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Graduation Book

PAGE #1: Blow the Dust

THE night was peacefully quiet, and so was the Daidouji mansion. All the corridors are pitch black—only the dim moonlight peeking from the crivices of ventilation illuminated them—the maids were already in bed, and every rooms in that huge house were dark, too.

Except one.

The library.

From the narrow space between the bottom of the wooden door and the marble floor, people could notice that the lamp was still on. Well, count sleepwalkers out. They wouldn't even know a jaguar sneaked in their residence, would they?

There she was. A twenty-four years old Tomoyo Daidouji, clothed in her azure nightgown and velvet long-sleeved coat, busying herself in the middle of dozen bookshelves.

Tonight she couldn't sleep. Not a second. She tried to shut her eyes tight, but instead it gave her headache. Frustrated, she stepped out of her bed and tiptoed to the library. She paced so carefully, afraid that she might woke her mother up. Yeah, Sonomi Daidouji just arrived from a fourty-eight hours flight this afternoon and definitely needed quality rest. Because tomorrow, she will be on duty again as the chairwoman of Daidouji Toy Company. Her look wasn't change and still overly-energetic—such a contradiction with her too graceful, perfect, calm daughter—even though her age reached mid-fourties.

Tomoyo sighed in exasperation. Why is it so hot here?

She reached for some hairpins on the nearest desk then pulling her hair in a loose bun. After that she turned on the air conditioner, set it at 17ºC. She smiled inwardly. Nah, it's much better.

She twirled around, scanning through rows of books—old and new ones—expecting to find something interesting. Anything. Then she remembered. If she was not mistaken, years ago she kept all her card-capturing days videotapes in the library. And tonight Tomoyo wanted to see them. She wanted to enjoy that feeling again.

But the problem is...

Where exactly did she put those records?

In the bookshelves? No.

Wait, it could be.

So... which bookshelf?

Truth is, Tomoyo never thought that having such a gigantic library room will be this hard. She rarely stayed here. She used to let the maids do the cleaning or accept their offers to look for some books—if she needed references for her school's essay.

"No, it's Mom's magazines. And it's novel section. It's only encyclopedia. Oh my…" she let out a deep breath as she leaned on the wall. "I can't find them…"

She did a staring contest with the bookshelves for awhile, and suddenly realization struck her. "I know! Now I remember!" Tomoyo exclaimed in delight. She jogged across the room, opened a drawer near the home-theatre set, and pulled a big box wrapped in green manila paper.

"Gotcha."

Her amethyst eyes twinkled as she opened the box before taking three videotapes marked as 'The Jump & The Fly', 'The Illusion; Cheerleading Practice & The Shield', and 'The Last Judgement'. Tomoyo giggled. "Good thing that I recorded most of them… now they become one of my most precious belongings."

Tomoyo dug again to find another cassette, but her hand grazed something different. Something which not felt like a video tape... Instead it was a book. A hard-covered book. As the curiosity delved in, Tomoyo decided to free the book from her recordings' pressure. It welcomed her sight by seconds.

She blinked.

With mouth agape.

It was her senior high school's graduation book.

To make it clearer: Seijyou Senior High's graduation book.

She traveled her finger delicately on the surface of its cover. On the left corner, signed with golden ink was her own name: T. Daidouji.

Tomoyo rose up, walking toward a couch before plopping comfortably—the video tapes were already forgotten. She flipped one page, then another, as her eyes examined each pictures, name, and identity printed on that book with perfect concentration. She couldn't help but smiled. No, grinned, actually. Not much differences with her elementary days. There were still Rika-chan, Chiharu-chan, Naoko-chan, Li-kun, Yamazaki-kun, and mostly her lovely cousin named Sakura-chan as her classmates.

Not much differences, ne?

Her smiling state froze when her sight finished its task to observe the whole class member' picture. Something is going wrong, she thought. My conclusion is not right. Something is missing…

Someone is definitely missing…

Someone who should be in this picture as well… is absent.

God, Tomoyo brushed her raven locks away from her face, how on earth she could—almost—forget him?

