi if I invited them to lunch? Maybe not, but they would probably think it weird. They most likely wouldn’t attempt conversation with them.

I try to convey this to Ri In and Ayumi, but I think they’re a little hurt. “Tell you what, if you guys want to, you can come with me today. If Yunho says anything, I’ll just…I don’t know, kick him where it counts.”

And so here we are, at lunch. I have introduced Ri In and Ayumi, but having only tentative connections with someone who is of the original social group (two degrees of separation) leaves them in an awkward place. I’m not nearly integrated enough into the group to really be a good bridge between everyone.

There are two separate conversations going on—the kingkas are talking about sports, and the queenkas are talking about shopping. I’m not an expert on either and I don’t know which conversation I should be following. Ri In nibbles on her soyburger as Ayumi digs into her smoked duck breast with cherry demi-glace and sweet onion and fig compote. My turkey wrap feels very inferior.

“Changmin,” I get his attention. “Do you want the rest of my chips? I don’t think I can finish them.” His face lights up as if I’ve just told him Santa’s coming twice this year, and he grabs at my chips. I chuckle at him. “I don’t know how you manage to eat so much and maintain that weight. You’re just like Ayumi.”

Changmin just looks at Ayumi and shrugs at me. “I’ve got a good metabolism.”

“Most models go on water diets,” I note. “I really envy you.”

Yunho grins at me, “Are you on a water diet? Because I hope you don’t lose that girlish figure.” He reaches out a hand to poke me in the stomach, but I slap his hand away.

“Yah,” I say to him. “No need to joke about my figure.” I thought my figure was just fine!

“What figure?” he asks. “With the clothes you wear, I can’t tell if you even have a figure.” Didn’t I tell him I wasn’t going to get a makeover? So why is he bringing this up?

“Maybe you should buy new clothes,” Ayumi says, desperate to join a conversation.

“Ooh, new clothes?” Hye Bin is now paying attention. “Ara and I were just talking about going shopping this afternoon. You want to come with?” I look at Ri In and Ayumi, knowing that Hye Bin is not inviting them.

“No,” I tell her. “I don’t really like to shop…” …with you, but I can’t say that to her. I do like to shop with Ri In and Ayumi.

“You don’t like to shop??” Yunho is incredulous. “You can’t cook, your clothes are baggy, you don’t like to shop…you’re the worst girl ever, Seul Gi.” Are boyfriends supposed to be this mean? I know he thinks he’s joking, but I’m not laughing.

“Oppa, not all girls are obligated to cook and shop,” I haughtily sniff.

“Aren’t they? Isn’t it, like, written in that extra X chromosome?” He grins as Yoochun gives him a high-five. Why is he goading me? My inner feminist is about to become an outer feminist.

“And I bet you’d be surprised to hear that I think a career is more important to me than raising ten children.” I snap at him.

“Of course,” Yunho tsks. “Ah, what a waste. You should just leave the moneymaking to the men.” Go screw yourself, Yunho.

“Oh surprise: the woman is getting emotional.” That is it. I have had it with you, Jung Yunho. I grab my things and start to leave.

“Look, I’m sorry,” he apologizes, grabbing my arm to stop me from going.

“Yunho-sshi,” I bite out. I absolutely cannot stand when guys pull stunts like this—grabbing a girl to force her to listen. I remove my arm from his grasp. “Don’t you dare ever attempt to physically manipulate me. If there is one thing I don’t need, it is a cocky b astard like yourself trying to make me swoon with your ostensible manliness. All that says to me is that someone is compensating for a small d ick.” I storm off.

Apparently, this relationship couldn’t even last as long as his others.

I wonder what the damages associated with breach of contract are.


Notebook:
Complex Numbers – are written as an ordered pair of real numbers.
i – is an imaginary unit; i2 = -1, which is impossible for real numbers.
Real Numbers – are numbers that can be written in decimal representation; lay usage of the term “number” refers to these kinds of numbers.
amuse-bouche – is a bite-sized bit of food meant to prepare for the meal to come, served before hor d’eouvres.
Iron Chef - is a television program in which extravagant concoctions are created by famous chefs utilizing a special, secret ingredient in each of several dishes.
Tokenism - is the inclusion of a small number of people in order to seem inclusive or politically correct; for example, including one person of color in an ad makes the ad "diverse."
Hitsumabushi - is a Japanese dish of eel and white rice; in early 2008, Junsu often expressed his love for it.
Compensation - is a psychological defense mechanism in which a person behaves in such a way as to offset a perceived or real failure/deficit.

Chapter 5
You know, it's not the length of the vector that counts...it's how you apply the force.


“Seul Gi!” I whirl around. I needed some air, so I went to the student parking lot. Ri In and Ayumi have followed me out here. “Are you okay?” I am absolutely seething. That jerk! I can’t believe he said those things!

“Do I look okay to you?!” I shouldn’t displace my anger on them, but I need to let it out somehow.

I see Ayumi whisper to Ri In, “Why did she get mad that he grabbed her arm?” Ayumi has never seen me rant about this.

Ri In fills her in, “It’s in a lot of dramas, but Seul Gi thinks it’s chauvinistic and demonstrative of a patriarchal, oppressive society in which men can use physical force to throw women around as if they are rag dolls.”

“I have no idea what you just said,” Ayumi whispers back, “but Seul Gi doesn’t like it. Got it.”

“He’s such an ass! This stupid relationship is so over! I’m glad I didn’t have to fake it for a whole month! I’m glad I can finally say goodbye to that egotistical ass!” I am pacing back and forth, with Ri In and Ayumi following me back and forth.

“Seul Gi, let’s sit down.” Ri In says softly. I continue ranting on my way to the bench across the street.

“What a jerk!” I say. “Just because he’s a kingka, he thinks he can—“

“—watch out!” I hear someone cry out and turn just in time to see a car turning the corner where I am trying to cross. The car isn’t going too fast (it is in a parking lot), and I turn around to return to the safe sidewalk when I get blindsided by someone and fall ungraciously on the gravel.

“Ow!” I yell out. There will most definitely be a bruise on my behind tomorrow.

I try to push myself up, but there is an unwelcome weight. It is then that I notice that Yunho is on top of me.

He is looking into my eyes and I am looking into his, our faces so close to each other. The proximity and sexual tension at being in such a compromising position are overwhelming.



Ha! What, you think this is a drama? Have you ever been pushed to the ground by a 184 cm tall man? Let’s be honest: it hurts like hell.

“Yah! Get off me!” He gets up off me and holds his hand out to help me up, but I ignore it. I get up on my own and start checking my body for injuries (Aha! A scrape on my left elbow! I should sue his ass!).

“Are you alright??” he asks.

“Yah! Jung Yunho! Who told you to push me into the incoming car?!” Seriously, I was about to be perfectly safe on the sidewalk when His Rashness came along and pushed me into the line of danger. Does he have a savior complex, or is he just trying to make up for his injured masculinity at my insinuation that he had a small penis?

“I was trying to save you!” Yunho says helplessly. “I, uh, misjudged the distance, though.”

“Good one,” I snap at him. “You’re lucky that car was going 5 miles an hour. You could have seriously injured someone!”

“I’m really sorry,” Yunho replies. “But as long as you’re okay, can we talk?” I look at him like he’s crazy. Because, really, he must be.

“No.” I walk off to class, though it’s early. Yunho, if you ever find a girl who is willing to take your crap for more than a week, I may die from shock.

------


I arrive at my locker the next morning and lo and behold, there is another bouquet awaiting me. “You didn’t have to take those for him, Ri In,” I tell her.

“I know,” she looks guilty. “But he had a really depressed look on his face, and I couldn’t tell him no.”

“But you certainly didn’t tell him that he can’t buy my forgiveness,” I note.

Ri In shakes her head. “I must admit that I think it would be a fascinating experiment to see how many flowers he’ll give you before he realizes it won’t work.” I smile wearily at her.


“…why are these flowers so ugly?” I am rather displeased at the offending arrangement. “This is much worse than his last bouquet of apology-flowers.”

“I thought you might ask that,” I hear. Yeon Hee has made her way to the nerdy end of the hall. “Yunho thought you would understand—he said you’re so smart—but not a lot of people know much about the language of flowers beyond red roses meaning love. He doesn’t know I’m here, actually.” I look at her blankly. I think this is the first time she’s talked to me directly.

“You know what these all mean?” I ask her.

“I worked in a flower shop last summer,” she says with a smile. “Yunho was more concerned with getting the message across than whether the flowers actually go together. Let’s see...” she looks at the bouquet and points. “That is narcissus, representing egotism.”

“Ah, as in the Greek myth?” Ri In asks. “I didn’t realize that it was a real flower.”

“Um…sure.” Yeon Hee replies. “There’s purple hyacinth for Yunho’s apology… Um, there’s some amaryllis, for pride. Ah, columbine, for folly, and peony for shame.” I look at the flowers. Who knew they were more than just ugly flowers?

“Well, that’s great.” I say. “Thanks for that quick lesson. Where’s the trashcan?”

“Wait!” Yeon Hee protests. “You can’t just throw these away!” Watch me. “These flowers aren’t exactly widely available carnations—Yunho went to a lot of trouble to get these.” I wait for her to get to her point. Except she doesn’t say anything else, so I head towards the trash can.

“No!” Yeon Hee says. “Please, Seul Gi, just…put them in your locker or something. Yunho would be heartbroken if he saw them in the trash.” I’m sure. Heartbroken that he’s lost his stupid bet.

“Seul Gi-ah,” Ri In timidly says. “If you don’t have space in your locker, I can store them in mine?” I give her a weak smile, knowing that she would hate to see plants that could have been kept alive just wastefully thrown in the trash.

“Alright, Ri In.” I hand her the flowers, head to class, and wait to see if Yunho will get the message that what I want is not a bouquet of ugly, or even pretty, flowers.

-----


It is finally the weekend, and I have received 14 bouquets of flowers (not all equally ugly), 9 boxes of chocolate (all Godiva—so I must admit I did eat some of the truffles), and a bracelet (Tiffany’s, and oh-so-shiny).

Yunho, Yunho, Yunho. By now, he should understand that he can’t buy my forgiveness.

It is a delightfully quiet Friday night, and I am reading Mansfield Park in my comfortable reading chair (yes yes, I know all of Jane Austen’s novels end in marriage—so it isn’t exactly your average feminist’s favorite reading, but I promise I’m reading some Betty Friedan after this!). I’ve got a Quiz Bowl competition tomorrow, but I’m not worried for it. My mother is re-watching 200 Pound Beauty with my father who is constantly reassuring her that she doesn’t need to get any face lifts.

Ding dong!

Neither of my parents makes a move to open the door, so I note the page, close my book, and go to answer the door. As soon as I open the door and see who it is, I close it again.

“Why didn’t you buy some cookies?” my father asks, not taking his eyes off the screen. “I could do with something sweet.”

“I didn’t want to buy what he was selling,” I say to my appa but hand him a box of some leftover truffles to sate him and settle down into my chair.

Ding dong!

Bah! I answer the door again. “Yah, next time, not that there will be a next time, call before you just show up at my door.” I don’t let him in, but I don’t close the door.

“I don’t have your number,” Yunho admits. “I’m sort of a bad fake-boyfriend.” Yes, yes you are.

I put my hand on my hip and wait for his apology. “Seul Gi-ah…I’m sorry.” Is that it? He doesn’t look like he’s about to say anything else.

I close the door.

Ding dong!

“Seul Gi-ah!” My mom yells from the couch. “Just let them in! I can’t hear a thing Kim Ah Joong is saying!”

“Come in,” I grudgingly tell Yunho. “This is not a reward for your persistence,” I warn him. “Alright,” I say once we’ve settled in the kitchen. “Let’s hear a better apology.”

“Seul Gi-ah, I’m sorry.” Yunho-sshi, I said a better apology, not a rehash of the old one. “I said a lot of things that were really out of line, and I’m sorry for that.”

“Yunho, it looks like you could use some assistance. Let me itemize your grievances, and we’ll start from there.” I adjust my glasses. “You are incredibly chauvinistic. You expect women to fall at your feet because you smile at them. You’re a serial dater—evidence that you consider women disposable. Cooking, cleaning, shopping, taking care of children, and looking pretty at the same time may be traditionally female-gendered activities, but the world is changing, thank God. Women ought not to be confined to the limiting housewifely duties—they are just as capable as men in typically-male-gendered activities. However, it is not just your opinion of women that is erroneous. You have an extremely skewed vision of masculinity. Objectifying women aside, you have pride issues. The fact that this entire bet came about because of your injured masculinity is quite telling. I don’t know whether or not you actually have a small penis, but you shouldn’t have to feel you need to act particularly stoic, or strong, or whatever.”

I pause and wonder why Yunho hasn’t interrupted me. He is staring at the ground, shoulders hunched over.


…did I break him? Maybe I went a little too far…

“Seul Gi…” he finally says, looking up. “You’re a girl.” Oh, master of the obvious, eh? “You don’t know what it’s like to be a guy.” What, how difficult can it be? Scratch here, spit there. “I admit, you’re right on all fronts—except for the small d ick comment.” I roll my eyes. “I don’t actually think women should stay in the kitchen. There was just something about the situation that made those words come out.”

“Yah, this wasn’t just one time that you acted like this.”

“I know…but, every time, who were we with? We were with Yoochun and Jaejoong and Changmin and Junsu. I’m the unofficial leader of these guys—they look up to me. They consider me the paragon of manliness, and it’s a role I have to play. I have to be strong; I have to be charming and charismatic; I have to have women fall at my feet. It doesn’t matter that I love children and would willingly be a stay-at-home dad and let my wife supply the main income. It doesn’t matter that I am actually a pretty amazing chef. These are things that I have to suppress when I’m with the guys. Haven’t you ever had to play a role, even though there’s more to you?” He looks at me, and I notice that he has bags under his eyes. While still strikingly handsome, he looks weary. I bite my lip.

Yes, I’ve had to play a role. I’ve had to be the smart one, the well-read and well-spoken nerd, the perfect student. I’ve had to prove that I’ve a genuine interest in biology, and that I can succeed in the field despite my sex. I know exactly what he’s talking about. We are opposite sides of the same coin.

“I’m sorry, Seul Gi, for making you feel like I was objectifying you. I’m sorry for dismissing an entire sex. Regardless of how serious I was or if I meant them, those words were unfair and offensive. I promise: I’ll make a more conscious effort to not speak carelessly.”

I think this time, I can accept his apology. Though the contents of my outburst were justifiable, I think, the way I went about it was perhaps inappropriately severe. Right or wrong, he was merely acting his part. Honestly, when we were together, just the two of us, he wasn’t obnoxiously misogynistic at all. Well, obnoxious a bit, but not misogynistic.

Though I wish he didn’t conform to those societal norms, I can understand the pressure to play up a one-dimensional persona. He doesn’t seem to actually believe what he said, and while the fact that he still said those things is somewhat reprehensible, as long as he keeps his chauvinist remarks to a minimum, I think maybe being with him won’t be too bad.

Besides, I’ve a Jaejoongus hottieus to catch.

“I’m sorry for saying you have a small penis,” I say with a smile, letting him know that I’ve finally forgiven him. “I don’t know how big or small it is, and that was unfair of me.”

He grins at me and winks, “I could show you…” Yah! Hypersexed pervert! You stay away! My appa is in the other room, and he will…egh.

He’ll probably just ask you for some golf tips. Bah.

“So you forgive me?”

“What do you think?” I playfully push his shoulder.

“Kiss and make-up!” My umma yells from behind the door. I really need to put a bell on her so I can hear her coming.

“Go watch your movie!” I yell at her.

“Fine, fine!” I hear her shuffle away.

“So?” Yunho looks at me expectantly. “Where’s my kiss?” Dream on! I raise my fist threateningly. He takes a step back. “Okay, okay, I give.” That’s right. I’ll show you who wears the pants in this relationship. Oh.

Are we still in a relationship?

“So what do we call this? Are we on/off? Was this a break?” I ask.

“This was a minor argument,” he declares. “Yoochun hasn’t won the bet yet.” I definitely roll my eyes this time. This guy. He still has some growing up to do.

“Actually,” he turns mock serious. “I think we have to up the stakes. We’re going to need a lot more skinship next week.”

“Yah!” I grab a rolling pin off the counter and chase him out of my house.



Notebook:
Vector – is an object that has a magnitude and a direction, depicted as an arrow of varying lengths.
Displacement – is a psychological defense mechanism in which a person redirects his or her affect to a safer or more acceptable target.
Patriarchy – is a social structure in which the men retain dominance over women; the unequal power distribution can be seen from the government all the way through the family unit.
Flower shop - is a place of a business at which flowers of all sorts may be purchased; in Ri In and Junsu's Timeless MV, Yeon Hee plays a flower shop girl.
Narcissus - was a Greek myth about a young man named Narcissus who fell in love with his own reflection, but never being able to be with his love, faded away into a flower.
Mansfield Park - is a novel by Jane Austen; a character named Henry Crawford is a charming socialite who attempts to woo the quiet and sweet main character Fanny Price.
Betty Friedman – is the author of The Feminine Mystique, a book written in the 60s that argued that homemaking was not the only path to fulfillment for a woman.
200 Pound Beauty – is a Korean movie about an obese woman played by Kim Ah Joong who undergoes major plastic surgery to become a beautiful singer; provides an interesting portrayal of the taboo of plastic surgery in Korea.
Misogynism – is literally the hatred of women.
Jaejoongus hottieus – is a species characterized by somewhat effeminate, delicate and beautiful features; the only known example of which is Kim Jaejoong.


Chapter 6
Excuse me, miss, but can I get your seven significant digits?



Monday morning. Locker time. I’m amused to see that Yunho put a note in my locker. It’s better than ugly flowers, lemme tell ya.


“Seul Gi-ah,

You told me to call before I show up at your house, but you never gave me your number! TT______TT Here’s mine. ^^ ***-**** I expect you to have it memorized by lunch—I’ll quiz you!

Yours,
Yunho-oppa <3

P.S. You never called me that day you said you would! >:(
P.P.S. I forgive you though.
P.P.P.S. But only because you didn’t have my number then.”


I can’t help but laugh him. Apparently, my tone-down-your-chauvinism lecture made him turn on the aegyo factor. I shrug to myself. I can work with cutesy.

“Someone’s in a good mood,” Ri In notes as she arrives with Ayumi. “Did you convince your dad to let you renew your Science subscription?” I hand them the note in reply and wait for them to read it.

“Is this the same Yunho who evoked the rage of the militant feminist just last week?” I nod and grin. “Good work, soldier. I’m quite impressed.”

“Why, thank you,” I curtsy. “I do my best.”

“So you’re still going through with it?” Ayumi asks. “Hasn’t Yoochun technically already won the—“ I clamp my hand over her mouth and give her a warning look. This is supposed to be secret! For a mafia princess, Ayumi sure lacks subtlety.

“Sorry, sorry,” she apologizes as I remove my hand. “I just don’t understand—doesn’t your fight mean you didn’t last even a week?”

“I don’t know,” I reply, playing with the velcro on my messenger bag, “but Yunho will cover, I think.”

-----


Lunchtime.

Since when do I mark my days by time spent inbetween classes? Yunho, you are a terrible influence on me. I wave goodbye to Ayumi and Ri In a little sadly, but they “Aja, aja, hwaiting!” me off on my way to Yunho’s crowd.

“Seul Gi-ah!” Yunho exclaims. “Did you get my note?”

“Of course I did, oppa,” I say, hoping Jaejoong’s paying attention. “It was very sweet.” I tap him fondly on the nose and smile sweetly at him.

“Of course,” he smirks. “I’m your oppa.” I hide the roll of my eyes behind an even wider grin.

“I thought you two broke up,” Changmin stuns me with his voice (and perceptiveness) again.

“Naw,” Junsu smiles. “They just had a lover’s spat. They’re good again, right?” His megawatt smile is blinding, but I nod. I think it’s rather sweet that Junsu is rooting for us (though we are doomed to failure).

“I just couldn’t stay away from him,” I try not to gag.

“And I couldn’t bear thinking you were mad at me,” Yunho also says with a straight face, somehow. I think someone should look seriously into acting.

“I can attest to that,” Jaejoong says. “He looked terrible last week. I swear, I thought our manly leader-sshi was on the verge of cry—“ Yunho friendly pats Jaejoong’s back a little hard.

“Haha!” Yunho says, getting him to shut up. “Oh Jaejoongie, you don’t need to say anymore. I think everyone gets the point.” I hide my grin though; I know Yunho is still protecting his ego.

“I’m bored,” Yoochun pouts. “Let’s go find the girls and eat.” Said girls all look very surprised to see me with Yunho.

“Wow,” Boa says. “The second week, and Yunho still has his girlfriend? This has to be a record.” Trust me, Boa—it has been an uphill battle.

“I know,” Hye Bin says. “I thought I lasted the longest at six days and eighteen hours.” They measure to the exact hour?? I admire their precision.

“Wow, that long?” Yeon Hee wonders. “I think we went out for two days and four hours. Yunho must have really not liked me.”

“Hah!” Ara scoffs. “He asked me out at lunch and then decided against it after school the same day. I think I win that record.” I look at Boa. Did she date Yunho?

“We were together for about…six days and seventeen hours.” I am quite impressed but not surprised, because Boa is the nicest of the four. She’s the most likely to put up with Yunho’s c rap without wanting to rip him a new one.

“But to be honest, I was on vacation for five of those days.” We all laugh. I love sharing laughs at Yunho’s expense. Does this make me a sadist?


…mm, don’t really care either way.

“Yah!” Yunho says, mock-upset. “You girls just drink your fat-burning smoothies!” The five of us share a look, and I’m surprised to note that none of them look bitter that Bae Seul Gi, a nerdy girl from the wrong side of the hallway, has snagged Jung Yunho for more than a week.

“Seul Gi,” Ara gets my attention. “What are you doing after school tomorrow? I know you don’t like shopping, but we were thinking of maybe catching a movie or something.” On a school day?? Don’t they have homework?

“I actually have a Mock Trial meeting after school tomorrow.”

“What about Wednesday?” Hye Bin asks. Sheesh, I should have brought my PDA, it seems.

I shake my head, “Sorry, Model UN.” Foreign policy, ftw!

“What are you doing Thursday afternoon?”

“Speech and Debate meeting,” I shrug, with an apologetic expression. I may not be Little Miss Popular, but that doesn’t mean I sit on my butt all day.

“Hyung,” Yoochun says. “When do you ever see your girlfriend?? She’s always so busy.”

“Yeah,” Jaejoong butts in. “Or do you only see her during lunch? Is that how you’ve lasted so long?” Bah! They have discovered my strategy!

“Oh, I see Yunho quite enough,” I reassure them.

“You should invite her to hang out with us,” Junsu suggests. Aw, Junsu.

“Today, then.” Jaejoong says.

“No!” Yunho exclaims, startling me a bit. “Not today!” He tries to look meaningfully at Jaejoong, but he just looks like he’s lecherously waggling his eyebrows at the poor guy.

“Why not today?” Junsu asks. “She can come see us—“

“—no! No, she wouldn’t want to.” Yunho interrupts Junsu. Hmmmm, something is not quite right.

“What are you guys doing today?” I ask Jaejoong.

“On Mondays, we go to Junsu’s house and—“

“—watch sports!” Yunho interrupts again. “A lot of soccer. We talk about grass and nets. Very boring. You wouldn’t want to come.” I look at him askance. Yunho, you are most definitely hiding something, and I most definitely want to know what it is. It is time for Trickster Seul Gi.

“Oh, that does sound boring,” I say, hopefully not too fakely. “No offense, Junsu.”

“None taken.”

“Well, I have Speech and Debate again on Mondays, so I guess I won’t be able to come anyways. But schedule me for something on Friday.”

“We can do the Iron Chef competition on Friday!” Boa suggests.

“Yesssss!” Changmin exclaims.

“Well, that settles it,” Yunho says. “Iron Chef on Friday, and Seul Gi won’t be coming with us today.” He is very nervous about this, and I am very determined to find out why.

-----


“Hmm,” Ayumi says. “Maybe they look at porn together on Monday afternoons.”

“Ayumi!” Ri In says, scandalized. “But she has a point—they have to be doing something embarrassing. Maybe they eat non-organic foods on Mondays.” Uhhh, is that something embarrassing??

“But only Yunho seems embarrassed about it,” I point out. “What would Yunho get embarrassed about?” We try to brainstorm ideas, but Mr. Ego proves to be too much of a puzzle for us.

-----


“Bye, Ri In, Ayumi!” I call out to them as I head to my car. “Sorry I can’t give you rides today!” I am on a scouting mission today. I am going to discover what it is that the five kingkas do on Monday afternoons. I am even missing Speech and Debate for this.

My devotion to the mission is obviously extreme. I get in my car and turn it on. And then realize—I have no clue where Junsu’s house is.

Thankfully, Yoochun takes this opportunity to cut me off. Normally, I would not be grateful at this, and would be honking my horn like I was in a band. However, this time, his inconsiderate driving is a boon, and I slyly follow him.

Goodness, Yoochun! Yakuza or not, slow down! I glance nervously around for cops ready to snag me for speeding, but the coast is quite clear.

Stoplight. Yoochun is looking in his rear view mirror. Quick! Duck!

But he is just fixing his hair in the mirror. What a doofus.

-----


We finally make our way to what must be Junsu’s house. It is quite large, and there is a half-sized soccer field in the front yard. Yup. Junsu’s house.

I drive past it and park down the street, hoping Yoochun doesn’t notice me (yeah right, he’s probably checking himself out in his shiny Mercedes). I get out of the car and weave my way around the neighborhood, slightly excited because this is borderline-trespassing (I figure my boyfriend is in the area, so it’s not entirely trespassing).

Who knew I’d get a kick out of illegal activities? I barely even jaywalk.

I find myself wandering around his yard and peering in through various windows in Junsu’s house. Kitchen, office, aha! Living room. The window is slightly open. I finally see the five kingkas.

My jaw drops.

I cannot believe what I’m seeing.

You’ve got to be kidding me.





Notebook:
Significant digits - are the units in a form of rounding.
Science - is the premier scientific research journal; getting one's articles published in it is highly competitive.
Sadism - is when one gets pleasure out of another's pain, though the pleasure is usually sexual in nature.
PDA - is a personal digital assistant, like an electronic planner.
ftw – is an acronym originating from the online gamers, meaning “for the win”.


Chapter 7
I’m a fermata…hold me.



I find myself wandering around his yard and peering in through various windows in Junsu’s house. Kitchen…office…aha! Living room. The window is slightly open. I finally see the five kingkas.

My jaw drops.

I cannot believe what I’m seeing.

You’ve got to be kidding me.


The boys are standing in a semi-circle, leaning in a bit. I hear Jaejoong hum a note and then the boys all snap their fingers. Then, it is as if a choir of angels appears, and a five-part harmony floats through the window to where I am. I am mesmerized.

“Sarangi gaetwo iron nae maumur, Sumgiryo haedo kumsae ibkaui misoman…” Jaejoong’s voice is clear, and I feel my knees weaken. Have I ever mentioned I’ve a weakeness for men who can sing?

It’s amazing how these five different voices blend and sound so heavenly. Jaejoong, you are an angel. A lovely singing angel. Who is really hot. (Okay, I never claimed to be poetic!) The bass line, in particular, is very impressive.

However, my weakening knees may be my doom, as I find myself teetering precariously on the tree root on which I’ve been virtually en pointe.

“ACK!” I squawk ungraciously and try desperately not to fall.

“What was that?” I hear Changmin’s voice. S hit! Run away! Run away! I scramble to get up, but a rock digs into my hand and it hurts so much I fall back down. Aghhh!

“Who’s there?” Junsu looks out the window and sees me—I am on the ground, now dirty, and giving him the most angelic smile. “Seul Gi?”

“Bwoh?!” I hear Yunho cry out. Uh oh.

-----


“You followed Yoochun here?” Jaejoong interrogates me. Yunho is sitting on the couch, huddled in a ball.

“It wasn’t easy,” I say. “That guy drives like a madman.”

“This is great!” Junsu shouts. “An audience! How did we sound, Seul Gi?” I hear Yunho groan into a pillow. He is apparently incredibly embarrassed at having been found out. This is understandable, I think, because the average kingka isn’t supposed to give in to such childish urges as singing.

I mean, really. Boybands? Don't get me wrong—I like my fair share of them… But a group of guys who spend all their time together, singing their hearts out about love and, maybe if you read between the lines, their love for each other? Not exactly the most manly thing a guy could do.

“You sounded really amazing! I didn’t know you guys sang,” I smile, wondering if I’ve been missing out on homoeroticism in this social group. I will definitely be on the lookout now. “Will you sing some more for me?”

“No!” Yunho says from the couch. “I think we’re done.” I pout. Party pooper!

“Aww, Yunho-yah, not even one song?” Jaejoong tries to persuade him. Yay for Jaejoong. Jaejoong deserves props. And me. Take me, Jaejoong! Serenade me!

“You can sing without me,” Yunho says, acting like a five year old.

“That’s fine,” I say. “Go for it, guys.”

Jaejoong hums a note again, and the other guys find their harmony. “Haruto andwae tto bogoshipojyo, Onjjoju nae mamun gipeun byongie goringo—Aish, without Yunho’s part, it’s no good,” Jaejoong interrupts.

I’m surprised—it really doesn’t sound as good as it did before. I suppose they are so used to practicing with him that the harmony is off without his voice to balance the high- and mid-tones. I go over to sit next to Yunho on the couch and lean against him, putting on my saddest, poutiest face.

“Pleeease, oppa?” I beg. He remains resolute.

“I see. Hyung wants to showcase his voice for Seul Gi when they’re alone,” Yoochun smirks knowingly. “That’s fine, we won’t pressure you.”

“Hear that?” I lightly hit Yunho’s arm. “You are singing for me later.” Yunho just buries his head into the pillow and groans miserably.

-----


“Did you ever get him to sing for you?” Ayumi asks me at lunch the next day (today, she is having a salad of blood oranges and naked goat cheese, roasted beets, spinach, and radicchio tossed in blackened onion-balsamic vinaigrette with toasted pistachios.

…I know. What the heck is naked goat cheese and why doesn’t anyone put some clothes on the poor goat??).

“No,” I frown. “But I’m still working on it. Hey, where is Ri In?”

“She is making signs to protest Japanese whaling on Friday.” Right, of course. Obviously. “She said she’d be here though.” And here comes Ri In, right on time and a little out of breath.

“Hey guys! Sorry, we had a bit of a problem—we ran out of recycled cardboard for the signs and we had a massive argument over whether it would be alright to use non-recycled cardboard in order to save the whales.”

“Ah…yes. That…does sound like a dilemma. Save the forests or save the whales?” Ayumi remarks unenthusiastically.

“Indeed,” Ri In ignores her sarcasm. “Eventually, we decided we’d just make sure that the non-recycled cardboard signs would get recycled.”

“By the by,” I say to Ri In, trying to find a new topic, “are you crazy-excited for Advanced Biology today or what??”

“I know!” Ri In exclaims. “DNA necklaces!” We squeal in delight together.

“What are those?” Ayumi asks. She opted for Creative Writing instead of Advanced Biology in an attempt to better her Korean.

“We’re going to swab our cheeks today for DNA, and then run them through PCR—“ Ri In starts.

“—PCR?”

“Polymerase chain reaction,” I say to Ayumi, who nods blankly, not really caring. “And then we’re going to make necklaces with our own personal DNA in them!” Ayumi is clearly not as excited about this as Ri In and I are. I think this is incredibly cool.

“Swabbing spit? Sounds awesome,” Ayumi is unimpressed.

“Swapping spit? That does sound awesome,” I hear Yunho. “Hey Seul Gi, you want to swap some spit?”

“Not with you, Yunho.”

“Have I been a bad boyfriend? Are my lips not appealing?” He clutches at his heart in mock-pain. What a drama king…ka.

“Why are you here, Yunho?” I get straight to the point. This is Tuesday! I’m supposed to be Having-an-Academic-Decathlon-Meeting-but-Really-Avoiding-Having-Lunch-with-Yunho-and-Friends-and-Having-Lunch-with-My-Friends.

“Hey, aren’t you supposed to be at an Academic Decathlon meeting?” Damn his perceptiveness.

“It’s a small meeting.” He looks at me skeptically, but then shrugs and ignores my tenuous excuse.

“You didn’t answer your cell,” he complains, and I check my phone (which has been on silent, because I’ve been in class, and people whose cell phones go off in class and disrupt the lesson ought to have their ears and tongues chopped off) to see 9 missed calls. Sheesh, did someone die??

“Boa wanted to return your Animal Planet DVDs.” Ah, yes, quite the emergency.

“Oh, those are actually mine,” Ri In says, as she grabs the DVDs out of Yunho’s hands. “Absolutely fascinating, wasn’t it? I was particularly amazed at the non-invasive camera techniques and—“

“—is that all you needed, Yunho?” I ask him, just wanting to have my lunch in peace. “We’ve got, uh…important academic-y things to talk about.”

“Oh,” Yunho’s face falls. “Yeah, that was it. It’s just that I knew I wasn’t going to see you today so I volunteered when Boa said that she needed to return those…” This guy and his working overtime to convince his friends. Pace yourself, cowboy! Otherwise, we’re not going to last a full month.

“So…I guess I’ll be going now.” I give him a small wave and pick up my chopsticks when I feel something briefly on my cheek.

I turn just in time to see Yunho walk out the door.

He has just kissed my cheek.



That jerk! He just committed a kiss-and-run!

I attack my Japanese bento intensely, ignoring Ayumi and Ri In’s shocked looks.

I don’t think I can bear their questions.

I don’t think I even know the answer.

-----


“Seul Gi-ah,” Boa is whining at lunch today. “You’re too busy all the time!”

“Yeah, Seul Gi,” Yeon Hee complains. “We only see you at lunch, and even then, not that often!”

“Ah well…” I give a weak laugh. I certainly can’t tell them that my absence is mostly intentional. “I’m just so involved in extracurriculars. Perfect grades are no longer enough to be competitive. Sure I’ll go to Seoul National University, but employers want to know about leadership experience.”

“But what about at night?” Hye Bin asks. “We could hang out at night?”

“Ahh, I usually study at night. I read the assigned material a few times before we cover it in class, take notes over what I’ve read, go back and highlight the book, add to my notes…it takes a lot of time. And then of course there’s also the regular homework that I’ve got to keep up with.” Man, I really am bookish. Even I can hear myself sounding more and more lame as I speak.

“Omo,” Ara’s mouth is open. “No wonder I get bad grades. I am not putting nearly enough effort into school.”

“Well, if you ever want a study buddy, I’m your girl,” I tell her. I wouldn’t mind tutoring. Just another thing to put on my resume, eh?

“That’s what we can do!” Yeon Hee snaps her fingers and looks like she’s just discovered a definitive Theory of Everything. “We can have a study night!”

Ara wails in misery. Apparently, someone doesn’t like studying.

“I don’t study,” Hye Bin says tersely.

“Well, what better time to start?” Boa responds, embracing the idea. “I think…if we can’t get Seul Gi to come shopping with us, we’ll just have to go studying with her!” Great. Why do I have a feeling that there will be little studying actually going on?

“What’s this? You’re going to be stealing my girlfriend for the night?” Yunho perks up, distracted from the guys’ conversation on, I don’t know, cars? Something boring.

“As if you actually see her at night,” Yoochun scoffs at Yunho. I can see Yunho visibly hold back a comment that would probably have been misogynistic in nature. It’s nice to see him grow a little. “You guys barely do anything other than hug.”

Yunho is trying very hard to not save his manly ego. Maybe I should help him out a little.

“Yah, Yoochun,” I smirk at him. “You’re just jealous because Yunho’s got soft lips.”

I’m not sure this is a compliment in the Guy World, but the point is made: I, Bae Seul Gi, have been graced by Yunho’s lips. Jaws drop all around me.

Yunho gives me an appreciative smile and I just wink at him. I think I hear Hye Bin murmur that she never received a kiss from Yunho. Well, alright, it was just a kiss on the cheek. But they don’t need to know that.

“So, where will we have our study party?”

-----


Yoochun’s house is appropriately snazzy, I think. He has all the finest technological gadgets and an ancient samurai sword on the wall. His parents are notably absent.

“Hey guys,” Yoochun greets Yunho and me as he leads us inside. “I decided that we should have everyone just claim rooms to get some small group studying done, and then we’ll meet in the living room in a bit to regroup.” How efficient of him. Just like the Japanese. He must get it from his parents’ connections.

“So just find a room, you two, and try to get some studying done inbetween the macking.”

Did he just say “macking”? I glance at Yunho warily, and he shrugs in apology for his friend as Yoochun goes to his room to get his books, leaving us guide-less.

I’m not familiar with Yoochun’s house, but Yunho leads the way and starts opening doors. We greet Jaejoong and Changmin (whose backpacks, books, and other educational materials are definitely on the other side of the room), Ara and Hye Bin (who, it seems, plan on giving themselves French manicures tonight), Yeon Hee and Boa (who are already texting people on their cell phones. Probably each other), along the way. Those rooms are obviously taken.

We open the next door and find Junsu sitting in a leather chair.

He isn’t studying.

He has a soccer ball in his hands.

He is kissing it.


“You really love soccer, don’t you?” I say to him.

“Aaah!” He squeals so high-pitched that dogs all over the city cry out in protest. His face is completely red. “This isn’t what you think it is!”

“You...aren’t really making out with a soccer ball?” Yunho is completely weirded out.

“Well, I am…but…” I cannot wait to hear what his excuse is. “It’s just so I can see how soft my lips are!”

What?? Maybe soft lips are a compliment in Guy World. Oh, Junsu.


…Why would kissing a soccer ball be an indication of softness??

“Well, we’ll just let you get back to that…” I say as I push Yunho out and close the door. “Man, that was really awkward.”

“Yeah, let’s never speak of it again,” Yunho agrees and we finally find an empty guest room. I put my messenger bag on the bed and take a look at the large print hanging on the wall. It’s a beautiful black and white of the Champs-Élysées.

I turn around and sit next to Yunho who is lying down on the bed. Awesome, study buddy. Good sign.

“Hey, hand me my bag, will you?” He’s closer to it than I am.

“I’m your boyfriend, Seul Gi, not your slave.” Same difference, I say.

I roll my eyes and lean over him to grab my books in my messenger bag when I hear, “Oh, s hit, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt.”


Notebook:
Fermata - is designated with a dot on top (or below) a note in sheet music; the musician is to hold that note a little bit longer than usual.
My Little Princess - is a song on Dong Bang Shin Ki's first single and first album; an a capella version may be found on the first single; also, Lee Yeon Hee is the girl in the MV.
En pointe - is when a ballet dancer performs on the tips of her toes.
"Run Away! Run Away!" - is a famous repeated line from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
Boyband – is a group of young men who sing pop music, whose market includes young women who are susceptible to their good lucks and swoon-worthy vocals; the most awesome example of this in recent times would be, hands down, DBSK.
Homoeroticism – is the representation of same-sex love, usually in a form of media.
“Without Yunho’s part, it’s no good.” – is what Jaejoong says in the DBSK banjun Tokyo Holiday when the lack of Yunho’s base line results in a noticeably lower quality rendition.
Whaling – is hunting for whales for various purposes. The Japanese have been under attack recently (late 2007) for proceeding with their whaling of the endangered animals.
PCR – is the acronym for polymerase chain reaction, a mechanism that creates numerous copies of DNA, thereby allowing for DNA analysis from a small amount of original DNA; can be used to copy DNA for a DNA necklace, as the author did when she was in high school, and it was really really awesome.
Seoul National University – is the first national university of South Korea and is regarded as the best university in the country; the author met a girl from there mid-February and thought she’d made friends, but sadly didn’t get contact information from the girl. June Kim, if you’re out there—gimme your MSN! ohmy.gif(
Theory of Everything – is a hypothetical theory that would unite all of physics; as of yet, the theory does not exist.
French manicures – are designed to look like natural nails with a pink or neutral base shade and white tips.
Champs-Élysées – is the broadest street in Paris, France; there is a famous song about the street, which the Dong Bang boys sang a lot on their Bonjour Paris! photoshoot.


Chapter 8
If I were an enzyme, I'd be helicase so I could unzip your genes.



I put my messenger bag on the bed and take a look at the large print hanging on the wall. It’s a beautiful black and white of the Champs-Élysées.

I turn around and sit next to Yunho who is lying down on the bed. Awesome, study buddy. Good sign.

“Hey, hand me my bag, will you?” He’s closer to them.

“I’m your boyfriend, Seul Gi, not your slave.” Same difference, I say.

I roll my eyes and lean over him to grab my books in my messenger bag when I hear, “Oh, s hit, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

I look up and see Jaejoong in the doorway with an expression on his face that is both surprised and apologetic. I’d like to say it’s also jealous, but I’m not really sure. My face pinkens as I immediately straighten up, and smooth my shirt down in nervousness. I really hope it doesn’t look like I’m smoothing my shirt down because a vigorous romp with Yunho has left me disheveled.

I look at Yunho, who has propped himself up on his elbows, looking altogether unconcerned at being caught in a compromising position. Jerk.

“You’re not interrupting anything, Jaejoong,” I say to him, hoping that he realizes he really isn’t, but knowing that Yunho is taking advantage of the situation. I suppose I should as well, to make Jaejoong jealous, but it seems rather underhanded to pretend Yunho and I are hooking up (but, of course, pretending to be Yunho’s girlfriend isn’t underhanded at all. Aha. Ahaha. Let’s not dwell on this). “I was just getting my books.”

“Ah, well…books are good…” Jaejoong is mumbling, and I can’t really hear him. Jaejoongie! Please please please tell me you’re here to switch out study buddies! We could study Chemistry! Or Anatomy! “Oh yeah, Yoochun sent me to tell you that we’re going to meet in the living room in an hour.” Bahhh.

“Sounds good,” I smile shyly at him as I register that Yunho has just leaned back down on the bed. What good are you!

“See you then.” Jaejoong says with a half-wave and leaves (wahhhhh!) and I take this opportunity to slap Yunho’s flat stomach with a notebook.

“Yah! You could have said something!”

“What, and interrupt what Jaejoong must have interpreted as skinship?” Yunho asks innocently. “Isn’t it normal for a boyfriend and girlfriend to want to be closer?”

“Grrr,” I growl at him.

“Ooh, kinky!”

“YAH!” I start attacking him with my notebook. I mean, you know…fondly, like a girlfriend. An annoyed girlfriend. So, okay, actually rather viciously.

“Okay! Okay! I take it back!” Yunho gives. “But we really do need to up the ante with skinship. I may have kissed you on the cheek, but you know that everyone expects more than that.”

“More than that?” …How much more?

Yunho sits up on the bed and leans in towards me. “Yes, more. Much more.” He is trying to get on my nerves, I just know it.

“I’m…not an expert on kissing…” I warn him. Aside from a few sporadic Spin the Bottle games during Quiz Bowl Tournaments, my kissing repertoire is rather limited. You can imagine the quality of kissers who would be at Quiz Bowl Tournaments. They may be able to identify the zygomaticus muscles in a flash, but they haven’t quite mastered the art of breathing and kissing simultaneously. The result is a lot of gasping for air and awkwardly being breathed on.