A gentleman who always praised girls with sweet talks. A Londoner who had midnight blue hair, dark sapphire eyes, and nice posture which could make women forget the earth they are stepped on. One of the most powerful sorcerer in the whole world—such side-effect being Clow's reincarnation—who liked to tease Li-kun every day. Wait, not Li only. He liked to tease and annoy her, too.

One of few friends she could give her whole trust to after Li-kun and Sakura-chan.

Her constant companion when the cherry blossom wanted to be left alone with her little wolf. Or when Tomoyo felt her presence between those two resembles a third wheel.

Her best friend.

Her first crush, till now.

Eriol Hiiragizawa.

"Funny," Tomoyo chuckled softly. "I thought I can't manage myself to remember him anymore."

-Graduation Book-

SEIJYOU Senior High. Seven years earlier.

"What is it?" Tomoyo asked casually, peeking from her position at something which looks like an envelope in Eriol's hand. "Hiiragizawa-san, I want to see that thing."

The seventeen years old mage smiled at her antics. "Impatient, aren't we?"

"Hiiragizawa-san…" The warning tone.

His smiled turned into laughter. "Okay, I'll show you." He hung the envelope in front of her nose, then said, "There. It's a letter."

Tomoyo drew her eyes closer, scanning the name of the sender. "Mizuki… sensei?"

"Yup."

Tomoyo opened her mouth, wanting to ask more but then silenced herself. She remember those loving gaze Eriol and Mizuki-sensei shared in Hiiragizawa manor, right after Sakura transformed the last two Clow Cards, The Light and The Dark, to Sakura Card and defeated Eriol's magic. Perhaps… that letter contains private things.

"Kaho asked about our condition. She also wrote down her amusing experiences while doing her master study." Eriol suddenly explained. "Just it. Nothing personal."

Confused, Tomoyo spontaneously blurted, "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why is there nothing personal? No private talks? You two are in that kind of relationship, aren't you?"

Eriol stunned for a bit before burst in laughter. Tomoyo blushed hard. She felt extremely embarrassed. Stupid Daidouji… she cursed mentally. The only thing she did was keeping her lips tight. Too ashamed to say a word.

"That's what you think, Daidouji-san?" He wiped his tears that threatened to fall down. Tomoyo pouted. Heck, he's really laughing.

"Yes. That's what I always think." She shrugged, emphasizing the 'always' word. Her fingers gripped the hem of her skirt. Okay, Daidouji, remove your blush. Hold your head high and don't ever let that guy embarrasses you more!

Eriol nodded in understanding. "I see."

Tomoyo stared at him in disbelief. I see? What kind of answer was that?

But before she could complain, the Londoner turned on his heels so that they now stood face-to-face. "I assume I must clarify something to you, Daidouji-san." He stated calmly, not breaking eye contacts, making Tomoyo uncomfortable under such an intense gaze.

"Oh." Tomoyo cleared her throat nervously, "Okay."

"Mind if we talk about his in the park?"

"N-no." She stammered. Great, Tomoyo! Make yourself a fool.

He looked pleased. "Good."

Tomoyo tilted her head up to meet Eriol's eyes with questioning look as the Clow's reincarnation offered his hand to her. The young man before her just smiled kindly. "May I?"

Carefully, Tomoyo slipped her fingers between his. Eriol nodded with his typical gentleman behavior, walking through school corridors, hands intertwined with the raven-haired young lady. The park wasn't too far away from their previous location, so it was pretty quick to reach the destination.

"Please take a seat."

Tomoyo knitted her eyebrows. "Hiiragizawa-san, that's a tree branch."

"I know. Since I cannot find any empty bench here, this is the best pick after all." He look around, referring to bunches of students sitting on the park bench while chatting happily. "Plus, the scenery up there is more beautiful."

Tomoyo silently agreed. But outwardly she spoke, "I'm wearing skirt."

"It's not that high, Daidouji-san." Eriol suddenly found this conversation amusing. "You will need neither Jump card nor Fly card to reach the branch. You may usually ask help from Sakura-chan, but this time... I'm afraid she doesn't want you to interfere her business with Li-kun."

Tomoyo tried her best to lessen her starting-to-explode temper. Talking with Eriol was never been this… stubborn?