Good times.

“We’ll start slow,” he whispers in my ear and I suppress a shiver. I really must look into chastity belts soon. “How about a kiss to start off our study session?”

“Yah, oppa,” I push him back a little. “Operant conditioning would dictate that the kiss should come after you’ve done some studying. Maybe you’ll get a kiss in an hour.” Yunho flops back down on the bed.

“I don’t wanna study. I never study,” Yunho complains like a six year old (again!). I decide to address him as such.

“Now now, Yunho,” my voice is as patronizing as I can make it. “If Yunho doesn’t study, how will Yunho get good grades? And if Yunho doesn’t get good grades, how will Yunho go to university? And if Yunho doesn’t go to university, how will Yunho get a job that will make him a lot of money so he can support his extravagantly posh lifestyle?”

“I’ve already got a job waiting for me,” Yunho is still pouting.

“What job?” I ask, all patronization gone.

“My dad is training me to run the business,” Yunho says, the childishness gone from his voice and a solemn resignation replacing it. “I will rise the administrative ranks of Jung, Ban, & Ha Media and one day become CEO of the company. My future is already planned out for me.” Man, that sucks.

…Oh, except that he’s going to be filthy rich! Sheesh, of all the things in the world to complain about, job security is certainly not up there.

“Hey, a CEO of Jung, Ban, & Ha Media still has to get into a good university,” I note. “And what would be so bad about studying for the sake of actually learning the material? Isn’t that what our education is supposed to be about, anyway? More than examinations, and more than homework, we are supposed to be learning. Once upon a time, schools were places where people desperately wanted to go.”

“Off your soapbox, there?” Yunho catches me as I pause to take a breath. Eh. I guess I’m done ranting. “My grades are fine.” Yunho lies back down and lifts his hand to rub his stomach under his shirt. I’m not sure why guys do this, but I’ve noticed that they do. Are they trying to encourage their digestive systems? Are they checking to make sure they aren’t pregnant? Or are they just feeling up their abs? I’m not sure which of these is worst.

“Fine? Fine?? Fine isn’t…Fine isn’t good enough.” I say, completely distracted by Yunho’s hand and the flawless skin that he is exposing with his shirt being slightly lifted like that. “Um…wh…um…what are you making, B’s and C’s? That’s, uh, not going to get you to a reasonably…um…excellent school, oppa,” Focus, me, focus!

“B’s and C’s? Or more like A’s and the occasional B…” Yunho mutters.

What?? Did I hear that right? Jung Yunho, kingka leader-sshi, is an almost straight-A student?? Without studying?? I think Yunho is sadistically amused at my silence, because he says, “If you need any help studying, let me know. Otherwise, I think I’m going to take a nap. Wake me in an hour.

I grumble to myself and then, “Well, I guess if you don’t want the reward of my kiss at the end of an hour of studying, then feel free to sleep.” Yunho sits up immediately. Ha, gotcha.

“What’s the subject, Sonsehngnim?” I grin at him and hand him a book.

-----


“Kiss time?” Yunho has been asking me every two and a half minutes for the past hour; I have gotten very little studying done. Thank goodness this is all review for me anyways. I’ve been studying this material for a couple weeks—it’s difficult material, but I’ve definitely gotten a handle on it by now.

“Yah, oppa, how much studying have you done? Do you think you deserve a kiss?” I look at him and he just smiles happily and nods. Like a puppy. Down, boy. “Prove it. What have we been studying?”

“Religion.” Yunho looks sure of himself. He is definitely bluffing.

“Religion? Do you mean central dogma??”

“Yeah, sure, that too.” He looks around suspiciously.

“We’ve been at this for an hour, and all you can do is confuse religious dogma with the basis of genetics??” Watson and Crick would come after him with a baseball bat. Rosalind Franklin would bring an Uzi. At this rate, Yunho can be sure he will not be getting his kiss.

“What do you want to know?” Yunho’s voice is uninterested. “Replication, transcription, or translation? Should we start with DNA replication? Helicase is the first enzyme involved, and it separates the double helix. Then binding proteins keep the helix unwound, as primase attaches an RNA primer, and DNA polymerase starts building the new strand reading off the 31 end…”

Wow. He really wasn’t kidding when he says he does “fine” without studying. He has been playing with a pillow for the past hour, and not paying any attention to me. I can’t say I’m not a little pissed to learn that he can just cruise on through school, whereas I devote most of my time to ensuring my notes are supplemented with textbook information.

“Oh, and ligase connects the Okazaki fragments on the lagging strand. Kiss time?” He is smirking now. I relent and give him a quick peck on the lips, a blush staining my cheeks.

I try not to think of the ramifications of my actions.

-----

“So, how far did you guys get?” Yoochun asks, waggling his eyebrows at his double entendre.

“Not far enough,” Yunho frowns.

“We got plenty far!” I protest. He tried to make the quick peck into a full-on make-out session (I know, because he put his hand on my shoulder—a sign of non-PG-rated things to come), but I pushed him away before he could maintain contact.

“Ooooooh,” Yeon Hee oohs immaturely. You mind your own business, miss!

“I wrote almost one full page of this 5-7 page essay due on Monday,” Boa admits proudly. “I am ready to go home and totally veg out! Like, with chocolate and everything!” The girls look impressed. I try to pretend that completing less than 20% of a paper is something to celebrate.

“Wow, way to be!” Hye Bin high-fives Boa. I hate that cheer. It’s like congratulating a person for existing. Huzzah for not dying! “I only finished an outline for that essay.”

“Did you know there are three hundred and fifty-two stitches in a soccer ball?” Junsu announces. Yunho and I look at each other, hoping no one asks him how he knows. I think, somehow, out of everyone, our study session was the most successful.

-----


I accidentally took Yunho’s notebook home with me, so I am off to his locker to return it. I usually don’t see him between these classes, so I hope he goes to his locker at this time. I approach the Popular End of the Hall which is surprisingly empty. Hmm. I guess I’ll just return his notebook to him later (by the sparse, badly written notes in it, I doubt he really misses it).

“C’mon, Yunho,” I hear a girl’s voice say. I look around the corner and see my boyfriend backed against someone else’s locker with almost-queenka Stephanie Kim pressing up against him.


Notebook:
Helicase – is the enzyme responsible for separating the double stranded helix of DNA for replication.
Operant conditioning – is response-based learning in which reinforcement and punishment are used to encourage or discourage certain behaviors.
Zygomaticus muscles – are the muscles that control smiling in one’s face.
Jung, Ban, & Ha Media – is a fictional company with a name that sounds similar to the popular Dong Bang Shin Ki song O.Jung.Ban.Hap.
Rubbing one’s abs – is something that the author has noticed guys doing for some bizarre reason; also, Yunho does this in the All About DBSK 2 Variety Show after he is coerced into flashing his abs.
Leader-sshi – is a title given fondly to the leader of Dong Bang Shin Ki by the other band members.
Dogma – is formal, church-endorsed doctrine; not to be confused with central dogma, which includes the entire process of DNA to trait expression.
James Watson and Sir Francis Crick – are the two men who were internationally recognized as the discovers of the DNA structure, even though they stole the key information from Rosalind Franklin (who never got formally recognized for her role).
Uzi – is a machine gun.
Transcription – is the process by which mRNA is created from a strand of DNA.
Translation – is the process by which mRNA is read by tRNA which strings amino acids together to form proteins.
Double entendre – is a phrase that has two meanings, one of them often sexual.
Stephanie Kim – is a member of the girlband CSJH, known to be the best dancer in the group as she is a classically trained ballet dancer; Stephanie is also “sexy” and “tomboyish.”


Chapter 9
Baby, stop with the Diet Coke; you've got plenty of ASSpartame.


“C’mon, Yunho,” I hear a girl’s voice say. I look around the corner and see my boyfriend backed against some lockers with almost-queenka Stephanie Kim pressing up against him.

Skank! I mean…it’s okay, because he’s not my real boyfriend anyway. “You know you’d rather take me to dinner tomorrow night than do some stupid Iron Chef competition.” I think right about now is when, in most dramas, the scorned girlfriend leaves the scene of the crime, assuming her boyfriend has the worst of intentions and is cheating on her.


Not I! I am going to stick around.

Yunho pushes her away by her shoulders in an attempt to re-inflate his personal bubble. “Stephanie, I have a girlfriend.” Yesssss! Good call, oppa.

She scoffs, “When do you not have a girlfriend?” I’d smirk if I weren’t feeling so…er…I don’t know what I’m feeling.

“This time it’s different,” Yunho replies. “I’m not interested in you, Stephanie. Things between us have been over for months. I’ve tried being nice, but letting you down gently apparently hasn’t worked. So let me be perfectly clear: I will never go out with you again. You can put on the sweetest perfume, the prettiest makeup, and you can keep hiking up that skirt of yours,” Goodness, woman! I’d like to see London and France, but showing your underpants is just flagrant! “But you can never tempt me into going out with you again.” Oooh, harsh.

…But well-deserved, I say!

“Oppaaa,” Stephanie whines and puts her arms around him again. Desperate, much? Have some self-respect, woman!

Yunho stoically removes her arms and walks away from her (and thankfully not towards my general direction). Before Stephanie can see me blatantly listening in on their not-so-intimate moment, I duck behind the door.

I think I vaguely remember Yunho and Stephanie being together awhile ago (I can’t waste grey matter on remembering such useless details), but who knew that anyone would ever want Yunho again after dating him? Clearly, though, Yunho didn’t want her back.



Whatevs, why should I care? I’m not his real girlfriend anyway.

Or so I tell myself.

I don’t know what it would mean if I admitted to myself that for a moment, I was jealous.


So I won’t.

-----


“Stephanie Kim?” Ayumi asks. “I think she was in one of my classes once.” That’s…helpful. “I thought she was nice. Not the brightest crayon in the box, but nice. Are you going to eat that?”

It is after school and we are at a restaurant, ostensibly researching for the Iron Chef competition that I am apparently guaranteed to win if Yunho’s a judge because I’m dating him. I’m pretty sure Ayumi just used this as an opportunity to coerce me into buying her expensive food, that glutton.

“No, go for it,” I say, though Ayumi is already reaching for my kobe beef carpaccio. Raw meat? Thanks, but I’ll pass. “Y’know, I really don’t care who she is. Yunho wasn’t interested, so at least I know that he isn’t a two-timer. That’s always nice to know.”

“Don’t tell me you weren’t the least bit jealous? Not even for a moment?” Ri In asks, sniffing and poking warily at the natto Ayumi ordered for her (“It’s soybeans!” Ayumi had said. “You eat a lot of soy!”

Ri In had merely replied, “Yes, but it’s fermented soybeans. I avoid fermented foods—who says we have a right to abuse yeast labor like that? …No, I’m just kidding. This just smells rank. I can’t be polluting my body with this.”).

“Of course not,” I reply. “He’s not my real boyfriend anyway.” Ri In and Ayumi share a look. “Hey! What’s that look for! I am still crushing on Jaejoong! It’s just that…I’m not confident enough to have a real conversation with Jaejoong. And anyways, we never spend time alone together, so it’s not like any romantic sparks can really happen.”

Ayumi and Ri In share a look. “Seul Gi-ah,” Ayumi starts. “At this point, is your relationship with Yunho just pretend?”

Ri In says, “Oh, but Ayumi, despite the fact that they seem past the point of pretending, Seul Gi likes to think that she’s really doing it all for Jaejoong.”

“Yah!” I put my hands on my hips. “Who’s nicer: Jaejoong or Yunho?”

“Recently?” Ri In says and looks at Ayumi, and they simultaneously answer, “Yunho.”

“No no no! Jaejoong is! Who’s hotter: Jaejoong or Yunho?”

“Yunho,” Ayumi and Ri In say without batting an eyelash. Goodness—Japanese and Chinese standards of beauty are way skewed!

“No no no! Jaejoong is!”

“Who’s richer: Jaejoong or Yunho?” Ayumi asks. Hey! That doesn’t matter to me! They are missing the point, I think.

“Yunho,” Ri In responds.

“Who’s going to sex up Seul Gi?” Ayumi is grinning. What?!

“Yunho,” Ri In is barely holding in her laughter. Aish, these girls!

“Ayumi, you can pay for your foie gras yourself! Ri In, eat your yeast-labored food!”

-----


“Change of plans!” Boa has ambushed me as I head to Yunho’s locker for lunch the next day.

It is Friday.
Iron Chef Competition tonight.
Whoo.
I’m absolutely jubilant.

“We’re not all eating together—too dangerous. People get really competitive, so we’re eating with our teammates.” Goodness, who cares??

“Okay…” I say to her, not wanting to start anything. “So…where do you want to eat?”

“Oh!” Boa exclaims. “Didn’t Yunho tell you? I’m not cooking with you—I’m actually going to be filming tonight’s competition.” What?? Why?? So that in forty years, our children can look back and think, “My God, what were they smoking??”

“Er…okay…so who am I cooking with?” Don’t say Yunho, don’t say Yunho. Please say Jaejoong, please say Jaejoong.

“Yunho.” BAH! Of course! This has to be the least successful attempt to get closer to the best friend of your fake boyfriend ever.

“So it’s going to be me and Yunho versus…?”

“Jaejoong and Yeon Hee.” BAH! Of course! Whoever organized that is a wily one. “Changmin, Ara, and Junsu are going to be the judges. Yoochun’s in charge of music, and Hye Bin’s in charge of make up. I’m doubling as chair for the competition. Okay, gotta go! Have to warn everyone else before they start spying on the competition!” Man, this is a lot more hardcore than I anticipated.

I receive a text from Yunho telling me where he is, so we can eat in some secluded area. Man, I half-want to just ditch him and eat with Ri In and Ayumi, except they left the school to go protest Japanese whaling. What a way to spend your lunch break.

“Seul Gi-ah!” I hear Yunho whisper really loudly and he waves his arms wildly (way to be subtle, there), as if I couldn’t find him—he’s the only person in the remote area. “Over here!”

“Hey, oppa,” I sigh in resignation. “So why didn’t you tell me you’re my sous-chef tonight?”

“That’s because you’re my sous-chef tonight,” he replies. “Tonight is going to be between me and Jaejoong.” Ooh, interesting. Battle: Fake Boyfriend vs. I Wish He Were My Real Boyfriend. This should be epic. “Don’t worry, though. Jaejoong may be good at cooking, but we’ve got home court advantage.”

“What do you mean?”

“Didn’t Boa tell you? The competition is at my house tonight.” …what.

Okay, I never, ever planned to ever, ever go to Yunho’s house. Not ever. Certainly not this month. What if there’s a run-in with his parentals?? Omo, that would be the most awkward situation ever. What would I say?? Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Jung—rest assured: I have absolutely no interest in your son and am only using him to get closer to his best friend even though so far that has not actually happened so really, all that I’ve gotten out of this is a lot of flowers and chocolate and a bracelet and a kiss from your son??? I don’t think so.

“Oh yeah, and we’re making it a sleepover.”

WHAT! Are we in 6th grade?? Come on now. “Um, I don’t think my parents would allow—“

“—oh they already sent over your things last night.” My own flesh and blood! Traitors! “I didn’t know you wore such skimpy clothes to bed. That’s hot.”

WHAT! “Which pair of pajamas did they send over?” I am dreading the answer, though I am pretty sure I already know.

“Well, I’m no pervert—I didn’t look at them intentionally.” Yeah. Right, I’m so sure. “They just fell out of the bag, and I had to pick them up, but I think they were light pink and lacy?”

Oh my God. My parents sent the gag gift that Ayumi and Ri In gave me last year.

Oh my God. That is a honeymoon set.

Oh my God. I’m going to go Lizzie Borden on my parents.

“Yunho?” I grit out between my clenched teeth. “Let’s just eat in silence today.” Yunho takes one look at me, decides he won’t try to change my mind, and we spend the rest of the lunch not talking. Thank God.

-----


My parents gave me a sauvignon blanc. I kid you not. I am not old enough to legally drink this, but my parents just foisted a bottle on me to share with other minors tonight.

My mother had said, “Maybe you’ll want to open it right when you get there so that you’re a little relaxed for tonight. It’ll make certain…things with Yunho not seem so nervewracking.”

I’m not sure if I read inbetween the lines correctly on this one, but I’m pretty sure my mother told me to get boozed up before Yunho puts the moves on me. I guess I should just be glad she didn’t launch into an anecdote on her own personal experiences. Ugh. Gross.

My father? Handed me a condom and said, “Just in case Yunho forgets to buy enough.” Enough?? Enough?? How many condoms would constitute “enough”?!

Whatever happened to responsible, lovingly strict parents who sent their daughters to convents??

Ayumi had winked at me and said, “Tell me how it goes! The first time isn’t all that fun…but I’d love to compare notes and see what Yunho’s like!” Guh!

Ri In, on the other hand, had grabbed my hands and looked me straight in the eye and said, “If the meat they provide is not from free range animals, promise me you won’t use them.”

I am so not looking forward to tonight. Did I mention that my umma decided to do laundry? Selectively? Yeah, she stole every single pair of pjs that I have, so I couldn’t bring a non-skanky set for tonight’s ostensible sleepover. Gahhhhh.

I am pulled up in front of Yunho’s freaking huge house, and mine is the only car here so far. I’m not even early. I’ve already been waiting a few minutes for someone else to arrive so I don’t have to meet his family alone, but it seems like I should just bite the bullet. I go up to ring the doorbell.

“Hi! You must be Seul Gi!” A girl who looks to be about 14 answers the door, half-dancing in place to the iPod she’s listening to. Someone’s on a little caffeine, I think.

“Omo! You’re just like I pictured you would be! Oppa doesn’t stop talking about you! You’re really pretty! I mean, you could dress better, but you’re really pretty! Especially considering you’re such a nerd! Hahaha! Who would have thought a nerd could look like you? Maybe I should start studying! You’ve got great skin! What products do you use? Is that a bottle of wine? Oh man, are you guys gonna get drunk tonight? I’m so jealous. Do you like Big Bang? I think G-Dragon is so dreamy! I’m listening to some of their songs right now. You want to listen?” She holds out an earbud.

I don’t even know what to say to her. I didn’t know Yunho had a sister. An over-energetic sister. Who is painfully honest. And doesn’t seem to breathe when she talks.

…The best kind.

“Oh! I should let you come in, shouldn’t I? Silly me. Hahaha! Come in! Come in!” Hyper-sshi steps back to let me into the house. “I’m Jung Ji Yool, if Yunho didn’t tell you. I bet he didn’t. That jerk! Don’t get me wrong—I love my oppa, but, I don’t know if you’ve noticed: he can be a little self-absorbed.” Honey, you’re preaching to the choir here. “Actually, I can’t believe you’ve gone out with him for two whole weeks! This is, like, a major record! I mean, you’re not prettier than any of his other girlfriends, but maybe you’re special. Who knows!” Thanks, kid.

“Appa! Umma!” She bellows. Oh my God. Am I going to meet Yunho’s parents right now?? Alone?? I need an escape route!

“Oh, you know what, Ji Yool? I think I left my phone in my—“

“You must be Seul Gi! Wonderful! Wonderful!” I look up and see who I assume is Yunho’s dad (on happy pills). “It’s nice to finally meet you! You’re just as beautiful as your dad says you are! Fantastic! Fantastic!” Oh geez, he’s one of those amiable, yet over-jovial businessmen who repeats himself. Awesome.

…Awesome. He holds his hand out, and I shake it and realize he’s slipped me his business card. Huh, President of Jung, Ban, and Ha Media. I thought he was CEO…I guess not—must be Mr. Ban or Mr. Ha. Okay, this is so not important right now.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Jung,” I politely respond and smile. I’d curtsy if I thought it would get me out of this situation any faster. “You’ve a lovely home here.” Aaagh—I left my notecards in the car!

I wrote out small talk topics to cover with his parents, and I’ve completely forgotten about them! I’m pretty sure I was supposed to compliment on the home to Yunho’s mom, and mention golfing with my dad to Yunho’s dad. Gahhhh. Wonder how much Yunho’s mom knows about golf clubs.

“Hahaha!” Mr. Jung chortles. “Thanks, Seul Gi, thanks! You have no idea how many people say that to my wife, not knowing that I was the one who spent so much time planning out the interior decorating. Yunho must have prepped you well for tonight!” Or Yunho didn’t prep me at all for tonight and I got lucky in complimenting the Parent-Most-Unlikely-To-Be-Domestic. One or the other.

“Dad, you’re boring,” Ji Yool fakes a yawn. “Where’s mom?”

“Right here,” Mrs. Jung walks into the foyer sharply dressed in a pantsuit.

“Ah, perfect! Perfect!” Yunho’s dad exclaims. “Seul Gi, this is my wife, the CEO of Jung, Ban and Ha Media. She’s the Ban in the Jung, Ban and Ha, but she insisted that the name of the company sounded better with Jung first. Great woman. Great woman.” What??

The CEO? Yunho’s mom is the CEO? As in she is her husband’s boss?? Whoaaa, Mrs. Jung (Mrs. Ban??), you’re my hero. Man, I totally did not see that coming. No wonder Yunho’s got woman-issues.

“It’s an honor to meet you,” I extend my hand to shake hers. “I can’t believe I’m actually meeting the CEO of Jung, Ban and Ha Media.”

“Says the daughter of Bae Industries,” she responds with a kind smile. “Your father tells me that you’ve a bright future ahead of you. If you ever decide you want to go into media (I’m sure my husband gave you his card) definitely contact us. We’re always looking for dynamic new talent.” Score! Tentative job offer before I’ve even graduated from high school! I am absolutely loving Yunho’s parents.

“Oh God… Umma, you’re not going to be recruiting my friends all night are you?” I turn and it seems Yunho’s finally made his appearance—way to take your time, ass!


Okay…so I know that I’ve said that I hate his cockiness, but look at him! That black dress shirt, those dark wash jeans that fall so hotly on his long legs, his hair so perfectly styled (I bet that’s what took him so long), a non-overwhelming whiff of a delicious smelling cologne… There’s something about his confidence, his utter comfort in being in his own territory, that is just undeniably attractive.

I mean. Not that I find him attractive!

Okay, maybe a little.

“Of course not Yunho,” Mrs. Jung says, winking at me. “Your friends are all deadbeats who’d rather go shopping than read a book.” Mrs. Jung, will you autograph my planner?

Ding dong! “Speaking of…” Mrs. Jung wryly comments as she gestures at Yunho to answer the door.

“Hyung!” and “Oppa!”s ring out as the whole crew files in. I’m sorry, did I miss the caravan that was supposed to happen?? How did they time it so that they could just walk in, mutter a brief “Annyeong” and move on to the kitchen without awkward interactions with the family?? I stay behind to continue Career Talk with Yunho’s mom and dad, but Yunho puts his arm around me and sort of pushes me to where everyone else is.

Bah. Boys are useless. Except for Jaejoong, who is looking mighty fine, standing there pulling out aprons as everyone else sets up for this shindig. I promise I’m not saying that just because he’s all bent over, and his ass is drawing my attention.

…Okay, I can’t promise that’s not the reason I’m saying that.

I escape from Yunho’s grasp and head over to The Beauty That Is Jaejoong.

…I know—I would never have done this before, but maybe this using-Yunho-to-get-to-Jaejoong thing has made me relax a little more around Jaejoong.

Or maybe this forwardness of mine is Yunho’s confidence rubbing off on me. Egh. Let’s move on.

“So it seems you are the competition tonight,” I say to him with a grin (all flirty like, you see? I’m not a complete failure at being a girl!). “You think you can keep up with me and Yunho?”

“Oh, I doubt that will be a problem,” Jaejoong is smirking (all flirty like?! Plz2b!) “Yeon Hee and I are hot stuff, and you know what they say: if you can’t stand the heat, maybe you should get out of the kitchen.”

Yunho has stepped up beside me, and I can feel him turning on protective mode. Before he says anything, though, Yoochun looks up from where he is setting up his speakers and says, "Yo Yunho! Let’s try some noisy beat!” Yunho is sufficiently distracted, I think, because he goes over to help Yoochun set up some music to set the mood.

Hye Bin bustles over to me and yells, “Make-up!” before attacking my face with a brush. I stand around awkwardly as she proceeds in painting a mask on me, and I admire Yunho’s massive kitchen—he’s got one of those kitchen islands with its own stovetop in addition to the more traditional stovetop along the wall. “Done!” she says and steps back to admire her work with a, “Man, am I good or am I good?”

By this time, everyone seems ready to start, and Yunho announces, “Let’s do this.”






Notebook:
Aspartame – is an artificial sweetener used in Diet Coke.
I see London, I see France, I see someone’s underpants – is a childish rhyme that should be self-explanatory and maybe doesn’t really even need an entry in this notebook.
Natto – is a Japanese dish of fermented soybeans; the DBSK boys really love this dish—Junsu, in particular, is known to eat it alone as a snack.
Fermentation – is the conversion of sugar into alcohol by yeast (which is a microorganism).
Sous-chef – is the assistant to the executive chef; the sous-chef is the second in command.
Lizzie Borden – was notorious because she was tried for killing her father and stepmother with an axe in 1892; she was acquitted, perhaps because the all-male jury refused to believe that the daughter of a respectable man could commit such an act.
Sauvignon blanc – is a white wine that pairs well with egg dishes.
Free-range – is when animals are raised in an environment where they can roam free, as opposed to being contained.
Big Bang – is the rival Korean boy band to DBSK—the author knows nothing about them, but likes to put them in when she uses SM Entertainment characters and can’t use Super Junior as the boy band.
Ji Yool – is the name that Yunho revealed would be his future daughter’s name when DBSK played Barbie dress up.
Plz2b – is netspeak for, literally, “Please to be” which expresses one’s desire for something to happen or for something to be true, or even just a nerdy way of saying “Please”; probably stemming from Engrish.
"Yo Yunho, let’s try some noisy beat.” – is the opening line of DBSK’s hit song O.Jung.Ban.Hap, though the way Yoochun says it, it sounds like "Yo Yunho, let’s try some noise bit” which doesn’t make sense at all. edit: Thanks to shushshuckspui for correcting me on this--I need to listen to this song again, apparently.
“Let’s do this.” – is a line at the beginning of O.Jung.Ban.Hap that Yunho says; various members will say this now on shows that go behind the scenes.

Chapter 10
If you were C6, and I were H12, all we would need is the air we breathe (3 02) to be sweeter than sugar...



“If memory serves me correctly,” Boa starts in all solemnity, signaling Yoochun to begin the dramatic music. She is apparently both Chair and director of photography tonight and is utitlizing the tripod for the intro. “A major recent event involved the debate over traditional gender roles and their changing manifestations in current times.” Wow, Boa—way to pick a sensitive topic…but I am impressed that you used the word “manifestations”. Props!

“This time, the battle of the sexes was won, hands down, by the inimitable,” Boa’s on a roll! “Bae Seul Gi. Though many clamored for a battle of the sexes at tonight’s Iron Chef Competition, as Chair, I chose to promote unity and cooperation between the sexes. Tonight, the battle will be between Jung Yunho and Bae Seul Gi…the couple that fought through their issues to emerge stronger than ever,” Uhhh, what?? “and Kim Jaejoong and Lee Yeon Hee…the…well. They aren’t a couple. Nevertheless! Whose cuisine will reign supreme?” Okay, everyone officially takes this all a lot more seriously than they should.

“In order to honor the victory won for all women,” Boa continues her monologuing as we all stand around bored (or maybe that’s just me). “Tonight’s secret theme ingredient is the ever amazing, ever versatile…” She motions to Hye Bin to unveil the ingredient (with a flourish!). “Egg!”

Aha. Ahaha. This is so corny. And sorta gross. I mean, when you get down to it, what she’s really saying is that we’re cooking ova. Eww.


“Allez! Cuisine!” Boa yells out, signaling the beginning of the competition. Yunho and Jaejoong both sprint towards the eggs, grab as many cartons as they can hold and bring them back to our little stations on opposite ends of the kitchen as Yeon Hee and I shrug at each other. I’m glad to know that she’s as blasé about this as I am.

“Oppa,” I say to Yunho. “Do you have a clue what to make?”

Yunho smirks at me, of course. “Am I Jung Yunho or am I Jung Yunho?”


“…So you have no idea what to do?” Yunho rolls his eyes at me.

“Of course not. We can do…green eggs and ham! And uh…an omelette! And…” We both look over at the other side of the kitchen. Jaejoong and Yeon Hee are already hard at work chopping veggies and cracking eggs and we are so totally going to lose this.

“Just in case…” Yunho starts as an aside to me and then announces loudly to the others, “Hey Seul Gi, I left my personal timer in my room on my desk. Would you go get it? Upstairs, third room on the left.”

The huh? Unless this timer is a magical timer that makes the most amazing omelette ever, I don’t see how this can possibly help. But Yunho waggles his eyebrows at me meaningfully (not that meaning!) and nudges me away from the counter, so I obey. I’m just sous-chef, and it’s not my ego on the line here.

I pass Yunho’s parents who are sitting in the living room, reading up on the latest news. They are holding hands as they read, and it is just about the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen. Yunho’s dad leans in for a quick peck on his wife’s cheek. Ji Yool is playing a Guitar Hero next to them, and I hear her say to them, “Ew, gross, guys! I don’t want another sibling to come out of that!”

Upstairs, third door to the left. Here it is.

As if I could miss it, with it’s “By Appointment Only” sign on the door, underneath a brightly painted wooden sign with Yunho’s name scrawled in 7 year old handwriting.

Yup. Definitely Yunho’s work.

I walk in and appraise the room. By which I mean snoop around.


What? As if you wouldn’t do the same thing.

It looks like a bachelor’s pad—black Egyptian cotton sheets on a king-sized bed, closet doors that are full length mirrors, an impressive bookshelf with surprising tomes such as Steven Pinker’s How the Mind Works, Richard Dawkins’ The Selfish Gene, Benjamin Hoff’s The Tao of Pooh and the Te of Piglet, and Judy Blume’s Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret (omo, seriously?? What a girl!).

He has some tasteful prints framed on his walls. I’m surprised that he doesn’t have the usual half-naked woman sprawled over a hot sports car I’d expect in a teenaged boy’s room, but it is a pleasant surprise. What am I here for again? Oh yes, a timer.

I go to his desk and see a few framed pictures of him and his family when they were younger. Man, he was a bit of a porker when he was a baby.

And then I see it. There on top of his laptop keyboard, under the timer I was looking for, is a large card that says “ Seul Gi <3 ” on it.

Is this really the time for a Love Letter, oppa? You delinquent. I open it anyways and read:


“Hey, cutie! ^^

Are you worried about the competition tonight? Don’t be! With our combined charisma, there’s no way we’ll lose! YunGi hwaiting!

…Just in case, though, I’ve sent you up here to quickly get online and look up a few recipes with the theme ingredient. I remember you said that you couldn’t really cook without a recipe, so my laptop is available for your use! The password is “YunGi” and I’m sorry for the background—Jeon Ji Hyun’s got nothing on you! But I don’t have a picture of you. sad.gif

Come down quickly! I miss you already!

Yours,
Yunho-oppa <3”


A smile finds its way to my face. What a pabo. It is really thoughtful, though, that he remembered that I need general recipes to cook from. I take a glance at the door to make sure no one’s looking, because really, I’m technically cheating, and type in the ridiculously sweet/corny password on his laptop.

And there she is: Jeon Ji Hyun and her damned S-line.

Screw you, Ji Hyun-sshi! I’ve got some egg recipes to look up.

-----


“Oppa, I finally found your timer,” I say, handing it to him and noting Jaejoong slaving over the stovetop and Yeon Hee washing used pots with a blank look on her face. “I’m sorry it took so long.” Do you know how freaking prevalent the egg is in recipes? And how many omelettes came up?

“That’s alright, Seul Gi-ah,” he says, pulling my hat down fondly. “I just started a little without you.” I look at the stovetop and my jaw drops. He’s got pots and pans on all four burners, and everything looks pretty amazing.

“I’ve got the crimini, portobello, oyster mushrooms, shiitake, morel and chanterelle soufflé tart in the oven. I made a couple extra in case they didn’t rise/fall correctly, but I am on a 34-perfect-soufflés streak, last I checked, and I’m not about to let these stop that. This is huevos rancheros in this pan, and I’ve got my freshly made egg noodles cooking in that pot, and I’m planning on an egg royale, so I’ve got this pot reserved for the lobster cream and the other pot for soft-boiling the eggs. I was hoping you could maybe do a dessert?”

I am completely overwhelmed right now. How did he know how to do all this?? “Uh…yeah! Right,” I snap out of my daze. “I was thinking…um, maybe a crème brulee?” That’s safe, right?

“Perfect!” Yunho looks enthusiastic. I guess he was hoping I’d say that. “You work on the custard part, and I’ll work on a tart cherry compote and an egg-vanilla bean ice cream to go with it.” Errrrrrr, okay.

I can handle this. One dish. Hand me an egg, maestro.

-----


“Time!” Boa yells out after our frenzied baking, sautéing, boiling, simmering, and I don’t even know what.

“Time!” Yoochun, Hye Bin, Changmin, Ara, and Junsu yell out obnoxiously at Boa more than at us. I think they’re a little annoyed for having to sit around hungrily for an hour as they watch us cook with Boa in their face the whole time, asking their opinions of our edible concoctions.

I have thankfully just finished using the blowtorch to caramelize the last of my crème brulee (in a special design! Mwahaha, I’m so clever).

And I kid you not—this is all I did this whole time. Well, I washed a few pots and plated the dishes a little bit, but any actual cooking (baking) I did was just for this one dessert.

But I’ll be damned if it isn’t the most amazing crème brulee Boa, Changmin, Ara, or Junsu have ever had. I’m really surprised, but this was actually a lot of fun. Maybe I should keep food science open as an option for career.

I examine the dishes that Jaejoong and Yeon Hee made (mostly Jaejoong, if I’m completely honest). I see some egg drop soup, egg fried rice, quiche, egg tarts, and…what? Is that fish? Well, I guess it’s been battered in what I presume is egg batter. We’ve totally got this one in the bag.

I high-five Yunho who somehow transitions that into a celebratory hug. I swear, this guy and his skinship. We’re both sweaty and our aprons are filthy, but it’s all in the name of winning his bet, I guess.

It’s time for judging; we’re first. Yunho introduces his dishes (I get to introduce the one dish I actually helped with). Highlights from the judges include:

“This wild mushroom soufflé is amazing,” Ara said. “And don’t be sorry, Yunho—truffles wouldn’t have made it that much better.”

“Oooh, this thing with the lobster cream is all gooey in my mouth!” Junsu had exclaimed. “It’s like a party in my mouth, and the yumminess is invited!”


Now it’s my turn!

“For dessert, Yunho and I made love,” I say with a wink, and Yunho almost drops the ramekin as he begins to place the dessert in front of the judges. I pause for dramatic effect, and to soak in the silence and shock of everyone.

Yunho glances at the door to the living room where his parents are, horrified. Junsu looks scandalized (poor, innocent Junsu!). Hye Bin looks impressed. Jaejoong looks jealous?? Ahhh, let me bask just a little bit more. Mmm.

“You’ll note that while we put our heart into all of the dishes you’ve just tasted, the crème brulees in front of you, when placed together, spell out L-O-V-E.”

Yoochun groans at my joke. Don’t lie! You thought it was clever!

“There is a special place in my heart for this crème brulee,” Changmin interrupts, having already taken a bite of his. “I find the cherry compote to be the perfect tartness and fruitiness to balance with what otherwise would have been cloying sweetness of such a custard, and the use of the ice cream is a perfect touch. Very clever. This is a masterpiece. Really, it is.” Trust Changmin to be professional (and weird) about food. “Well done, hyung, Seul Gi.” I smile. I’ll have to boast to Ayumi that I impressed a foodie like herself.

Jaejoong frowns as we switch places, and it is their turn to present their dishes. Some highlights from their presentation? As follows:

“Um…the scallions are a nice touch on the egg drop soup.” Ara struggled to find something nice to say.

“Quiche is a fun word to say!” Junsu pondered. “Quiche! Quiche!”

“With the egg as the center piece of all your dishes, why did you choose to use it only in the batter for the fish?” Changmin turned a critical eye on Team Loser.

“Just for the hell of it.” Yeon Hee had muttered.

“What?” Changmin asked, narrowing his eyes. Apparently, his standards for food do not include making decisions “just for the hell of it”.

“Uh...she said…it was…just for the halibut!” Jaejoong saved. “The halibut was really fresh tonight, so we wanted to bring that flavor to the forefront.” Changmin had nodded once and looks away, just missing Jaejoong looking incredibly relieved.

-----


“The winner of Battle Egg is…” Boa announces dramatically, as Yoochun plays some more dramatic music. Boa takes this opportunity to pan around the kitchen, to capture our responses. “…Chef Yunho and sous-chef Seul Gi!”

Polite applause all around until I hear, “Wait a minute! They cheated!”

“What??” Boa exclaims, rather excitedly. “Fantastic! This will make the best video ever! I mean…um. As Chair, I must investigate this matter further.”

“I know they did!” Jaejoong continues. “Seul Gi was gone for a really long time at the beginning of the battle! Didn’t anyone else notice?? She must have looked up recipes!” Ack! Found out!

“Seul Gi…is this true?” Boa turns her camera on me.

“Um…well…” I look desperately to Yunho. It’s like I can see the wheels in his head spinning at an alarming rate, trying to find a good alibi, but not coming up with one fast enough. Thanks, dude. Way to help. My extemporaneous speaking skills are failing me now. “Yes,” I am forced to admit.

“Aha!” Jaejoong sounds as if he feels vindicated. I give Jaejoong the puppy eyes. I don’t know why, but winning this competition has all of a sudden mattered a lot to me.

“Um…but…” Jaejoong softens. “They can keep their victory.” I smile and look up at Yunho, and look back at Jaejoong…who is now glaring daggers at Yunho. Oh great.

Jaejoong now adds, “I mean, they can keep their victory if you compare our food to what Yunho cooked alone. On his own.” They are facing each other now, and I put my hand on Yunho’s arm to calm him.

Jaejoong looks at my hand on Yunho’s arm and then says to Yunho, “What, you think your cooking could possibly beat mine?”

“Anytime!” Yunho retorts. Oh man. What happened?? And would it be horrible of me to hope in one miniscule part of my inner self that Jaejoong’s fierceness in this stems from his jealousy?

“Alright!” Boa distracts them from ripping each other to shreds. “We’ll just remove the dishes Seul Gi assisted with and rejudge.”

“Our decision still stands,” Ara speaks for the judges. “Sorry, Jaejoongie. I really hate fish.” Jaejoong looks annoyed, but Boa concludes the filming, and it’s all over now anyways.

Mental victory dance! And a quick hug to Yunho, which he extends to a much longer hug, and I see Jaejoong out of the corner of my eye huff and leave the room.

-----


We’re getting ready for bed. I’m completely serious. We’re really doing this sleepover thing.

I’m helping finishing setting up the mattresses on the floor in the living room with Yunho, Yoochun, and Hye Bin as the others start their hygiening. We’ve got the girls set up to sleep on one side, with the boys on the other, but Yunho and I are in the middle, and therefore sort of sleeping together and I want to die a lot.

Man, maybe I should try to find that bottle of wine I brought in.

No! Bad me! Bad! Need to have a clear mind tonight lest Yunho takes advantage of my chastity-belt-less state!

“Um, Yunho-yah?” Jaejoong calls out. They’re better now, I think. For a moment, before the filming ended, they really looked like we were going to have a full on brawl on our hands, but they made up over egg-vanilla bean ice cream. I guess they really are best friends.

“Yeah, Jaejoongie?” Yunho replies. “What is it?”

“Yoochun wanted me to ask: whose is this?” We turn to look.

And I want to die a lot more now.

Jaejoong is holding up the lacy pjs my parents sent over without my permission.




Notebook:
C6H12O6 - is the molecular formula for monosaccharides (simple sugars). edit: Thanks to lear for correcting me on this. I'm not as much a nerd as I thought I was!! Or I just copy/pasted incorrectly...
“If memory serves me correctly…”; “Whose cuisine will reign supreme?”; “Allez! Cuisine!” – are all lines from Iron Chef that are used in every episode.
Guitar Hero – is an awesome game in which the player uses a special guitar and imitates playing the instrument by following colored notes that correspond; it is a really fun game, as is Rock Band which expands the idea into a full band with drummer and singer.
How the Mind Works – is a book by Steven Pinker, a cognitive scientist at Harvard University; one section of the book argues that the brains of men and women do not differ much in their moral reasoning and therefore arguing against difference feminism.
The Selfish Gene – is a controversial and popular book by Richard Dawkins, an evolutionary biologist at Oxford University; the book details evolution and how it works most on the level of the gene, as opposed to the individual.
The Tao of Pooh and the Te of Piglet – are two books by Benjamin Hoff that introduce Taoism using A.A. Milne’s familiar Winnie the Pooh and Piglet; it is adorably illustrated.
Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret – is a children’s book by Judy Blume that follows a girl’s struggles with religion, but more pertinently, her experiences with getting her period, and buying her first bra and other very female-oriented issues; the book is not one that boys would typically read by choice.
Love Letter – is a Korean variety show on which Bae Seul Gi thrived, showing off her bokgo dance; the YunGi phenomenon started because of episode 32, in which, among other things, Yunho dances the bokgo, starting off by pretending to be a delinquent.
Jeon Ji Hyun – is a Korean actress, most famous for being the titular My Sassy Girl; Yunho has mentioned many a time that she is his ideal woman.
Food science – is an actual field; the author had a friend whose mother was a food scientist.
Jaejoong’s cooking – is the best among the DBSK boys; Yunho is actually a horrible cook and able to cook at best, instant ramen.

Chapter 11
Girl, whenever I’m near you, I undergo anaerobic respiration because you take my breath away.



“Yoochun wanted me to ask: whose is this?” We turn to look.

And I want to die a lot more now.

Jaejoong is holding up the lacy pjs my parents sent over without my permission.

Shoot.
Me.
Now.

No, really. I don’t think I can go on living.

Yunho has the grace to blush a little. “Those…uh…” Yunho can’t seem to find words and is looking everywhere except for at me.

“They’re no one’s!” I yell out. “They don’t belong to anyone! Who knows how they got here?? Hahaha! I mean, really! Who would buy something like that! And then give it to their unsuspecting friend! As a gag gift! That’s all it was! It wasn’t like anyone was ever meant to wear it! Certainly not me! Hahaha!”

Oh my God, this is not working.

“Oh…” Jaejoong raises an eyebrow. “Okay. I’ll let Yoochun know no one brought it intentionally to seduce him, then.” He walks off, but I don’t think he believed me.

“Nice one,” Yunho whispers in my ear. “Does this mean you’re sleeping in the nude tonight, since you just said those weren’t yours?” I punch his arm. “Ow!”

“Jung Yunho, you better give me a clean shirt and boxers to wear to bed or else you can say goodbye to your man-parts!” I guess I said this a little louder than I’d planned, because Yoochun has just walked in, mirthfully cackling. If I am reading Yunho’s expression correctly, I’m glad: it’s his turn to feel like he wants to die.

-----


“Let’s play Truth or Dare!” Boa suggests. Oh geez. I can see this game being the nadir of my life

(“Seul Gi, since you chose truth…why are you dating Yunho?”
or even worse, “Seul Gi, I dare you to make out with Yunho in front of all of us…for 15 minutes!!”).