"I still refuse."

Eriol bent down as he whispered right at her earlobe, sending shivers along her spine. "Then… let me help you."

In a flash, they were already sitting on the tree branch Eriol pointed just then. Tomoyo immediately searched for something to grab. Safety reason. Not that she fears high place, considering she used to fly hundreds meter higher than this with Sakura-chan using the Fly card, but…

If it's with Hiiragizawa, then it's another case.

"Hiragiizawa-kun, don't you think it's too risky using your magic here? There are lots of students!" She panicked.

"No, Daidouji-san. They're too drown in their own entertainment to notice us."

Silence. No one told a word for the whole ten minutes. And it was one hell of a torture for Tomoyo. She wasn't good at handling quiet situation when there were only her and a friend with opposite sex.

Wait a minute. She was ever left alone with Yamazaki-kun at school's sport festival and everything was gone well. She was also left alone with Li-kun more than twice in a week (when Sakura went for cheerleading practice) but she didn't tense at all.

Is it because of this Eriol Hiiragizawa?

"So," Tomoyo finally found her normal voice, "what do you want to talk about?"

"That you have wrong perception."

"About your and—" she put her head down because of blush-spreading, "—Mizuki-sensei's relationship?"

"Exactly."

"Why do I need to know?"

He rubbed the back of his head. "Not you. Perhaps.. I am the one who need someone to share things."

Tomoyo's genuine smile appeared. "You want to share things with me? Hope you don't forget, your activities when we're together were practically listened to me. To my trashes of mind. I'm the speaking one, not you."

"People change, Daidouji-san."

"So…" Tomoyo put her hand under her chin as she stared at the horizon line, "may I ask why didn't you leave Tomoeda for England? And it was only Mizuki-sensei who took the flight. You said you had done all the things necessary, right? Helping Sakura-chan transformed the card and bla bla bla. Why you decided to stay?"

Eriol seemed a bit dazed. Inwardly he praised the observing ability owned by the girl before him. As a gentleman he would be happier if he could compliment her directly. But this condition wouldn't allow him to do so. Tomoyo was being serious.

"Hiiragizawa-san? It's okay if you don't want to spill it."

"I'm fine," Eriol responded, surprising himself about how good his voice came out from his throat. "I stay because I felt like I didn't need to leave Tomoeda. I have to take care of something here. Someone, to be honest."

Tomoyo was surprised hearing this proclamation. "What about Mizuki-sensei?"

"I let her pursue her dream, didn't I? She was so ambitious about getting her master degree."

"I mean—you two looked pretty... romantic at that time."

Eriol, not bothering to sweep his charming smile, replied. "I won't deny that I adore Kaho. But it's not a feeling called 'love', Daidouji-san. I did, do, and will always respect her for her kindness. I'm very aware that she had grown a feeling toward Clow Reed. But past is past. Clow Reed had passed away and here I am with my own lifetime. A person you are talking to right now is Eriol Hiiragizawa. No more Clow Reed. Simple."

Silence again. Only breezes and students' chitchats below them could be heard. And then Tomoyo's giggle ruined it.

"Oh my. You know what? You're just giving speech!" She shook her head, making her awesome hair danced beautifully.

"I think so." Eriol said.

Glancing up to the bright spring sky above them, Tomoyo exclaimed cheerfully. "Thank you for accompanying me, Hiiragizawa-san. Not today only, but also yesterday, the day before, last week, a week before, and so on. You can make me happy, curios, and annoyed at once."

"Don't flatter me, Daidouji-san."

"I don't." She smiled coyly. "I'm telling you the truth."

"Can't you see my head is now blowing up? Compliment me again and I'm sure I'll suffer hydrocephalus-like syndrome."

Tomoyo chose to skip his latest speaking. "Still, I thank you."

"My pleasure."

"You're way too nice, Hiiragizawa-san."

Eriol could feel the heat rise up to his face, but he quickly diverted his attention to another topic. He slowly covered Tomoyo's hand with his. "Let's go down. The bell is going to ring in three minutes."

Without hesitation she linked her fingers with his. A fond smile plastered on her lips.