Ji Yool walks by and says, on her way to bed, “You guys are such kids. Who plays Truth or Dare anymore?”

“Yah, go to bed, Ji Yool!” Yunho says to her. She just sticks her tongue out at him and says, “Don’t worry, oppa: I’m not crashing your party. I’ve got better things to do with my life than watch a bunch of old geezers like you play kiddie games.”

“She’s right, though,” I say quickly. “Truth or Dare is for prepubescent tweens.” And for people with nothing to hide. So it is not a game for me.

“How about Spin the Bottle?” Yoochun says, looking really eager.

“NO!” Junsu yells out, startling me with his vehemence.

“We’ve played that game way too many times,” Hye Bin says. “No one wants to play anymore on the offchance that they’d have to kiss you, Yoochun.”

I look at Junsu. Then at Yoochun. Oh man, the homoeroticism that I have been missing out on.

“Though we do get a kick out of watching Yunho and Jae—“

“—let’s play something else!” Yunho interrupts. Oooh, intriguing. He and Jaejoong have kissed, eh? Now that is a sight I would pay good money to see. I would even throw in extra for some tongue. Does this make me a bad girlfriend? To want to see my boyfriend making out with his best friend? Hmmm.

Don’t care!

“How about Scrabble?” I suggest. I am Scrabble champion in my social circle. Everyone in this social circle just stares at me, though. Okay, fine. No Scrabble.

Though I do have Risk in the backseat of my car if there are any takers…? No? Okay.

“How about Pictionary?” Yeon Hee offers. I somehow doubt that any of us can draw accurate stick figures, let alone guess what someone else is trying to scratch out.

“Let’s play Never Have I Ever,” Jaejoong says. The rest of the crew seems to like this idea so we decide to play a trial game such that the first person to put down five fingers loses.

“Never have I ever…” Yunho starts with a triumphant grin on his face. “Been mistaken for a girl.”

Wow. I’m not surprised to see Jaejoong’s finger go down, but Yoochun? Junsu? Changmin?? That is just sad, guys. All the girls obviously have to put their fingers down.

“Never have I ever…” Changmin smirks. “Made out with a boy.”

Thanks, Changmin. All the girls groan, as do Yunho, Jaejoong, Yoochun, and Junsu. Man, that’s awkward.

“Never have I ever…” Jaejoong pauses to think. “Gotten straight A’s two years in a row.” He looks at me with a smirk. I stick out my tongue at him (y’know, as a mature, straight A student would). And put down my finger (as does Yunho).

“Never have I ever…” Yoochun says. “Been rejected by someone I asked out.”

No fingers go down?! What is this! I sadly put down a finger.


What?? I was 8! He was 18! He gave me a pencil box. I was madly in love, but he didn’t seem to believe in the adage that “age is just a number.” I’ll forever remember him…


Shoot. I have one finger left.

“Never have I ever…” Junsu begins. “Had more than one week between someone calling me cute.” What! No fingers?! Gahhh. I put down my last finger.

I hate this game. I have a feeling the rest of the night will be just as fun.

-----


“Mmmrgh,” Yunho apparently sleep talks. I can’t fall asleep.

I’ve been lying here for two hours, painfully aware of every time he shifts in his sleep. What if he accidentally brushes my arm!

“Kiss me…” Yunho continues to mumble. Yeah right, dude. In your dreams.

Ha. Haha. Get it? In your dreams? And he’s dreaming?

Aish, lack of sleep makes me crazy and lame.

Aagh, I’m so stiff. I have been breathing shallowly for the past two hours in an attempt to minimize movement and therefore potential, if accidental touching. Nevermind that Boa’s pretty much got her arm and leg flung over my body.

Actually, don’t nevermind that. For someone so skinny, she’s got heavy limbs. I inch away from her.

“So pretty…” Yunho keeps mumbling. I’m a little concerned about what kind of dream he’s having.

I turn and face him. It’s dark, but my eyes trace the features of his sleeping face. The moonlight softens his expression and I can’t help but admire the masculine features that make most girls weak in the knees. His cheeks are so cute. I reach out a hand to touch him.

“No, it’s okay…” Yunho murmurs, and I freeze, hand outstretched towards his face. What is he saying? “Ji Hyun-nuna…”

Jeon Ji Hyun, I’ma gonna cut you! He’s lucky I don’t slap that dream out of him right now! I huff a little and turn my back to him, determined to fall asleep.

And then I hear it.

“Not you too, Stephanie…”

I know it’s silly, but I feel my stomach clench, and I squeeze my eyes shut, pretending I didn’t hear it.

Pretending that my boyfriend, fake or not, isn’t dreaming about Little Miss Graceful.

-----


“Wake up, Sleeping Beauty,” I hear a soft voice quietly call out to me. Go away, Soft Voice. I finally went to sleep, and I don’t want to get up now.

“Won’t wake up?” I’m awake! Leave me be!

“I guess I’ll just have to…” And then a kiss on my lips.

I immediately open my eyes. “Yah! Jung Yunho! What do you think you’re doing!” I unintentionally wake everyone around me. Except for Changmin and Ara, who sleep like logs.

“Whoaaaa!” Yunho waves his hand in front of his face. “Sorry, Miss Morning Breath!” I clamp my hands over my mouth.

Gahhhh, is it my fault I have bad morning breath?? I can hear a few snickers in the background.

“I’m sorry I’m not perfect like Stephanie whose breath probably smells like roses in the morning!” I mutter behind my hands.

“What was that?” Yunho is no longer playful. Everyone pretends to go back to sleep, but I know they’re eavesdropping.

“Nothing,” I say, muffled behind my hand. “Nevermind. I need some Listerine.”

I get up and grab my bag and head to the bathroom. I hear Yunho follow me, but he leans against the bathroom doorway staring down and doesn’t say anything until after I’ve gargled.

“Did you see me and Stephanie on Thursday?” Yunho’s voice is quiet.

“Can we just drop it?” I wipe my mouth and look at his reflection in the mirror. “I didn’t mean it. I don’t even know why it came out. I don’t think Stephanie Kim is perfect at all. She just made her skirt all short. Tch.”

“Nothing happened between us,” Yunho is persistent. Great. “I didn’t mean for her to be all up in my personal space, but I told her I had a girlfriend and tried to get away—“

“I know. I saw. You pushed her away. And anyways, why did you bother with doing that?” I turn around and lean against the counter, facing him.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, you know how our relationship is,” I glance out the door to ensure no one’s listening in. “Why wouldn’t you try to get some action on the side? It’s not like you knew I was there. And Stephanie’s hot enough…if you go for that kind of girl.” Man, why do I sound so bitter?

“Seul Gi-ah,” Yunho turns to me and looks me in the eye. “I’m sorry you think I’m the kind of guy who would cheat on you, or any girlfriend, but I’m not. And I’m sorry that you were maybe, for just a little moment, jealous,” Hey! That is pure speculation on your part, mister! “But she holds no appeal for me. You may not feel you’re as seemingly-perfect as the other girls I’ve dated, but there’s a reason I’m not still dating them. And anyway, they’re just as flawed as any other girls.”

Omo, what a pep talk. Over a completely throwaway comment!

“Look, Yunho,” I start. “That’s great, but I really don’t care.” The look on his face doesn’t seem to be convinced. “Let’s just start over. Good morning! Did you sleep well?”

“Good morning, Seul Gi-ah,” He smiles. “I did. I really enjoyed waking up next to you. The other girls are all wearing their camisoles and short shorts, but you manage to look better than all of them in that oversized shirt. You look really good in my clothes.” Oh geez. I roll my eyes.

“What, no follow up comment on how I’d look better not wearing any?” I retort.

“Well, if you wish…” He reaches out and starts pulling up on the bottom of the shirt.

“Yah!” I slap him away and hold up my fist threateningly. “You keep your hands to yourself!”

Yunho chuckles, and beyond my fingers lightly tapping the counter, a silence falls between us. It is surprisingly not uncomfortable—when did that happen?

“Hey, oppa,” I finally say. “I’ve been meaning to ask…would you…I mean, well, do you think that…maybe I could spend some more time with Jaejoong?” I can’t read his expression.

“No, I mean, not that we’d have to stop our relationship or whatever,” I hastily add. “Just that…maybe I could somehow just hang out with him a little more?” Why does asking him this make me feel bad? We both knew going into this contractual relationship that we had our own goals to achieve.

Yunho doesn’t say anything for awhile. “I guess you’re right,” he replies. “Hmm… How about tomorrow? I’ll tell Jaejoong that I promised to take you out, but I’ve fallen deathly ill and ask if he can do it as my last request. ...Okay, that’s a pretty bad excuse, but don’t worry. I’ll make it work.” I smile appreciatively at him.

“Come on, let’s go back out there. They probably think this is the most tumultuous relationship ever.” He holds his hand out and smiles so charmingly that I can’t resist taking his hand.

“Awww!” Ji Yool comes down from her room and sees us holding hands. “You guys are sooo cute! Omo, I’m hungry. I hope appa’s making breakfast. Umma couldn’t make toast if her life depended on it.” She skips away to the kitchen as we make our way to the living room. Kids these days.

Junsu is singing. I think I spend too much time with these guys, because I can’t say that I’m really all that surprised. “The bright sun comes up! The dew falls away! ‘Good morning! Good morning,’ the little birds say!”

“Shut up!” Yoochun groans as he throws a spare pillow at Junsu and buries his head under his own.

“Aww, I love you too, hyung!” Junsu hugs Yoochun’s unresponsive body.

Red alert! Red alert! They are so gay for each other.

Jaejoong sits up, rubbing his eyes blearily. He stretches, and an expanse of skin reveals itself. I admire the view. I hear Yunho “Tch” next to me and turn to see him taking his shirt off. What is going on?

“Ow ow!” Hye Bin calls out, and Yeon Hee wolf whistles. Ara is out cold—bless her soul. Boa hollers, “Take it all off, baby!”

I am suddenly embarrassed that my boyfriend is getting ogled.

“Yah, oppa!” I say to him and stand between him and the girls’ pervy eyes. “You put your shirt back on!” Yunho just winks at me and walks, half-naked, to his room. He throws his shirt back, and I catch it, to the cheers of the girls.

Oh God. I feel dirty.

-----


“Who all’s coming to my game?” Junsu cheerily asks at breakfast. Apparently, Mr. Jung was cooking this morning, because Ji Yool brought out some hash browns and bacon (and thankfully no eggs—I can’t say I’ll be wanting eggs for about a month) and announced, “You guys are so lucky today. Umma undercooks the potatoes and burns the bacon.”

The whole crew murmurs their affirmatives, with my lone voice saying, “I can’t. I’m sorry, Junsu.”

“What?” Junsu looks devastated over his now-abandoned protein-shake. “Nuna…you’re…too busy?” Oh geez, the puppy eyes!

“I’m meeting Ri In and Ayumi at the park,” I shrug helplessly at him. Ri In plans on making us do yoga. I plan on laughing at her when she rolls out her yoga mat, and plopping myself down with Emma.

“Which park?” Junsu’s face slowly lights up. “The park right next to the soccer field where our game is?” Oh no! Retreat! Retreat!

“Oh um…I’m…not sure…”

“Unnie, why don’t you come to the game with us?” Ara asks. “You can bring your friends. It’s always nice to meet new people.”

I…appreciate the fact that she’s trying to be nice. But I can’t overlook the fact that she has already met Ri In and Ayumi. Clearly, she doesn’t remember the Argument That Almost Broke Up Yunho And Me nor that Ri In and Ayumi were there at lunch that day.

“Yeah!” Yoochun agrees. “That Ayumi was hot! Tell her to wear something low cut.” Yoochun, do you wake up in the morning and chant “Be as crude as possible today” as your mantra? Thankfully, Jaejoong smacks the back of Yoochun’s head.

“Invite them!” Boa insists. “We didn’t really get a chance to talk much when they had lunch with us that day.” Yeah, that’s because you guys didn’t make an effort. Bah, whatever.

Ri In and Ayumi will bail me out with a good excuse to not go to the game, yes?

-----


Apparently not, because here we are. Staring at a vast expanse of lush, green grass marred by lines of white paint (man, Ri In is definitely getting to me).

Ayumi had said, “Soccer players are hot! And anyway, I’m going to dinner with my parents at that new restaurant near the field, so I might as well be down there this afternoon.”

Ri In had just said, “I indulged in a little yoga at dawn. I guess it wouldn’t be bad to broaden my horizons and watch some athleticism in action as I get my vitamin D for the day.”

The girls are trying to plaster on sunscreen armor, even though they’re sitting in the shade. The boys are reclining on the bleachers, laughing and not caring about the horrendous tan lines that must be inevitable from their sunglasses. Yunho’s got his arm simultaneously possessively and nonchalantly around my shoulder.


We look like we’re in a Giordano commercial.

“Go get ‘em, Junsu-ah!” Yoochun cheers as said soccer player runs out on the field with the rest of the team. I guess the game is about to start.

“Yeah, Junsu!” Changmin, Yunho and Jaejoong yell out, as the girls organize a, “Junsu-oppa! Hwaiting!” in unison, somehow. Ri In, Ayumi, and I manage a weak, “Whoo!” Obviously, cheerleading is not my calling.

A whistle blows and the game begins, and I try very hard to not fall asleep.

-----

“Oh my God,” Ri In whispers to me. “Is this game almost over yet?” She, like me, is bored out of her mind.

“What, are you not enjoying the view?” Ayumi asks, ogling yet another soccer player who is bending over to pick up a water bottle on the ground by the sidelines. “I think this game is fascinating. They may not have the tight pants our baseball players have, but I can’t say soccer players are any less hot.” Oh, Ayumi.

She has fit in rather well with the other girls—she doesn’t say much to them, but she follows their example and oohs at the boys and whoos at the moves. Poor Ri In and I are dying.

“How are you guys enjoying the game?” Junsu has run over to us in all his sweaty glory. “Great first half, yeah?” He finishes his water bottle.

“Oh…yeah!” I muster up some fake enthusiasm. “It’s…um, scintillating! Right, Ri In?” I elbow her for some assistance.

“Yeah, definitely! It must be really tiring running up and down the field without ever scoring…” I’m not sure Ri In’s comment is really helping because Junsu’s smile wavers a bit. “But I admire your athleticism!”

“Junsu-yah!” Yunho comes to our rescue. “Man, that was an awesome first half! You were so, so close on that one shot! Seriously, just a little lower off the crossbeam and it totally would have gone in!”

“Thanks, hyung!” Junsu’s grin is back at 100% again. That Yunho, knowing exactly what to say. No wonder the kingkas look up to him.

“Hey captain-sshi,” some unnamed and unimportant soccer player comes up to Junsu. “I can take your water bottle for you.”
Junsu looks down at his empty bottle and says, “Great, thanks!” and watches Unnamed And Unimportant Soccer Player proceed to throw the plastic bottle away a few meters away.

“Junsu-ah, you think you guys—“

“—Sorry, Yoochun, just a moment.” Junsu jogs over to Unnamed And Unimportant Soccer Player, and I see a side of him that I have never seen before.

“Yah, what are you doing?” Junsu yells at the poor guy (at least I think he’s yelling? His voice is always really loud, but he’s usually happier than he is right now). “Why did you throw away my water bottle? I thought you were going to go recycle it! This is recyclable plastic, right? Isn’t the recycling bin right next to the trash can?” I can’t make out what the guy says, but I assume it’s some sort of apology.

“Aish, I’m sorry,” Junsu apologizes sincerely. Man, what mood swings. I think. I’m still not completely sure he was actually mad before. “I didn’t mean to rag on you like that—I guess I’m just mad at myself for missing those shots. I’m sorry for taking it out on you. But next time, recycle your plastics!” He goes to the trash can and digs out his water bottle (gross!) and puts it in the recycling bin right next to the trash can.

“Wow, I didn’t know Junsu was into recycling,” I mutter to Yunho who nods in my general direction, but really isn’t paying attention to me.

“I didn’t either…” Ri In says dreamily. She watches the rest of the game completely enthralled. Uh oh.

-----


“Yayy, Junsu!” We all cheer after the game. “Congratulations! That was a great game!” Junsu engages in handshaking and fistpounding and homoerotic (or manly) hugs all around. I really shouldn’t feel jealous when Yunho doesn’t immediately release Junsu after their hug, because Yunho, at least, is most definitely into girls (and a myriad of them).

“Junsu-sshi?” Ri In shyly says to him amidst our merrymaking (but I’m pretty sure everyone notices). “You played really well today. I’m Ri In, by the way. I’m Seul Gi’s friend…”

“Oh, I remember who you are,” Junsu grins at her. I am full on eavesdropping, but ask me if I care. “You were the one with the really yummy looking soyburger that one day at lunch.” Omo, they’re bonding over food? I notice that the whole crew has stopped pretending to not pay attention to this interesting development.

“Yes! I did! With the alfalfa sprouts and the avocado! Are you a vegetarian too?” Ri In’s whole face has lit up, and I don’t know if I’ve ever seen her this excited except for when she’s saving the environment and slashing SUV tires.

Junsu, on the other hand, wilts a little. “No, I’m not… I’ve been trying to cut down on meat but…” He looks guilty. “Well, I do like meat-like soy products?”

“Oh, no no, I completely understand,” Ri In is being gracious. “Hey, you want to grab some dinner? There’s this amazing vegetarian/vegan restaurant down the street…I mean…unless you’re going to be celebrating with your team tonight.” She looks over to where the rest of the team is clamoring for Captain Junsu to decide where dinner should be.

Junsu looks back at the team, and then forlornly at Ri In. He visibly resolves himself, however, and says, “I’d love to go to dinner with you tonight. The team can fend for themselves.” And without a second look back, or even a quick goodbye to us, they walk away towards the row of restaurants down the street.

“O…kay then,” I say. “What just happened?” No one really has an answer.

-----


“Amaete mitari tsuyogattetari, Ari no mama no boku de irareru…” My phone goes off, disturbing my Sunday afternoon reading. I check my caller ID and groan. I need to give Yunho a personalized ringtone, so I’ll know when to not pick up my phone.

“Yobosaeyo?” I answer the phone, anyways.

“Seul Gi-ah,” Yunho sounds down. “I’ve got you and Jaejoong set up on a non-date. Meet me at the café your house at 3.” What??




Notebook:
Anaerobic respiration – is a metabolic process that occurs in the absence of oxygen.
Never Have I Ever – is a juvenile game in which someone says something they have never done, and if someone else has done it, they put up (or down) a finger; whoever has done a certain number of crazy things loses, or wins, depending on how you look at it; when the author plays, she always wins (or loses depending on how you look at it).
Scrabble and Risk – are two really nerdy games; in the first, players get tiles of letters and spell out words on a board; in the latter, players take turns setting up military camps all over the world and strategize how to take down other players.
Being mistaken for a girl – is something that all the DBSK members, except for Yunho, have experienced; however, considering Yunho’s present (Beautiful You era) hair, this could easily change.
The Grace – is the English name for CSJH, the band that Stephanie Kim is in; each member is also known as ___ The Grace which baffles the author.
Sleeping Beauty – is the eponymous character in the fairytale in which she sleeps for a hundred years and is wakened by a kiss from the worthy prince; unlike in the Disney version, the prince is not one that she is in love with, but is just the right guy.
Listerine – is an antiseptic mouthwash that “kills germs that cause bad breath”.
Emma – is a novel by Jane Austen in which the titular character enjoys matchmaking, yet cannot see that her perfect match is the Mr. Knightley who has been by her side the whole time, until the threat of his preferring another woman opens her eyes.
Vitamin D – is an essential nutrient that can be produced in the skin after exposure to the sun; so get out in the sun, folks! It’s good for you—as long as you’re wearing sunscreen.
Giordano – is a brand of apparel popular in Asia and according to Wikipedia, similar to The Gap; Jeon Ji Hyun filmed a CF for the brand that was banned for its sexiness, but the author particularly likes one commercial featuring Jung Ryeo Won, Rain, and Jang Dong Gun.
Veganism – is a lifestyle in which one does not eat, consume, or use animals nor animal by-products, such as dairy products or wool; it is a way of life that the author cannot fathom ever entering.
Shine – is a single from DBSK’s third Japanese album T; the line that is used as Seul Gi’s cell phone ringtone is one that Yunho sings and translates into “You are my light no matter when, You see me behaving like a spoilt child, You see me act tough.”




Chapter 12
You must be an asymptote, because I just find myself getting closer and closer to you.


I enter the café and scan the large room for Yunho. I can’t believe he called me out on a Sunday afternoon! Sundays have always been sacred between us—we never contact each other on Sundays! And then he doesn’t even tell me what I’m doing here. As such, I walked here in some of my grungiest clothes, not bothering to change into anything really presentable. If he wants me to be all dolled up, he better give me some advance warning, that punk!

Omo, I don’t know if my eyes are just tired from staring at books all day (is my reading stamina diminishing because of Yunho?!), but I cannot find this guy.

“Seul Gi-ah!” I hear and turn to see Jaejoong seated at a small table, waving at me. I freeze.

Is…this the non-date that Yunho has set up? Please tell me this is just a coincidence, and I am not going on this non-date right now at this very moment oh my God what the hell Yunho you are going to die a slow and very painful death because I am going to kill you slowly and painfully and why am I thinking in a run-on sentence?!

I glance down at myself. Why didn’t I bother to change into something presentable??

“Hi, Jaejoong,” I greet him as I approach the table. “What are you doing here?” Please say you’re here completely on your own, or waiting for someone who is not me.

“Waiting for you of course,” Jaejoong smiles. “And Yunho. Where is that guy? He’s usually early…”

My phone vibrates and I see a text message from Punky McStupidface.

“Seul Gi ah. Heres ur chance 2 go on a nondate w ur 2nd fave guy n d world. Thk me l8r. <3 Oppa”

Jung Yunho! Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but you…you abuse the privilege. My phone vibrates again.

“O ya, tell Joongie dat Im busy. Make sumtin up. Ur a smart grl. ^^”

I purse my lips and snap my phone closed. I manage to grit out between clenched teeth, “Yunho’s not going to make it.” He’s not gonna make it to his high school graduation, that is. Because I’m going to kill him.

“He’s…busy getting something waxed.” Hahaha! Jung Yunho, if you are going to abandon me in my time of need, I will sabotage your efforts to be as manly as possible!

“Oh, again? Didn’t he go not long ago?” Jaejoong replies. Um… What.

“Oh! Haha! He…” What the hell, Yunho! “…just wants to be as smooth as possible!”

Oh my God, I don’t even want to think about where that smoothness might be.

“Ahh, okay then,” Jaejoong just accepts my excuse. Please please please change the topic, Jaejoong! “Well…if you don’t mind…” Jaejoong looks adorably shy, and I don’t know if I’ve ever seen him like this before in all my time stalking him (I mean, being his acquaintance). “Maybe we could just hang out anyways?”

Yessssss! I imagine the angels are rejoicing at this breakthrough as a shaft of light from the heavens shines on Kim Jaejoong. I wish I had brought my sunglasses, actually, or that someone would lower the blinds on the far window.

“Sure!” I agree wholeheartedly. “Um, I’ll just…be right back!” I escape to the bathroom without letting him respond and frantically speed dial Ri In, in desperate need of counsel.

“Timeless, ibyeoreun anijyo, hanbeonui salmiramyeon jigeum urinde,” her ringback tone plays as I cross my arms and tap my foot impatiently. Answer your damn phone, woman!

“Hello, you’ve reached Zhang Li Yin. I can’t come to the phone right now, so leave a message after the dolphin squeal!” her voice mail says.

This is…new? I wonder when she changed her voice mail. An oddly familiar dolphin-like squeal sounds and then the normal voice mail beep.

“Ri In! Why aren’t you available! I need you! Dilemma! Call me back ASAP! A! SAP!”

Plan B. I speed dial Ayumi. “Butakalke butakalke sangcheojuji ankireul, ne mam soge ineun hateuga dugeundugeun georijana,” Ayumi’s ringback tone plays as I start punching the wall impatiently. What the hell! Where is everyone??

“Hey, cutie honey! You’ve reached Ayumi! If you’re the debt collectors from Japan, you’ve got the wrong number. If you aren’t, leave a message after the beep!” I wonder if she’ll ever get that debt paid off.

“Ayumi! Why aren’t you available! Ri In’s M.I.A. too! Call me back now! NOW!” I’m out of plans.

I make my way back to Jaejoong who is playing with his now empty mug. “Ahh, sorry, I really had to pee,” I say. Uhhh, wow. That is so not what I wanted to say. But Jaejoong is kind enough to smile and nod. “So what do you want to do?” I change the topic.

“Well…” I wait expectantly for his prospectus which will undoubtedly include, in no particular order, a romantic boat ride through a love tunnel, a romantic candlelit dinner that he cooked himself, romantic dancing to some slow and sensual jazz, and ice cream.

“…I was thinking maybe we should just do what you said we were going to do.” Uh…what? What did I say I was going to do? Or rather, what did Yunho say I was going to do, before he sent me to the front lines?

“I mean,” Jaejoong continues. “Go shopping for your cousin’s birthday?”

“Um, not to sound too rude, but why did Yunho invite you to go shopping with us for my cousin’s birthday?” I ask. Good thinking, Yunho.

“He said that you thought I might be the same size as him, just in case you wanted to buy him a shirt or something,” Jaejoong says. Good thinking, Yunho!

I mean, amazing guess that I have a male cousin, not that Jaejoong and Tablo have similar body shapes at all, but still. Much better than his take-my-girlfriend-out-as-my-dying-request excuse.

“Y’know, I almost didn’t come today,” I admit to him. "I guess it was fate that we were supposed to meet here today." Through this meeting, we begin to date! Er...I mean, after the month is done and Yunho wins his bet. “Alright, let’s go buy Tablo some crap!”

-----


“Omo, that looks horrific,” I say to Jaejoong as he comes out of the dressing room wearing a tank top over a shirt made of netting. “My cousin would never wear anything so offensive. Take that off.” Mmm, take it off.

Jaejoong grins at me, “You don’t think it has a certain je ne sais quoi?” I laugh. “Really, maybe the lack of fabric is its appeal,” he continues, as he lifts the bottom of the shirt up to peer at me through the netting.

Except I’m not looking at his eyes. I absently wipe my mouth in case I’ve unintentionally started drooling. I’ve been exposed to a lot more male skin in the past two weeks than I have ever seen in my life; I’m pretty excited about that.

Jaejoong coughs uncomfortably and lowers his shirt. I shake my head a little to get myself to focus.

“Ah, sorry,” I apologize. “I didn’t mean to stare.” This is a lie, but I figure propriety is important right now.

“No, I’m sorry,” Jaejoong apologizes. Is this going to be a game of who can apologize more profusely? “I didn’t mean to flash my best friend’s girlfriend.”

And there it is.

The mood, she is ruined.

We’d been spending the past two hours getting to know each other a little more, having fun, teasing each other, flirting like heck. He knows and I know that I am technically, if only nominally, Yunho’s girlfriend, but neither of us has mentioned it in the past two hours. It was pure bliss. But now Yunho’s spectre looms over us.

“I’m just…going to change now,” Jaejoong concludes awkwardly and heads back to the dressing room.

I immediately start texting Ri In and Ayumi. I’ve been casually sending texts to them every seven and a half minutes, but they have not been responding. Worst friends ever!

In fact, I even got a text message from Yunho, saying something vague about not being mean to his best friend or something, which I mean, really? Why would I be mean to Jaejoong, when the only reason Yunho and I even converse is because I wanted to be with Jaejoong? Want. Want to be with Jaejoong. Freudian slip. Of course I meant that in present tense and not past.

Psh, Idiot-sshi is probably just jealous and trying to make sure I don’t forget about him by texting me such useless advice.

Anyway, Ri In and Ayumi better have amazing excuses when I finally contact them, like a sibling died or they’re working on an evolutionary explanation for the flagellum. I will accept no lesser excuse.

“Well,” Jaejoong says as he emerges in normal (yet hot—see! I still think he’s attractive! Take that, you JoongGi faithless! JoongGi? JaeGi? SeulJoong? Bah, YunGi is easier to say. I mean! BAH!) clothes and we start walking through the store. “This has been pretty unsuccessful so far. Either you’re way too picky about your presents, or your cousin is way too picky about his clothes.”

“That’s alright,” I grin and run my hands through some scarves on display as we pass. Mwahaha, it is all part of my plan to just spend more time with Jaejoong! “I can always just renew his Smithsonian subscription.”

“Aha!” Jaejoong ahas. “So this has all been just a ploy to spend more time with me!” Ack! He’s kidding, but he doesn’t know how close to the truth he is.

“Hahaha, of course not,” I force out and lightly push his shoulder. He grabs my hand, though, and we stand there for a few, long moments.

I look at him. He looks at me.

“Aish,” he says as he releases my hand. “I’m sorry, again. Yunho wouldn’t approve…” There it is again. Yunho’s spectre.

“It’s just that…” Jaejoong starts and I look up hopefully. Yes? It’s just that what, Jaejoong? You are madly in love with me? You want to make babies with me? You want to spend the rest of your life working with me side by side in a proteomics laboratory? I mentally giggle at the last one, embarrassed to think of something so intimate.

“It’s just that…” Jaejoong starts again. “I don’t know. Aish, I don’t know if I can say this to my best friend’s girlfriend.” Say it! Say it, Jaejoong! “But…have you noticed that there’s something between us? I mean, not…I’m not saying I want to get in the way of your relationship with Yunho, but...I just feel like there’s a connection between us somehow. Like a bond that we never really explored before when we were just acquaintances.” Omo! Omo! My hand twitches, wanting to reach for my phone to text like a madwoman to Ri In and Ayumi.

“Aish…nevermind,” Jaejoong says. “Just…forget I said anything. I can’t do this to Yunho. Please don’t tell him.”

“Oh, uh…I-I…” I stutter.

“Please, Seul Gi-ah?” Jaejoong’s eyes are pleading to me and I can tell he feels really guilty for even mentioning anything. Aish, guys’ friendships are way too loyal, I say.

“Well…okay,” I relent. “We won’t talk about it again. You know what? I’m really thirsty. Do you mind if we stop so I can get a drink?” Jaejoong shakes his head and we make our way to the food court.

“One lemonade please,” I order and take out my wallet.

“Hey, let me get this,” Jaejoong says, holding his credit card out to the cashier.

“Oh, no, I couldn’t,” I protest. Yes, yes I could, though. Because this non-date would be more date-like if he bought me something. Nevertheless, I hold out my own credit card to the cashier.

“No, really, it’s okay,” Jaejoong thrusts his credit card at the cashier more insistently.

“No—“ I begin.

“Look, you two,” the cashier says to us, annoyed at our deliberation. “I just need one credit card.”

“Take mine,” I say as Jaejoong says, “Here you go.” The poor cashier sighs.

“Miss, just let the guy pay for you,” he says. “It’s the man’s duty to pay for his girl.” I look at Jaejoong, acutely aware that the cashier thinks we’re going out. Surprisingly, Jaejoong doesn’t correct the cashier, and instead just pays as I happily sip my beverage. Mm, delightfully tart, with an underlying sweetness. Like Yunho.

Uhhh, what. Brain, what are you thinking?

“Hyung?” I hear and Jaejoong whirls around. “Hyung, what are you doing here with Seul Gi?” Changmin is standing there in all his model-y handsomeness, looking at me askance. “Where’s Yunho?”

“Ah, Changmin-ah,” Jaejoong says. “Seul Gi and I are just shopping. Yunho was going to come, but he was busy.”

“But you two decided to go without him?” Changmin looks all kinds of skeptical, and it makes me worried. I think I liked him better when I thought he had taken a vow of silence. “I didn’t know you two were that close. And Seul Gi, I thought you didn’t like shopping.” Blah! I just said that that one time to get the queenkas off my back!

“Ahaha, well, my, uh, cousin really needs a gift,” I guess I should stick to the cover story. I’m glad Tablo isn’t here, because otherwise, he’d make me cough up the gifts.

“Doesn’t look like a very successful trip,” Changmin notes our lack of shopping bags. This guy! He is too perceptive for his own good.

“Ahaha,” I’m so nervous. “Well, we’ve got a couple more stores we were going to hit up...” I start edging away from Smarty Model-Pants-sshi.

“Oh, okay,” Changmin says, and I sigh in relief that the end of this awkward conversation is in sight. “You two just seemed really close from over there, and I was surprised to see that it was the two of you, considering one of you has a boyfriend...” Bah!

“Ahaha,” I need to stop laughing awkwardly. “Well, I mean, we were friends before I started dating oppa, you know…” Changmin! Let us off! Please!

“Okay…well, I guess I’ll let you guys get back to shopping…together,” he says. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” I give a small wave and walk away as fast as possible, Jaejoong half a step behind me. Ohhhh geez.

-----

“Thanks for the ride home,” I say to Jaejoong, looking at the sunset from the car. “You could have just dropped me off at the café—it’s not a long walk back from there, and this is sort of out of your way.”

“No, no, of course I’d drive you home,” he replies with a smile as he turns off the engine and gets out of the car. Uhhh what. I open the door, and Jaejoong runs over to my side. “Oh, let me get that,” he says, helping me out of the car.

Oh man, this is the most date-like non-date I’ve ever been on. He walks me to the door.

“Thanks, again, for hanging out, even though I look like this,” I gesture at my grungy clothes, “And you’re a kingka and probably don’t want to be seen in public with someone like me.”

“Don’t say that,” Jaejoong says, holding my chin up. “I really enjoyed hanging out with you today.”

I hear the door open though, and then, “Are you a guy or a girl?! What are you doing to my daughter!” Jaejoong immediately retracts his hand and starts apologizing to my appa who looks really threatening with his rolled up newspaper.

“I’m sorry, ahjusshi! I wasn’t doing anything! I’m Kim Jaejoong, a classmate of your daughter’s,” he says quickly, holding his hands up in surrender. My dad is still glaring at him. “I-I’m Yunho’s best friend!” Apparently, these are the magic words, because my dad’s stance becomes less aggressive and he relaxes.

“Ohhh, well in that case, thank you for taking my daughter home, Yunho’s Friend,” my appa says. Yah. Appa. His name is Jaejoong. Aish. “Say hi to Yunho, my daughter’s boyfriend, for me,” he continues, and then drags me inside and closes the door in Jaejoong’s face. My umma is standing in the foyer behind my dad, and she makes a threatening, if empty, gesture at the door where Jaejoong was.

Man, I need new parents.

-----


“Yah!” I yell at Ri In and Ayumi the next morning. They both look exhausted. They are avoiding eye contact by pretending to be really absorbed in getting their books from their lockers.

“Where were you guys?! Did you get my messages?? Why didn’t you respond?! What kind of friends are you?! You guys better have the most amazing excuses ever!”

“You were busy, too?” Ri In asks Ayumi, completely ignoring me. Thanks, guys. “I thought that you at least were responding to her deluge of texts.”

“No,” Ayumi blushes. “I was really busy too…What were you doing? Did your dinner date with Junsu after the game go really well?” Ayumi grins and pokes Ri In, teasing her. Poor Ri In. So susceptible to the more worldly Ayumi’s risqué jokes.

“Actually…” Ri In starts. What. What do you mean “actually”?? “Junsu and I…really hit it off.”

“Ah, of course, bonding over meat-flavored soy products. What could be more romantic?” Ayumi scoffs. She rejects such poseur food.

“Great!” I say sarcastically. “Now, explain why you were unavailable all day yesterday!”

“I…” Ri In looks guilty. This better be good. “Was with Junsu all day yesterday.”

“I was with Jaejoong all day yesterday, too, but I found time to send a quick text!”

“Or a few hundred quick texts,” Ayumi mutters. “Aish, my debt…”

“I mean…” Ri In continues. “I was with Junsu all day yesterday…in bed.”

WHAT.

WHAT.

I DON’T…

WHAT.

INCONGRUENCE.

THIS.

WHAT.

Is this like one of those fortune cookies, where you add “in bed” to every fortune to make it hilarious?

Notebook:
Asymptote – is a line which another curved line approaches but never reaches; the distance between the two lines becomes infinitesimally small, but the lines extend into infinity without ever meeting, merging, or crossing.
Timeless – is Jang Ri In’s debut single, featuring Xiah Junsu of DBSK and is a cover of the Justin Guarini and Kelly Clarkson song of the same name from the horrendous abomination that was From Justin to Kelly; the song itself is depressing (unlike the original song) but is the cause for all the SuYin rumors/fanaticism; also, Ri In’s ringback tone in this fic.
Cutie Honey – is Ayumi’s first solo song, a cover of the theme song from the anime Cutie Honey; also, Ayumi’s ringback tone in this fic.
Ayumi’s debt in Japan – is a joke that emerged during the X-Man game of Danyunhaji against Park Myung Soo who was trying to woo her; to ward off his advances, Ayumi stated that she had a lot of huge debts back in Japan.
“I guess it was fate that we were supposed to meet here today. Through this meeting, we begin to date.” – is a line that Seul Gi says to Jaejoong in the drama Unforgettable Love where the DBSK boys recount their former loves; in the drama, she is slightly psychic, and can see a little into the future.
Tablo – is the stage name of Lee Sun Woong, a Korean American hip hop star in Korea; he collaborated with Junsu, Boa, and Jin Bora for Samsung’s Anyband campaign and with his glasses, looks REALLY nerdy; fun fact—he got his bachelors and masters degrees at Stanford.
Freudian slip – is a slip of the tongue that Freud attributed to the unconscious mind; for example, accidentally saying someone else’s name in a love confession might be because unconsciously, one actually loves the person whose name was said.
Smithsonian – is a magazine published monthly by the Smithsonian Institution in Washington, D.C.
Proteomics – is the study of proteins, and is the field in which the author would have gone into if she had been successfully swayed by her parents to enter hard science.
"Are you a guy or a girl? What are you doing to my daughter!" – is the line that Seul Gi’s appa says to Jaejoong in Unforgettable Love, when Jaejoong leans in for a goodnight kiss.



Chapter 13
Are you the square root of 2? Because I feel irrational when I'm around you.


“I mean…” Ri In continues. “I was with Junsu all day yesterday…in bed.”

WHAT.

WHAT.

I DON’T…

WHAT.

INCONGRUENCE.

THIS.

WHAT.
Is this like one of those fortune cookies, where you add “in bed” to every fortune to make it hilarious? My neurons are refusing to fire this message.

“He’s one sexy beast,” she admits.

“I don’t…what??” I splurt out. “Junsu?? Kim Junsu?? Are we talking about the same guy here? The Kim Junsu who is the captain of the soccer team?? That constantly smiling, dolphin-squealing duck-butt who’s got the mentality of an 8 year old??”

“Yah!” Ri In retorts. “Sexiah is a very intelligent, very mature old soul!”

“Sekshi-ah??” Ayumi has finally found words. “Is that your pet name for him? Sexy-ah? That is ridiculous.” Seriously. If he is to have a nickname at all, it should be Tuna…because…you know, he’s dolphin-safe? Okay, nevermind. Back to the more important matter at hand!

“Ri In, when you say that you were with him in bed…do you mean that you guys were, I don’t know, just talking while sitting in a bed or maybe you were sitting in a bed watching some Planet Earth? Or maybe you were testing the spring potential of the mattress?” I am really hoping this is all just one big misunderstanding.

Ri In just looks at me. “No, Seul Gi,” she says, as if I’m dumb (Me! The nerd! Dumb! Hah!). “We were in bed together, doing what two hormonal teenagers do. Unless you mean ‘testing the spring potential of the mattress’ in a dirty way… We were exploring each others’ bodies and experiencing bliss beyond the mere physical, connecting on a more spiritual level.” Uggghhhhhhh, I want to go van Gogh on my ears. I’m completely scarred, and I violently shake my head in an attempt to get rid of the nightmare-inducing mental images that have arisen, unbidden.

“Hah!” Ayumi scoffs. “How likely! Not even taking into consideration the fact that you’re weird as heck, Ri In, you and Junsu are like, the most innocent people I have ever met in my life…aside from Seul Gi, but even then, she’s been beating you with all this kissing and skinship with Yunho.”

Yah! It is all for a good cause—the Get Seul Gi With Jaejoong Cause! Donations of Jaejoongs to the Seul Gi Foundation are greatly welcomed. Current donations of Arrogant Yet Hot But Sometimes Surprisingly Sweet Kingka Leaders are not. For more information on how you can help, please call—

“Ayumi, you’re just jealous because I’ve found a really hot guy who appreciates my eccentricities and is amazing in the sack!” Ri In replies defensively. Ugghhhh, I can’t know that about Junsu!

“Oho!” Ayumi retorts. “Except that I’ve found a guy too!” Omo, the world as I’ve known it is collapsing all around me. I think I may just spontaneously combust if Ayumi was with another kingka yesterday. Like Yoochun.

Oh God, my brain refuses to even process that possibility.

“What is going on??” I am so confused. “Is that why you were busy yesterday, Ayumi? Were you doing your Mystery Man all day, too?? I didn’t know my best friends were closet sex-fiends! Next thing, you guys will be telling me all about your weird fetishes! Bestiality-role play and food?” I look at Ri In and Ayumi respectively. I think we’re attracting a lot of unwanted attention from other students in the hall.

“Well…” Ayumi blushes and looks guilty. Guhhhhhhh. New item on Seul Gi’s To Do List: Invent Mental Image Clorox. “I mean! No, we weren’t having sex all day! I just met him the night before!” Whew! It isn’t Yoochun. Oh man, I was ready to stage an intervention and everything.

She gives Ri In a condescending glance who, in return, oh-so-maturely sticks her tongue out at Ayumi. “We were…otherwise engaged.”

…What does that mean?

“That…is vague as to be meaningless. Let’s back up,” I hold my hands up. “First off, who is this guy and how did you meet him?”

“His name is Kim Kibum,” Ayumi starts. “He goes to our rival school…but he’s a really nice guy! We met at that restaurant I told you my parents and I went to on Saturday.”

“What, was he a waiter and you fell head over heels for you because he kept bringing you food and you thought it was because he liked you?” Ri In snaps uncharacteristically. She immediately feels bad though, and says, “I’m sorry Ayumi; I just didn’t get much sleep this weekend.” Aagh, I can’t think about that, Ri In!

“Actually, he’s the son of the owner. They own a few restaurants, and this is their latest entrepreneurial effort, as he says. He’s really business-savvy, and he’s looking to get his MBA from Harvard and blah blah whatever. But most importantly, he’s a foodie too!” Obviously, they are meant to be. Oh well, if he helps her get her debts in Japan paid off…

“Wait, so then…what were you guys doing yesterday?” Ri In, ever the astute one, asks.

“We…” Ayumi looks so embarrassed. I hold my breath. “Gorged ourselves on food. He had the head chef make us everything on the menu, and we tasted everything. It was glorious.” Oh God. They are so meant to be.

Ri In and Ayumi proceed to continue talking about their experiences with their newfound loves and bonding (which is definitely not what they were on the verge of doing five minutes ago).

“And Kibummie says that I should invite you guys, and I guess your new boyfriends, and have dinner there soon. I think—“

“Yah! Doesn’t anyone want to hear about how my non-date with Jaejoong went?!” I am mildly frustrated. I mean, I don’t think I’m all that egotistical, but really, isn’t everything supposed to be about me in this story??

“I do,” Yunho pops up out of nowhere. Like a daisy. A daisy that puts its arm (leaf?) around you protectively and kisses you on the cheek. “What’d you guys do?”

“Thank you, oppa,” I nod appreciatively. For his interest in my life, not for the kiss, silly! “We went shopping,” I announce.

“You went shopping?” Yunho raises an eyebrow. “I thought you were shopping-phobic.” Man, I like how that one comment to dissuade the queenkas from dragging me along on their vacuous shopping trips has exploded into a personality characteristic of mine.

“Well, someone seemed to insinuate to Jaejoong that I have a cousin whose birthday is coming up and whose body shape is similar to his. Oppa, that was a terrible lie on your part.” I frown and turn to poke him in the chest.

“Well, you had your non-date, didn’t you?” Yunho sounds mildly annoyed. “I thought you guys would do something else. Something boring. Like bowling.” And then, he mumbles, “I staked out the bowling alley, waiting for you guys so I could spy on you…” Omo, Yunho. Really now. And how could he assume we’d go bowling, of all things?

“Awww, is our Yunho jealous?” I patronize him. I’d pinch his cute little cheek but perhaps that might be a bit mean at this point.

“Why shouldn’t I be jealous that my girlfriend went on a non-date with my best friend?”

I give him a look. “Maybe because you were the one who set it up.” I roll my eyes at him. “And anyway, you and I both know that our relationship is fak—“ But then he kisses me to shut me up.

“How’s that for fake?” Yunho smirks at me.

“Yah, Yunho, grow up,” I say, but the blush and smile that find their way to my face belie my feelings.

Blah.

-----


“Where’s Junsu?” Boa asks when Yunho and I finally arrive at lunch, completing the whole crew. I mean, with the exception of a certain soccer captain. Of course, with his recent monopoly of my best friend, he’s lucky he’s not here to experience the full brunt of my wrath.

“Um…” I look at Yunho, wondering if he knows.

“He’s having lunch with his new girlfriend,” Yoochun fills us in. What?? Man, I feel bad for Ayumi—she’s going to have to endure a lunch filled with Sexiah and Ri In going at it like bunnies.

“Oh, Ri In?” Yeon Hee asks. “She was nice. Maybe we should invite her to eat with us everyday.” Nooooo, I can’t have these two social circles completely mixing! That means I won’t be able to escape Yunho! Everrr!

“She…uh…” Come on, Brains! Think of an excuse! “She usually watches some nature shows during lunch in the Biology room, so she can’t. I’ll let her know your sentiment, but…Ri In can’t have lunch with us.”

“She watches nature shows?” Hye Bin sniffs. “God, she’s like the Chinese Boa.” Ara giggles as Boa lightly smacks Hye Bin.

“Hey, nature shows are very educational!” Boa states.

“Exactly,” Ara replies. “That’s why Hye Bin won’t watch them.” The conversation moves away from Junsu and Ri In’s relationship, and I contently eat my mushroom risotto.

“Hey Seul Gi-ah, how big are your hands?” Yunho asks me out of nowhere.

“What?? I don’t know. Normal sized,” I humor him by actually answering such a ridiculous question.

“That doesn’t help—give me your hand,” Yunho demands as he grabs my hand and places it against his, palm to palm. We…are comparing handsize. Seriously?? Yunho’s hands dwarf mine, but he’s also taller than me, and he’s a guy, and why does this matter?

“Do you get some masculine satisfaction knowing that you’ve got big hands?” I comment.

“Yeah,” he grins. “Or maybe I just wanted to put my hand against yours.” Omo. That is a terrible line.

The queenkas all go, “Awww.” Man, this stuff really works on girls like them?

“Changminnie,” Yoochun sighs at his dongsaeng. Ooh, homoeroticism alert? I notice the girls are intrigued, as well. “Give me your hand.” Changmin raises an eyebrow but complies.

“Oh, Min-Min,” Yoochun continues in a saccharine voice. “Your hands are so delicate. I’m sooo sensitive.” Aww, sad; they aren’t being gay. They’re just making fun of Yunho.

“Hyung.” Changmin’s acting could be better. Stick to the modeling, kid. “Your hands are so large.”

“Changminnie,” Yoochun takes the helm. “Give me a kiss. Kiss, kiss!” Yoochun can’t take it anymore and bursts out in laughter, as does Changmin. Yunho looks pissed and I reassuringly squeeze his hand. Jaejoong has just been staring at us this whole time. Hmm.

-----


“Oppa, what are you doing here?” Ri In asks Junsu who is waiting outside the classroom. It is after our Speech and Debate meeting (I gave the most amazing speech on the standards of beauty and the inherent power struggle in defining the elitist concept) and we’re both surprised to see a kingka here.

“I’m here to give you a ride home!” Junsu exclaims. “By which I mean...” Don’t say ‘Sex you up,’ don’t say ‘Sex you up!’

“...take you to the aquarium and then to a nice dinner and then give you a ride home.” Okay, Ri In. Seriously? This is the guy you spent all day in bed with yesterday?? Doubtful.

Ri In is flattered by Junsu’s spontaneous wooing, and I wish someone would spontaneously woo me. Blah.

“Seul Gi-ah, are you done with your meeting?” I look up and…there’s Yunho. “Junsu said he was going to take Ri In home after the meeting, so I decided to stay and take you home too.”

“I drove here.”

“What I meant by ‘take you home’ was ‘spontaneously woo you’. You’re not doing anything this afternoon, right? Let me take you on a date,” Yunho pleads.

Okay, and how creepy is it that he totally used the exact same phrase that I was thinking? Maybe he’s a mind-reader. In which case, my narration of these events is a bad idea and I should stop.




























Okay, that’s not gonna lead us anywhere. “No thanks, oppa,” I respond. “I should head on home. My appa said that he wanted me to help him out at work tomorrow after school, and I think he wanted to show me what he wanted help with tonight.” Yunho looks disappointed. I look at Ri In, who is staring moonily into Junsu’s eyes and holding his hands.

Barf.

“But…that’s tonight, right? Not right now? Come on, Seul Gi. We don’t have to do anything big.” His voice gets quiet. “I just wanted to hang out with you.”

“For being boyfriend and girlfriend, Seul Gi really doesn’t like being near you, hyung,” Junsu notes. Man, when Junsu notices that I’m being a bad girlfriend, that’s when I know I need to pretend a little harder. Bleh.

“Alright, oppa,” I relent. “But I need to be home by six. Which gives you…” I glance at my phone’s clock. “Two hours to drive me somewhere, hang out, and then drive me back here with enough time for me to drive home and be back by then.”

“It’s like speed dating!” Ri In butts in. “Except without the switching seats and meeting new people and awkward small talk.” Oh, I wouldn’t say that about the last one.

“So I guess not like speed dating at all. But it’ll be a quickie!” Oh God, I wish she wouldn’t say things like that. I very consciously avoid looking at Junsu.

“Yunho, let’s go,” I say, before Ri In starts dropping more painfully awkward, though unintentional, double entendres.

-----


“So, Junsu and Ri In seemed to have really hit it off on Saturday,” Yunho says as we drive to who knows where.

Yes, Yunho. They hit it off on Saturday. And then all day Sunday. And are probably “hitting it off” today as well. Ughhhhh.

“Yeah, who would have thought that those two would have gotten together?” I remark vaguely, not wanting to scar him with the mental image of his ostensibly innocent friend in bed. Being scarred myself, I’d have to be a truly sadistic person to wish that kind of torture on anyone else. “She even has a pet name for him: Sexiah.” I scoff.

“Aww, why don’t you use terms of endearment with me?” Yunho pouts at me. Keep your eyes on the road, mister!

“What, is oppa not enough?” I dryly respond. “What about Yunho-oppa? Yunnie?”

“You can’t call me Yunnie,” he starts. “Jaejoong calls me that.” Uhhhh what. I…what.

Okay, fine. I’ll cross that one off my list. Stupid Jaejoong. I mentally stick my tongue out at a Jaejoong with a dunce cap on.

“What about Ho? HoHo? HoHoHo? Ahahaha, Santa Claus.” Ahh, I crack myself up. Yunho glares at me. “Ho-oppa? Ho-ppa?”

“Ho-ppa?” Yunho frowns. “How about something less minimalist?”

“Hmm,” I hmm. I’m not so good at coming up with these so-called terms of endearment, but I’ll keep trying. It’s sort of fun.

“Yunho-bear? Yunnie-cookie? Baby-Yun? Sweetie-Ho? Ho-Darling? Ho-Honey?” Maybe I should have sticked with Ho-ppa.

“Yunho. Yunho? Yunho! Yunhoooo. Yuuuunho.” Blah.

“Yun. Ho. Yun? Ho? You? No? You know? U-know?”

“Why do you keep saying my name over and over again? It’s getting sort of creepy…” Yunho looks at me warily, poking me to make sure that, what, I’m not a robot?

“What about U-know?” I ask. And no, I don’t mean “know” in the biblical sense. Get your mind out of the gutter.

“What about me?” He doesn’t understand.

“No, I mean, U-know, as a nickname.”

“No, I don’t know. What nickname?”

“Bah! Nevermind,” I give up. “If anything, it should be U-don’t-know,” I mutter to myself.

“Maybe you should stick with calling me oppa,” Yunho decides. “Anyway, we’re here.” I look out the car window.

Whoa.

Déjà vu (There's been a glitch in the Matrix!).






Notebook:
Irrational numbers – are numbers that, in decimal form, do not repeat and never end; pi and the square root of 2 are the two most well known examples of irrational numbers.
Sexiah – is a clever nickname for Junsu as a play on his stage name Xiah; the author cannot recall where she saw it, but gives props to whoever came up with it.
Vincent van Gogh – was an Impressionist artist who famously painted The Starry Night and The Café Terrace on the Place du Forum, Arles, at Night; also, he at one point cut off part of his left ear.
Vague as to be meaningless – is a fallacy that means that the lack of clarity or specificity of the comment makes the comment useless; the author learned it when she was on the high school debate team and thinks saying it makes you sound cool.
Kim Kibum – is 1/13th of Super Junior, a boyband that the author again, knows very little about except for who is who and that the Ayumi/Kim Kibum pairing seems popular enough to insert into the fic, because really, pairing three nerds with three kingkas is a little overboard, even for this fic.
Bowling – is a pastime that the author does not enjoy; the DBSK boys have been bowling on a few shows, and they all really suck at it.
Chinese Boa – is the nickname given to Ri In by SM Entertainment when she debuted, meant to describe their hopes for her to be as huge as Boa in the pop scene.
Kiss – is the name of the Yoochun and Changmin couple, according to the AADBSK 2 DVDs apparently stemming from the Ky in Micky and the X in Max which combined makes Kiss; don’t ask the author—she doesn’t get it either.
U-know – is Yunho’s stage name stemming from the phonetic similarities and also because as leader-sshi, Yunho is supposed to “know” the members…hopefully not in the biblical sense; if you don’t know this, then I have no clue what kind of DBSK fan you are.
Know – in the biblical sense means to have sex with; use it today—it’s a fun word.
The Matrix – is a nerdy (awesome!) movie whose sequels really sucked; in the first one, the phenomenon of déjà vu was attributed to an error in the computer’s program.


Chapter 14
I wish I were a predicate so I could be the direct object of your affection.


“We’re…at the mall.” I look around. “I was just here with Jaejoong yesterday.” Yunho frowns. Is he compensating for the fact that I went shopping with Jaejoong? Is that what this date is about? Come on, Fake Boyfriend. Get a grip.

“Don’t tell me you’re wanting to buy my cousin a birthday gift too.” Can I interest you, sir, in trying on a sheer shirt for purely altruistic (wink wink nudge nudge) purposes?

“Ha ha,” Yunho deadpans and grabs my hand, and we walk into a store. “Which of these do you like?” He’s holding up a pair of grotesque couple cell phone charms. Bleh.

I have always thought couple-anything is sort of ludicrous. I mean, really, what they should make is couple collars, so that you always know who the owner is. Isn’t that what it’s all about? Marking one’s territory? It’s like saying, ‘Hey, I think hickeys are tacky, so let me give you a large and gaudy item designating you as mine.’ No, thank you.

“Oh, I’m, uh, saving up so I can complete my GiantMicrobes collection.” This isn’t entirely true. I already have the main collection, but I really want the Petri dishes with three mini-microbes. The tuberculosis plushes are just so darn cute!

“It’s okay, I’m paying for it,” Yunho offers, holding the cell phone charms a little higher. I sigh and take a look at the charms he’s chosen. They’re huge. And flamboyant. I purse my lips.

“Um…how about something a little smaller?” I suggest. How about small enough that no one will even notice we both have them?

Yunho gazes at the plethora of cell phone charms and chooses another set. These are much less offensive. Actually, they’re sort of cute. I nod at him, and he grins like a little boy, almost skipping off to buy them.

Aish, this guy. Sometimes, I have no clue how such a dork became a kingka. Maybe I bring out the dork in him. In which case, I’ve a new skill to put on my resume.

-----


“Omo! Let’s go in!” Yunho points with the arm that mine is linked in, just as I’ve lifted my Dippin’ Dots to my mouth, making my spoonful spill all over me. I pout at the waste. Oh well, at least it’s not like real ice cream and won’t stain my shirt. I brush off the little beads and look at what he’s pointing at.

My heart sinks. It’s like he just knows how to choose the activities that make me want to die. I don’t know how he does it. Maybe he has a Seul Gi Death Radar that beeps rapidly when my death is imminent or my desire to die reaches a certain threshold.

Yunho looks at my expression and says, “You don’t want to? Come on! It’ll be fun! I’ll let you choose the designs!”

Once upon a time, I used to be a stronger person. Now, I just can’t say no to that face.

I let him drag me in.

-----


“Smile!” Yunho commands, and I grimace as another picture is taken. We’re in one of those photo sticker booths. Awesome.

“Here, let’s make a heart with our hands!” He puts his hand out, making half a heart, and I reluctantly do the same with mine, making the most lopsided heart ever (but come on now, the actual muscle of the heart is not symmetrical! Can you really blame me for being uninterested in making it pretty, in favor of making it more realistic?). Yunho uses his free hand to fix mine, though.

Alright, mister. You want cheesy? I’ll give you cheesy. Bring it, Brie. I grin as cheesily as possible for the automated picture.

“Let’s make a heart with our arms!” Yunho is just chock full of brilliant ideas today, isn’t he? But I’m in over-cheesy mode, so I comply and make a heart with him.

In the middle, though, I start laughing. Yunho is acting so giddy, it’s hard not to be just as silly. It’s ridiculously infectious.

“Let’s see how they came out!” He exclaims and we look at the sheet of photo stickers (which he ended up designing and not letting me see at all, that punk). I lean into him and glance at the images of us.

We…look really happy. Together. We look like we’re genuinely going out. It doesn’t look at all like I was faking it. Aish.

“You’re really beautiful,” Yunho leans in and whispers in my ear, and I feel my face heat up.

-----


“Jun Jin! Jun Jin-oppa!” Some obnoxious girls somewhere behind us are screaming as Yunho and I finish up our shopping. Is Shinhwa here? I look around but I don’t see any crowds gathered.

“Oppa, wait up!”

“Jun Jin! Saranghae!”

Man, these girls are incredibly annoying, and they’re getting louder.

“Jun Jin-oppa!” A pretty girl pops up in front of us out of nowhere. “Oppa, will you autograph my shirt?” She holds out a permanent marker. Who is she talking to? I look at Yunho, who looks really embarrassed. She’s attracting a lot of attention.

“I’m sorry, I’m not Jun Jin,” Yunho replies as if he gets this a lot. Wait, she was asking him??

The girl is relentless, as only a fangirl can be. Vipers, those fangirls. “Oppa, don’t be like that. I know it’s you. If you don’t want to give me your autograph, can I take a picture with you?” She pulls out her phone, ready at any moment to snap pictures of my boyfriend.

Who the hell do you think you are?? Just step away, you harlot!

“No, you can’t take a picture with him,” I step between the two of them (as ten other Jun Jin enthusiasts amass in front of us).

“And who are you?” Harpy Number One sneers at me.

“I’m his…bodyguard!” I retort, ignoring the fact that I would make a horrendous bodyguard for a man who is much taller and bigger than me.

“Yeah, right,” Another Harpy scoffs.

“Let me touch him!”

As if on cue, the mob of fangirls reach out, their arms like tentacles groping for my boyfriend who is not Jun Jin and not available for you vixens to touch with your harpy hands, thank you very much!

I grab Yunho’s hand in an attempt to make a run for it, but the fangirls have swarmed us, and there looks to be no escape.

I never imagined that my short life would end like this, trapped by a horde of Shinhwa devotees. I want to scream out, I was once one of you! (What can I say?? Minwoo is just so hot!)

A girl bumps into me rather hard, and Yunho immediately pulls me into his arms, acting as a buffer to the throng of pubescent zealots.

“I touched his butt!” One screams out, and the others all squeal in delight.

There is only one way to stop this madness.

It is to go Spartan on them.

Where’s my spear?

I look up at Yunho, who looks determined to keep me safe from Certifiably Insane Fangirls. My heart aches a little at his sweetness. That’s it.

I raise my hands to his face, lean up towards him, and kiss him.


Yes, that’s right. Yunho and I are kissing.

Rather passionately, actually, because I don’t know how else to get these crazies to stop their clamoring and realize that their supposed idol is kissing another girl (though, let’s be honest, I’m doing most of the kissing right now, and Yunho is acting surprised but pleased).

“Look!” Harpy Number 8 calls out, the first to notice. A round of gasps encircles us.

Followed immediately by sobbing and sinking to the floor in despair. I grin, mid-make-out.

Score.

“C’mon, oppa,” I pull away slightly. “Let’s go home.”

We leave the scene of ten girls crying in the middle of the mall, onlookers pointing and whispering to each other. I will laugh so hard if tomorrow tabloids print that Jun Jin is in a relationship with a high school girl.

-----


“Omo!” Ayumi exclaims, as I retell the Traumatic Experience At the Mall the next day at lunch.

“I know! He doesn’t even look like Jun Jin that much,” I agree.

“No, I mean, I can’t believe you were making out like that in public!” Ayumi says.

“I’m so impressed with hyung,” Junsu butts in. It looks like Junsu’s going to be eating with Ri In from now on. He’s just lucky he’s so adorable and and that he’s making Ri In so ridiculously giddy, or else I would declare Tuesday/Thursday lunches a kingka-free zone. “I’m going to have to tease him, though, that he didn’t think of it first.”

“Please don’t,” I say to Junsu. “His masculinity’s probably injured enough from the fact that I had to save him from the horde of estrogen.”

“So you guys are pretty close, then, skinship-wise? How…much more intimate do you think you’ll be getting with him?” Ri In asks, holding hands with Junsu as they eat.

Junsu eats with his left hand, so they can sit next to each other and hold hands and be able to use their other hands to eat oh-so-sweetly.


Get a room, guys!

“Yunho tells me you guys are pretty intimate already,” Junsu replies. Ummm, Yunho would be lying there, kid.

And even if that were true, Kettle-sshi, how could you accuse Mr. Pot of being intimate with his girlfriend?

“Ooh, oh really?” Ayumi is intrigued. “I like having a kingka eat with us. It’s like having a double agent. Give us all the best gossip on the other kingkas!” She commands. Poor Junsu. It seems as if he is to perform parlor tricks for us today. Let me help you get your baton and top hat.

“Um…Changmin’s been gone for a fashion show in Japan…” Junsu’s got no gossip, it seems.

“What good are you!” Ayumi purses her lips in displeasure.

“Hey!” Ri In protests. “You can’t say that about my boyfriend! He’s really good!” She looks slyly at him.

I don’t even want to think about what she really means.

-----


“Appa, do you really need me here helping you out?” I ask. I’m at his office, filing papers. Apparently, this project that he needed help with, that he told me to ditch my Mock Trial meeting for, is just me filling in for his sick assistant.

“Do you have somewhere else to be? Your meeting’s already ended,” I hate when he’s all tricksy like that. Doesn’t he know that my relationship with Yunho has already taken its toll on my extracurriculars? Thankfully, I’m still perfectly fine in my studies. I would never let a boy, dorky or not, to get in my way of going to Seoul National University.

“Appaaa,” I whine, opening a binder. “You said your assistant would be back by tomorrow. Can’t you just wait till tomorrow to get this done?”

“You don’t like spending quality time with your most favorite man in the world?” My appa clutches at his heart in mock pain. Aish. He spends way too much time with Yunho.

“At this rate, appa, Yunho is even beating you for that status,” I reply dryly. “At least he doesn’t force me into menial labor.”

“Well then, you can go to him,” Appa sniffs haughtily.

“No, no,” I say with a sigh. “I promised you I’d help you out, and who am I to break a promise?”

“Actually, you can help me out by going down there and removing that distraction from my employee.” I look out the window, where my appa is also looking. There, schmoozing with a security guard, is Yunho.

Of course.

“I’ll see you at dinner, appa,” I bid my farewell.

“I wouldn’t count on that, Seul Gi-ah,” he says. “Yunho looks like business. You’ll probably go to a nice dinner, and then to his place for some…extra affection.” Appa, please don’t tell me this is how you wooed umma. I could definitely do without that knowledge.

I spend the elevator ride down dreading that Yunho might be wanting to take me on another date. I don’t know if I can handle making out with him to save our lives again. Not that it wasn’t nice…I just prefer to make out at my own pace, y’know?

“Are you picking up your girlfriend from work?” I hear Security Guard-sshi ask Yunho as I approach them from behind.

“Something like that,” he replies.

The security guard glances at Yunho’s fine clothes. “…your boyfriend?”


Omo! Security-sshi, you deserve a raise.

Yunho sputters a bit, and I figure I might as well do the nice thing and save him from further embarrassment. I don’t know when I became so protective of his male ego, but I feel like having crushed it not long ago, it’s mine to keep safe.

“Yunho-bear! I missed you!” I fling myself into his stunned (but grateful) arms. “Thanks for picking me up!”

“Aww, baby, I hope you weren’t waiting too long,” Yunho plays along as Mr. Security Guard’s face turns from skeptical to annoyed at having to witness such gratuitous PDA.

“Of course not, my little bean bun!” I pinch his cheeks really hard and he grimaces in pain. Ahh, I should do this more often. Schadenfreude?

No spreche German. I am getting such a kick out of this.

“Let’s go, HoHo. Say goodbye to your new friend!”

“Bye, Jong Soo.” Yunho and I make our way out of the building and I finally can’t hold my laughter in anymore.

“Yah! Did you have to pinch my cheeks so hard?” Yunho rubs his injured face, scowling at my laughter. “Bean bun. Tch. I’ll have you know that my umma thinks my cheeks are very handsome!” Whatever you say, Mama’s Boy.

“Hey, what are you doing here, anyway? Do you need something? You’re not taking me on another date are you?” I interrogate him and poke him in the chest.

“No, no, of course not,” Yunho holds his hands up in defense. “But I was wondering if you had some time…I need to get your opinion on something.” I look at him askance.

“Not another date, though?” I make sure before I commit myself to anything.

“Nope,” Yunho replies. “Come on!” He grabs my hand and pulls me to his car.

-----


“Is this Take Your Fake Significant Other To Your Appa’s Work Day?” I ask Yunho. We’ve traded one boring office building for another.

Well, to be honest, Jung, Ban, and Ha Media is in a really cool building. I gaze up at the towering building, admiring the architecture. I wink at Yunho, “You’ve got nice flying buttresses.”

“Seul Gi-ah, I’m so shy!” Yunho hides behind his hands and acts like the innocent he so isn’t, and I giggle.

“No, but really, what are we doing here? Why did you need my opinion? And what’s here that you need my opinion about, anyway? Why did you pick me up from my appa’s place? Don’t you have anything better to do?” I have no clue what we could possibly be doing here. Ooh, maybe we’re picking up a job application for me!

“Any other questions there, Inspector-sshi? Would you like me to also answer the ultimate answer to life, the universe, and everything?”

“Oh, no, I already know that: it’s 42,” I reply, surprised to learn that he’s read Douglas Adams.

He rolls his eyes, but takes my hand and leads me through the maze of the building, saying hello to important people in expensive business suits. It must be nice to have so many connections as a high school student.

“Here we are!” he announces, and I look at the doors in front of us.

I’m unimpressed. My look at him conveys as much. Yunho holds up a finger to tell me to wait for whatever similarly unimpressive thing lies beyond the door, and then he opens the door and gestures for me to enter. I thank him for holding it for me (what a gentleman!) and step in, hoping that I’m not walking into a secret agent training room or who knows what else they have in this building.

And it’s gorgeous and so plush, and I am standing in a private mini-theater. A screen and projector are set up and already playing trailers for various movies. There are only eight seats in the theater, but they are all leather recliners that look amazingly comfortable. It smells like popcorn and I see that a smorgasbord of munchies has been set up at the side.

Yunho leans down behind me and says in my ear, “I wanted your opinion on this movie…”

I turn around and, mock-upset, accuse him, “You said this wasn’t a date!”

He just grins cheekily and says, “Oh? You thought this was a date? Well, if you want it to be…I hope you won’t mind if I put my arm around you as we watch the movie then.”

My face heats up as a memory comes to mind (unbidden) of Ayumi once telling me that she made out for the entirety of the last Lord of the Rings movie when she saw it at the theater with a date. That’s a freaking three hour movie!

I try not to wonder how long this movie Yunho and I will be watching…

I mean! Not that I was even thinking about making out with him the whole movie!

…I mean! Not that I was even thinking about making out with him at all during the movie!

…I mean! Not that I was even thinking about making out with him ever!


Okay, I’m not convincing anyone, least of all myself.

While I’ve been trying to tell myself that I don’t desperately want to make out with him, Yunho has grabbed some popcorn and carbonated beverages from the Munchies Table and is sitting in a special seat that I did not even notice when I came in.

It is a love seat. With cupholders. Seriously? Whoever convinced the higher-ups that it qualified as a company write-off deserves white chocolate macadamia nut cookies.

Yunho grins at me and pats the seat next to him like a little kid. When we’re alone, and he acts so delighted by my mere presence, it’s hard for me to remember why I didn’t like him at all before. Somehow, somewhere along the way, this fake relationship triggered something, and I no longer find pretending to be with Yunho as difficult.

Yunho is an amazing friend. Who happens to be a boy. And also my boyfriend. I sit down next to him, and he puts his arm around me as I snuggle into him.




Notebook:
Giant Plush Microbes – are adorable 6ish inch plush forms of microbes; examples include Ebola, Kissing Disease, and Penicillin.
Dippin’ Dots – are a flash frozen ice cream that is in the form of tiny beads; they’re really cool, if really expensive, and the author recommends indulging in them if you’ve the chance.
Jun Jin – is a member of Shinhwa whom Yunho sort of resembles if you’re 30 feet away and squint with one eye; in the early DBSK days, Yunho went to China and was accosted by fans wanting a signature from Jun Jin and he couldn’t convince them that he wasn’t the right guy; also, really fun fact is that Seul Gi and Jun Jin have acted together in a few banjun dramas and have even kissed! The author kids you not! They have locked lips! As such, the kiss that Seul Gi shares with “Jun Jin” in this fic is sooo clever, yes?
“Madness? This is Sparta!” – is a line from the movie 300 which dramatizes the famous battle of the 300 Spartans against the Persians; it’s an awesome movie, if not immensely historically inaccurate.
PDA – stands for public display of affection (and also personal digital assistant, which has also made its appearance in this notebook); the author finds most PDA to be gratuitous.
Bean bun – is Yunho’s nickname in China, from back when he was chubbier and had huge adorable cheeks.
Schadenfreude – is when one derives pleasure from another’s misfortune.
Lee Jong Soo – is an actor whom the author only knows from the X-Man DBSK special in which he was referred to many a time as “Eagle Eyes.”
Flying buttresses – are an architectural thing and a funny line.
42 – is the Ultimate Answer to Life, the Universe and Everything, according to Douglas Adam’s The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, a thoroughly nerdy but quite hilarious book.
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King – is the last of the trilogy, lasting about three hours; the author knows a girl who made out with her boyfriend for the whole movie.


Chapter 15
Baby, I can feel an attraction between you and me, and it's more than just our universal gravitation...


“Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship,” Rick says as the music swells and the movie ends heartbreakingly, yet nobly. I am resting my head on Yunho’s lap, clutching a blanket at the bittersweet ending of Casablanca, as he strokes my hair.




…I know. Whose job at Jung, Ban, and Ha Media is it to keep private mini-theatres stocked with munchies and blankets?

Okay, okay, so the past two hours have been rather…intimate. But it’s a romantic movie, alright! It’s like the mood has been preordained. I was a mere mortal in this game of the gods. And did I ask Yunho to give me a (sensual) head massage? Hardly.

I just didn’t protest when he did.

“So what did you think?” Yunho’s low voice interrupts my rationalization of the very-non-fake (however I may try to rationalize it) intimacy that we’ve had recently.

“I mean, I know that he had to send her off,” I start slowly. “It was more important to the cause, to the Allies, for her to be with her husband…but…but it’s still heartbreaking for Rick to send Ilsa away like that! I mean, why couldn’t she like, fake her death and run away with Rick? Come on! Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walked into his! They were simply meant to be…” I sit up and face Yunho during my rant, pleading with him to see my point of view.

Yunho merely chuckles at me and replies, “But don’t you see? Ilsa’s influential presence on Victor Laszlo was more important than her feelings for Rick. It is for the better good that she remain by Laszlo’s side and continue their Nazi resistance efforts. Rick was doing the right thing. Sometimes the right thing means saying goodbye to the one you love, but think about it: if you didn’t do the right thing, would that person still love you as much? Wouldn’t you be a different type of person, have a different sense of integrity, if you gave up doing the noble thing for mere love? After all, they’ll always have Paris.”

“I guess,” I grumble through my pout.

“Aww, it’s okay, my little hopeless romantic,” Yunho laughs and rubs my back comfortingly. “And anyway, what kind of supposed feminist are you? Think of Ilsa’s utility as a freedom fighter, as opposed to a cowardly lover. Next thing I know, you’ll be telling me you actually love shopping and read novels by Jane Austen…”

I look at him out of the corner of my eye, not wanting to confess that I love shopping and that I’m in the middle of Sense and Sensibility, and then I sorta bury myself in the crook of his arm to hide. I don’t know what’s overcome me and my indulging in these little skinships.

Seriously, there have been more indulgences today than the Catholic Church!

“Hey, where are you trying to burrow, there?” Yunho asks, amused at my behavior. “We’ve got places to go and you want to cuddle? I knew it! I knew that it wouldn’t take a whole month for you to fall for my good looks and charm.” I unburrow myself and put my hands on my hips.

“Yah! You are just a nice warm body,” I retort. “Even I enjoy male attention every now and then. I’m sure that even if you were, I don’t know…who’s grotesque…Yoochun, I’d probably still be like this.”

“Hah!” Yunho scoffs. “Yeah right, Yoochun’s got nothing on me.”

“Ah, there’s loyal friendship, right there,” I deadpan. I can’t help but think of Jaejoong’s loyalty at a time like this.

“I’ll have you know that I am a very loyal friend.” I look at Yunho, who has gotten serious all of a sudden. Sheesh, he needs to learn how to do this banter business a little better.

“Alright, alright, Lassie,” I grin at him. “Hmm, I’m hungry. Popcorn’s great and all, but I need some real sustenance.”

Yunho spazzes and sits up, looking at his watch. “What time is it? We have reservations at 7! Up, up, up!” Yunho flails at me in impatience. Stop that flailing! Sheesh, what a dork.

-----


“Mmmm, that was amaaazing,” I approve. Shabu shabu is almost as fun as World of Warcraft! I kept stealing the food that Yunho was putting in for himself, mwahaha! He didn’t seem to mind, though. Alas, my oh-so-devious plots were foiled. “Thanks for paying, Fake Boyfriend!”

“Yah, why can’t you just call me Boyfriend?” Yunho pouts. “Besides, what if someone hears you?”

“Fine, fine, Boyfriend,” I roll my eyes. “Aish, I think you’ve finally worn me down…I keep giving in to you.” I settle myself a little more comfortably in his arms.

Where are we, you ask? After yummy dinner, we drove a bit away from the city and are now stargazing. I’m lying between his legs, leaning against his solid chest and relishing the feeling of just being held. Would I feel this way with any other guy, or is it just with Yunho that I feel so at ease with myself?

I…am not going to think about that.

“I know you’ve got your future lined up for you as CEO of your parents’ company, but if you didn’t, what would you want to do with your life?” I ask him. It seems like nights like these, beautiful star-gazing nights, are meant to be soul-searching nights.

Yunho doesn’t answer for a bit, and I lazily consider the way his chest moves against my back as he breathes.

“I don’t know,” he finally answers. What. I waited that long for that?

“I don’t know if I could limit myself to one career without really knowing what’s out there. I’d love to travel the world, expand my horizons. I want to experience what life is from all perspectives, and to hopefully become a better person. I’d want to figure out what I want to do with my life and work hard at it. To keep on working like that…only your goal will decide, you know?”

Okay, that all made sense until the last part.

Yunho puts his chin on my head, and I nod to let him know I understand his desire to become a better person. It’s a noble goal, and I’m surprised by him, yet again, because I’ve always considered him a really shallow guy.

“What do you want to do with your life?” Yunho asks me. “You’ve mentioned science a lot. It’s a prestigious area to go into.”

“Yeah,” I agree. “But that’s not why I want to do it. I think that there is just so much out there that we don’t know and that science can answer. Everyone thinks genetics is where it’s at, but really, I think proteomics is the wave of the future. We can tinker all we want with genes, but it’s the proteins that those genes make that really determine expression of the genes. I really am interested in tapping that information and looking at the practical applications of it. And yeah, the medical field does that already to some degree, but I’ve no interest in becoming a doctor.”

“You mean, you don’t want to help people,” Yunho interrupts, and I can hear his smirk. “Hmm, yeah, I can see that. You’re not exactly the most compassionate out there. Probably bad if your doctor doesn’t actually care if you live or die,” he jokes.

“Yah! Just because my people skills aren’t amazing doesn’t mean I don’t care about people,” I defend myself with a grin he can’t see.

“Your people skills are flawless,” Yunho’s voice is low and warm. “You reeled me in, when all the queenkas and other girls in the school couldn’t.”

“Don’t you mean Yoochun picked me and you got stuck with me?” I can’t hide my bitterness there, even though he was completely upfront about the whole bet. It still hurts a little, to know that I was meant to be just a pawn in the game of Ego Chess.

“I’m glad Yoochun picked you,” Yunho says, and hugs me tighter. “Now hush,” he gently demands as he kisses the top of my head and my stomach flutters in excitement. I close my eyes as he traces little circles on my arms.

-----


“Jameso keodo kumkunun god gatha, Ajigdo ne son gadug bein noui hyanggi,” my alarm goes off.

Okay, I’m normally a morning person, but I am incredibly disoriented right now. Last thing I remember was getting cozy with Yunho outside of the city. How am I back in my bed right now?

I quickly get ready and go downstairs to ask my appa what happened. Appa knows all.

“Hey, appa—“

“—left already for work. Breakfast?” My umma offers.

Ughhhh, I don’t want to ask her what happened with Yunho. She’ll probably make some ridiculous comment about how I should just jump his bones already. I settle down at the table as my mother brings some food to the table.

And then hovers over me as I sip my orange juice.

“…did you need something?” I ask her. She’s got the biggest smile on her face, but she cannot possibly trick me into asking her why she’s smiling so much. I don’t want to know the answer to that.

“No, no,” she sings out. “You just eat your breakfast.” I take a few bites, but she’s still hovering and still smiling, and it’s really creeping me out.

“…don’t you have something better to do than watch me eat?” I look at her out of the corner of my eye, but she shakes her head. I keep trying to eat, but I’m all self-conscious now.

“Yah! Umma! Why are you just standing there and grinning like that!” Omo, she tricked me into asking her why she’s smiling so much!

“Oh, I don’t know,” my umma giggles. “Maybe it’s because a certain Jung Yunho brought you home last night, carrying your little sleeping self in his strong, virile arms, bridal-style. And you were so cute, all curled up in his arms and leaning into his broad chest.” Here she swoons a little.

“It was just so sweet, and it was almost like the future was flashing before my very eyes.” And then she hums the first bar of the Wedding March. Omooooo.

“I invited him to stay the night with you,” What! Umma! How can you give away your daughter like that! “But he declined. So sad! …But really, what a gentleman!” And now she’s sighed dreamily and sunk down into the seat next to me.

“Seul Gi, don’t let this one get away. In fact, I think I may give him your grandmother’s ring to propose to you with.”

“Umma, if you’re so desperate for Yunho to be a part of this family, why don’t you marry him?” I roll my eyes at her as I irritatedly poke at my rice with my chopsticks.

“Seul Gi-ah, I couldn’t possibly!” My umma says, but then she pauses and then giggles, and I don’t even want to know what she’s fantasizing.

“I’m going to eat in my room,” I mutter and pick up my plate.

-----


“He was carrying you bridal-style??” Ayumi is incredulous. “That is sooo sweet! Maybe I should ask Kibummie to carry me bridal-style…You know, just around. Like to class and stuff! So sad that we don’t go to the same school…”

“Yah, I didn’t ask him to!” I’m so embarrassed. I mean come on! What kind of fake relationship is this when he does things that make it seem like he has genuine feelings, and I feel myself on the verge of reciprocating those feelings!


A bad fake relationship, that’s what kind!

“You don’t think there’s anything more substantial between the two of you?” Damn Ri In and her perceptive insights!

“Dangyunhaji!” I affirm strongly, complete with hand gesture, hoping that I can convince myself of my own words. “Do you think I would lie about something like that?”

“Dangyunhaji,” Ri In replies with a grin. “You lie to yourself all the time. Remember that one time you told yourself that you weren’t going through puberty? And how exactly did that turn out for you? Okay, but so do you appreciate the male attention that you’ve been receiving by the bucketful recently?”

“Dangyunhaji,” When did this become a game of Dangyunhaji?? “Wouldn’t you feel the same way if an undoubtedly hansome man began to be incredibly affectionate with you?”

“Dangyunhaji,” Ayumi says with a dimpled grin (she’s probably thinking of Kibum…with a fork full of food). “So you agree that Yunho is undoubtedly handsome?” She smirks at me.

“….dangyunhaji,” I glare at her. “Does thinking someone is handsome mean the same as wanting to sex him up?”

“Dangyunhaji!” Ayumi exclaims. “You do realize that you brought up the idea of sexing Yunho up even though neither of us said anything about it, right?” Omo…what. What happened. Subconscious Mind, what are you doing to me!

“….dangyunhaji,” I refuse to lose! “So you seriously think I want to actually sex up Yunho??”

“Dangyunhaji!” I whirl around, and of course, there’s Yunho, leaning against the lockers behind me and grinning that absolutely maddening grin of his. Of course. Dangyunhaji. “Who wouldn’t?”

He stands and holds his arms out to me, and before I know what I’m doing, I’ve already stepped into his arms for a hug and a quick peck.

I swear, my body does not have permission from my brain to be doing these things. I think my heart held a coup d’etat against my mind.

“Did you sleep well last night?” Yunho asks, leaning back in our extended hug to look in my eyes.

“…dangyunhaji,” I mutter unwillingly. “Did you really carry me into my bedroom bridal style?”

“Dangyunhaji! Would you have rathered I sling you over my shoulder like a caveman?” Oh, wise guy, eh?

He notes my silent, mock-angry pout and releases me from the hug. And then leans down and puts his arms around my thighs, beginning to lift me up to sling me over his shoulder.

“Yah! Put me down, you Neanderthal!” I hit his back in protest. I think I’ve lost this game of Dangyunhaji.

“Neanderthal? I’ll have you know that I am most definitely at least Cro Magnon! Hey honey, are you in the mood for woolly mammoth for dinner tonight? I know this great cave…” Har har, oppa.

“Oh! That reminds me,” Ayumi says. What?? What could caveman talk possibly remind her of? “I meant to invite you guys earlier, but do you guys want to come to Kibum’s restaurant tonight?” Do they serve woolly mammoth? Ahaha, I’m so funny.

“Can Junsu come?” Ri In asks.

“Of course,” Ayumi says. Hey, Dangyunhaji’s over! This girl, always trying to get the last word. “And invite the queenkas and the other kingkas. Kibum made a reservation for thirteen.” Wow, what a planner. I like him already.

“Count us all in!” Yunho says with a thumbs up. Idiot. “I’ll pick you up after your Model UN meeting.”

Do I have Model UN today? What day is it? Oh, yeah, I guess I do.

How does Yunho know my schedule better than I do? Stalker.

-----


“How was your meeting? Did you resolve to save African orphans from malaria?” Yunho greets me after school, followed by the gaggle of populars.

He doesn’t hug me immediately, so I open my arms impatiently. Keep up, man! Ewww, he just laid a wet one on me. What happened to the sweet pecks we were giving each other? You keep your saliva in there, good sir!

“Hardly,” I sniff at him, stepping away. “I’m on ECOSOC. We were discussing protecting the rights of indigenous peoples.”

“Ah, my apologies for getting it wrong,” He holds his hands up in surrender. Then he lowers his voice and leans in so no one else can hear, “So, I should warn you. I know there’s a no makeover clause in the contract, but Boa and the girls—“

“Seul Gi!” I get swarmed by the queenkas. They are all grinning like madwomen at me, and I’m absolutely terrified.

“So we went shopping while you had your meeting,” Hye Bin starts. Awesome. You guys want a cookie? Why are you telling me this? “And, with little to no help from Yunho—“

“—yah, why would I ever need to know a more specific size than ‘well proportioned?!’” Yunho interjects from somewhere in the back.

“—we bought you some clothes for tonight.” Hye Bin finishes and holds up an admittedly cute top and skirt. Omo. What.

“I brought my makeup kit,” Yeon Hee hauls out this huge suitcase (you know, the kind in movies that always holds insane amounts of money? I have a feeling this holds an insane amount of eyeshadows and brushes and other such things).

Ara just brandishes curling irons and hair dryers at me (Back, Foul Electrical Devices! Back!), as Boa grins and says, “I’ve got finishing touches.” I don’t really know what that means, but I am scared to death.

Yunho just gives me a sad little wave as the queenkas almost literally carry me away to the bathroom.

-----


“Are you guys ready to g—“ Yunho stops and blinks a few times. “Wow. Seul Gi. You are usually really cute, but tonight you look…”

I look what, Yunho? Like I’m wearing a mask? Like I’ve got a push-up bra on? Like my hair is so styled and stiff and full of hairspray that it might as well be a helmet?

“…you look amazing. Really…sexy.” Omo…well…in that case. I’m gonna flaunt what my mama gave me!

I notice that Yoochun and Jaejoong are staring at me.

Omo, stop that. I’m gonna hide what my mama gave me. I cross my arms over my chest.

-----


“Are we all ready to go?” Yunho asks. I look at Ri In who is off in Junsu World and gazing into his eyes. Huh. She and Ayumi also took this time to freshen up a little. Who’da thunk. Ayumi nods at me, though, and I convey the information to Yunho who is walking backwards out to the parking lot so that he can give us directions.

“Great: So Ayumi, you can come with us. Junsu’s going to take Ri In, Yoochun and Hyebin.” He nods at them. “And Boa’s driving Ara, Changmin and Yeon Hee.”

“And Jaejoong?” I ask, finding him in the back as our little crowd disperses to their respective means of transportation.

“He’s coming with us too,” Yunho says as he unlocks his car. Jaejoong hurries over and opens the passenger seat door. Ooh, what service! Someone’s getting a nice tip.

I step towards him, except he slides in. What! Jaejoong notices my confusion and immediately gets out of the car.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I usually ride in front with Yunho, but I guess the girlfriend gets priority over the best friend…” he apologizes, not really looking at me.

That’s alright, Jaejoong. As long as you know your position. In the back seat. Subordinate to The Girlfriend! Mwahaha! As you were.

I get into the front seat, and he closes the door for me.

It isn’t until ten minutes into the drive that I even realize that I cared more about sitting with Yunho in the front than even thinking about Jaejoong.

Huh.

-----

“Hey, I’m going to go freshen up in the ladies’ room before we go to the table… This push up bra makes me feel like I’m bursting out of my top a little bit, and while Kibum would probably like that, I don’t want to look too skanky, so I’m going to go rearrange my boobs,” Ayumi gives a little tmi. “Just tell the maitre d’ that the reservation is under Ayumi-love.”

What? Ayumi-love? Geez. What is it with the pet names around here? She scampers off to rearrange her boobs, and I approach the maitre d’.

“Hi, I believe our reservation is under Ayumi-love,” I inform him, looking at his nametag. Lee Teuk, eh? What’s so special about this guy?

“Oh? Wonderful! We’ve been waiting for you,” he replies, swiping his bangs out of his eyes. He snaps his fingers at someone around the corner, and all of a sudden, an incredibly gorgeous, dimpled guy pops out, holding a dozen roses for me.

“Please accept this,” he says, grinning at me. Why sure, Dimples. Anything you say.


Notebook:
Casablanca – stars Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman and is ranked by the American Film Institute as the most romantic movie and is often ranked as one of the greatest films of all time; it is an iconic movie, with lines often quoted, such as “Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine,” and “We’ll always have Paris.”
Sense and Sensibility – is a novel by Jane Austen in which Edward Ferrars remains engaged to a woman he no longer loves because it is the honorable thing to do, though he eventually is saved from that marriage and becomes free to marry the woman he does love, Elinor Dashwood.
Indulgence – is when the Catholic Church lowers or removes the punishment one deserves for a sin, though it has already been forgiven; the dramatic increase and abuse of these indulgences in the Middle Ages was a major issue that contributed to the Protestant Reformation.
Lassie – is a fictional character that is a beautiful and exceptionally loyal collie.
Shabu shabu – is a variant on the hot pot idea and is usually more savory than the sweeter sukiyaki; DBSK boys enjoy this; in the movie Lost in Translation, Bill Murray’s character remarks, “What kind of restaurant makes you cook your own food?”.
World of Warcraft – is a computer game that is wildly popular among the more nerdy; it ruins lives; no, just kidding, but it does take up a lot of time and players often get sucked into the game at the expense of social lives.
“Keep on working like that, Only your goal will decide” – is a line from Yunho’s rap in Purple Line, which is generally about hope and the future and working towards a better you and all that jazz.
“Jameso keodo kumkunun god gatha, Ajigdo ne son gadug bein noui hyanggi” – is a line from DBSK’s Will You Be My Girlfriend meaning “Even if I wake up from my sleep, it feels like I'm dreaming” and the song in general is a saccharine song about the stirrings of first love.
Yunho carrying Seul gi bridal-style – has happened in both Love Letter and X-Man.
Dangyunhaji – was a very popular game on the variety show X-Man in which players must pose questions to the opponent, and if the opponent cannot/will not/is too emotional to respond “Dangyunhaji”, which means “Of course”, then the player wins.
Neanderthals – were hominids who lived from about 350,000 to 50,000 years ago, and may have interacted with Cro Magnons, the latter of which has been controversially attributed to the cause of Neanderthals’ extinction.
ECOSOC – is the United Nations Economic and Social Council and focuses on issues of…socioeconomics…and stuff; don’t ask the author! She was only ever in the Security Council.
TMI – is an acronym for “too much information.”
Leeteuk –is the stage name of Park Jungsu, leader of Super Junior, and means “special.”


Chapter 16
Your body has the nicest arc length I've ever seen.



“Hi, I believe our reservation is under Ayumi-love,” I inform him, looking at his nametag. Lee Teuk, eh? What’s so special about this guy?

“Oh? Wonderful! We’ve been waiting for you,” he replies, swiping his bangs out of his eyes. He snaps at someone around the corner, and all of a sudden, an incredibly gorgeous, dimpled guy pops out, holding a dozen roses for me.

“Please accept this,” he says, grinning at me. Why sure, Dimples. Anything you say. I reach for the roses.

“Yah!” Yunho steps forward, grabbing the roses instead. Hey, Boyfriend! He wasn’t giving them to you!

“Who told you to give these to my girlfriend?” Yunho, you should have just gone with it and pretended that you’d planned the whole thing.

“Wait, what?” Dimples is rather confused and looks at me (swoon!). “You’re not Ayumi? Kibum’s gonna kill me…” Damn, that Kibum is good. “Aw, shi—“ he looks at me and apparently censors himself. Oh what a chivalrous knight-in-nicely-pressed-tuxedo. “—shoot. She was supposed to be the one to ask Lee Teuk about the reservation.

“I’m so sorry,” he apologizes to Yunho, who is still frowning, but returns the flowers. Poor Dimples, don’t beat yourself up about it. Instead, just hand me the roses! “Let me show you to your table.”

He leads the eleven of us (I know, there are freaking eleven of us. Thank God Kibum is apparently Generous McLoaded) to a nice, long table set up with candles where (who I assume is) Kibum is waiting for us. Dimples hands the roses to Kibum, who looks a little lost—perhaps because he is looking at eleven new faces with no familiar girlfriend in sight. And because he just got flowers from one of his employees.

“Kibummie!” Ayumi comes in out of nowhere (are her boobs in place?!), running to her boyfriend and jumping into a hug with him.

“Ayumi!” Kibummie smiles. Great, I not only have to endure Ri In and Dolphin-sshi’s gratuitous affection, but also these two. I think I may have to find alternative amusement tonight.

Where’s Dimples?

Ayumi introduces all of us to her boyfriend, who graciously makes an effort to remember our names and then invites us to sit down at the table. The queenkas and non-attached kingkas sit at the far end of the table, content to mostly mingle with themselves and get free food.

Hmm, I guess this is one of those meals where you don’t order for yourself, because a horde of servers (including Dimples!) come out holding plates. I keep my eye on him, but he has already put his plates down over on Queenka End.

Weird, Yeon Hee is hiding herself behind her napkin. Now, I’ve only been in Populars’ Presence for a few weeks, but I’m pretty sure that’s not normal queenka behavior.

Ooh! Food! (Man, is Ayumi’s foodie-ism affecting me or what?)

“Thank you,” I say to the guy who’s giving me a plate with a miniscule portion of food on it (as per usual in a fancy restaurant—why is it that in such places, price and amount of food are inversely related?), noting that all of these male servers are really hot. I mean, okay, I know I have Yunho…but it doesn’t hurt to look, now does it?

I read the nametag. Kangin?? How strong of a person does it take to place a plate of food down in front of someone? He does look really strong though. Manly. But not nearly as handsome as Dimples, who better be serving me the next course.

“Thank you, Sungmin. And could you ask Yesung about the wine? He was supposed to have these glasses filled before we received the first course,” I hear Kibum say (whoa! He’s just going to serve wine to a table-full of of minors? …eh, I’m not complaining!) before announcing, “Everyone? This is beef tenderloin carpaccio with parmesan cheese and arugula salad. Please, dig in;” then he uses his fork to feed Ayumi.

I can feel my insides grumble at me. I mean, not because again I am subjected to raw meat (thinly sliced or not!), but because I can’t really handle the scene in front of me. I turn my head away to find a fork and raw meat in front of me. I look at the person whose hand is holding the morsel.

“Open up, Seul Gi-ah,” Yunho commands. Ha. No. No thank you. I am, happily, blessed with enough motor skills to feed myself, good sir.

But he pouts as he removes the utensil from my face space. Yunho glares at the now retreating Dimples and I think I can sense the green-eyed monster taking over my boyfriend. I heave a sigh.

Oh the sacrifices I make to keep this boy happy. I can’t imagine Mother Theresa being as patient.

I grab his hand and use it to feed myself the first course off of his plate. Yunho grins like a little boy pleased with himself, then closes his eyes, opens his mouth, and points to his mouth.

What. Nope, dude. Just because you gave me your food doesn’t mean I’m doing the same for you. Double carpaccio for me!

But he’s sitting there, waiting expectantly and looking altogether really stupid. I heave another sigh and feed him. He claps his hands in delight, and I roll my eyes.

I look away, and it turns out that Ri In and Junsu are indulging in this Feed-Your-Significant-Other trend that AyuKibummie started (I mean, Junsu is just feeding Ri In the salad sans meat—props to Kibum for accounting for the one vegetarian in the group). I hope this fad doesn’t last beyond this first course.

A hand reaches in front of me. Whoo more food! Nope, it is just reaching for my wineglass. About time, mister! Fill ‘er up! I turn to say thank you, and who is it but Dimples?

Quick, Eyes! Read the nametag!

“Thank you, Siwon,” I say with a pleasant smile. He looks at me, startled that I said his name, but then grins ever-so-charmingly and says, “You’re welcome, beautiful.” Be still my heart!

He leaves with a cute little wave to fill other glasses, and I am grinning as my eyes return to the table. And Yunho. Frowning. Aish. Don’t you worry, buddy! I’m just basking in the male attention!

“Han Geng-gege! Hao jiu bu jian!” I’m startled to hear Ri In’s voice. And then she’s speaking more Chinese, but then switches to Korean. “…let alone that you were even in Seoul!” I…guess they know each other.

“Li Yin!” the server replies. It’s sorta weird to hear him pronounce her name the Chinese way. “I’ve been in Korea for awhile, but only recently came to Seoul. It’s been so long since we talked!”

“It’s only been so long because you stopped IMing me! You promised you would!” Ri In’s voice is shockingly playful as she gives him the Coy Eyes. Uh ohhhh, what exactly was the nature of their relationship?? “Are you going to school here? How long have you been in Seoul? Are your parents here too, then? They still love me, right? I can’t even begin to count how many times they told me they wished I were their daughter, or at least daughter-in-law, but they couldn’t even bother to tell me where you were??”

“Ri In-ah,” Junsu nudges her, looking unsure. Aww, poor guy. “Who is this?”

“Oh! I’m sorry. This is Han Kyung, a childhood friend. Geng, this is Junsu-sshi,” Whoaaa she pulled out the –sshi! Uh oh! Danger, Will Robinson!

“Junsu is my—“

“—her boyfriend,” Junsu interrupts, holding his hand out to Han Kyung. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“It’s nice to meet you as well,” Han Kyung replies with a knowing smile. “Take good care of my Li Yin,” he ruffles her hair fondly. “She’s sort of eco-crazy, but she’s a keeper.” Mmyup, that’s about how I’d sum up Ri In, too. “Let me know if you need any help with that.”

“I think I’m good for now with her, but you can help me out,” Junsu replies, and he is a lot less smile-y than he usually is.

“...Could I get a refill on my water?” Oh, snap. Way to put him in his place, Junsu. Good call.

“Of course,” Han Kyung responds graciously, unfazed. I’m quite impressed that he took it in stride. The table is so long that we’ve been having separate conversations all dinner, but everyone has stopped to pay attention to this little scene. Ri In gives Junsu a look, but he isn’t paying attention, and here are the servers again, taking our plates and giving us new food.

“This is onion soup with parmesan cheese in Toscana style,” Kibum announces. Is…he going to do this after every course is served?

“Please, enjoy this scallop with sautéed spinach and mushroom,” he states again after the next course.

Why thank you, (I look closely at the nametag) Kyuhyun. Next time, could you bring me a little Siwon on the side? No, nevermind, I take that back. I’d like Dimples as my main course, please.

Yunho is still pouting next to me. Sheesh, grow up! I’m hardly touching (much). I mean, really, if he were in the same situation would I be acting the way he is? Of course not!

I conveniently avoid thinking of a certain image of him pushing Stephanie Kim away.

“Kibum,” I say, ignoring Yunho’s petulance. “Your chef is amazing—everything has been so good.”

“Thank you, Seul Gi. I’ll be sure to let Shin Dong know,” he says. “I think you’ll enjoy our desserts later, but if not, let me know and I’ll fire Ryeowook.” Omo, that’s a little harsh, no? But Kibum laughs and all is well (except I hope I don’t have to lie about dessert to make sure Ryeowook keeps his job).

Another hand in front of me, and I’m getting a refill on my wine (score!). “Thank you,” I glance at yet another nametag (with all this eyecandy, I’m trying to keep track, but it’s hard!). “Donghae.” Ooh, this one’s a cutie too. Well, but aren’t they all.

Alright, gonna have to make up some arbitrary criteria for weeding out. Hmm, I think I’m gonna go by name, so, sorry East Ocean (and also to Strong One and Special Guy and Art-like Voice and Prodigy). Yesss, Siwon is still in the running!

“Donghae?” I hear Yunho say. “Donghae! Oh man,” Whoa, Yunho spends too much time with me—he’s picking up my little speech habits. “I haven’t seen you since middle school! How’s it going?”

“Hyung! Wow, I never thought I’d see you here, of all places! Did you know Heechul works here too? Hey, Heechul! Yunho’s here!” Said Heechul comes over (ooh! Another pretty one!) and Yunho And Friends continue to re-form their childhood connection, but I can’t be bothered to care because Dimples is back in action.

“This is homemade pansoti filled with lobster meat in a cream sauce,” he informs me, and I can’t help but giggle at him. “I really hope you like it. If there’s anything wrong with it, just let me know, and I’ll personally punch our chef for making you unhappy. I really enjoy serving you tonight.” Teehee! Whatever you say!

He leaves (sadly!), and I hear Yunho mutter under his breath, “That punk…” Omo, Jealous Yunho is so adorable. Alright, alright, I’ll throw him a bone.

I lean over and give him a kiss on the cheek…which extends to kissing along the way to his ear…and then…ahem.

I know, I know, I’m contributing to the already-sickening amount of PDA at the table, but Yunho has been very good considering how much he must want to strangle Siwon. Yunho just looks at me and blushes and focuses on his plate, and it is just about the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.

“Eunhyuk?!” Junsu yells out. What is it this time? I look over and see Junsu turning red. “You totally fouled my youngest player last week!” Hmm, what? What are we talking about?

“Uh oh,” Yunho mutters. “Eunhyuk is the captain of his school’s soccer team…we watched them play last weekend. This…is not going to end well.”

“Ladies, I think I need to powder my nose if anyone wants to join me,” Ri In announces, and spares a look at Junsu, leaving him to his battle it out alone. All of the girls at the table get up to leave with her (and it sorta looks like she just raised an army to take over the restroom).

-----


“Omo, have you girls noticed that Siwon guy’s dimples? Aren’t they so cute?” I gush as soon as we enter the incredibly nice bathroom.

“I don’t know,” Ayumi sniffs. “Having two people with dimples in the same company is sort of overkill.” Sheesh, who knew she was a dimple snob? She must be threatened by his hotness. Because oh, is he hot.

“I do agree though,” says Hye Bin. “All the servers are so hot!” Hear hear!

“Oh my God, I know!” Ara confirms. “Who do you think is hottest?”

“Nevermind that,” Boa interrupts. “Does that Donghae guy seem sorta weird to you guys? Like, he’s really stiff and robot-like.” Err, I wasn’t paying attention. The girls just look at her really strangely.

“Boa, I think the weird one here is you,” Yeon Hee rolls her eyes.

“Look who’s talking!” Boa retorts. “You keep hiding behind me or your napkin everytime that Siwon comes around. What’s with you??”

“Do you remember why I quit my job at the flower shop? Because there was this guy who kept coming in and hitting on me, and like, claiming we had a mutual friend? Yeah. That was Siwon.” Yeon Hee shudders. What? I wouldn’t have minded! More Dimples for me, I guess. “But, hey, Ri In, about that Han Kyung…you guys weren’t like childhood lovers were you?”

Ri In shakes her head vehemently, but blushes ever-so-slightly. “No, no, he’s fair game. I’ve got Junsu anyways. Why, you interested?”

“Well,” Yeon Hee starts. “I don’t know. It’s just that he looks like one of my ex-boyfriends…”

“Oh yeah! Him!” Ara says. “He does look like him! That’s so bizarre.”

“Speaking of bizarre,” I interject. “Do you think this Junsu/Eunhyuk fight is over yet?”

“Hmm,” Boa thinks for a moment. “Let’s give it another five minutes.”

-----


“You look as gorgeous as ever,” Yunho stands up to kiss my cheek as we come back. Siwon is waiting, with my seat pulled out and I say thank you to him, but Yunho elbows him away (it must hurt, because Siwon grabs his side and bites his lip in order to not cry out).

“Thank you,” I say to Yunho, amused, as I smooth my skirt down and sit in the chair. I look up at him as I sit, but Yunho looks immediately away.

What? Is there something on my face? Was he lying about the way I look? I knew I should stay away from makeup. Bah.

Yunho takes his own seat and I reach for my wine. I mean, not that I’m drinking to drown my sorrows.

I knew there was a no makeover clause for a reason…back to non-glam Seul Gi tomorrow!

“Yah,” Yunho leans in and whispers in my ear. “You might want to keep an eye out for your top…it’s sort of low-cut and anyone who is standing behind you or next to you can see straight down.” Oh my God. I feel my face turn red.

Is that why Siwon…?

“Ah, finally,” Kibum says, as the girls all sit down. “This would be our grilled lamb chops and king prawn with crab cream sauce.” Man that sounds amazing—poor Ri In and her vegetarian alternatives all night. Siwon places the plate in front of me, but I put my hand up to my chest, to make sure he can’t see anything.

-----


“Omo, Kibummie, that dessert was the perfect end to such a scrumptious meal,” Ayumi says as we exit the restaurant. Ryeowook will most definitely be keeping his job.

“Truly,” Changmin agrees (who has been silent as ever all night). “Dinner was absolutely delectable. You can be sure I will be patronizing this establishment in the future.” I don’t know how he gets so technical when it comes to food, but whatever. More power to him.

“Yeah, that was so good! My mom’s got competition for best cooked meal, I think,” Yoochun says. I ignore the banter that follows to inspect the piece of paper that was slipped to me by one of the servers whose name I can’t remember (come on! There was an inordinate amount of them!).

Huh. It’s…Siwon’s number.

I throw it away at the nearest trashcan and run over to Yunho, grabbing his arm and pulling it around my waist as we head to his car.

-----


We’ve dropped off Jaejoong, who I just realize didn’t really say a word to me all night (Ayumi got a ride home with her boyfriend, of course), and are sitting in the car parked in front of my house. The lights are thankfully off, and my parents must be asleep (I’m annoyed that they trust Yunho that much. They’ve probably even given him a spare key).

“Thanks for the ride,” I say to him and lean over to give him a quick kiss. I reach for the door handle when Yunho says, “Wait.” I turn to him, and he leans over, cradles the back of my neck in his hand and kisses me passionately.

Ooh, maybe it’s the wine talking, but I didn’t expect to get two desserts tonight! I reach up and play with his hair as we start making out in his car (are his windows fogging up from the heat we’re generating? I can’t be bothered to tear my lips from his and look).

I feel his other hand drift down my back to the bottom of my top where he plays with the fabric…and then slowly slides his hand up under it and oh my God he is rubbing my back and what is going on!




Notebook:
Arc length – is the length of an arc; get with the program, guys! That one didn’t take a genius to figure out.
Kangin – is the stage name of Kim Young-woon, and means “strong person.”
Mother Theresa – was a famous Catholic humanitarian who helped the poor, needy, helpless, etc.; she was the paragon of patience and compassion, and after her death in 1997, she was sainted by Pope John Paul II.
Siwon – is a member of Super Junior with whom Seul Gi is often paired, because they were apparently adorable together on Love Letter, but the author never saw them and thus does not have an opinion on this pairing (unless it comes at the expense of YunGi); he appears in almost all of Ri In’s MVs (more on this later); Siwon is really hot and has dimples and if you don’t know who he is, then GOOGLE NOW.
Han Geng – is the Chinese name of Super Junior’s Han Kyung, who is originally from China; Ri In has said that she is closest to this SM artist, probably at least in part because of their common language.
“Danger, Will Robinson” – is a quote from the classic show Lost in Space, characterizing the relationship between the robot and the character of Will Robinson; it is now used facetiously to warn a person of a mistake or when he or she has overlooked some factor.
Sungmin, Yesung, Kyuhyun, Shin Dong, Ryeowook, Heechul – are all members of Super Junior whom I did not care/know enough about to try to give real roles to (Art-like Voice refers to Yesung, and Prodigy to Shin Dong).
Donghae – is yet another member of Super Junior (seriously, how can they have sooo many? And they keep adding more! Though that’s controversial…) whose name means East Ocean; he and Yunho grew up in the same hometown and are close friends.
EunHyuk – is (surprise surprise) a member of Super Junior; a childhood friend of Junsu’s, the two love to tease each other and bicker.
Siwon/YeonHee/HanKyung Love Triangle – has been exploited in three of Ri In’s MVs (Timeless, I Will, and Lovers/Happiness’ Left Shore); Yeon Hee and Han Kyung are the ill-fated couple in all of them, with Siwon being the third wheel (in Timeless, he goes to Yeon Hee’s flower shop because he is inexplicably drawn to it…); go watch them—they’re epic.
Robot Donghae – is a character that Donghae plays in Boa’s MV for the Korean version of Key of Heart which the author watched prior to writing this chapter, and is astonished at how blatant the Olympus advertising is.


Chapter 18
I bet if Jefferson had met you, he would have vetoed the Non-Intercourse Act.


“Oppa, I think we need to break up.”

“What?!” Yunho exclaims. “You want to break up?! No! I just told you that I genuinely like you!” Well, A for effort buddy, but you should know that I do not grade based on effort. And what do you mean no?? If I want to break up, then we’ve broken up!

I’m so angry and so sad and so disappointed and so upset right now. The Yunho I thought I could have been falling for? He wouldn’t have made a bet about a girl’s body. The Yunho I thought I could have been falling for was a Yunho who knew how to treat a girl, a Yunho who could be goaded into some ridiculous things, but ultimately knew where his values lay and where the boundaries were. Where was that Yunho when this bet was made

“I’m sorry,” I say, and I ignore the tight pressure on my ribcage causing me to breathe more shallowly.

And though I’ve never heard him like this, Yunho laughs sarcastically, “I’ve never been rejected like this by any other girl. Seul Gi, you’re a wonder.” My God. My heart is breaking because I’ve been falling for a lie and you throw this at me? I certainly don’t need to be dealing with your ego right now, Yunho.

I put my gameface on.

“Yunho, you’ve succeeded enough with your bet: Yoochun is impressed with you, your manly ego remains intact, and you can go ask out queenkas at other schools now. I am satisfied with my interactions with Jaejoong. So don’t consider this a breach of contract…if anything, we’ve accomplished our goals ahead of schedule. That’s good, right? And if you don’t see it that way, then consider it frustration of purpose.”

If anything, there’s been unjust enrichment on his part. I don’t need restitution though…I’ll be content with leaving my integrity and virginity intact.

“Seul Gi-ah…” Yunho starts, and I give him one last chance to say something, anything, to prove I’m wrong, to tell me that it doesn’t matter what the contract says, that it doesn’t matter what the bet was, and that he’s willing to start a relationship with me just because he likes me.

Anything, Yunho.

Something.

But I guess he doesn’t like me enough to tell me that, because he doesn’t say anything else.

I blink rapidly, feeling a familiar heat and the accompanying activation of my lacrimal glands. God, what a fool I’ve been. I blurrily check my phone for the time, in an attempt to hide the tears I can feel forming.

“I need to go to my locker before class,” I whisper weakly and walk away, leaving Yunho alone in the middle of the abandoned hallway.

-----


“I don’t think I’m going to go to Speech and Debate today,” I tell Ri In and Ayumi after school.

“Are you sure?” Ri In asks. “You said that you were fine about breaking up with Yunho…” Yes, well…

“No, I mean…I’ve just got stuff to do today,” I make up excuses, but they don’t look convinced. “I mean, three weeks of dating Yunho has taken a toll on me, academically. I’m no longer weeks ahead in my classes…” I force a laugh out, but it sounds fake, even to me.

And I’m lying about being behind, but all I want to do is go home and roll up in a little ball on my bed, snuggle my homemade Z tetromino plushie, and listen to some classical music. Something angry in a minor chord, and then something sad, and then something angry, followed again by something sad.

Maybe I’ll just put Chopin’s Revolutionary Etude and Mozart’s Piano Concerto No. 23 Movement II on repeat. Then I can alternate between imagining myself ripping off Yunho’s man-parts (vengeance for his ultimate chauvinism) and imagining him trampling all over my heart (despite the fact that everyone knows better than to have a fake relationship—it doesn’t take a genius to figure that one out).

God, I’m so bitter right now. I think I deserve to be a little bit, though. Just for awhile.

“I’ll see you guys later,” I say to them and walk away to my car. I don’t know how I make it home without running into anything, because my vision is blurry and I am constantly taking my hands off the wheel to wipe my face. I go into my house and I see my mother in the living room briefly before I run up to my room. I know I can’t handle her questions about how my day was right now.

I set my ipod and fall onto my bed, grabbing my plushie and letting the flood of emotions I’ve been unsuccessfully repressing overwhelm me. I give in to it, and to sleep.

-----


“Whatever they say don't listen girl, Uril jiltuhal punijyo,” my cell phone alarm goes off. I pull my pillow over my head. I briefly wonder if my eyes are swollen, but I’ve no tears left.

I reached a conclusion last night…there’s no use crying over him and his dishonest intentions. What kind of feminist would I be if I let myself fall into a depression because a boy who was only trying to get in my pants admitted it? Does it matter that he liked me at the end? Does it matter that I almost let myself like him? No…because his intentions were not honorable, and he isn’t the Yunho I thought I was falling for.

So I won’t cry for him anymore, because he wasn’t who I thought he was. And that’s fine. I’m okay with that. It was a fake relationship, anyways, wasn’t it? There’s just no way that a fake relationship could smoothly transition into a real one. And now, I’m not even considering the fact that we were on the verge of transitioning into a real relationship. That’s not something that matters at this point.

Okay, I need to stop working through this and start getting ready for school.

-----


“Unnie…” Ri In says. She never pulls out the unnie. I give her my full attention. “What are you going to do? You’ve been so distracted all day in class. I mean, Yoo-sonsehngnim called your name three times before you answered. You have to realize that Yunho and the rest of Junsu’s friends will probably be having lunch with us today and you’re going to have to face him…”

“What’s wrong with Yunho wanting to be intimate with you, again?” Ayumi asks. “If he genuinely likes you, which he does, and you genuinely like him, which you do—no, don’t deny it—then wouldn’t it only make sense for you to take your relationship further?” These questions are one I’ve struggled with, but I know the answers now.

“I agree,” Ri In nods. “Like SuSu-oppa and I…you could take a page from our book.” Then she says in a really quiet voice, “Actually…we do have a certain book you and Yunho can borrow if you’d like…” Omo, Ri In…please no. I’m depressed enough as it is—I don’t need any mental images of you and Junsu.

“Look, it’s a matter of respect for my body,” I say calmly. I may have been distracted, but I haven’t been wallowing in self pity, that’s for sure. Okay, well, maybe a little. “As a woman, I have been objectified: my body reduced to its most basic form and without an accompanying mind or soul. Exempli gratia: do you remember a certain dimpled waiter from two nights ago? Was staring down my top all night. I don’t need that kind of b ullshit. And to think that Yunho has been staring down my proverbial top all month, and worse, that he was bet by Yoochun, Player-sshi, to stare down my proverbial top all month… It’s just more than my inner feminist can handle.”

“Yes yes,” Ayumi waves away my explanation, though I was ready to continue my rant. This girl, trying to rain on my verbosity parade. “But proverbial low-cut top or not, he eventually looked up and saw the head attached to the body. He saw you, Seul Gi. And so what if he started eyeing the proverbial top again? And okay, this is the weirdest analogy ever.”

“I don’t…I don’t know,” I say. I don’t want to admit out loud that I’m hurt that the sweet, caring, lovable Yunho I went out with could be that shallow, no matter the fact that I had always thought the worst of him. Admitting that out loud makes it more real. He’d been surprising me for three weeks, and it turned out there was no surprise. How do you bounce back from that?

It takes an amazing apology first off, let me tell you that. Definitely more than ugly flowers.

Ri In notices my conflicted expression and puts an arm around me, squeezing me a little. “Seul Gi-ah, you just tell us what you want from us. Do you want us to try to talk you out of this break-up? We can write this off as a lover’s spat, like we did last time you got mad at Yunho… Or if you just want us to be supportive, we can do that. Ayumi and I can steal you away after school and we can just veg out with pints of ice cream and man-hating movies.”

“Wait a minute, Kibum was going to take me out…” Ayumi notices Ri In’s venomous glare. “…on…Saturday. Man-hating? Sounds great!” I laugh weakly.

“Or, if neither of those appeals to you,” Ri In continues. “We can simply off Yunho. I don’t know any people, but Ayumi’s got some shady connections, don’t you, mafia princess?”

“Yah! I’ve told you guys a million times! I lived in Japan! That doesn’t mean my family rose to the top of the Yakuza!” Ayumi snaps at her.

“Oho! So you admit that you were at the bottom or middle of the Yakuza ranks!” Ri In replies with a grin. Ayumi rolls her eyes, but they’ve succeeded in making me genuinely smile and with friends like these, I think I can make it. At least, I think I can make it through lunch. I see the queenkas heading our way.

“Seul Gi…” Boa starts. “We heard what happened with you and Yunho…are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I hope it doesn’t sound as fake as it feels. I mean, I’m resilient, but damn, this heartbreak thing kind of hurts.

“The boys said they were busy today,” Yeon Hee explains as she notices Ri In looking for Junsu.

“What she means,” Hye Bin clarifies. “Is that we kicked them out of lunch today. We did the same thing after every time Yunho broke up with one of us.”

“Yah!” Ara says, pointing at Hye Bin. “You guys didn’t do that when he broke up with me!”

“That’s because he didn’t even go out with you for a full day,” Yeon Hee rolls her eyes. “We figured you didn’t have the chance to really form a bond with him to be hurt by his breakup.”

“Oh, look who’s talking!” Ara smirks. “You went out with him for two days…what kind of bond could you have had with him?” Hydrogen, perhaps?

“Two days and four hours!” Yeon Hee retorts and then pauses. “Omo, Yunho is a terrible boyfriend, isn’t he?” Well, excluding his chauvinism in betting on a random girl’s body… “But he’s so hot.” Okay, I second that.

“Anyways,” Boa tries to keep the conversation train on track and turns to me. “Yunho told us everything.”

Everything?

“Everything,” Boa emphasizes.

Everything everything??

“Everything everything,” Boa repeats.

Man, is she psychic?

“When you say ‘everything’…” Ri In gives her a wary look, wondering if they know about the bet.

“She means everything,” Yeon Hee nods solemnly.

“So you mean…he told you about the…” I start, shocked to learn that they know.

“Yes,” Hye Bin says. “He told us that you broke up with him because he liked you a lot more than you liked him and you were getting sick of his affections.”

Um…I…guess that’s why? And she didn’t exactly mention a bet….

“Well, to be completely honest,” Ara interjects. “Yunho told us directly that you broke up with him. Yoochun told us the rest of the information, which he heard from Junsu, who heard from Jaejoong.” Oh God, kingka grapevine.

“So then…no one mentioned a bet?” I ask tentatively.

“Oh of course Yoochun did,” Hye Bin nods. I hold my breath.

I don’t know why, but for some reason, I’ve fallen into the trap of the populars and I’d hate for them to learn that the reason I got to enter their social group for a little bit was not because one of their own genuinely liked me (which is what they think is true) but because there was a vicious bet for my virginity (which is what is true).

I would write off my desire to keep their opinion of me unmarred as due to the fact that their opinions are so prevalently oppressive in our high school (hegemony!), that it’s hard to not conform to their standards…but after spending some time with these girls, I know that I care because I like these girls. Sure, they can be…vapid, but they’re also genuinely sweet girls. I was just too intimidated by them before to ever form a true image of what they were like.

“…and then Junsu got all mad because Yoochun was rubbing it in his face that he won,” Hye Bin concludes and…what? I just missed the whole thing because I was having epiphanies.

“Sorry?” I am confused and hoping someone will give me a recap of the past three minutes.

“Yoochun won the bet because he knew Yunho would spend more than 100,000 won a week on you.” Wait…that was the bet they were talking about?

But…there was a much bigger bet…have I been wrong about all this? Was Yunho lying? Was there no bet at all? Has this all been a ruse to sincerely win my heart? Am I reaching for the stars for hoping?

“Well, Yoochun also started talking about another bet, but then Jaejoong appeared out of nowhere and clamped his hand around Yoochun’s mouth and glared at him, and we have no clue what pills Jaejoong forgot to take today,” Yeon Hee adds.

Oh. No. I guess I was reaching for the stars.

“Thank you, everyone. You guys have been really supportive. I think the best thing now is for me to just move on. Let’s go out tonight!” I say, rather convincingly, if I do say so myself. I am not going to let this weigh me down anymore. I will emerge from this experience a stronger woman, and I made friends with people I would have never been friends with, and I don’t need Yunho’s love and kisses.

“Yeah! Sounds great!” Ayumi agrees, because she knows that she won’t be able to go on her date with Kibum no matter what. Poor Ayumi.

“Totally!” Boa exclaims. “We need,” she pauses to count. “Seven pints of ice cream and some good movies!” Ri In nods enthusiastically. Maybe Ri In is the Chinese Boa—weird that they came up with the same plan. Well, okay, not that weird, because it is sort of the default post-break-up quick fix.

“Wait!” Yeon Hee wails. “I can’t! I have to sing that song with Jaejoong at the talent show tonight!” She pouts. “Stupid Jaejoong… I want ice cream!” Oh man, poor girl.

Everyone sort of looks at me and then Yeon Hee and then back at me. I know they’ve probably committed to supporting her and being her cheering section at the talent show.

“It’s okay, you guys,” I tell them. “Let’s go to the talent show tonight.”

It’s inevitable, isn’t it? I’ll have to see Yunho sometime. Why not while he is making a fool of himself on stage in front of the whole school? At least that’ll be good for a laugh, and oh, how I wouldn’t mind laughing because of Yunho.

It would be a vast improvement over crying because of him.

-----

“Seul Gi! Your friends are here to pick you up!” My umma calls out. Grabbing my stuff, I run downstairs.

“You girls are all so cute!” I hear my umma cooing over all six of them. “Seul Gi-ah…are you really going to wear that?” My umma has been hurting over this breakup even more than I have, if that’s possible. It’s weird.

But then again, it’s my umma, so why should I be surprised at how weird she is? I swear, I’m glad it’s not genetic.

…is it?

“What’s wrong with this?” I look down at my outfit. I mean, it’s not amazing, but why should I bother?

“Well…don’t you want to look your best? To make a statement? That you’re still hot stuff with or without…certain…people…” My mom’s expression contorts, and I can tell she’s trying to hold back her tears. Oh geez.

“This is fine, umma,” I roll my eyes at her. I’m glad that she’s being ridiculous about this, because it makes me realize how not to behave about this situation. “I’ll see you later.” My umma manages to nod, her hand covering her nose and mouth as she blinks rapidly. Sheesh.

“Bye, Mrs. Bae!”

-----


“Neseng-e dan hanbone sarang-a...annyeong...“ Jaejoong and Yeon Hee finish their duet, and I’m impressed. That kid can sing. Well, and Jaejoong’s not too bad either.

Aha, no, I’m just playing. Jaejoong is amazing. I knew this already though—certain memories of a secret a capella practice come to mind.

I regret a little that Yunho never sang anything for me, but I am caught up in cheering and applauding, along with the other girls, and making Yeon Hee blush on stage and roll her eyes as she gives little curtsies. All the other girls in the auditorium are cheering and applauding Jaejoong, of course. We, however, have got the female solidarity thing down.

“Brilliant, that was brilliant…” the emcee says. “And now, the last of our contestants…” I try not to visibly perk up, but the kingkas are next.

…And we’ve also had to endure some godawful “talents” tonight. There was a magician who tried to pull a cat out of his “magic pouch” but it ended up clawing at him and he was rushed off stage due to gushing blood. One girl was twirling batons, but then she forgot to catch her last one and it hit her in the shoulder really hard. Thank goodness she wasn’t throwing flaming batons. And there were the usual cases of stage fright—a comedian who was so nervous his voice cracked, a ventriloquist who forgot about her puppet, and a monologuer who forgot her lines.

This talent show has really put me in a better mood—it’s always nice to know that people suck more than I do.

Whaat? Do you blame me for being a little bitter still?

Thankfully, everyone else in the auditorium has sat up straighter at the news of kingkas dancing, so my own interest is not uncalled for. “Let’s hear it for…what? What is this? Oh Jang Yook Bu? Viscera and entrails? Ewww. Well, whatever, let’s hear it for Oh Jang Yook Bu!”

Everyone around us claps enthusiastically for the kingkas, but the girls clap weakly, looking at me. I applaud firmly, and then enthusiastically—I have to admit that I am really interested to see them perform—and then the other girls see that it’s okay to clap for their friends, and we start to cheer for our favorite boys. Because even after everything, they’re still our favorite boys. I grudgingly admit this.

I mean, have you seen the boys I know? Not exactly the cream of the crop when it comes to boys, lemme tell ya. Nice guys but…yeah.

Five familiar faces come on stage, and the one on the far right walks up to the microphone in the middle of the stage.

“This song goes to a very special woman in my life,” he starts.

“Your mom!” Someone in the crowd, a disgruntled social outcast I assume, yells out. Instead of the usual laughter, sounds of a person getting beat up are heard. Poor guy.

“Bae Seul Gi, this is for you, wherever you are,” Yunho says.



Notebook:
The Non-Intercourse Act – was passed in 1809 and replaced the Embargo Act that Thomas Jefferson had passed; aside from shipping to France and Great Britain, all American shipping was banned, though it was pretty ineffective at actually accomplishing this and actually contributed to the War of 1812; using a US History pick-up line for a story about Korean is a little tenuous, the author knows.
Frustration of purpose – was already in this notebook, but in case you need a refresher, is a defense in contractual law in which both parties know of the purpose for entering into the contract, but an unforeseen event undermines said purpose.
Unjust enrichment – was also already in this notebook, but in case you need a refresher, refers to when one party is unjustly enriched due to an event, at the expense of another party, thereby obligating some restitution.
Lacrimal glands – are the glands in one’s eyes that form tears.
Tetris – is the most amazing game ever; it is a Russian game of falling blocks (called tetrominoes) that the player manipulates in order to complete lines.
The Revoltionary Etude – is officially Étude Op. 10, No. 12 in C minor, a piano piece by Frederic Chopin; if you are not a classical music buff, you still may have heard it—it was adapted for DDR Max 2 by DJ Taka and was called Kakumei.
Piano Concerto No. 23 in A Major – is a classical piece by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart; the author particularly likes Movement II In Adagio.
Whatever They Say – is a DBSK song from their first CD, about a boyfriend trying to convince his girlfriend to not listen to others who are trying to get them to break up.
The Kama Sutra – is an ancient Indian book on love, most famous for describing explicit sexual positions; this is the book that Ri In is referencing, but the author felt it best if she didn’t scar readers, and really, how many of the readers read this notebook, anyway?
Exempli gratia – is what “e.g.” stands for, which is Latin for “for example;” not to be confused with “i.e.” which mean “that is” or “in other words”.
Hydrogen bond – is a chemical bond that is classified as a weak bond.
Hegemony – is dominant culture; for example, whatever is dictated by the society as common or normal.
Oh Jang Yook Bu – was the name that DBSK almost had, instead of their Dong Bang Shin Ki name; it literally means the five viscera and the six entrails of gall bladder, stomach, small and large intestines, the paunch, the bladder and the bowels; so be glad they have their awesome name today, because they almost were pretty much the Singing Indispensable Organs.

Chapter 19
The theme of this movement is love... Let's develop it...


“Bae Seul Gi, this is for you, wherever you are,” Yunho says. I guess he doesn’t know that I’m here. He remains at the microphone, and begins to sing, with the rest of the boys quietly backing him up. They are singing a capella.

This…is much better than that poor girl who didn’t realize that the song she was singing was “Bleeding Love” not “Breeding Love” (I mean, I know that we’ve got issues with the r/l thing, but sometimes, it’s pretty important).

“You are far when I could have been your star, you listened to people who scared you to death and from my heart, strange that you were strong enough to even make a start, you’ll never find peace of mind til you listen to your heart.”

He’s…singing.

To me.

In English.

I…can’t believe it.

The boy is good.

No, I take that back. He’s amazing.

Ayumi squeaks out, “Sugoi!” and Ri In grabs my shoulders squeezes them, and the surrounding queenkas are squealing and poking me. All I hear and all I see is Yunho, standing with the spotlight on him, looking nervous but singing his heart out.

“People will always make a lover feel a fool, but you knew I loved you, we could have shown them all, we should have seen love through,” He is perfectly serenading now.

I wish I had gotten him to sing to me earlier, because he is freaking awesome. I know that he must be so embarrassed right now—stoic and manly kingkas don’t really sing in public (or so he thinks). I feel my heartstrings tug a little bit at the sacrifice he is making to bare his soul like this and be so vulnerable. This isn’t the first time…

And then, all of a sudden, he sees me.

It’s like that scene in West Side Story, when Tony sees Maria; the world has melted away and in this auditorium there is only me and Yunho. I don’t know what kind of expression I have on my own face, but Yunho’s changes from surprised to sad to determined. I’m not sure if I am only imagining it, but I feel like he starts getting even more into the song.

“I will wait for you, like I always do, there's something there, that can't compare with any other…” He belts out at the bridge of the song.

How did he find a song so perfect for our relationship?? The arrangement is perfect—the boys in backup provide just the right touch. It makes me wonder how long they could have possibly been practicing for this. I mean, we only broke up yesterday. How did they have time?

“Strange that I was wrong enough to think you'd love me too, you must have been kissing a fool, you must have been kissing a fool,” Yunho finishes the song. Applause surrounds me, as I slowly snap out of my daze and clap as well.

My God. That was most definitely better than apology flowers.

“Thank you, boys—I mean, Oh Jang Yook Bu,” The emcee, whom I recognize as math teacher Mr. Shin walks onto the stage. “And with that—“

Except Yunho has taken his place next to Changmin, and Jaejoong has gestured at whoever is in the A/V room, and an acoustic guitar and violin intro fills the auditorium.

Poor Shin-sonsehngnim looks startled, but he finds his way off stage as the boys launch into part deux of their talent show. Which it seems is more singing. At least they’re good.

“Nega kumkwowadon neiri onuse yogi gude jabun sonuro nukkyojyo,” Jaejoong is positively purring.

I hear Yeon Hee (who has returned from backstage) whisper really loudly to Ara, “Hey, I know this song. I can’t remember where from though…”

I am caught up in the romantic lyrics of the song, and when they get to the chorus, I find myself swept along by the emotions of their voices. These boys are indescribable.

And then, Yunho’s voice, so clearly, so passionately: “Dallajinun meillo,” and all is lost. He could ask almost anything of me right now, and I would give in.

Okay, I exaggerate, but still. This is some good s hit. Junsu sings the end of the song, and I am half-ashamed to admit that I’m one of the first to stand up and clap. I mean, who gives standing ovations at high school talent shows, anyway?

Apparently everyone in this auditorium.

“That was great, boys,” Shin-sonsehngnim says as he approaches the stage. “Let’s hear it one last time for—“

“—oh, we actually have one more,” Yunho interrupts. Geez. Longest talent ever.

“What?” Mr. Shin is disoriented. “Wait, no you can’t. I have to go home and feed my cats.” I think he is more flustered than mean-hearted.

“Shut up, Ms. Shin!” the same guy who yelled out “your mom” at Yunho shout at the emcee. Instead of beating up the poor guy this time though, the crowd seems to agree with him. Mr. Shin just walks off stage dejectedly.

Music, again, and it sounds like this is the dance number we have all been waiting for.

“We’re OJYB,” Yunho says over the music. “Potty, let’s potty, it’s potty time.” Um…Yunho? Did you really want to broadcast your needs to the whole school? Because otherwise, you might want to keep information about your bowels to yourself, there.

“Freaky freaky boom track, set the bass, my sexy boo (yee-ha)! Yo, choosey lover and start!” Man, someone is obviously not doing well in his English class; A’s and B’s my foot.

And…then…they’re singing in Japanese. Uhhh why? Ayumi is nodding along to the music, but the rest of us are sort of confused. Until we realize that they aren’t taking themselves seriously.

Actually, those dance moves are pretty ridiculous. The boys are just having fun and acting silly (and dancing halfway on each other! The girls in the auditorium are either swooning or snapping pictures on their cellphones), and it’s hard to not want to get up and dance too.

In fact, I am sort of dancing in my chair. In fact, I look over and the queenkas have stood up and are now dancing. And because whatever the queenkas do, everyone else does, the other students have begun to stand up and dance at their seats. Pretty soon, we’ll have a veritable mosh pit going.

“We got this dance music right, move you right the bass is tight, East to West, North South and all, nothing comes close but you're choosey lover,” then something in Japanese and then “Nothing comes close but you’re choosey lover, hey, gotta make you mine,” the boys have almost forgotten the audience and are just dancing their hearts out on stage (are boys allowed to dance like that together? All…close like that? I can imagine some girls in the audience are cursing the day they did not upgrade the picture memory on their phones and have used up all the space already).

Ah, youth. I love how if any other social group did what the kingkas were doing, they’d be socially isolated for the next 18 years of their lives. But somehow, Yunho and the rest of the guys make it okay to act like complete idiots, and they’ll keep their reputation as being the hottest and coolest. These are some of the dorkiest guys I have ever met in my life. And I have met more than my share of dorky guys.

The song ends, and everyone is whooping and laughing and out of breath from all the dancing and indulging in silliness. Mr. Shin seems really hesitant to go up on stage, as if he’ll get booed off or something. Poor guy. Junsu smiles at him though, and beckons for him to approach the microphone (aww, Junsu!).

But it appears no one really cares about what the emcee has to say—it’s clear who the audience believes should be the winners of the talent show. I would have to say that right now? I agree with them.

-----


“Hey Seul Gi, is it okay if we go see the boys?” Ara asks after the show, ready to head backstage with the other girls.

“Oh, yeah, sure,” I say. “I’ll just…stay here.” Yunho definitely wore me down with his amazing singing, but I’m not sure I can face him just yet, still.

“I’ll stay with you,” Ayumi tells me, and I smile appreciatively at her. The girls all leave to congratulate the boys on their first place (not that the kingkas would have accepted any less). Ayumi and I sit on the edge of the stage in the now empty auditorium (save for family and friends of performers). We sit in comfortable silence for a while.

“I’m sorry you didn’t get to see Kibum tonight,” I apologize to her.

“Don’t be sorry,” she shakes her head vehemently. “I’m glad I got to spend time with you.” I nod and swing my legs and stare at the carpet, lost in my thoughts.

Why would Yunho go to the effort of singing a song to me, when he didn’t even know that I was there? What was he trying to accomplish? Was the second song just coincidentally perfectly romantic? Or did he also choose that one? And what was up with the last part??

A teary competitor walks by us, sobbing that she didn’t realize that all the heart imagery was because love was bleeding, and not breeding.

“Ayumi, why do boys suck?” I ask her rhetorically.

“Maybe it’s because we’re all jerks,” I hear and look up to see Yunho. I bite my lip and a rush of emotions comes over me.

“I’ll go find the girls,” Ayumi whispers and gets up to go backstage and leave me with opp—I mean, my ex. I don’t say anything. After all, he’s the one who came to find me.

“Yeon Hee was really good tonight,” Yunho comments and I nod in agreement. Alright, small talk it is.

“Yeah, Boa said she was giving her tips,” I say. “Congratulations on winning. How did you get the guys to sing a capella and do three songs? And dance all over each other at the end?”

“Thank you,” he replies politely. “Actually, it was easy to convince them. We put in a little extra practice yesterday and today. Well, actually, we put in a lot of practice…but I told them that it would be good fanservice, and the girls would swoon.”

I give a laugh.

“…okay, or maybe I just blackmailed them into it. Years of friendship makes for a lot of really good blackmail,” He grins, and my heart aches a little at his smile.

“Thank you for dedicating the first song to me,” I say quietly, not looking at him anymore. I’m scared my eyes will reveal just how close I am to forgiving him.

“Actually, all three songs were for you,” he replies.

My stomach flutters at the idea that the second song proclaiming, “Just one, there’s only you” was referring to me. And then I think of the last song and I have no idea what it’s about, but the line “Nothing comes close but you’re choosey lover,” isn’t exactly a good sign.

“Are you calling me a choosy lover?” I accuse and put my hands on my hips.

“No no no,” Yunho backtracks. “The silly dance was for you. I had hoped to make you smile…”

I bite my lip and a silence fills the space between us.

“Look, I think I need to explain some things…” he starts. I wait for him to explain, as I’ve been waiting since we broke up, but it seems he needs more time. Still. Geez.

“You know what? It’s okay,” I finally say, ignoring the ache in my chest that once again, he can’t find the words to say. “You don’t need to explain anything. Everything’s been said and done.” I absently swing my legs again and stare back down at the carpet.

And…there’s a cat. Running up the aisle. That cat-trick magician needs to put that thing in its kennel.

“No, it’s not okay,” Yunho says. “I think there were some misunderstandings yesterday, and I need to clear the air between us.” I look up at him, and he is determined to say something this time.

“Based on what you said to me, you must have thought some terrible things about me, and I need to straighten things up. So alright. You knew already that my male ego was on the line and that’s why the bet even happened. Yes, the specific reason was because Yoochun was implying that I was inept with women, particularly in the physical arena. I took offense, it’s true. And I let that influence my decision to take the bet, I shamefully admit that.”

He’s in formal mode, and I don’t want to interrupt, because so far, he has not really cleared anything up. If anything, he’s made things worse.

“In fact, when we wrote the contract together that one day, I was sure to include the skinship clause because of Yoochun’s words. I wanted to prove to him that I knew what to do—and that my failed relationships were not due to a lack of physical prowess or stamina.”

Great. You want a cookie? This is not really helping your case here.

“But you have to know that this isn’t how things developed. After the skinship clause, all subsequent skinship was completely natural. Yes, I asked you for it somewhat shamelessly, but not because of the clause. Actually, I didn’t think of the clause again, except for guiltily sometimes. Remember when we were in the car on Wednesday after dinner at that restaurant? You brought up the contract, out of nowhere, and it made me feel so guilty that I couldn’t bear to be near you, as if I were corrupting you.”

Hmm. That’s…surprisingly sweet. Keep it coming, buddy.

“I’m wondering if you think that somehow, this bet was not just about me getting physical with you, but about a certain level of physicality. I need to tell you right now that was not it. You could have gotten that chastity belt, and I wouldn’t have cared. That’s not why I was with you. Right now, I could care less what Yoochun thinks of me and my manliness. His standards are ones that I don’t want to hold myself to anymore, and if anything, I think I should be influencing him rather than the other way around.”

Well, I’m glad he’s got that clear, at least.

“You’re right—I’ve been jealous. Over Siwon, over Jaejoong…even though I knew that the whole point of this relationship was to get you closer to Jaejoong. But I’m not sure if I made this point clear enough yesterday: I like you. I like you. Like some twisted television drama, our fake relationship wasn’t fake to me. And I’m sorry that it started off badly—I really tried to make sure it wouldn’t, and I’m sorry I didn’t warn you or let you know the whole story. I regret it so much. But I was pretty sure that you started feeling something for me too, at the end. Didn’t you?”

I try to process all this. So the only new thing he’s told me, really, is that he wasn’t betting my virginity. It all goes back to chauvinism and the need to defend a male ego.

This all feels too familiar—didn’t we already have this argument? All he’s trying to say now is that he thinks he’s changed. How can I be sure that his words aren’t empty?

“It doesn’t matter what I feel, Yunho,” I sigh. I can’t be sure that his words aren’t empty. There’s just no way, especially not if I am this emotionally involved. Ergo, I need to take a step back and objectively evaluate things.

“So you do like me! Then let’s just kiss and make-up! No harm done, right?” Yunho looks hopeful.

“No,” I say firmly. I can forgive you, Yunho, but I can’t be with you. Not yet anyways. “The harm is done. It doesn’t matter what I feel, Yunho, because things between us are over nwo. Until I’m sure that the Yunho I was falling for is the real Yunho, I’m not willing to try anything romantic. Our little fake relationship is now a thing of the past.”

“What?!” I turn my head to see all the queenkas and all the kingkas standing by the entrance to the stage. “Fake relationship?!” Boa is shocked.

The queenkas gasp and Ayumi and Ri In look worriedly at each other. S hit. I didn’t want the queenkas to know…especially just as I’d finally decided that I liked them and wanted them to think well of me too.

“I knew it!” Changmin exclaims excitedly, holding his finger up as if he’s Sherlock, solving yet another mystery.

“Whoa, guys, who let the cat out of the bag?” the cat-trick magician from earlier asks us accusingly, holding his empty pouch.

“Oh, uh, I think I saw it running up and out of the auditorium earlier,” I tell him and he runs out the door after his cat. Weird.

“Wait! Explain!” Boa commands, apparently unable to speak more than two words at a time.

“Seul Gi and I were in a fake relationship…” Yunho says. Yes, Yunho. She knows this. Yunho is oh so helpful, as per usual.

“There was a love contract and everything,” I note dryly. The cat is indeed out of the bag. “You can blame Yoochun and Yunho.”

“Whoa whoa whoa, don’t drag me into this!” Yoochun holds his hands up defensively. Um, okay, dude. Except that you were the cause of all this!

“He made some remarks to Yunho, contesting Yunho’s physical prowess, which made Yunho’s man parts shrivel,” I say for more comedic effect than anything, but it sounds a little bitter.

“But hyung, I thought you liked Seul Gi!” Junsu asks, and with that voice of his, it sounds like the kid’s heartbroken. Well…too little, too late, Junsu.

“Yah!” Hye Bin yells out. “Yunho-sshi! What the hell! What did you think you were doing?! How could you do that to poor, sweet Seul Gi? What did she ever do to you!” I’m so proud of these girls—it seems my inner feminist is rubbing off on them.

“Yeah,” Boa fumes at the side. “That was so low. Making a bet and using a girl as if she were just an object to be won! And you call yourself a man!” Ooh, well played. I bet Yunho’s man parts are shriveling a little as they speak.

“I’m really disappointed in you, Yunho-sshi,” Yeon Hee says. I love that they’ve all pulled out the –sshi. Good call, girls. I’m thoroughly amused that they’re chewing out Yunho for me.

“Yunho-sshi,” Ara looks on the verge of tears. “I…thought you genuinely liked her! You were just leading her on this whole time? How could you? She gave you her everything!” The best years of my life, even? Oh Ara, way to be melodramatic.

Okay, but really. Twilight Zone, much?

Aren’t these supposed to be the lines of the injured girl in the relationship? I mean, if Yunho hadn’t been upfront about the fact that this was all a bet, I’m pretty sure everything they’re saying would be coming out of my mouth.

“Girls, it’s okay,” I say. “I knew about the bet. That’s…not why I’m upset with Yunho.”

“Oh,” Boa and the rest of them are immediately contrite for verbally lambasting Yunho. “Well, but then why are you upset?”

I take a breath. “It…doesn’t matter now. There were some misunderstandings.” I turn to Yunho, who has been taking this abuse well, knowing he sort of deserves it.

“Oppa,” I call out, letting him know what terms we will be on. “Thank you, for your grand gesture. I know how hard it must have been for you to swallow your pride and to sing in front of everyone, especially not knowing if I’d even be here to hear you. I forgive you. I guess my imagination was a bit overactive, though I still feel somewhat justified. I can’t take you back and I won’t let myself entertain the thought of just restarting and having a real relationship with you. But I hope we can remain friends.”

I hold my hand out for a handshake, and dazed Yunho holds his out.

“Ouch, hyung,” Changmin says. “She’s pulled the ‘let’s just be friends’ line.”

I shake Yunho’s hand once, firmly, and grab my things and head out of the auditorium.





Notebook:
Theme – is a musical term used to describe a fundamental musical idea which will have variations and developments; a musical piece is split up into movements which may contain these altered themes.
Bleeding Love – is a song by U.K. singer Leona Lewis; it was released over there in 2007, but has as of April 2008 only been recently released in the United States, where it has infected all the radio stations in the author’s city.
Kissing a Fool – is a song originally by George Michael, covered by Michael Buble (which is the version the author likes), and is the reason for the title of this story; you didn’t think it’d be a songfic, now did ya?
West Side Story – is an epic musical retelling of Romeo and Juliet and is another classic that you ought to watch if you have not seen it; the scene referenced in this chapter is when Tony sees Maria for the first time at the dance at the gym.
Shin Jung Hwan – is a Korean comedian who has appeared on a lot of shows, as well as shows where DBSK have been guests (e.g. X-Man, SBS Line Up, Happy Together, etc.); he is known for his small shoulders, and is often called Ms. Shin which is hilarious even if the author doesn’t really know why he’s called that.
One – is the second song that the boys sing at the talent show, and is one that DBSK sang that appeared on the OST of A Millionaire’s First Love (which again, Yeon Hee starred in); as the title of the song would imply, the lyrics convey that the singer has only one love to whom he is singing the love song; it is one of the author’s favorite DBSK songs.
Choosey Lover – is a Japanese song on DBSK’s Five in the Black CD that the author finds hilarious; for about a month, everytime she heard Yunho say “Party, let’s party, it’s party time” she couldn’t help but laugh out loud because of 1) it’s phonetic similarity to “potty” and 2) because it’s a ridiculous phrase to say anyway.
Letting the cat out of the bag – is an idiom in English that means to tell a secret; thus, it is a lame pun, but the author loves lame puns.
The Twilight Zone – was a television series usually in genres of fantasy, science fiction or horror that had bizarre, eerie, or unexpected twists at the end; colloquially, to be in the Twilight Zone refers to any strange or surreal experience.



Chapter 20
You and I would add up better than a Riemann sum.


“I'm holding back the tears, mugeopji anhge naui maeumeul maego georeoyo,” I hit my alarm. Saturday. Oh blissful Saturday.

No school (even a nerd like me can enjoy a day off!), no Yunho, no drama.

I sit up in bed and stretch my arms and smile. Today? Will be a great day, and after the past couple days of hell, I think I deserve it. I minimally hygienize because today is a pajamas kind of day.

“Good morning umma! Good morning appa! How are you this beautiful morning?” I chirp as I enter the kitchen.

“Seul Gi-ah!” My mother pops her head out of the fridge with a guilty look on her face. I roll my eyes (it’s a conditioned response that I have everytime I interact with my umma, I think).

“Umma, are you eating some of the chocolate éclairs for breakfast? What’s with that expression?” I ask, grabbing a glass out of the cabinet. I need some milk (after all, it does a body good!). “Will you hand me the milk?”

“Sure.” She doesn’t look at me as she holds out the carton. It’s okay, umma. I’ll be sure the Éclair Police don’t find out about your secret indulgences.

I shake my head at her but fill my glass and put it back in the fridge as my mother sidesteps me and nervously fiddles with her hair. I look in the fridge to check on the éclairs and something catches my eye.

Oh geez. My mind goes to a bad place.

There, standing ever-so-prominently on the shelf, is a can of whipped cream. And right next to it? Some freshly cut strawberries.

I try really really hard to not imagine my parents going at it, spraying that whipped cream all over the kitchen (Oh God! The image! Away, foul beast! Away!), but really—it would explain my mother’s guilty (embarrassed?) look.

I’m…just…not even going to bring it up.

“Um…is appa back from golf yet?” I ask, avoiding her eyes, as I’m sure she’s avoiding mine. Bah, didn’t mean to bring up the Other Party.

“He’s in our room,” she says timidly. Mmmyeah, I’m just gonna bail while I’ve got the chance.

I head out of the kitchen with my milk and down the hallway, but then someone is coming the other way. I step to the left to let him pass, but then rethink my decision (after all, in Korea, we drive on the right side of the road). I step to the right, as he steps in the same direction. Hmm. I step the other way, as does he. Okay, back to the right.

“Hey, no dancing!” I hear my appa call out with a wry grin from behind this person, and that’s when I look up and find that there’s Yunho. Standing in my hallway.

God. How is it that he does this so smoothly??

“Excuse me,” Yunho’s voice is a low rumble. “Ladies first.” He gestures for me to pass. Except my appa is the only one who moves past Yunho (and towards the kitchen). I am frozen.

Until it hits me…

“Umma,” I call out warningly as I storm back into the kitchen. Someone has got some explaining to do.

“What is Yunho doing here, and why didn’t you say anything earlier instead of looking like Ms. I’m-About-To-Do-Your…” I don’t want to finish this sentence. “…Laundry-All-Guiltily?” I improvise poorly, it seems.

“Oh, well, Seul Gi…I thought…it’d be a nice surprise!” she answers and giggles nervously. “Um… Surprise!”

“Don’t blame your umma,” Appa says cheerfully as he grabs the strawberries and foregoes the whipped cream in favor of sour cream. He also grabs the brown sugar from a cabinet. “Yunho beat me again at golf this morning, so I told him I’d treat him to lunch.”

“Appa,” I start. “It is,” I check my watch. “Nine o’clock. I assume you mean early brunch.”

“Ah, no, he doesn’t,” Yunho has come into the kitchen now and is grabbing a glass from the cabinet like he lives here. It really annoys me how at home he is here. You’re not a part of the family, no matter how much my parents want you to be! “He wanted me to hang out here until noon. I think he wanted to challenge me to a little Guitar Hero. Um, and also, you have a milk mustache.” Omo! I wipe my mouth self-consciously, my face flushed.

“Oho!” My dad exclaims. “I believe you, son, are the challenger! I am the reigning champion here.” Omo, please don’t call him “son,” appa.

“Hah!” I scoff. “If reigning champion means being on level medium, then sure, appa: you’re reigning champion.”

“Oh? Is that another challenger?” My dad raises an eyebrow, and I roll my eyes.

“No no, you guys go ahead and bond.” I just want Yunho out of my presence. “Let’s be friends” doesn’t mean “Come over and ingratiate yourself with my parents.”

I grab the brown sugar on the counter and sit myself in front of the bowl of strawberries and sour cream. Mm. Good stuff. I reach for a strawberry when my umma takes the bowl away from me.

“Wha—umma!” I protest as she begins to carry everything to the living room.

“Sorry, Seul Gi-ah,” she apologizes half-heartedly. “I cut these for Yunho—they’re his favorite fruit! You can have an apple, if you want.” Umma! Traitor. An apple will so not replace strawberries.

I grumble and grab an apple. I think I’ll just sit in my room and kill some brain cells playing Halo. I could do with some nerdy mindless aggression release.

-----


“Bam, sucka! Oh, you like that, huh? N00b!” My appa is rubbing it in Yunho’s face that he beat him on whatever song they just played. I roll my eyes (my eyes are getting their exercise today it seems) as I head downstairs. They’ve been at it for hours.

“Ahjusshi, I am just letting you win,” Yunho replies calmly. “I have respect for my elders, and I don’t want to upset you by beating you.”

“Whatever! I totally pwned you!” My appa is making a fool of himself. I thought he generally left that to umma to do.

“You two are idiots,” I comment on my way past.

“You want to play?” Yunho asks me, but I shake my head.

“We don’t want her to play, Yunho,” My appa elbows him and winks. He’s about to goad me into playing. He does this all the time, knowing that my inner feminist is easily goad-able.

“She’s just-a-girl—what does she know about rock and roll?” You sure you wanna go there, appa? I know he’s saying all this tongue in cheek, but with this strange tension between Yunho and me, my inner feminist is ready to become an outer feminist.

“I’m…not sure that’s such a good idea to taunt her like that, sir,” Yunho looks nervous. “Seul Gi’s not your typical girl. I bet she’s very talented at Guitar Hero.” Amen!

“Seul Gi-ah? Yeah right,” my appa says, metaphorically prodding my inner feminist one more time.

Oho. That’s it. The gauntlet, she has been thrown.

I saunter over to the living room and hold my hand out, waiting for a Gibson Les Paul. Yunho gives me the one he was using, and I challenge my appa.

“Barracuda. On Hard.” I announce.

“What a girl song,” Appa remarks with a grin. But I make him eat his words as I totally pwn him.

“Mmhmm! How’s that for just-a-girl?” I sass my appa with a smirk as he overexaggeratedly flops over in despair. “You are made of such epic fail.”

“Why don’t you take on someone your own age?” Yunho challenges.

“What, this from someone who sings things like ‘Freaky freaky boom track, set the bass, yo, choosey lover and start?’ Yeah, I’m sure you know all about music,” I scoff at him.

“Hey, it’s not like I wrote that song. And even the Backstreet Boys’ grammar was sketch, and English was their first language. ‘I don’t care if he buys you nice things, does his gifts come from the heart?’ I mean, seriously, what happened to good ol’ values like subject/verb agreement?” Yunho, are you sure you’re not really a nerdy 12 year old girl?

My appa turns and sits up from his prostrate position. “Yes! You two! You show her, Yunho! Gotta redeem the Team of Man!” Appa. You’re a dork. That’s why I love you.

“Hit me with your best shot,” I say to Yunho. “Name any song. I will obliterate you.”

“Hit Me With Your Best Shot,” Yunho replies with an infuriating smirk.

“Aishh, Yunho!” Appa laments after I’ve beaten Yunho. “You were supposed to redeem our sex!”

Yunho shrugs, but I have a vague feeling he let me win (he messed up on easier sections of the song…hmm. That…sorta pisses me off even more. Jerk. What is he saying? That I wouldn’t have been able to beat him on my own?).

“Appa, just admit it—girls rock, too,” I put a hand on his shoulder.

“It’s true, Mr. Bae, they do,” Yunho looks at me. And…okay. Not gonna look at him anymore. I need the time away from him if I’m gonna heal. I’m not sure how this being friends thing will work out for us.

“Fine fine fine, I’ll buy you lunch too,” my appa says to me as he turns off the tv.

“Wait, I don’t want to go,” I protest. Lunch with appa and Yunho? Not exactly time away from Yunho.

“Nope, you don’t have a choice,” umma comes in wearing a light sundress. She looks like she’s trying to look much younger than she is. “We’re all going. Go on, get dressed.” She pats me on the bum like a coach encouraging her football players as I grudgingly head back up to my room.

What happened to blissful pajamas day?

-----


“So is this a special occasion or just an avoidance of having to cook at home?” the waiter asks.

“A special occasion,” my appa smiles at the waiter. “We’re celebrating these two today.” He gestures at me and Yunho. Thanks, Dad.

“Oh! Congratulations, you two! Would you like some champagne, then? Have you set a date?” the waiter presumes a little too much. Hmph!

“No—“ I start.

“I’m sorry,” Yunho says before I can finish. “We’re not together. We’re just friends.” He says this without any bitterness or regret or amusement in his voice, and I ignore any twinges of hurt. What does my heart know, anyway?

“Not just friends for long,” my umma says softly to me. Umma! Is that altogether necessary? I hope Yunho didn’t hear that. I look at him, but he looks unmiffed, so I guess he didn’t hear (or didn’t care).

“Ah, right, I’m sorry,” the waiter apologizes, but looks utterly confused. I…am not going to bother explaining to him that we are celebrating the fact that we beat my appa at golf and Guitar Hero. Not really worth the waiter’s fake enthusiasm. I peruse my menu in search of the most expensive entrée to punish my father’s wallet.

“Wow, all this food looks really good,” Yunho comments as he flips through his menu. “I don’t know what to order…”

“Seul Gi-ah, don’t you have any suggestions for Yunho?” my umma asks me. I give her an I-know-what-you’re-doing look.

“No, umma,” I say fake-sweetly. “I’ve never been to this restaurant either. Yunho will just have to fend for himself like a big boy.” Do I really need my parents urging me to just give in to Yunho? Come now.

“Seul Gi, don’t be silly. We come here all the time,” my appa says without looking up from his menu.

“Do we, appa? Do we really?” I say to annoy him. I’m feeling childish today, but gosh darn it, it was pajamas day!

“Seul Gi-ah,” my umma admonishes. “We were just asking if you wanted to help Yunho out with what he might like to eat, seeing as how you guys were together and all.”

“That’s alright, Mrs. Bae.” Yunho probably thinks he’s come to my rescue. Ass. “Seul Gi and I have very different tastes.” What does that mean? “Unlike Seul Gi, I’ve never been much of a chicken,” he pauses. That jerk! I see where you’re going with this! “…kind of guy when I go out to eat. I prefer relying on things with more substance.” I squint my eyes in annoyance at him, understanding perfectly what he’s trying to say. “Stuff like red meat.” Hmph.

“Aisenai kimi dakedo boku wa made yume miteru,” my phone goes off. Ooh! I pull out my phone and I’ve gotten a text message from Jaejoong.

“Hey, wut r u doing 2moro? Wanna grab lunch?”

Huh. Well. I guess. Meh. I’m not doing anything else.

“Who is it?” my umma asks. Psh, who says I have to tell?

“It’s Jaejoong…he wants to grab lunch tomorrow,” I say, looking at Yunho for his reaction. Er…I mean. Not that I have a sick desire to see how he responds to that.

Yunho perks up and says, “Oh? Cool. Well, say hi for me.” What. This…was not the response I was expecting.

“Jaejoong? Is he that punk from last week?” my appa says. I can’t believe it’s only been a week since I went shopping with Jaejoong. My life is so melodramatic. Had I a fainting couch and smelling salts, rest assured that I would utilize them.

“Jaejoong is my best friend,” Yunho says softly but sternly, defending Jaejoong without confronting my parents too aggressively. He’s way too good at playing my parents. And me. Blah.

“Omo, then we’ll have to invite you both over for dinner at our house some night! How does Wednesday sound?” My umma is…crazy. What else is new.

“Wednesday? Sounds great,” Yunho replies with an appreciative smile. “Seul Gi, you want to invite him in your reply?”

I try not to visibly make an annoyed face as I text Jaejoong that I’ve got nothing better to do, so sure, I’ll go to lunch, and by the way, would he like to come to dinner at my house on Wednesday because my parents are in love with Yunho and therefore by extension, Jaejoong isn’t entirely a punk? I mean, y’know, without the last part.

It appears that my umma and appa will be rooting for Team YunGi. As for Yunho...I don’t know. I’m gonna have to keep my eye on him.

-----


“Seul Gi-ah!” I hear Jaejoong’s voice and see him waving at me from the best table in the restaurant. I rush over, out of breath.

“Hey…sorry, Jaejoong…I forgot…so I rushed…as fast as I could…” Ayumi and I need to start our work-out sessions again, I think.

“That’s alright, I wasn’t waiting long. I hope you don’t mind that I already ordered for us.” Um…oh. Okay. “It’s just that this place really makes the best curry. I hope you like spicy foods, because I ordered the spiciest. I love spicy foods.” Um. Okay.

“Yeah, I like spicy foods,” I reply with a polite smile to hide the fact that my tongue tends to flail in despair if I try to give it food that’s really spicy. Thank goodness I wore my waterproof mascara today…I can see tears of pain in my future. “Thanks for ordering.”

“No problem,” Jaejoong says with a grin. “I get really eager about foods that I like, and I want to share them with people that I like. I mean…er…you know, people that I like…as friends.” Nice save there, Jaejoong.

But I let it slide and nod because I don’t really want to make that more awkward than it already is, and I don’t want a love confession from him now.

Is this a huge revelation? I feel like it is, but I also don’t feel like it is. I..don’t really want Jaejoong’s romantic attention. How silly, huh? That this whole ordeal came because I appreciated the fact that Jaejoong wasn’t a jerk, and he was hot, and not socially awkward. Now, that’s not enough for me. He’s not enough for me. I’m perfectly fine being his friend though.

Thank goodness the food’s arrived. I look at the plate in front of me. There’s a Thai chili pepper on top. Not a good sign.

I check my water, and it seems I’ve been sipping a little too much (hey! I rushed over here and was all sweaty! I’m just replenishing my fluids). I should have ordered milk—the water won’t get rid of the burning sensation from the capsaicin.

“Dig in,” Jaejoong says as he waits for me to take the first bite. I cringe a little. Alright. Buck up, Seul Gi. Aja, aja, hwaiting!

I lift my chopsticks to my mouth and…okay. I can handle this. This isn’t too bad. It’s flavored well actually.

And okay, I can feel a little of the heat. Understandable, since it probably just came off the stove. Okay, wait a second.

Getting spicy. Really spicy. Okay, really hot now.

Oh my God I don’t think I’m going to make it. I think my stomach is going to explode.

Water! Water! Where’s my water?? I gulp down the rest of my water, but I’ve just spread the capsaicin around my mouth (I knew this was going to happen, bahhh!).

I look at Jaejoong’s water like a pianist looks at a Steinway.

I want it. I want it now. Give it to me.

“Um, would you…like my water?” Jaejoong asks, eyes wide. No words. I just nod as I grab the glass from his hand and chug it. I want to cry. I’m okay now, I think. But I want to cry.

“Sorry, I’ve got a low tolerance for spicy foods,” I admit finally. Jaejoong takes a huge bite of his.

“Oh, this is really good!” He eats some more. Uhhh, masochist, much? What the heck, dude. I glance warily at my own food.

“You can order something else,” Jaejoong says around a mouthful of The Devil’s Own Curry. Sounds good.

-----


“So why did you want to have lunch today?” I ask as we pay for the food and head out of the restaurant. Thank goodness for noodles. We’ve engaged in mostly small talk this whole time, but my curiosity is killing me.

Jaejoong looks caught off guard for a second before answering, “Well…half of it was me just wanting to hang out with a friend.” That’s nice. Makes me want to pat his head fondly.

“But the other half is me wanting to know how you and Yunho are doing…” Oh.

“We’re fine,” I say, controlling my voice as I look at the windows of the stores on this street. “We’re just going to be friends from now on.” Jaejoong raises an eyebrow skeptically.

“I’ve seen how Yunho has been taking things…” Jaejoong starts. That gets my attention.

“He’s…surprisingly fine.” Damn. Yunho’s one of those remarkably resilient types, is he? Bastard.

“You also look and sound fine, but…I don’t know. Even if your relationship wasn’t real, it definitely seemed like it towards the end. If you ever need someone to talk to, even though I’m Yunho’s best friend, you can always talk to me. I promise I won’t, like, tell him what you’re saying.” That’s sweet. I stop in front of a Bean Pole store.

“Well, I do sort of wish he showed that he was hurting or something,” I admit. “But it’ll be fine. I think we can be friends…I mean, the bickering-do-I-even-like-you-at-all-because-I’m-not-entirely-sure type of friends, probably. But still.”

Jaejoong smiles as he fixes his bangs in the Bean Pole window. Wow. That’s…pretty desperate when you rely on store windows for reflective surfaces.

“But before I forget,” I admire the clothing on the mannequins. “You don’t have to come to dinner on Wednesday. Actually, it’d be really great if you could convince Yunho to not come to dinner on Wednesday. I’d be indebted to you.” My parents are about to adopt Yunho, I think.

“Really?” Jaejoong pauses fixing his hair in the window and looks like he’s weighing his options. “Nah, I need to redeem myself in front of your parents, and it seems like Yunho would be the perfect in.” Laaame.

“I’m not sure Yunho is perfect anything,” I mutter and lean against the wall next to the store window. But then of course, who is? Isn’t that what we’ve all got to accept in each other? Their flaws?

“Seul Gi-ah? Jaejoongie?” I look up and, as if I’ve my very own stalker, Yunho is crossing the street towards us.

Great. I can’t seem to escape this guy. What perfect timing.


Notebook:
Riemann sum – is a mathematical method named after Bernhard Riemann used to find the area under a curve on a graph; closely related to integrals.
Holding Back the Tears – is a song from the DBSK drama Vacation which is...um…about holding back one’s tears; it is Seul Gi’s alarm in this chapter—and the author realizes she’s had many different alarms, but that’s because she is awesome and can.
Conditioned response – is a type of response to a stimulus which requires learning (the response would not normally occur without the learning behavior); in this reference, Seul Gi is saying that everytime she encounters her mother, she just automatically rolls her eyes, after having experienced usually rolling her eyes at her mother so many times.
“Hey, no dancing!” – is something that was said to the author by an unassociated third party when she had a very similar awkward experience trying to get around a stranger at a restaurant; the author was amused, if embarrassed.
Strawberries – are Yunho’s favorite fruit; while strawberries and whipped cream are often paired together, a really yummy, more upscale dessert is to dip the strawberries in sour cream and then brown sugar—the brown sugar canceling the sourness of the cream and just making a really awesome treat.
Halo – is a game that almost any guy likes—because all it is, is picking up guns and finding other players to shoot; the author played once, and was so bad at it that she does not like to speak of the experience.
N00b and pwn – are slang terms that came about via videogames; the first refers to a “newbie” or someone who is new to a game and does stupid things, and screws the game for other players whereas the second perhaps arose from a typo of “own” (and as such is pronounced as “own” with a "p" in front of it).
Gibson Les Paul – is perhaps the most recognized electric guitar; a game controller in the design of the Gibson comes with Guitar Hero III.
All I Have to Give – is a song by the most famous boyband evarrr, the Backstreet Boys; the author initially made fun of boybands but became a huge fan of BSB when she was in middle school, though the line “Does his gifts come from the heart” bothered even 12 year old author (yes yes, she was/is a nerd.)
Hit Me With Your Best Shot – is a famous song by Pat Benatar, playable on Guitar Hero III; the opening line of the song is, “Well you’re a real tough cookie with the long history, Of breaking little hearts, like the one in me” and is sort of apt for the Seul Gi/Yunho relationship.
Epic fail – is a really nerdy phrase indicating that a person is a failure, epically.
Aisenai Aishitai – is a song on DBSK’s Heart, Mind, and Soul album; it is about a boy who is in love with his best friend’s girlfriend and was suggested by yunholover90 as being Jaejoong’s theme song (and is appropriate seeing as how Jaejoong sings the chorus).
Jaejoong’s affinity for spicy foods – has been brought up many times on variety shows that DBSK is on; Jaejoong claims that though he admits the food is spicy, he loves it a lot; he also has an impressive tolerance for chili peppers.
Capsaicin – is a compound found in chili peppers and is the reason why chilis are spicy; because it is not water soluble, water has no lasting effect on the burning sensations—instead, dairy products are great at neutralizing the hotness.
Steinway & Sons – is the most recognizable brand of pianos and is known for its amazing quality; the pianos are apparently made mostly by hand; at the writing of this chapter, the author spoke to a pianist who mentioned her immense desire to own a Steinway and also mentioned that one might run for about $30,000.
Fixing one’s hair – is something that Jaejoong does almost obsessively; in many behind the scenes videos, one can see Jaejoong looking in a mirror or into the camera to fix his hair.



Chapter 22
I love you like an unspoken metaphor. That's why I had to use a simile.


“Oi, what is this?? I got this last class from the student exchange program back in Japan…it’s dated from like a month ago,” Ayumi exclaims. She reads the note in her hand. “What?!” She holds the note out to us. “Okay, maybe my Korean isn’t as good as I think it is. Does this say what I think it does?? I have to move to Rome??”

I take the note and read aloud,

“Lee Ayumi-san, Greetings from the Student Exchange Program. We realize we haven’t contacted you after your first month, but we have always been supporters of the ‘when in Rome’ policy, so we hope you have been ‘doing as the Romans do.’ In order to really ‘do as the Romans do,’ or at least help the Romans out, we require volunteer work in your host city, which was explained thoroughly to you at the beginning of the program. We have not yet received your log of volunteering hours. As such, we have already arranged for you to volunteer at Itaewon Samsung Nursery on Tuesday afternoons. We hope to hear great things about you from them. In order for your credits at your host school transfer, make sure your hours number at least 50 factorial.”

“That’s an exclamation point, not a factorial,” Ri In reads over my shoulder. Oh. Right. Of course. I discreetly grab my calculator and push a few buttons. Yup. 3.04 × 1064 hours of volunteering would be crazy.

“What is Itaewon Samsung Nursery? Is that a place where they grow cell phones?” Ri In, you spend way too much time with Junsu.

“No, it’s a childcare center,” Jaejoong interjects. “I used to go there as a kid.”

“Seriously??” Ayumi looks ashen. “I…have to volunteer at this place?? Will there be…children there?”

“Um…yes, there are typically children at childcare centers,” I respond.

“I can’t do it,” Ayumi states matter-of-factly. “I don’t like kids…they’re scary. They lie. They have no attention span. They’re smarter than I am. They’re dirty. They’re weird. They’re loud. I can’t do it. I won’t do it. How do I get out of this??”

“It’s not that bad,” Ri In pats her head patronizingly. “You only have to do fifty hours. How many Tuesdays are left in the year?” She pauses to count. There aren’t that many left… “Aiyah…well…hmm. Um…hey! Junsu and I can come and volunteer with you today!”

“What?!” Junsu protests. Ri In looks at him sharply. “I mean, of course Ayumi! We’ll come and help.” Ri In, no wonder we’re best friends. Whippah, boys! “So will hyungs!” Junsu looks around him but the kingkas are avoiding his eye-contact.

All but one.

“I’ll come,” Jaejoong says. “I’d like to go and see if it’s changed at all since I’ve been there. Seul Gi-ah, you want to come too?” What. Go in my free time to take care of demon spawn whose parents don’t want to take care them? Yeah, I need that like I need another hole in my head.

“You don’t like children, Seul Gi?” Yunho asks.

No, I do like children. Babies, in particular, are so adorable (not that I’ve ever held one). But young children in numbers more than, say, five, gets a little ridiculous. This is why I plan on having two children. Both girls. Two years apart. After I’ve won the Nobel prize. And they will only have at most, three friends at one time, so that I won’t be stuck with young children numbering more than five. Okay okay, Ayumi: I’ll help a poor girl out. It would be good, I guess, to test-drive some younguns.

“Actually,” I reply. “I love kids.” And if it’ll make me look better in Yunho’s eyes, then sure, I can’t get enough of kids. I imagine Yunho and myself and twenty-five of our offspring running around our Suburbia Dream House With Matching Pink Convertible Accessory.

“Ayumi, count me in.”

-----


“This is it,” Jaejoong announces as we approach the door of the nursery. “Oh wow, they repainted the sign…”

Ayumi, Ri In, Junsu and I all sort of grumble as we follow Jaejoong into the animals-and-numbers-wallpapered building. Ayumi lets the caretaker know that she’s there to volunteer for her program, and that she brought a few extra volunteers. They give us nametags and shoo us off in the general direction of the younguns.

I brace myself for a plethora of wild, feral children running around all willy nilly. Thank God Yunho isn’t going to be here to actually see how I interact with too many hyperactive children (can’t have him thinking I would brandish clubs at our twenty-five children, now can I?). We step bravely into the main room.

“Yunho?!” my jaw drops.

“Yunnie, what are you doing here?” Jaejoong asks.

“Oh, the usual. Volunteering at a childcare center,” Yunho says offhandedly. Gahhh, this means that I have to actually pretend like I don’t want to off all but a handful of kids to get to a reasonable number of mini-humans!

“Yunho-sshi?” one of the caretakers asks. “Do you know where Inhwan is? Did he tell you last week when he was going on vacation with his parents?” Yunho was here last week?

“Oh, no I wasn’t here last week. I had a really important prior engagement.” Yunho looks at me.

One week ago was when he took me to Jung, Ban, and Ha Media and we watched Casablanca and had glorious dinner and stargazed and got really intimate. A chill runs through me a little at the memory of his kiss.

“He did tell me that he’d be late today, but they aren’t leaving until next week,” Yunho replies. I can’t handle thinking of happier times with him in addition to imagining him with said Inhwan (my ovaries might implode from excitement), so I turn away to see Junsu and Ri In playing with a few kids who are building with some wooden blocks.

Jaejoong is talking to the caretakers, and Ayumi is standing by a wall, looking really terrified. Oh poor girl. I take a step to go help her out and find a germy child to befriend, but before I get there, Yunho is already introducing her to a really sweet looking little girl in a sundress.

Way to steal my thunder, there, Yunho. Fine. I’ll just play with these kids over here.

“Hey there, what’s your name?” I ask a kid holding a plastic phone. He just looks at me. Umm…okay.

“He’s Young Jae and he’s my husband,” a little girl says to me. Oh really? Geez, even the kiddies have more luck with love than I do.

“He thinks, it’s rude to…ask someone’s name before, you say what yours is,” she continues, pausing at weird places in a sentence as kids do. Oho, does he now?

“I’m sorry,” I apologize, properly chastened. “I’m Seul Gi. What’s your name, then?”

“I’m Ji Eun. ‘Snice to meet you,” she gives a little curtsy. And then tries to violently steal Young Jae’s plastic phone.

“It’s mine!” Young Jae protests. Loudly. Oh, so loudly. Who needs to ruin your eardrums with blasting music on your ipod when you can just be within a mile radius of this child?

“Share!” some random kid yells out from behind me, startling me. I try not to trip over him. Seriously. Children in numbers. It’s a dangerous thing. “You guys have to share!”

“That’s true,” I tell Random Kid. “A good relationship requires open communication and some compromise.” Random Kid ignores me. I stick my tongue out at him.

“Now, I can’t tell if you’re being really smart by behaving on their level for rapport, or if you’re just being childish,” Yunho says. He’s apparently left Ayumi with Sundress Girl, but Ayumi seems to be pretending to put make up on the girl, so I guess she’s happy enough.

“It’s the latter, I assure you,” I admit with a flirty smile.

“Oh, well then I suppose if you’re happy being 4 years old, you wouldn’t want to come with me to where the younger ones are…” Yunho dangles that information in front of me, not knowing how much it is pure temptation.

Watch Yunho interact with babies? My overactive-considering-my-age biological clock would bop me over the head if I turned that one down.

“Sure, I’ll come,” I agree, trying to sound as if I don’t desperately want to be near him. “But only because you’re just so gosh darn cute.” I reach my hand up and mess up his hair fondly. He dodges from me a little late (oho! Skinship:1, Yunho:0) and playfully scowls at me.

“Yah, don’t touch the hair!” Yunho mock-scolds me, trying to fix his already perfectly tousled hair.

Yunho: way to pretend you care just so I’ll want to touch it.

“What, you think it looks that good?” I retort, reaching up to mess his hair again.

Me: way to pretend I want to get on his nerves just so I can have an excuse to touch him.

Yunho leads me to the nursery, dodging my flirtatious hair-mess-ups.

“Yunho! Perfect timing!” some woman exclaims as we enter the nursery. “Will you hold her? I really have to pee.” Geez, TMI, woman.

Yunho holds his arms out as the woman deposits this really chubby baby girl in his arms. Yunho holds the infant close, a happy smile instantly brightening his expression. The girl also looks so content, in Yunho’s arms. I’m actually jealous.

I know that’s ridiculous, but the way that he’s looking at her is just so fondly and I feel a pang in my heart when I think of how he used to look at me like that. Yunho, what happened?? I don’t understand—shouldn’t he be trying to win me back??

“Do you want to hold her?” Yunho asks.

“What? Me? Oh, no…that’s…okay.” What, have I adopted weird-pauses-in-my-sentences already from a mere ten minute exposure to children? And anyways, I’m scared I’d drop her—she’s so tiny!

“Are you sure?” He holds her out to me. Ack! Don’t hold her out all in the open like that!

Fine fine fine! I hold my hands out nervously.

“…have you ever held a baby before?” Yunho looks at my shaking arms warily.

“Have you?” I challenge, even though he obviously has (and is). Okay okay, I’m in defense mode. Being in the presence of so many pre-pre-pre-pre-adults makes me defensive, alright??

Yunho, though, is patience epitomized. “Babies are fragile in some aspects, but in others, it’s better to hold them more firmly and securely. They won’t be comfortable if you’re uncomfortable holding them, so just relax. Whoa, not that much, you’re still holding a human being, y’know. It’s like any other relationship—you have to know when and where to be supportive and to be unconditional in that support, and when and where to let them be free. They’ll eventually grow out of thinking you’re the best person in the world.”

I look at him, wondering if I’m reading too much into that, but he’s leaning down and just looking at the baby in my arms and patting her chubby cheeks.

“That’s great. You’re doing great.” He looks up and into my eyes and I feel my cheeks flush.

“You’re really good with kids,” I say as I break the eye contact.

“I’ve got a lot of experience. After all, I’m not an only child.”

“Are you kidding? You must have been, what, three? four? when Ji Yool was born?”

Yunho just smiles, “But she was my baby sister, and I wanted to hold her so I could protect her.” Yunho would make the most amazing appa.

“And then I had to learn to eventually let her go.” Aww!

“By which I mean, my parents realized I was only four years old and they probably shouldn’t give their four year old son an infant to hold.” I chuckle lightly.

“When we were a little older, she used to follow me around everywhere.” Agh, thank God I didn’t have siblings.

“I used to call her Baby, instead of Ji Yool, as if that were her name. Like, ‘Eat your food, Baby!’ or ‘Come on now, Baby!’”

Mental images of Yunho as a young boy are just too cute to imagine. Oh bonding. Why couldn’t this have happened before we broke up??

“Oh, thanks,” the woman with bladder issues comes back. “I can take her now.” Ack. Okay.

Mission: Baby Hand Off. I can do this. I carefully lift the girl, but dang, my upper arm strength is choosing the worst time to fail on me. Yunho comes to my rescue and takes the baby before my arms give, and Mission: Baby Hand Off is completed successfully.

“AAAGH!” I hear Ayumi yell. Uh oh! Yunho and I look at each other, excuse ourselves from Bladder Lady and hurry to the main room.

“You,” Ayumi is scolding the girl she had been playing with earlier. Poor Ayumi is covering her right eye with a hand. “You. Me. Rope and a shovel. I don’t think anyone would miss you. I can arrange this. Don’t think I can’t. I’ve got connections.”

Omo, Ayumi, don’t threaten the kiddies! Thankfully the girl has no clue what Ayumi’s talking about—or else she’d be scarred for life.

“What happened, Ayumi? Are you okay?”

“I let that she-devil put mascara on me, and she poked me and I lost my eye!”

What? I think she means eye contact. And what a bad plan, to let a kid whose fine motor skills have yet to develop put anything even remotely near your eye. You know better than that, Ayumi.

“You know what they say,” Junsu starts. “It’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye—”

“—Then it’s just a game: Find The Eye,” Yunho interrupts with a grin. I laugh and playfully push him.

“Help us play Find the Contact,” I roll my eyes at him, worried that all the kids have ignored Ayumi’s cry of despair and are all running around on what could be her contact.

“Everybody!” Yunho gets the attention of all the rugrats. “We’re playing a freeze game! Everyone who doesn’t move an inch from where they are right now wins a prize!” When all else fails, bribery. What kind of appa are you gonna be, Yunho-sshi??

But he’s effective, and we find Ayumi’s contact, and we bribe the kids, and we make it out of there alive.

-----


“I don’t think I can do it,” Ayumi laments as we wait in line. After that ordeal, we need some replenishment of resources. Translation? Ramyun. “After that experience, I don’t think I can go back.”

“That’s why I didn’t volunteer to go with you guys,” Changmin smirks.

Hungry Kingka Grapevine was at work, and Junsu told Changmin about food, and well…he’s Changmin, so he hauled ass and met us at the restaurant. He recommended his friend Bomi’s parent’s ramyun place, so here we are.

Yoochun was busy. I suspect his parents took him to learn the trade.

“It wasn’t that bad, was it?” Jaejoong asks.

“Yah, hyung, you didn’t even talk to a single kid the whole time we were there,” Junsu points fingers. “I saw you just talking to that one woman about when you used to go there.”

“Look, I don’t really like kids,” Jaejoong says. Ayumi gives him a high-five. “I never want any of them myself.” Hmm. You’re not wanting to pass on those glorious genes of yours?

“Jaejoongie, if you don’t have kids, who will play with mine when we’re older?” Yunho asks.

“Hyung, mine will!” Junsu offers. “I mean, if Ri In wants kids…” Ri In’s jaw drops. Whoa, dude! Got that procreation cart before the love and marriage horse, there. Frank Sinatra hums in my imagination (“Love and marriage, love and marriage, go together like a horse and carriage…”).

“I mean! If Ri In wants to get married…” Wanna dig deeper there?

“I mean! If my other wife wants kids! I mean! Not that I want more than one wife or expect our relationship to ever end, my sweet!” Junsu is now cajoling her.

Thank goodness it’s time to order. Changmin steps up first to order from the ahjumma.

“Hey, remember me? I’m Bomi’s friend. So… Food.” Changmin says expectantly. Oh little dongseng. Not everyone thinks like you—you can’t just bring up an obscure relationship and then expect someone to know exactly what you mean.

“Oh yeah, we’ll prepare the extra large gigantic bowl for you,” the woman nods before she yells at the kitchen, “Changmin-size that one!”

Why am I not surprised he has his own size?? We order our food and find a table to sit at.

“Henney, your order’s ready. Henney,” the loudspeaker calls out.

“I’ve got it!” Ayumi yells out as if she’s channeling Archimedes at the moment he cried out “Eureka.” “I’ll just move here permanently, and get my credits from Japan to transfer here! That way, I won’t have to keep volunteering at The Ninth Circle of Hell!”

“I second that plan!” I nod enthusiastically. “You should just move here permanently.”

“Yeah yeah, girl bonding,” Changmin frowns. “Seul Gi, go check to see if our food’s ready.”

“They called for Henney, not for us,” I say to him. “And why do I have to go?”

“Because you’re closer,” he says, as if I’ve just asked him if the hex code for black is #000000. Sheesh.

“I’ll go get it,” Yunho offers, except he’s sitting on the other side and would make everyone get up if he went.

“No no, that’s fine,” I sigh and go to wait for the food, where a few others are also waiting. An unbelievably gorgeous man walks by me to pick up his food, but I find myself subconsciously comparing him to Yunho (oppa’s nose is more perfect).

“Hey, your order’s ready,” the worker says in an uninterested voice.

Me? My order is? How does he know which order is mine? Maybe he’s talking to someone else here.

“Hey. Your order’s ready. Hey,” the worker calls out.

No one’s making a move. I…guess that’s me, then. I walk up to grab the food when an ahjumma wearing a Hye Sung shirt zooms past me to pick up the tray.

Ohhhhh. Not Hey, but Hye. As in Hye Sung. Ha. I get it now.

“JaeHoMinSu, your order is ready, JaeHoMinSu,” the worker announces. Oh, that’s us.

I go to pick up my food, but Hye Sung Fan is picking up her tray quite precariously next to me and I’m really worried that she’s going to—

“AISH!” Mmkay, yes. That would be a burning sensation.

I’ve got fresh-from-the-stove ramyun down my front.

And I? Would be in much pain.

“Yah! What do you think you’re doing!” I hear. Me?? What did I do??


Notebook:
Metaphor and simile – are the comparison of two dissimilar things; similes use words such as “like” or “as” in the comparison, whereas a metaphor simply states that the two dissimilar things are each other.
When in Rome, do as the Romans do – is a saying meaning that when visiting a new place, one should attempt to follow the customs of those who live there.
Factorial – is a mathematical operation in which the number preceding the factorial (which is written as an exclamation point) is multiplied by one less than it, than two, than three, etc. until it reaches 1; e.g. 50! = 50 x 49 x 48…x 3 x 2 x 1.
25 – is the number of kids that Yunho has said he wants; thus, his future wife better have childbearing hips (the author does! She does! Huge-gantic hips! C’mon, Yunho!).
Inhwan – is a member of mini DBSK—he’s the mini-Junsu and is really young, which is why the author used him instead of Moonbin, who is the mini-Yunho.
Young Jae and Ji Eun - are the main characters of the drama Full House, played respectively by Bi/Rain and Song Hye Gyo; Full House was the first Korean drama that the author saw and was therefore her gateway into kpop.
Appa Yunho – is really sweet to see in action; Yunho is the band’s appa, but he’s also a huge fan of kids and there is a clip of some behind the scenes of some concert where Yunho (and Jaejoong) hold a really chubby little girl, and it is just so cute that the author’s ovaries yearn for Yunho.
Kim Bomi – is the girl who acted as Changmin’s love interest in the various DBSK dramas.
“Hey, remember me? I’m ___’s friend. So…food.” – is something the author’s student said once when joking about it not really being apropos to demand free food from a tenuous relationship; the author was amused, even if you’re not.
The Divine Comedy – is a trilogy by Dante Alighieri, who is the only writer the author can think of who is referenced by his first name; the first of his works is The Inferno, often called Dante’s Inferno, and describes the structure of Hell as having nine circles, increasing in horribleness as one proceeds into hell.
Daniel Henney – is gorgeous; look him up.
Eureka – was exclaimed by Archimedes when he stepped into his bath and discovered displacement of liquids; Wikipedia says that he was so excited by this that he jumped out of the bath and ran around the streets naked.
Hye Sung – is the lead vocalist of Shinhwa, which is a band the author still knows nothing about (except for that Andy is so awesome on We Got Married); the author only used him because of the similar sounds of “hey” and “hye;” the author had friends who always wanted to go to a place where they call out the names for the order and say that the name is under “Haye” so that they’ll call out “Haye, your order’s ready;” the author still wants to do it.




Chapter 23
At absolute zero, you would still move me.


“Yah! What do you think you’re doing!” I hear. Me?? What did I do?? “You can’t just walk away from her like that!” Yunho is scolding the ahjumma who spilled hot ramyun soup all over me. “You need to apologize!”

“Yah, you punk! Why should I apologize!” Ahjumma retorts, avoiding eye contact.

“Look at her: you dumped scalding soup all over her!” Yunho is relentless. Ahjumma looks at me disdainfully and makes a face. But then, just as she opens her mouth to make another remark, she looks at Yunho. And her face metamorphoses.

“Omo, I’m so so sorry! Oh you handsome boy, I didn’t mean to spill a drop on your sister,” Ahjumma apologizes to the person without soup all over him.

“Yah, I’m not his sister,” I glare at her. Who is this woman to try to chat up my Yunho?! “I’m…his girlfriend.” I know, I know. I shouldn’t lie, especially so soon after it had been true. But Ahjummobnoxious here should just go away! Hiss! Claw!

Yunho looks surprised, but Ahjumma stops trying to hit on Yunho immediately.

“Oh. Hmph. Well. Sorry,” she says without looking at me. Yunho is about to pry a real apology out of her, but I put my hand on his arm to calm his rage, and shrug at him.

“It’s okay. The burning’s stopped…it’s just that now I’m all wet,” I say as Ahjumma makes her escape. “And I’m sorry I lied about being your girlfriend…” I’m sorry that it had to be a lie.

Yunho grabs my hand and marches me into the men’s restroom.

“Yah! I can’t be in here!” I use my free hand to shade my eyes from the unfazed men at the urinals. Could definitely do without seeing some of that tonight.

Yunho takes one look at me and we head back out. Well, that was a lovely field trip. Oh Yunho, you sure know how to impress a girl by taking her to the swankiest of places.

But Yunho has now taken me into the girl’s bathroom. What an improvement.

The three tween girls in there scream and run out as Yunho and I approach a sink. He lets go of my hand to grab some paper towels and wet them, and now he’s dabbing at my shirt.

He’s…cleaning off the ramyun. He’s not the best at it (as if he’s too scared to really touch me), but he’s enthusiastic, and that’s enough for me. And he’s being really gentle and sweet and the main thought going through my head right now can be best expressed as, “Asdlkwerodr ::dreamy sigh::.”

I stand there and let him continue to dab awkwardly at my stomach, even though most of the soup is on my chest before I finally smile wryly at him and take his hand holding the paper towel and dab at myself there. Finally, wet, but mostly clean, I take the paper towel out of his hand and throw it away and, with a quick wink at him, walk away. I think I’ve noticed his mouth is open, and it takes him a few seconds to recover and catch up with me.

Mmhmmmm. I think I’ve got his attention now. Finally.

-----


“Mmmm, that was soooo good!” Junsu announces to the parking lot as he rubs his tummy.

“Hao chi, ma?” Ri In asks with such fondness. I guess she’s teaching him Mandarin??

“Hen hao chi!” Junsu nods excitedly. Well, whatever, it’s cute. Ri In giggles and rubs his tummy too, and they look so adorable and happy together. I eye Yunho.

“Let’s go do something else!” I suggest. It’s a school day, and I have some notes I could re-copy at home, but I’m feeling spontaneous tonight. I think Yunho being so nice to me earlier has put me in a good mood or something. “The night is young, and so are we!” Egh. I hate when people say that. I must really be in a good mood.

“I have to go home,” Jaejoong the Party Pooper says. Laaame. What, do you have to take a shower or fix your hair or something else equally metrosexual? “Changmin, you’re giving me a ride.” Changmin doesn’t say anything but shrugs his assent.

“Junsu and I were going to go to my house to make some more protest signs,” Ri In says apologetically.

I hopefully look at Ayumi. I want to go out! I want to do something! Don’t fail me now, Ayumi!

“I’m going to Kibum’s tonight…but I can give you a ride home, if you’d like,” Ayumi suggests. Bah. Way to drop the ball, there, comrade.

“Yunho lives closer to me. I’m sure he can give me a ride,” I offer for him.

He looks up from texting Yoochun on his new phone, startled, so I give him the doe eyes and watch him melt a little. Score. Man, when did I get so desperate for his attention??

“I could give you a ride, too,” Jaejoong offers. “I mean, Changmin could.”

“No, I couldn’t,” Changmin says, but he says it in a weird voice and I don’t know what he means by that. He looks at Yunho who, in turn, gives him a warning look. Weird.

Changmin shrugs it off though, and says, “I don’t have enough gas to drive everyone home. Sorry, Seul Gi.”

“That’s alright, Changmin. Would you mind so terribly, Yunho?” I ask, as if it is a major favor to ask him, and it would be just the bestest thing in the whole wide world if he could only drive me home. I don’t know when I decided to play damsel-in-distress, but my inner feminist must have been sent to her kennel or something, because I don’t hear her protesting too loudly anymore.

“No, of course not. Of course I’ll drive you home,” Yunho says, but he and Jaejoong are looking at each other as he says it.

Um, oppa? Over here. You’re taking Seul Gi home, not Jaejoong. Remember her? Your ex-fake-girlfriend? Really nerdy? You once said she was beautiful? Aish. A girl would think they had the hots for each other.

They break eye contact though, and Jaejoong heads to Changmin’s car without so much as an “annyong” as we all bid each other farewell till the morrow.

“Watch your head,” Yunho says as he holds the door for me and I slide into his car (this time, an imported Nissan GT-R—hot!).

We spend the drive to my house in silence. Unlike the comfortable silences we’d shared while we were together, this one is full of tension and awkwardness. He seems deep in thought, and I am deep in thought over the fact that he is deep in thought. What goes on in that head of his?? Once upon a time, I thought I knew. And now? I just desperately wish I could find out.

“Here we are,” he announces quietly when he pulls into my driveway, filling the space between us with observations of the obvious. He turns the car off. I don’t make a move—not wanting to leave him just yet—but neither does he. We sit for a long minute, my mind racing, trying to think of what to say to him.

“Let’s go somewhere,” I say. An idea pops into my head. “Can I see your new phone?”

“What do you want to do to it?” He looks skeptical, but hands it over anyways. Ooh, haptic! It vibrates as I open up the Internet browser and look up Google Maps. I find the Great Pyramids on the map.

“Take me here,” I command. A smile slowly, but surely, appears on his face.

“It’s too hot here,” He pretends to fan himself. “Let’s go somewhere else.” He takes the phone and says, “What about here?” I lean over to look and see that he’s chosen Stonehenge.

I pretend to look around the car in awe. “It’s so gorgeous here! So green and…um, British!”

We’re acting like dorks, but ask me if I care, because this right here? Is the Yunho I thought I was falling for.

“Where else would you like to go?”

“Where do you wanna take me, Yunho-bear?” I say sweetly, and I flirtatiously bat my eyelashes at him.

“Where do you want to go, my love?” He replies with a grin, playing along.

“Wherever you’re going, oppa,” I say, slightly more seriously. He doesn’t say anything to that.

I bite my lip—maybe he is really over me.

“Call me oppa again,” he says quietly. What?

“Oppa?”

He turns the ignition on. I look out the window, an unsuppressable grin brightening my face.

-----


“So where are you taking me?” I ask him, after going for awhile with only some Clazziquai and lightly falling rain as background music for the scenic drive. Both are soothing and appreciated, but I prefer the sound of his voice.

“It’s a surprise,” Yunho smiles at me, and I try very hard not to swoon.

“Give me a hint,” I badger him. “A vague, barely related clue. Something. Anything?”

“Soul Power,” he just says. Soul Power? What’s that?? Alright, Brain. Get a-crackin’.

“Soul power…soul…you’re taking me to a cathedral? The power of the soul? Sole power? Ooh! The Blue House where the President lives! Right? Right? To the place where power is concentrated in a sole person? Or…soul music! Like, soul brotha! A concert? How’d you get tickets so fast? Soul…power…”

“Hahahahaha,” Hearing Yunho’s laugh is a balm for my tortured soul. “Oh wow, you are made of such win. You must have spent way too much time around the kids today, with their mispronunciations. What the hell is Soul Power?? I said Seoul Tower.”

Ohhh.

Ohhhhhhh.

Oh. Wow.

“For someone who’s always taken pride in being so smart, I can be pretty dumb, can’t I?” Just call me abashed.

“Nobody’s perfect,” Yunho offers cryptically. Is that supposed to be encouraging? Because it really isn’t, oppa. “No one should be put on a pedestal. It’s dehumanizing and ultimately disappointing.” What are we talking about, now?

Alright, I can do abstractions.

“At the same time, though, all deserve a second chance,” I argue. “Regardless of if they’ve fallen from their pedestal, you should always give them a chance to redeem themselves, yes?”

“You won’t hear me arguing with that,” Yunho replies.

-----


“This view is always so gorgeous,” Yunho says in a low voice as we sit in the observatory, gazing out at the city lights.

I bite back a reaaaallly cliché comment that with present company excluded, it is one of the most gorgeous sights I’ve seen. I always hate when they say that in movies—and they say it all the time in movies! I mean, how do people say such things without wanting to immediately eat something savory to counteract the cloying sweetness?

Okay, except that now, I’m a little annoyed that Yunho hasn’t said something about how I’m prettier than the view. I mean come on, they say it all the time in the movies! Sheesh.

I’ve just played around with the “digital media arts” and narrated to Yunho the 600 year history of Seoul. I still remember the first time my appa showed me that feature, and how excited I was to learn about it—truly, my nerdiness was inevitable.

But now, we are merely sitting next to each other (oh, so close!), and I want to lean on his shoulder.

I hmm my agreement to his vague pretty-view comment as I take the opportunity to really look at Yunho. It’s been too long since we’ve been so close together. Though the lighting is less than ideal in here, my eyes paint a portrait of his features, sweeping over the familiar features. And…what’s this? Maybe I always sit on the other side of him or something, because I’ve just noticed he’s got a scar on his face.

Like a moth to the flame, I dazedly lean in and reach out to touch his cheek. I notice Yunho start a little (wouldn’t you, if you had something coming at your face in your peripheral vision??), but he doesn’t move as I trace the jagged line from the side of his face, across, and slightly down.

“Where’d you get this?” I ask softly, my fingers playing across his skin now. Yunho turns to look at me, and my hand automatically cups his cheek.

His face is serious as he says, “I was in a car accident.” Omo, really?

“The driver fell asleep, and I lunged across to grab the wheel. But that’s not why I have the scar.” Whoa!

“Despite my efforts, we ended up swerving into a burning building. But that’s not why I have the scar.” What?!

“The driver woke up and escaped, but I could hear the crying of some kids, as the building threatened to collapse. It turned out we’d hit an orphanage, and what was I to do? I had to make sure those kids were alright, so I ran into the fire and well. I saved thirteen orphans that day. And that’s why I have the scar.”

I roll my eyes, laughing at him as I poke his cheek.

“Cute, Ho-ppa,” I can’t hide my grin. “Real cute.” I playfully nudge him with my shoulder, but he just smirks at me, maddeningly.

I give in to an impulse and lean my head on his shoulder. He shifts a little, making it more comfortable for me, and we spend an unknown amount of time there. I must have nodded off for a little bit, because the next thing I know, Yunho is lightly nudging me.

“Hey, sleeping beauty,” he whispers when I finally open my eyes. “Rest well? We’ve been here for awhile…” The look he’s giving me evokes the most saccharine of feelings, I assure you. And I just eat it up.

“Omo! What time is it?!” The place is mostly abandoned now (not that it was mad-happening earlier), so I look at my phone for the time to make sure it’s still before closing time. “Let’s go, let’s go!” I hurry him up, and grab his hand and pull him along as I run for the plaza deck, though it is still lightly raining.

“Look look look!” I turn on the light, and though it’s supposed to be a “shower of light,” I pretend it is a spotlight.

I affect an announcer’s voice and bellow, “And next up, performing the iconic Whitney Houston’s I Have Nothing, Yuuuunhooooo-ooooppaaaa!” I imitate a large crowd cheering and applauding, and gesture for Yunho to step into the makeshift spotlight to sing.

He pretends to look around, as if I meant some other Yunho though we’re completely alone, until he points at himself and mouths, “Me?” I nod and grin at him. He takes a deep breath and steps into the spotlight.

“Will you sing for me?” I ask him. He raises an eyebrow. “I’ll sing for you, if you sing for me.”

That gets him, and I smile as I begin: “Eoneusae keereojeen, keureemjareul ddaraseo, ddanggeomee jeen eodoomsoge, keudaewa keotgo eettneyo.” After I finish the song, which I shorten dramatically because it’s a five and a half minute song, Yunho doesn’t say anything for a little bit.

And then, “But it’s not winter. Why are you singing about snow flowers??” I playfully hit him (man, I keep doing this, don’t I? I’m trying to get as much skinship in as possible, I guess—even violent skinship), as he says, “No no no, I mean, it was very good! Really! Questionable song choice aside, you’ve got an amazing voice! I’m completely serious!” I scowl at him a little, but then sniff and allow his compliments to outweigh his criticism of timeliness.

It’s his turn, so he begins to sing. Except he’s not singing Whitney Houston.

“Miduhyo chonnune banhandanun marur miduhyo, gudaeyegen anirago marhaejiman, narur gyongsorhage baraburggabwa gamchwowassur bbunijyo.”

I can’t help but think how I’ve finally gotten him to sing for me, alone. Yes, he sang for me at the talent show, and that was a major feat for him to sing in front of so many people, but this? Is somehow so. Much. Better.

Maybe it’s because his voice is for my ears alone, or maybe it’s because he is looking into only my eyes as he sings it, but there’s just something about this that just wins me over. Is he completely aware of the lyrics? Does he mean them? Because I believe too, Yunho.

And, here it is. Epiphany time. Screw my feminazism.

I know—I really do know now, that I was only kidding myself when I thought I didn’t know if Yunho was the non-sexist guy I’d thought he was. I was only getting caught up in what I thought was female esteem. What was it that I had thought about men before? That their chivalry was based on fundamentally erroneous assumptions about the strength or ability of women? That any dependence, therefore, on men was equivalent to giving into the hegemonic notions of chauvinism and male-dominance?
No.

Liking a guy, and letting him demonstrate his affection for you, especially when you enjoy it, is hardly compromising. I’m not selling out on my feminist ideals, just by allowing myself to feel something for a guy.

Contrary to popular belief, not all feminists are lesbians. I can like Yunho, and have him like me, and I can still be a feminist. These things are not mutually exclusive. Especially because Yunho really isn’t a sexist.

How many times has Yunho proven to me that he doesn’t subscribe to such ideals? How many more times must he try to win me over?

But then there it is: is he trying to win me over?

I’ve finally admitted that I like him, and now, I’ve finally allowed myself to like him wholeheartedly. There’s no holding back anymore for me. I’ve found a new equilibrium, but where is he on this? I can’t read him anymore, and I have no idea how he feels.

“Seul Gi? Yoohoo, you there?” Yunho is leaning over and waving his hand in front of my eyes. I jump a little. “My singing is just so awesome that you went into a daze, huh?” I grin and nod enthusiastically (and patronizingly).

“Yeah yeah yeah, whatever,” Yunho frowns. “This is why I wouldn’t sing for you…”

“No! It was amazing! Jaw-dropping,” I try to reassure him. I get serious. “I really love…d your song.” Yunho looks at me for a moment. I feel like all of tonight has been in slow motion.

Yunho takes my hand again, and we head to the Fountain Plaza of Namsan. I link arms with him along the way. I even try to put my head on his shoulder as we walk, but have you ever tried that? Maybe we were walking too fast or something, because couples in the movies always make it seem so lovely. No, it’s really bumpy and I feel like my brain got battered in my skull as we walked.

“Did you know this was modeled after the Trevi Fountain in Rome?” Yunho is playing Tour Guide Barbie. “They say that if you throw three coins in this fountain, you can have any wish. Even true love.”

“True love, eh?” I ask, looking at him askance. “Gimme three coins, oppa.” He is obedient, and I close my eyes and make a wish (I’m pretty sure you know what for) and throw the coins in.

“Wait, what about me?” Yunho asks, pouting. “Don’t I get a wish, too?” I give him three coins, and he closes his eyes, and it looks like he’s praying intensely. He throws his coins in and we both sit on the edge.

“You’re not going to ask what I wished for?” He asks me.

“Well, but it’s obvious what you wished for: me,” I wink at him and flounce my hair over my shoulder.

“Hmm, not exactly,” Yunho replies. Oh.

Why has it felt like tonight has been, in addition to being lived in slow motion, really bi-polar? One minute we’re laughing and flirting, and the next we’re serious and the sexual tension hits.

I try to ignore his reply, because I don’t know what to say. Instead, I turn and lie down with my head in his lap as I try to stargaze (the clouds have cleared up). Yunho leans back a little to look up at the stars as well.

“Na bba yo cham gey dae lan saram, huh lak doh ubt shee, wae nae mam ga juh yo,” I sing softly. It’s nice out here, and it’s nice being held by Yunho like this.

“Oh look! There’s Cassiopeia!” Yunho points out the W shape to me. How did he find that? All I can ever find is Orion’s belt and sometimes one of the Dippers (Ursa Major, ftw!). And anyways, what a horrible constellation. At least Ursa Major and Minor was a sweet mother/son myth.

Dang, that Zeus got around, didn’t he? He was like the Yunho of the Greek Gods. Ahaha. Yunho. As a God. But he’s not Greek, so he’d have to be a God from the East. I start giggling at myself. Ahh, I’m so awesome.

“Why are you laughing?” Yunho asks, but I merely shake my head and continue to giggle, occasionally looking at him (which only starts off more giggles as I imagine him in a chiton and throwing around lightning bolts and seducing women).

“Yah! Don’t giggle while you’re on my lap. Stop that,” Yunho says. “Or else…” Or else what? “I’ll…say stop again!” Oho, you got me there, Yunho. My giggling just won’t stop. “Aish, drastic times call for drastic measures.” And then.

I am wet. And sort of cold. He is splashing Fountain water on me.

“Yah! You sure you wanna go there, buddy?” I challenge. He just splashes me some more, and I sit up and start splashing him. This can’t end well, and you know it, buddy.

-----

So after an impromptu swim in the Fountain (shh! Don’t tell!), we’ve finally made it back to my house. Now, sitting in the car, still pretty wet, I’m reminded of just last Wednesday, when we were in his car making out.

I’ve been thinking this whole ride back—maybe I should just confess to him how I feel. Maybe I should just tell him right now, and maybe he’ll say just the right thing and maybe…I live in a fantasy world.

Alright fantasy world. Do your worst.

Oppa, I have something to tell you. Oppa, I have something to tell you. How hard is it to say that?

“Oppa,” I start.

“Seul Gi, I have a confession to make,” Yunho interrupts.





Notebook:
Absolute zero – is the temperature at which nothing happens—it is the coldest temperature and has no heat in the substance whatsoever (it is -273.15 degrees C); scientists have not yet reached lowering temperature to absolute zero, but they’re trying real hard.
Yunho making an ahjumma apologize – happened when Yunho was pranked—a planted fan told a sobstory about once being a pickpocket, but the wonder that is DBSK inspired her to change and she ceased her devious ways, and then she “accidentally” bumped into an ahjumma whose wallet then went missing, and Yunho immediately went to the fan’s defense and when the wallet was then found, tried to get the ahjumma to apologize; mmyeah, it’s better seen than described.
Nissan GT-R – is a supercar (a real word! Look it up!) that the author’s male friend—who is way into sports cars—has wet dreams about (not literally…she hopes); also, the same friend is the owner of the BMW coupe that Yunho drove earlier in the story.
Samsung Anycall Haptic – is a new phone that looks like Apple’s iPhone; it is more awesome because it starred DBSK (and some of SNSD) in a hilarious/scandalously romantic set of commercials, which would have been sad for the author, except that Yunho’s love attempts fail (thus he’s still available, even in commercial world!).
Soul Power – is a concert held in Japan where musical artists of the soul music genre perform; in 2007, DBSK was invited to perform a few of their songs, as well as sing with The Gospellers.
Yunho’s scar – exists and is supposedly due to him falling down the stairs at age 2, but is hard to see in most pictures because of make-up (or airbrushing?); it is on his left cheek, if you have not seen it.
Snowflower – is a song originally by Mika Nakashima (Yuki no Hana) that has been covered by Park Hyo Shin for the Korean drama I’m Sorry, I Love You; the author really loves the Mika Nakashima version and loves to sing it when her roommate isn’t around to hear her terrible singing.
Miduhyo – means “I Believe” and is a ballad from DBSK’s first album and is a sweet song about wanting to express one’s love, and whatnot; go look up the English translation, because there is a reason the author picked that particular song.
Saranghamnida – is the name of the song by Tim that Seul Gi sings when she’s stargazing; the lyrics are perfect, and Tim actually serenaded Seul Gi on some variety show with this song.
Cassiopeia – is the name of DBSK’s fanclub because the letters TVfXQ on the keyboard form the five starred constellation of Cassiopeia; Cassiopeia was a queen in Greek mythology who was very vain and was punished by Poseidon for her boastfulness about her beauty by being placed as a constellation (which is upside down for half the year).
Gods Rising from the East – is the meaning of Dong Bang Shin Ki; seriously, where have you been??



Chapter 24
We've been differentiating for too long. Let’s sum it up and integrate.


Oppa, I have something to tell you. Oppa, I have something to tell you. How hard is it to say that?

“Oppa,” I start.

“Seul Gi, I have a confession to make,” Yunho interrupts. OMO. YES?? “I…really had a great time tonight.”

What.

What.

That is so anticlimactic. You’re kidding, right? Tell me there’s more.

“But…” YES??

“I…well. Let me start over. J—“

“Maria, Ave Maria, jeo huingureum kkeutkkaji nara,” my phone goes off. Of course. Some things really are like in the dramas—perfectly dastardly timing? One of those things.

I check the text message from my mother.

“You two should stop chatting. When are you going to kiss him?!”

Now, I know I always make snide comments about my umma (as a teen, it’s my prerogative to be angsty about my parental units, is it not?), but I do love her and I do appreciate her. Just…not at this moment. Right now? Wouldn’t mind if my umma were off on some remote island with no cell phone reception.

And trust my mother to be the only person in the world to write out everything without shorthand in a text.

I look up at the window and there she is, staring ever so blatantly at us with an eager look on her face and both thumbs up. Silhouetted in the curtain, I can see my dad next to her, pretending to not also be stalking us.

“Oh, well…y’know what? I can just…tell you later…” Yunho says, obviously not wanting to continue with our little audience watching.

Great. Thanks, family. I appreciate your interrupting what could have been Yunho’s love confession to me. Or to Jaejoong.

I don’t even know! Nor will I know!

“No no no! Go ahead, it’s okay! I’m listening!” I try to get him to tell me. I mean, come on, how long can we possibly draw this out for?

“Well, I…the mood is ruined,” Yunho looks frustrated. But not nearly as frustrated as I am.

“Mood?? No no, you don’t need a certain mood! Just tell me what you wanted to say. I’m all ears!” Throw me a freakin’ bone here!

“Seul Gi,” he says quietly, and I stop. “Can I come a little early for dinner tomorrow? I’ll tell you then.” I nod numbly. What else can I do?

-----


“Seul Gi, seriously. For someone so smart, how can you be so dumb?” Ayumi shakes my shoulders a little. “You should have just forced the confession out of him!” As if I didn’t try!

“I agree,” Ri In nods sagely. “There’s no better time than the present.”

“Literally. Here comes the whole crew, right on time for lunch,” Ayumi gestures at the royalty-ka approaching in all their glamour. Ri In and Junsu engage in their ritualistic greeting, of course, but I ignore them and move to sit next to Yunho. And then Jaejoong sits next to me.

“Seul Gi, do you know what fractals are?” Jaejoong asks. I am affronted by his question.

“Do I know what fractals are?? Is water polar?” I scoff at him.

“Um…is that a yes?”

“Yes, little Jaejoongie, that’s a yes. I know what fractals are.”

“Yah, I’m your oppa,” Jaejoong frowns. Yeah yeah. Somehow, his pout is not nearly as effective on me as Yunho’s.

“Why do you ask, anyway?”

“ I have to go to a fractal show for cla—“

“Oh my God! Seriously?!” I am ecstatic. “Please tell me that I can come too! I love fractal shows! They’re so amazing!”

“It’s a date, then!” Jaejoong smiles. At the word “date,” I snap my head to look at Yunho who is looking at Jaejoong, but the look on his face is undecipherable. If I had to guess, guilty?

But I merely smile and nod at Jaejoong, not knowing how to clarify that it isn’t really a date per se, because the phrase “it’s a date” is idiomatic and he may not have meant it to be a real date anyways.

“Speaking of dates,” Ara’s got the most evil grin on her face. “Hye Bin, how was your date with the mystery guy last night?”

Hye Bin has mastered the deer-in-the-headlights look, I think, but her eyes keep flicking to the side. I look at where she’s looking and. Omo.

There’s Yoochun, who’s got a matching deer-in-the-headlights look.

“Um, it was, uh…great,” Hye Bin answers in a really awkward, high pitched voice.

“What’d you guys do? Details, girl! Spill!” Yeon Hee is elbowing her.

“Did he give you flowers?” Boa asks with a cheesy grin. “Two lips?” Oh Boa, did you really just go there?

“He was very…suave,” Hye Bin’s voice is still weirdly high pitched.

“Yeah yeah, don’t care,” Changmin waves his hand at the girls’ excitement. “Yoochun-hyung, what did you have to do last night that was so important that you couldn’t come to dinner? What could possibly be more worthy of your attention than ramyun?” Yeah, Yoochun. What, or rather, who was so important?

“Um…I…was meeting an old friend,” Yoochun says, his voice oddly high pitched too.

Geez, these two are obviously perfect for each other. They should just go and make oddly high pitched crying babies. Oh man, now I totally want to know what Yunho was texting Yoochun last night.

“What? That’s not what you told me, Chunnie,” Jaejoong looks confused. “I thought you were meeting—“

“—well, who wants a drink from the vending machine? I’m parched,” Yoochun interrupts.

“I do!” Hye Bin jumps up. They make their escape as we watch them walk away together, yet on opposite sides of the hall.


“…so I guess Yoochun and Hye Bin’s date went well,” Junsu, usually not the observant one, states.

“Omo! Yoochun was Mystery Man?!” Oh Ara. When Junsu knows something that you don’t, and it’s not related to soccer, that’s when you know to just give up trying.

“He’s not gonna break her heart, is he?” Ri In asks, concerned. She’s probably thinking of my almost excessive rants about Yoochun’s player ways.

“Yoochun? Nah, he’s really not as much a player as he comes off as,” Jaejoong shrugs. “I don’t think that boy’s even kissed any of his dates, actually. He’s all talk.”

“Oh? But I recall a certain game of Never Have I Ever,” I start. “You guys didn’t want to play because all of you had already pretty much all kissed each other.”

“Oh, no,” Boa clarifies. “Yoochun always wants to play, because he hasn’t successfully gotten to kiss one of us girls yet. He always has to kiss the boys, especially Jun—“

“—do we have to go there?” Junsu pleads. “Long story short, I don’t even know if he’s had his first kiss yet.” Wow.

But really, with Yoochun’s sexist comments, should I be surprised that no girl has let him really do anything yet? Thank goodness Hye Bin’s a no-nonsense type of girl. She’s got her work cut out for her with Yoochun.

“Wait, but if Yoochun is a lot less experienced than he says, what business does he have goading Yunho into a bet?” Ayumi, ignoring tact, asks bluntly.

“Yah, that wasn’t what it was about, though…” I argue for Yunho. Yunho wasn’t trying to get in my pants! “Though…maybe Yoochun just wanted Yunho to get his first kiss?”

I think I watch too many dramas, because some part of me hopes that I was Yunho’s first. Not that it really matters. I mean, Yunho wasn’t my first kiss…but somehow, love stories are cuter when that’s true, right? That means they’re meant to be and all?

Right right, this doesn’t matter. I’m sure Yunho’s kissed tons of girls.

“Ah, no, sorry, Seul Gi,” Yunho looks embarrassed. “You weren’t my first kiss.” That punk! Whatever, oppa! Still! Meant. To. Be! “Oh, yeah, by the way: Ji Yool texted me this morning to tell me that her teacher handed back the geometry tests and she aced it. Thanks for helping her. We—she really appreciates it.”

“Awesome! Oh yay, I’m so proud of her, even though I contributed very little to her studying,” I admit with half a chuckle.

“Well, she really got a kick out of your bedtime stories,” Yunho says, a slight smile turning up the corners of his mouth.

“You tell bedtime stories, Seul Gi?” Jaejoong interjects. I blush and shrug. I only told Ji Yool some because Yunho was standing right there, um, and because Ji Yool’s freaking awesome.

“Tell me one,” Jaejoong demands.

“Er, but it’s not bedtime,” I point out.

“I don’t care,” Jaejoong looks expectant.

Sheesh. Fine. I exhale, and try to think of something really fast. He probably wants one about him, huh?

“There once was a boy named Jaejoong,
Some traits of his I will convey soon,
His eyes were so blue,
They saw through to you,
For years to come, his name will they croon.”

“Doesn’t he wear contacts?” Ayumi whispers in my ear, but I just nudge her away.

Jaejoong beams, but the one I really wanted to say was this:

There once was a couple named YunGi,
One half even sang a tune, gee,
But it hasn't worked out,
Still, I've shirked doubt,
There's plenty of time left to swoon, plea...se.

-----


“Seul Gi-ah, Yunho’s coming tonight, right?” Umma calls to me from the kitchen.

“Yes, umma,” I call back from my reading chair. Tonight, I’m finally finishing up the last of the Austen novels. I am so amazed at how Persuasion rings so true to me upon this reading. I just want to yell at Anne and Wentworth to reconcile! They both love each other and have loved each other all this time, so why can’t they just say it and kiss and make-up? Seriously. People in fiction can be so blind to what’s right in front of them.

“Great!” Umma is hard at work, slaving over the stovetop. Appa is also hard at work in the kitchen—tasting everything for her. They’re cute. I hate to admit it. Oh family.

“Is that punk coming tonight too?” Appa calls out.

“If you mean Jaejoong, then yes, he’s coming too,” I roll my eyes. I try to go back to reading, but umma, it appears, has other plans.

“Will you set the table for six?” Don’t be fooled by the question mark—it’s a command.

I sigh and put my page of YunGi photostickers in my book as a bookmark (really, what better use for the stickers is there but to keep place in my beloved novels?).

Wait a second. “Six? Who else is coming?”

“Yeah, Yunho sent me a text message saying that Jaejoong was going to bring a friend,” Umma answers. What?

Jaejoong is bringing a friend?
And he told Yunho to tell my mom?
And Yunho texted my mom?
And Yunho even has my mom’s number?

This is so wrong on so many levels.

I am mid-place-setting when the doorbell rings.

Ooh! I forgot Yunho was coming early to confess whatever it was he was going to confess! I’m all of a sudden very self-conscious. Why couldn’t I look cuter today?! I pause at the mirror on my way to the door. Hmm. Yeah…maybe pulling my hair into a severe bun was a bad idea. I take my hair out from the bun and tousle it in a way that I hope looks sexy and sort of out-of-bed-y.

“Yunho!” I hear my appa call out. Bah, apparently, I took too long in fixing my hair (sheesh, am I turning into Jaejoong?). “Come in! Come in! I hope you’re ready to eat up a storm, because we’ve got all your favorite foods!”

“Ah, thank you Mr. Bae,” Yunho’s familiar voice carries over to me and I find myself quickening my pace towards the door.

“What did I tell you, Yunho?” My appa’s voice is surprisingly stern. Whoa. That makes me pause. My appa getting mad at Yunho? Has the world gone mad?? Quick! Someone check to see if Newton’s laws of motion are still in effect! Well, at least the first one is—I still haven’t budged an inch from where I was.

“Call me hyung, or better yet, appa.”

Oh geez. Alright, outside force acting on my body not yet in motion. Time to save Yunho.

“Oppa!” I bounce into the foyer. “I’m glad you’re here! Let’s go to my room!” My appa’s jaw drops.

“Ahaha, Seul Gi-ah,” my appa laughs nervously. “I like Yunho, but, uh…not right before dinner.”

WHAT. Appa. Get your mind out of the gutter. I meant to talk!

“Oh, that reminds me,” Yunho says to my appa. “My parents found this on my desk, and I thought I should probably return it to you. I know you gave it to me just this last Saturday, but I won’t be needing it anytime soon. …and my parents weren’t too happy that I had it.” He slips something to my dad discreetly, but I can tell it’s a condom. My parents? Are officially insane.

“Ho-ppa, let’s go talk in the backyard,” I suggest. There, at least, we’ll know if my parents are eavesdropping, because we’ll be able to hear them open a window. I lead him to the swinging bench and we take a seat. “So what was it you were trying to tell me last night?”

Yunho looks nervous.

“Seul Gi-ah, I don’t know how to say this, and I’m scared how you’ll react, especially seeing how you and Jaejoong were talking about your date today. Jaejoongie…” Yunho trails off. Omo. Don’t tell me…

If it were any other guy, I’d be happy for him for coming out of the closet. But this is Yunho! My Yunho!

“I’m really concerned. My feelings…and Jaejoong’s feelings…” OMO. PLEASE. PLEASE DON’T SAY IT.

“No, let me start over. Jaejoong and I are really close…” Oh my God. I…can’t believe it.

“Okay, sorry, I need to…regroup.” Yunho stands up and walks over to edge of the patio, staring off into the garden for a bit. It’s so picturesque, and he looks as if he’s in some photoshoot as a gorgeous and potentially gay model.

Oh God. I need to tell him. I just need to tell him.

“Oppa, I—“ I stand up and take a step towards him.

“Seul Gi-ah, I have to tell you something really important,” Yunho turns around and walks towards me. Yes yes, I know! We’ve established that, Captain Obvious!

“I have something I have to tell you, too.” My chest feels like it’s constricting. There’s such build-up here, and I’m terrified for the falling action and and hoping the denouement is satisfying.

“Let me go first, or else I don’t know if I can say it,” Yunho begs.

“No, let me go first. I can’t hold it in,” I plead. Everytime this happens in dramas, the first revelation always makes it impossible for the other person to say what he or she was going to. I can see this not ending well. Not well at all.

Yunho, don’t tell me you’re gay for Jaejoong! Then where will that leave me? Having to settle for Siwon Sensitive-Writer-Who-Stares-At-Boobs-sshi??

“No—Seul Gi-ah…I…” Yunho is on the verge, and I am holding my breath. “I wasn’t telling the whole truth about things.” I’m so terrified. “I really like you. A lot. I fell for you.”

Oh. Oh wow. Okay, that makes my confession so much easier to say.

“Yunho, I…I’ve fallen for you,” I unload, and the relief just rushes over me. I feel like I’m on the most epic high ever. I take another step to lean in and kiss him and hallelujah! Things are resolved!

“Wait, no,” Yunho says, taking a step back. What the hell!

“I wasn’t done…and now, you’ve made it so much harder for me to tell you the rest. I don’t think you do like me. I think you like Jaejoong, and just think you’ve fallen for me.” Um, dude, I’m pretty sure I know how I feel. It’s only taken me how long to figure it out? What kind of genius would I be if I couldn’t even figure it out after all this time?

Yunho runs his hand through his hair distractedly. “Seul Gi-ah, I think it’s best if I start over. I have liked you since the very beginning.”

“Aha! I knew there had to be a reason you were so nice to me, not long after we’d started going out!”

“No, when I say very beginning, I mean very beginning…” Yunho bites his lip. “Seul Gi-ah, I’ve liked you since the last year of middle school.”

What.

WHAT.

WHAT?!

“Is…that…a euphemism for ‘since the beginning of our relationship?’” I ask dully, my brain not processing this information.

“It was before you knew who I was, as a kingka. The first time we met was at a music competition. I was there for violin, and you were there for cello.”

“What, did you drop your sheet music and I helped you pick it up?” I roll my eyes. Seriously. No one remembers those kinds of things from when they’re a kid. Dramas lie!

“No, actually…you yelled at me for opening the door for you when you had your hands full carrying your cello. You accused me of being a chauvinist pig.” Ahaha, oh man, I was a little snot, wasn’t I?

“That wasn’t when I started to like you, for obvious reasons.” Jerk.

“While I did better than that obnoxious little punk who thought dancing and playing the violin at the same time would get him first place, I declared that I would never play the violin again because I’d lost to some random Chinese chick who played ‘The Butterfly Lovers.’ I was sitting on some remote bench where there was no one there to watch me cry over my second place. But then you came, in your really ugly black and white outfit with ruffles in all the wrong places, and you just sat by me.” Hey! That was my favorite outfit!

“I had been annoyed that the girl who had yelled at me earlier for being nice was near me in my moment of weakness. You didn’t say anything, and you certainly didn’t comfort me when I was bawling my eyes out, thanks…but you also didn’t judge me for crying about losing a piano competition, even though I was a fifteen year old guy. Boys don’t cry, y’know?” Wow. Is he sure this was me?

“When my eyes had dried up, you merely stood up and said, ‘Don’t worry. You won’t even remember this incident in a few years.’ Except you were so wrong. I remembered you. I remembered you when you were in my class the first day of high school. I waved, but you just glared at me, sitting in the back of the room with the other kingkas, and you flounced your hair maddeningly as you sat down in the front of the class.” Maybe it’s just me who doesn’t remember these kinds of things…

“I remembered you when you were so stressed out about being behind in class because of that one week when you were sick with the flu, so I gave you my notes from class.”

“Omo, that was you??” Yunho just offers a wry smile. I think now is not a good time to tell him that I thought some dumb kingka had just forgotten which locker was his and even worse, I couldn’t read the writing at all from the notes, so I just threw them away.

“And I remembered you when you said that you could never ever date a cocky kingka. That was when I started dating all the girls in the school.” Wow, way to bounce back. Sheesh. I guess that’s one way to get over a girl.

“It didn’t work, though. I couldn’t ever find someone who could replace you in my heart. Don’t think I didn’t try. They’d flirt with me and bat their eyelashes, but all I’d see in them was something that reminded me of you: the sparkle in your eyes, or the curve of your back, or the irony in your grin. I would try to convince myself that I could like whoever this non-Seul Gi was. I’d never been rejected by any of them. And then I got rejected by you, and that was so unbearable. I was so hurt that I’d liked you for so long, but you were so easily swayed by your friends. I had thought that the girl I’d fallen for was stronger than that. But I’m getting ahead of myself.” A pang of guilt hits me as it begins to dawn on me how much I’ve failed him.

“I didn’t just remember the day we met, though, Seul Gi. I remember the day you met Jaejoong, my best friend. And you were immediately smitten by him. Somehow—I don’t know how—you thought he was the only nice kingka. So I continued to like you from afar, knowing that you never saw me as I saw you. I was scared to approach you, too cowardly to even really consider what if. You thought that the kingkas and queenkas were so mean to everyone else, but I was scared that you would be mean to me. So I watched you become friends with Jaejoong. And here’s where it gets tricky.” I hold my breath.

“Literally days before the bet, Jaejoong came to me, distraught because he thought he couldn’t get a girl. I assured him he could, and he said that he didn’t want my —and I quote—‘sloppy seconds.’ He considered every girl I’d been with off-limits, just because I had been with them for a couple days. So I assured him I would help him out and find a girl. And then Yoochun made the bet. And he chose you, out of nowhere. No one ever knew that I liked you, ever. I didn’t tell anyone. I was scared, because I didn’t want to use you, but at the same time, some small part of me hoped that maybe you’d see me for who I was if you only spent time with me. …And then you didn’t see the real me, or couldn’t, or I don’t know. But you accused me of some terrible things, and I thought that my one chance with you was over. I was devastated. And then when I saw how you were with Jaejoong, I knew that we simply weren’t meant to be. I noticed the bond you two had. Jaejoong was always so happy near you, and he certainly didn’t consider you ‘sloppy seconds.’ Jaejoong is my best friend, and has been since we were pretty much in diapers. If making him happy means cutting out my own heart, then so be it.”

“Wait, but—“

“Yunnie! Seul Gi-ah! There you are!” Jaejoong steps out the door and joins us as we step quickly away from each other. “What’s up, guys?” I look at Yunho, but he is only looking at Jaejoong with a tortured look on his face.

“Um…alright, then,” Jaejoong notices the awkwardness. “Actually, Seul Gi-ah, I wanted to tell you something, while I’ve got the chance.”

Oh God. I don’t know if I can handle anymore. I hope Jaejoong has smelling salts on him.

“Actually, Jaejoong, why don’t we—“

“I like you,” he says. And…whoa. Okay. Yunho, why couldn’t you have done the same thing? And then just left it there? “I’m sorry Yunnie…I could tell you started to like her during your relationship, so I didn’t want to say anything. But you guys have broken up, and I think, Seul Gi, that you noticed there was something between us?”

“Um…well—“

“You noticed it right? You did,” Jaejoong smiles widely, but I can’t match his smile.

“Actually, Jaejoong…your confession couldn’t come at a worse time,” I lick my lips nervously. “Yunho just confessed that he likes me still.”

“What? Yunho?? You do??” Jaejoong looks genuinely surprised.

“Joongie....” Yunho looks so distraught.

“Don’t Joongie me! Yunho, I don’t care. I’ll fight for her!” Jaejoong challenges. “Seul Gi will choose me in the end. Don’t you worry, Yunho.”

“Joongie…I…I’m giving her up,” Yunho states quietly.

“What the hell! I’m not giving you up!” I step in front of Yunho. Yunho refuses to look at me, though. I turn around to face Jaejoong. “Look, Jaejoong, I don’t know about this bond between us. I’m sorry, but I don’t like you like that. Not anymore. I’m not going to sugarcoat it, because you have been a good friend, and you deserve better than me trying to cushion the blow and somehow inadvertently leading you on.”

Jaejoong looks overwhelmed. You and me both, buddy.

“But…”

“I’m sorry Jaejoong. You won’t have to fight for me, because I’ve already made my decision. It’s Yunho,” I say quietly, hoping that if I say it like that, it won’t be as big a blow to Jaejoong.

I turn to Yunho. “I like you, oppa. It’s you—I’ve chosen you.”

“Wh… I… Are you sure, Seul Gi?” Jaejoong looks heartbroken.

“I’m really sorry—“

“Hey, Jaejoong, you out here?” a voice calls out and the three of us turn to look at Jaejoong’s friend. My jaw drops. I can’t believe it.


Notebook:
Differentiating and integrating – are things you do in Calculus; differentiating means finding the derivative whereas integrating is, um, the opposite; look, it’s been awhile for the author.
Maria – is a song from the OST of 200 Pound Beauty and is a reference to Seul Gi’s mother’s viewing of the movie early in the fic.
Fractals – are shapes that can be zoomed in to see the same overall shape in smaller form—a property called self-similarity, the most famous of which is the Mandelbrot set; fractals are created by plotting equations on the complex plane and it’s all very technical and the author doesn’t know too much about it except that she went to a fractal show and it was cool and incredibly nerdy.
Blue contacts – are the kind that Jaejoong wears.
Persuasion – was Jane Austen’s last completed novel, and tells the tale of Anne Elliot, who was once engaged to Frederick Wentworth, but was convinced by a friend to break things off with him; later, when Wentworth has redeemed himself in the eyes of society, Anne is forced into his presence but cannot express her love to him, because he seems to indicate he is no longer interested; also, she is pursued by her cousin William Elliot, but ultimately, she and Wentworth reconcile and have a happy ending.
Epic high – is a play on the band Epik High—because the author’s been listening to their single One a lot, and also because Tablo was mentioned earlier in this fic.
Henry – is a member of Super Junior M who is known for playing the violin and dancing all crazy simultaneously.
Zhang Li Yin – is the “Chinese chick”; who beat Yunho in the violin competition—she does play the violin and her favorite piece is “The Butterfly Lovers;” also, SM tends to put her in really ugly/too mature black and white outfits with ruffles in random places, but the author displaced that onto Seul Gi.
Fighting for a girl – is something that Jaejoong said in some interview (the author can’t remember which and it’s killing her!) he would do if the DBSK members liked the same girl (the author thinks??), whereas Yunho has said that he would give up a girl in order to make sure the group remains cohesive; the author can’t remember the specifics or anything, but this interview and their responses was one of many catalysts for writing this story.




Chapter 25
You’re like a proton in my core: without you, I would never be the same.


“Hey, Jaejoong, you out here?” a voice calls out and the three of us turn to look at Jaejoong’s friend. My jaw drops. I can’t believe it. “I hope it’s alright that I just let myself in…I didn’t see your friend’s parents, so I just walked back here.”

“Tablo-oppa?! Oh my God! I haven’t seen you in years! What are you doing in Korea?! I thought you were getting your Masters at Stanford!” I run over to him and give him a hug. Somehow all the drama has been forgotten for the moment.

“Seul Gi-ah! Aww, you’ve grown!” Tablo ruffles my hair fondly. “Last time I saw you in person, you were still waiting for body parts to show up!” Yah, Tablo! Was that entirely necessary?

“Wait…Seul Gi, you know Sun-Woong-hyung?” Jaejoong comes over to us.

“Sun-Woong? Ohh, yeah. Sorry, I haven’t heard anyone call him that in forever—it’s always been Tablo, or even Daniel,” I remain in a side hug with Tablo.

“Oh whoa. S hit. Wait a second,” Tablo steps away from me. “Jae…this…isn’t the friend you like, is it?” Jaejoong flushes, and considering recent confessions, I do as well. Heck, I’m sure Yunho is as red as the chili powder in kimchi.

“ S hit. You…guys…don’t know, do you?”

Oh geez. More revelations. Great. Should I have a fainting couch handy?

“Seul Gi, Jae found me a few months ago… We’re half cousins.”

“No, Tablo, we’re full cousins. You’re appa’s sister’s kid,” I furrow my brows. He knows this. He’s smarter than I am, actually (if you can’t tell from his huge-normous glasses and nerdy sweater). “I mean, unless Auntie had a little action on the side that we never knew about…”

“No, Seul Gi. Jaejoong and I are half cousins. That means…you and Jaejoong are half cousins,” Tablo lays it down.

Wh…what??

“Grandpa…got a little frisky on the side and didn’t tell anyone. He had a second family on the side. Grandma never knew.” Oh my God. My family is so messed up.

“Wait, you’re Tablo??” Jaejoong is like, half a step behind everyone. “Tablo? As in the Tablo who is Seul Gi’s cousin?? ...Did you know you were Tablo?”

“Oh wow.” The cogs in Yunho’s brain whirl wildly. “That means that Jaejoongie…you and Seul Gi…that’s no longer social incest—that’s real incest now.”

Both Jaejoong and I recoil from each other. Oh man, I can’t believe I had a crush on my cousin. I feel so dirty now.

I shudder.

Incest. Ughhh.

“Then…the bond that I thought we shared,” Jaejoong speaks slowly. “Was just because we’re related?”

Wait a second…

“Oh man! We’re just like Luke and Leia! That’s so cool! That means, Yunho—you’re Han Solo!” I might be a bit too excited about this, I think. What can I say? I’m pretty resilient.

Or maybe I’m just relieved that Jaejoong now will definitely back off, leaving Yunho completely open for my lovin'.

Damn. Best deus ex machina ever.

“Yunho-yah? Seul Gi?” My umma calls. I love that she calls for Yunho before her own offspring.

“Oh! Here you are,” she appears in the doorway. “Tablo! What are you doing here??” She rushes over and gives him a huge hug.

“Oh, I’m just here visiting my cousin…s,” Tablo squeezes out though my umma’s forced the air from his lungs with her bear hug.

“Well, it’s great to see you. Alright, I have something to tell you,” my umma starts.

Oh geez. What could possibly happen next?

Yunho and I were childhood lovers but we both got amnesia?

Or there’s secretly an arranged marriage that our grandparents planned before we were even born?

Or Yunho’s terminally ill and only has 6 months to live?

“Dinner’s ready.” Oh, ha. Or that.

-----


“So?? How was it??” Ri In asks me the next morning. “Was it really awkward having dinner with your ex-boyfriend and your ex-crush?”

“Wait, before we get to that, I want to wait till Ayumi gets here, because I have major news for both of you and I want to tell you at the same time,” I can barely keep it in.

I shudder.

Incest. Ughhh. “Where is—“

“Oh my God! Seul Gi! Ri In! You won’t believe it! It’s terrible!” Ayumi rushes at us like a whirlind of gossip personified.

“Ayumi! Guess wha—“

“We’re related!” Ayumi interrupts. What?! It’s like there’s an incest virus going around! I kid—I am well aware that incest is not a virus.

“Omo, I’m so sorry you’re related to Kibum!” I give her a hug to comfort her. “At least with me, I got over Jaejoong before anything could happen…but with you—there’s no going back, y’know? Kisses and hugs and…”

I pause to shudder again.

Incest. Ughhh.

“Wait, what?” Ri In is baffled. “You’re related to Jaejoong??”

“No, no,” Ayumi says. “I’m related to Yoochun.” What?! “I found out last night at a family dinner. We’re like, second cousins or something. Wait. Seul Gi—you’re related to Jaejoong? Ewwww. I know I haven’t been in Korea that long, but I’m pretty sure incest is taboo cross culturally…”

The three of us collectively shudder.

Incest. Ughhh.

“Ayumi! I’m so over Jaejoong. That was just a stupid crush I had,” I wave my hand dismissively. “But…wait a second. If you’re…related to Yoochun…that means…”

“I knowww!” Ayumi wails despondently.

“You are a mafia princess!” Ri In exclaims, quite ecstatic about the news.

“Oh man, I totally called it! I must be psychic or something,” I high-five Ri In. We head into our classroom, but Chun-sonsehngnim isn’t here yet.

“Nowa yongwonhi hagirul somanghe, jogon obshi norul nomu saranghe,” my phone goes off.

Ooh! A text from Yunho! But I should turn my phone on vibrate in case Chun-sonsehngnim comes in.

“Hey pretty girl! ^^ Want 2 see how much u inspire me 2 pay attention in class?”

Oh man, I love Dorky Yunho. I ignore Ri In and Ayumi bustling about me to read Yunho’s text, and immediately text him back.

“Of course oppa. If im impressed, there may be a kiss for u at lunch. ^^“

“What are you guys saying to each other??” Ri In is still trying to read over my shoulder, but I get another text message almost immediately and I shield Ri In from my cell phone screen.

“The limit of my affection as u approaches i is infinity. Kekekeke. I expect a kiss! <3 Ho-ppa”

My thumb is a blur as I text back, “Kekekeke. Oppa…u remind me of the mrna codon of phenylalanine cuz all i can think about is uuu. <3 Good luck paying attention in class. Hwaiting!”

You know how sometimes, when you try to not smile, your face contorts in all kinds of silly ways? With Yunho, I can’t even pretend to try to not smile. I am grinning like a fool and the idiotic look on my face cannot be wiped away. For all the heartache I’ve had to endure, Yunho is so worth it.

“How can hyung pay attention when u keep txting himadjmgptw,” reads this next text.

Huh.

Another one comes soon after: “TT_____TT Sry. Changmin stole my phone. Im going 2 take notes now. Bye love!”

“So, um, yeah…Yunho and I are good again,” I sum up for Ri In and Ayumi.

“Ah, students, I’m sorry I’m late,” Chun-sonsehngnim says energetically as he comes into class holding a stereo on his shoulder as if he walked straight out of the early 90s. “Since it’s coming to the end of the year, I decided that we’re going to get interactive with our learning of history. So everyone stand up. We’re going to bokgo dance.”

L’awesome.

-----


“Oppa!” I exclaim as Yunho and the royalty-ka arrive for lunch. I fling my arms out, ready for a hug, and Yunho gladly steps in for it. “Did you take good notes?” I tap his nose fondly.

“I think even you would be proud,” Yunho says as he holds out his notebook. I’m impressed—he’s got underlining and bullet points and everything. I mean, there’s no color coding, but…baby steps.

“Kiss time?” I grin and lean up to give him a short peck on the lips. He looks surprised that the kiss wasn’t just on the cheek and he gives a worth-a-try look before leaning in for another, but I turn away from him and grab his arms to wrap around me as I lean back into his solid chest.

Pretty much everyone’s jaw has dropped. Oh yeah, I forgot they didn’t know that Yunho and I are back together.

“Umm…what…?” Boa can’t seem to form a complete sentence.

“Hey Seul Gi,” Jaejoong says, looking subdued. He holds his hand out for an awkwardly formal handshake in greeting, as I step out from Yunho and open my arms for a hug between half cousins.

Hmm. I guess this being-kin thing will take some time to get used to. Jaejoong leans in for a painfully weird side hug.

Yeon Hee lifts an eyebrow at our decidedly non-romantic-skinship. “What happened to you guys?”

“It’s incest,” I shrug at her.

“Social?” Ara nods knowingly.

“No…actual incest,” Jaejoong clarifies. A collective shudder ripples through the group and we decide to leave it at that.

Incest. Ughhh.

“Seul Gi-ah,” Yunho pats the space next to him and I obediently sit down. “I made an extra bento for you!” He takes out a bento wrapped in an adorable cloth with tiny Pekkles all over it. I smile at him and nuzzle his shoulder affectionately.

“Aww, Pekkle! Ducks have the cutest tails, don’t you think?” Ri In says, completely out of nowhere, but Junsu blushes and I don’t even want to know.

“Yunnie, where’s my bento?” Jaejoong grins.

Yunho puts his hands up to his ears and looks around as he says, “What? What? I can’t hear you.” It’s really nice to see that this whole thing hasn’t changed their friendship for the worse.

“Dude, Changmin, just give me a piece!” Yoochun is groping at Changmin. He…wants a piece of Changmin??

“It’s my kimbap!” Changmin protests petulantly. “Call me hyung,” he demands.

Yoochun frowns, “Why are you so mean, Changmin?”

“Yoochun, just suck it up and call him hyung,” Hye Bin rolls her eyes.

“…hyung,” Yoochun says in a small voice to Changmin.

Dang, that girl’s got him on a tight leash. Well played, Hye Bin.

I nudge Yunho, and he puts his right arm around me as we eat. And he is eating with his left hand as I eat with my right, so we can be as close as possible.


…I know. We’ve become SuYin.

I don’t even know how this has happened. I mean, you’d think that after the dramafest of last night, things would be at least slightly weird between us for a little bit. I mean, at least a day.

But surprisingly, we’ve just fallen into the groove of being disgustingly sweet with each other. I blame my desperation for Yunho-lovin’ when we were on our weird little break. And Yunho’s latent dorkiness and not-so-latent hotness. And his—okay, I’ll stop. Because, seriously, we must piss off every single person near us.

Of course, looking at the people around us, I don’t know how many of our friends will be single for long. I look at the unresolved love triangle still in our midst.

“Hey, oppa,” I say quietly to him. “What is up with Yeon Hee and Jaejoong and Boa?” Yunho looks up and, rather exaggeratedly, at the three. Captain Obvious strikes again.

“Oh, well, Yeon Hee and Boa have both had crushes on Jaejoong since forever, but they’re friends, so they aren’t willing to break up their friendship for him.” Sounds vaguely familiar. “And on Jae’s side…well, he’s always considered it social incest.”

I look at him sharply.

Incest. Ughhh.

We really need to watch our word choice for at least awhile.

“But I have a feeling he’ll get over it soon enough,” Yunho smiles vaguely. He looks…vacant. Not a good look for him.

“Yah,” I poke him to wipe that village idiot look off his face. “What do you mean by that?”

“Seul Gi-ah, you’re amazing,” Yunho offers in way of response.

“Appreciated, but not really answering my question.” Still, I can’t help but grinning.

“One of the reasons you’re amazing is that Jaejoong is rethinking his social incest-phobia, because of you. I think you’ve lowered his standards.” Yah! What does that mean, you punk!

“All he requires now is that he isn’t related to his love interest.” Oh. Ha.

“So which of the two is he more interested in?” I ask Yunho, not being able to tell. But Yunho just shrugs at me with a knowing look in his eyes. Bah. Male friendship. So annoying.

I just snuggle into Yunho a little more, glad that I no longer have to face ambiguity over who I’m meant to be with. I suppose for the whole crew to pair off at the same time conveniently would be too much to ask.

-----



























“Manura!” Yunho exclaims as he comes into the kitchen, looking incredibly good in business casual dress. “I just picked up the kids from their game.”

“What is that?? Calling me ‘wife’ in that Jeolla-do accent of yours,” I scoff at him. I hold up the wooden spoon for him to taste the jjigae.

“How is it?” I ask.

I’m worried, because Yunho’s family is coming for dinner tonight, and I want everything to be perfect. And also, I’m not really used to cooking because Yunho promised he wouldn’t let me cook most of the meals (I can’t play Sam Soon Homemaker every night, now can I?).

“It’s delicious!” Yunho replies with a smile. Of course, when I go to grab the iced tea from the fridge and turn around to look back at the stove, Yunho is secretly adding a few more spices.

Eh. Well. I’m working without a solid recipe, here! I appreciate that he is helping me out in the kitchen, even if he’s not letting me know just how much he’s doing.

I shuffle my feet a little as I go back to the stove, making sure Yunho can hear I’m coming back. He abruptly puts the pepper grinder down, and for good measure, I pretend to be looking in the cabinet before going to stir the pot a little more.

“Thanks for making the dessert today, honey,” I say before putting the lid on the pot and lowering the temperature to simmer. I turn to look at him.

Damn, he looks so fine in that all white outfit. He looks like he stepped out of the yacht spread of a Bean Pole catalogue. I reach out to button up one of the buttons on his shirt (there will be single women at this party! Can’t have them getting a good look at his moobs!), and pat his abs for good measure before adjusting his collar. Perks of the position, I tell ya.

“Why are you so prepped out right now, anyway?” I ask. “It’s just a casual dinner party.”

“Maybe I’m just hoping that my being a little dressed up will encourage you to change into that slinky little dress I got you…” Yunho waggles his eyebrows, and I blush.

“Yah, what’s wrong with my dress?!” I look down at my cute black and white pinstriped summer dress. “You’re even the one who chose it!” I know I’ve established that I’m anti-makeover, but I let Yunho pick out this dress because…well, honestly, because he has better taste than I do. I need to go shopping with him more. I playfully mess up his hair in retaliation.

“Yah! Watch the hair!” We head out into the living room hand in hand and Yunho comments, “Honey thinks I should grow my hair out.”

“Honey?! Now who the hell is Honey?!” I stop in the hallway and pull my hand out of his.

“I said Hyunnie. Hyun Bin. You know, my hairstylist.” Yunho pats my head. “You’re cute when you’re jealous.” I ever-so-maturely stick out my tongue at him.

“If you grow your hair out, it better be well kept. Please don’t go Rain on me. I wouldn’t be able to handle it.” Yunho nods obediently and we walk into the living room.




It’s only been a few days since the dramafest, but already, it’s like we’ve become some married couple.

If this is what married life is like, I’m pretty sure I could be quite content with Yunho by my side. He can play Sam Shik Homemaker, and I’ll make all the money in my proteomics lab as leading researcher in the world and Nobel Laureate.

“Changminnie! Are you looking up special videos on my cousin’s computer?!” Jaejoong scolds as he tries to push Changmin out of the chair. Omo! I don’t need that on my computer!

“Changmin! In public?!” Ara is scandalized.

“No!” Changmin is grabbing onto the chair and the monitor. “It’s Jeon Ji Hyun’s Giordano commercial! The banned one! It’s not a special video!” Same difference.

Jeon Ji Hyun. That hussy. Claw! Hiss!

“Oh really?” Yunho perks up and cranes his head to look at the monitor and Yoochun pops up out of nowhere as Jaejoong stops trying to push Changmin out of the chair.

Damn Jeon Ji Hyun’s S-line.

As they are mesmerized by her writhing body on the monitor, I take the mouse and close the window. A collective groan sounds from their lips as the image of an unfortunately sexy woman (that siren!) is replaced with my background.

“Wait, is that Yunho?” Yeon Hee asks from behind us. “That’s so sweet, Seul Gi—you have him as your background!”

“Uh…no,” I rub the back of my neck in embarrassment. “That’s Jun Jin…”

“What!” Yunho is displeased, I think. “This must be remedied.”

He hijacks the mouse to replace the background with an artsy picture of the two of us.

“Aww, you two are so cute,” Boa coos.

“But Su, you said you’d sing for me anytime I wanted you to!” Ri In pouts at a Junsu who’s flopped on the couch next to her.

“I know, but I’m so tired from the soccer game,” Junsu complains. Junsu and the boys were the “kids” Yunho picked up from the game earlier.

Ri In’s face softens as she sings softly, “Zai ni de huai zhong ai ni teng ni hu xi dou ting zhi ran shao...”

“Hey! I know this melody!” Junsu sits up. “Dang sheen ae nuhl beun gah seum ahn eh jahm deun kkoom ee kkael kkah bwah,” Junsu croons with that husky voice of his, and Ri in smiles at him, as she brushes the hair from his eyes.

“Aish, love love love,” Tablo groans and shakes his head as he walks pass them. “Is dinner ready yet? Time is ticking!” Tablo tsks at me. I check my watch. “Time is ticking away!”

“Yes, everything’s—“

Ding dong!

Omo! The Jungs! I smooth down my skirt nervously, gathering courage to answer the door. Yunho leans down and whispers into my ear, “Don’t worry. You look beautiful. And anyway, they already love you.”

With his encouragement, I go to open the door.


“Seul Gi-ah!” Ayumi screams and jumps into a hug. “I haven’t seen you since…after school yesterday!” I think she’s excessively giddy because right behind her, holding a tray of unknown contents, is Kibum.

“Look! We brought some fresh pan-seared scallops, wrapped in prosciutto!” I’m not sure who’s more excited about that: Ayumi or Kibum.

“That’s not all we brought…” Kibum’s facial expression changes as he nudges Ayumi nervously.

“Oh, yeah…um, you know how yesterday you said the more the merrier?” Ayumi is avoiding eye contact. This can lead nowhere good. Gut feeling. “We brought some of Kibum’s friends.”

And then emerging from the bushes like a cadre of woodland nymphs are twelve of the employees from Kibum’s restaurant. Omo…I think I may need to add a few extra place settings. At least they’ve each brought trays of drool-inducing food—I’m not sure I would have enough food for everyone, otherwise.

Oh well. I did tell her the more the merrier. I step back to let them all in. I feel like the sudden increase in testosterone is going to seep into my pores and make me manlier.

“Hey there,” Dimples pauses as he enters the foyer. Why hello there. I take it back about the testosterone—I’m back to being giggly and feminine. This reconciliation of feminity with feminism thing is a tricky line to walk. Do-able. But just tricksy when guys like Dimples show up at your door smiling with those dimples.

“Hi,” Yunho appears out of nowhere. “I don’t think we’ve ever formally met. I’m Yunho, Seul Gi’s boyfriend.” He holds his hand out and Siwon shakes it.

“I’m Siwon. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” They lock eyes for a bit, and I am about to leave them to battle it out when Siwon finally breaks eye contact to look at me and says, “I brought these for a centerpiece.”

He holds out a vase with yellow tulips arranged prettily in it. How delightfully metrosexual of him! I put the vase down momentarily on the table next to my umma’s pink plush pig that looks vaguely like what Kang Ho Dong would be in female plush form.

“Guitar Hero?! Awesome!” I hear someone yell from the living room. Siwon’s eyes light up and he hurries his way over to party like a rockstar. Yunho and I are about to follow him when the doorbell rings again.

“Unnie!” I hear as a blur comes at me in a hug-attack similar to Ayumi’s earlier. “Oh my gosh! I’ve never been to your house before! Wow, it’s so huge! I love it! Ooh, you look really good today! I mean, I know you don’t particularly care about how you look, usually. And usually, you can tell that you don’t care about how you look,” Yah! “But today, you must have cared a little bit or something, because dang, unnie! You look sizzling! If oppa isn’t enough for you, you could totally get like, any guy! And I totally saw like, twelve of them come in here as we were parking! Where are they? Rawr! I’m excited!” Yeah, I couldn’t really tell. “Aww, oppa, don’t look like that. I was just kidding about Seul Gi finding a replacement for you…especially not after how long you liked her. Geez oppa, ever heard of other fish in the Sea of Korea? But it’s okay, because I love unnie! She tells the most hilarious bedtime stories!”

“Ji Yool, you knew??” Yunho looks ashen. “I didn’t tell anyone about liking Seul Gi.”

Ji Yool just rolls her eyes. “Of course I knew, oppa. You’re mind isn’t exactly a steel trap. Not to mention, I went through your journals of really bad poetry. Seriously, oppa. I really hope you’re not thinking of giving up Jung, Ban and Ha Media in order to write poetry, because you’d probably die an early and painful death of starvation if you did. I mean, come on, you rhymed ‘Seul Gi’s pluck’ with—“

“Hahaha, Ji Yool. You’re so hilarious.” Yunho clamps his hand around Ji Yool’s mouth, but I still hear her mumbling beneath his hand. “Where’s umma and appa?”

“Right here, son! Right here,” Mr. Bae comes through the open door in a haze of jolliness.

“Bringing the booze,” Yunho’s umma’s remark is as dry as the cabernet sauvignon she’s holding up. I greet them as politely as possible, letting them know that my parents are chillaxing in the backyard (with sangria and soju) far away from the teenagers, and they haul ass to the backyard, as Ji Yool goes on the hunt for twelve very hot males.


I give Yunho an unimpressed look. “Seul Gi’s pluck, eh?”

“I promise, all I rhymed it with was ‘I’m lovestruck!’” Yunho looks like a cornered animal. I just laugh at him, though, and close the door.

-----


“Toast! Toast!” Everyone exclaims. The sun has set, and the stars are beginning to come out, and I’m glad we decided to move the party to the backyard, because it is just so amazing out here. Yunho waves his hands in an appeasing manner as he stands up and grabs his glass.

“Thank you everyone for coming tonight—“

“Wait! I want to do it!” Jaejoong stands up all of a sudden. Yunho looks surprised for a moment, and then graciously sits down to let Jaejoong speechify. “Thank you everyone for coming tonight…” We all laugh at Jaejoongie a little before he continues.

“Thank you, Seul Gi-ah, my...cousin, for being a wonderful hostess. I feel like I have a confession to make…” Omo, seriously? Yet another? I mean, how many can there possibly be? And this isn’t exactly a confession box at church! This is just a toast!

“Seul Gi-ah…do you remember when we first met? …because I don’t.” Um. Thanks. A light chuckle from the table. “But I remember when I first noticed you half-stalking, half-avoiding me.” Omo! He knew?! “I didn’t think much of it, because I didn’t think much of you.” Yah! How much more do we have to endure! But Yunho grabs my hand and squeezes it as if to say Hey-I-like-you.

“And then when I’d catch you, you were so cute when you blushed and pretended like you weren’t following me…” Jaejoong trails off. Whoa, buddy. Do I have to remind you that we’re cousins? “Um…but I didn’t really consider you until Yoochun bet Yunho to date you.” A collective gasp from the Restaurant Boys—ah yes, they have no idea about the bet. Actually, they have no idea about us at all, really, so why are they here again??

“And the rest is history…but I just wanted to say: even though Yoochun thought he was picking some random girl for Yunho to date, you’ve impacted all our lives for the better. Thank you, Seul Gi. For everything.”

We all sit there for a moment in silence.

This…was one of the worst toasts ever. Wow.

“To Seul G—ack!” One of The Twelve (the strong one?) says, eager to get his drank on, before someone else hits him.

“Actually,” Yoochun says. “My choosing Seul Gi wasn’t random.”

“Oh you’re right, sorry. You knew I was friends with her and that she was unbelievably nerdy and weird,” Jaejoong allows. What! What kind of toast is this??

“No,” Yoochun shakes his head. “I knew that Yunho liked her, and I was just trying to push things along.”

“Bwoh?!” Yunho stands up. “There’s no way you knew! How could you know?”

“Oh please, hyung,” Yoochun rolls his eyes. “You wrote ‘Mrs. Jung Seul Gi’ all over your notes when you were pretending to pay attention in class! I’m surprised I’m the only one who ever found out!”

“I knew!” Ji Yool pipes up, raising her hand like we’re in class.

“We did too, son,” Yunho’s umma says. “Why else do you think your appa tried to get you to play golf with him and Mr. Bae all the time?”

“Yes, well, for your parents to know who you like, well…it’s just par for the course!” Yunho’s appa replies. “Haha, par! For the course!” I giggle at his pun (okay, maybe a little because I still don’t know if they really like me, and you gotta get good with the in-laws, y'know?).

“And since your parents knew, we knew too,” my appa says. What! No wonder they weren’t immediately skeptical of Yunho! Geeeez. “Your appa told me at one of our games last year.”

“Okay? Is that it? Are we done here? Anyone else want to confess that they knew about my secret crush on Seul Gi?” Yunho asks impatiently.

I pat Yunho’s bum in reassurance (Whaaat?? Come on! Perks of the position! …and maybe I’m channeling a little of the ol’ Solbi).

“Ummm, okay!” Tablo stands up. “Guys, that was great. To Seul Gi!”

Everyone else stands up and says, “To Seul Gi!”

Man, after that, we definitely could use these drinks.

But still, I can’t help but relish the feeling of being surrounded by friends and family (perhaps more family than I expected to have), and just being so content with life.

-----


“Yunnie-bear,” I lazily stroke his hair as he lies on my lap. It’s really late now, and we’re lounging around the backyard listening to slightly muted Clazziquai.

Tablo, slightly more than tipsy, had put his arms around Junsu and Boa and declared that they should start up a band. I have absolutely no idea where he got that idea, but I think the two of them are avoiding him now. Which is fine, because he’s now waxing philosophical with all the parentals in the living room. What a dork.

Poor Ji Yool has had to pull out her DS Lite and is playing and simultaneously texting her friends. I don’t even know how she does it.

Ri In and Junsu are sleeping together on the hammock (and I really hope all they’re doing is sleeping…but really, I can’t even imagine the the physics of hammock se—I’m not even going to go there). Ayumi and Kibum are still feeding each other (so much for leftovers!). The two almost couples of Changmin and Ara and Yoochun and Hye Bin are clustered at an awkwardly shy but sweet distance. Jaejoong is sandwiched between Boa and YeonHee and he seems to be quite content with that arrangement (of course—he is a guy).

“There’s still something we haven’t resolved yet…”

“Hmmm,” Yunho answers in a vague “Yes, go on” way.

“Why did you even bother with the love contract that first Saturday? Was it just because you wanted to write a skinship clause in? I mean, why the ambiguous legal language then?”

“Hmmm.”

“Yah, are you falling asleep??”

“Hmmm,” Yunho replies. I start to whack his shoulder a little. “Hmmm? What?” Yunho half sits up and looks around, but then grins idiotically at me. That little trickster.

He stretches a little before lying back down. “The love contract was just insurance. I was only half-optimistic for the fake relationship to turn out well. So I added a clause that upon breach of contract, you couldn’t protest to my going to play golf with your dad every Saturday, or my having dinner at your house every Friday, or my popping up ever-so-conveniently whenever you and Jaejoong might go on a date. Actually, I think I might have even added a friends-with-benefits clause.”

“What??” I sit up suddenly. “Friends with benefits?!”

“Hey, you signed it,” Yunho holds his hands up innocently. “But after I thought you might be able to have feelings for Jaejoong, I couldn’t go through with everything, so I ignored my contractual obligations.” And this is why it took us so long to get to this point.

But it was so worth it.

All that's missing now is...

“Yah,” I say in mock sternness. “A love contract is a love contract. Give me my benefits, friend!” I sit up and put my hands on my hips.

Yunho just grins that goofy, beautiful smile of his and turns to me and cradles my neck with his hand. I never imagined that this idiotic boy could make me so happy.

I close my eyes.

And allow the idiotic boy to kiss this fool.




The End!



Notebook:
Daniel Armand Lee Sun-Woong – is Tablo’s real name and he did get his masters at Stanford, which makes the author immediately love him; he also collaborated with Boa and Junsu (and Jin Bora) in the Samsung Anyband commercials; haha for tricking all the readers into thinking there might not be a cameo and then having had this planned for forever!
Deus ex machina – literally translates to “god from a machine” and is a literary device in which something improbable happens to resolve a situation.
Chun Myung Hoon – is 1/3 of the Korean band NRG (his “energetic” words was a bad pun) which debuted in the late 90s, and 1/3 of the hilarious “678” group from X-Man (or Love Letter?); he and Seul Gi bokgo danced (he was her “disciple”); the author doesn’t know too much about him.
Bokgo dancing – is retro dancing (from the 70s? 80s?) which Seul Gi made popular again in 2005.
Beautiful Life – is a lighthearted and non-angsty DBSK song on the Rising Sun CD that the author really likes for some reason—when she first discovered it, she listened to it all the time.
Limits – are things you learn about in Calculus that describe the behavior of the graph or something; the author is getting more lazy about these definitions, sorry.
UUU – is a codon on mRNA consisting of uracil-uracil-uracil; during translation, tRNA reads the codon and adds the amino acid phenylalanine to the amino acid chain; this pick-up line is courtesy of babyvivi’s boyfriend, who apparently used a similar line on her; thanks babyvivi!
Pekkle – is an Easter egg for one lucky reader out there; Pekkle is a duck best described on the Sanrio site, “Good-natured and kindhearted, Pekkle can most often be found singing or dancing--two things he excels at;” Junsu is rather Pekkle like in that he is often found singing or dancing, is good-natured and kindhearted, and has a duck butt that is the stuff of legends and massive fangirling.
DBSK on The Star Show – was aired in May, and the author watched it prior to writing part of this chapter, as can be seen in the usage of the lines “What? What? I can’t hear you,” “Call me hyung,” “Manura” (meaning “wife”) in Yunho’s Jeolla province accent, and the reference to Junsu singing songs anytime his wife (or this case, girlfriend) asks.
Moobs – is a portmanteau of “man boobs,” which Yunho used to have, rather pronouncedly, but has since mostly gotten rid of them; there’s a hilarious clip on Ya Shim Man Man of him talking about them.
“Special” videos – is what Changmin called the pornography that he watches in an episode of Ya Shim Man Man; his mother was in the studio when he revealed his information, which makes it just that much more awesome.
I Will – is a song on Zhang Li Yin’s debut album, which was originally sung by S.E.S. in Korean, but the Chinese lyrics are less depressing than the Korean.
Love Love Love – is a song by Epik High.
“Time is ticking, time is ticking away” – is one of Tablo’s lines from Epik High’s One, a song that the author fell in love with—and Jung Ryu Won is in the music video!