PAGE #2: The Call

SEIJYOU Senior High. Six years and ten months earlier.

Tomoyo marched forward in a hurry state, leaving all the gracefulness she studied over years. She was aiming to a certain desk, or more precisely, a certain person who sat behind it. Her facial expression was complicated. Completely undreable. Ignoring all the confused stare she earned from her classmates—included Sakura, if you wonder—she continued her short journey toward Eriol Hiiragizawa.

"We need to talk."

She wasn't asking.

Eriol obediently stood up. After putting his book inside his brown backpack, he followed the young Daidouji out of their class. In sudden, the once quiet class became full of whispers.

"I hope you can give me an acceptable reason."

"For what?" Eriol asked, expertly masking his true emotion. Because actually he already knew what she's going to say.

Tomoyo spun on her heels, nearly screamed. "For leaving without telling me anything!"

"Hey," he protested with playful smirk. "I'm still here, you see? What are you saying about?"

"Rip off your disguise, Hiiragizawa-san! I've seen enough." Her voice trembled. "I bumped into Kuniaki-sensei this morning, and when I helped her recollect her things scattered on the floor, I found this kind of paper." She shoved a paper ball in Eriol's hand angrily.

Eriol didn't say a word or do a slightest move. He stood still, eyes locked with Tomoyo's and he was sure she caught the guilty look in his pupils. Without straightening the paper ball, Eriol could mention every single word written on it. Why couldn't he? It was his writing, anyway.

Last week he submitted a proposal to quit school.

Eriol Hiiragizawa is going to take a flight back to London.

That's how it is. So... Tomoyo stole the paper from their teacher? Eriol thought for a sec but then slapping his mind right away. No no no. No, this Daidouji girl wouldn't do such action. She might asked Kuniaki-sensei by herself and the teacher willingly gave it to her. Nah, that made sense.

"Why?"

No response.

"Why are you leaving?"

Still no response.

"Hiiragizawa-san. Why. Are. You. Leaving?"

"Kaho is sick. A serious illness, I guess. She needs someone to take care of her. I can't only send Nakuru and Spinel for her. I have to do this." Eriol spoke up at the end.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Can't. I'm afraid you'll be sad and be troubled, Daidouji-san."

She laughed sarcastically. "And you think, after finding this crap out by myself, I'll be relaxed, refreshed and happy? The answer is a big NO, Hiiragizawa-san. You even made this worst than what you were expecting."

"I have an explanation."

"Not now. I don't want any self-defending phrase from you."

"I will waiting for you at school gate."

Tomoyo scowled, choosing to give him no response. Back in her lady-like manner, she walked away casually, wearing smiling mask on her face to greet people as if nothing had happened. The only change was: she refused to meet Eriol's gaze for the rest of that day.

Of course, this cold atmosphere between them brought up Sakura's curiousity.

"Tomoyo-chaaan..." the brunette girl pleaded as she ran after Tomoyo. "Slow down, pleeease..."

"Your stamina is much better than me, Sakura-chan. Why do I need to slow down my walking?" Her eyes glinted in amusement, but however her legs stopped moving. She waited for the cherry blossom.

Sakura replied, blushing. "I think I drained all my energy in cheerleading practice."

"I see."

"But until now I can't catch the stick well." She frowned. "Guess being a cheerleader doesn't suit me."

"That's not it." Tomoyo tapped her shoulder lightly. "Trust me, you are great."

The following minutes was filled by a comfortable silence. The two walked together to the school gate, enjoying each other companion. Today Li-kun had soccer club practice, so he told Sakura to walk home with Tomoyo because he'll stay at school until late.

"Tomoyo-chan..."

"What is it, Sakura-chan?" She answered sweetly.

"May I know what's wrong with you and Eriol-kun?"

"Huh?"

"You seemed quite unfriendly with him today. Are you in a fight?"

"No." Tomoyo responded a little too fast, so in result she just received more of Sakura's suspicion.

"Don't lie to me, Tomoyo-chan."

"I'm not."

"But you—oh!" Sakura beamed gleefully, waving her hand to a boy who leaned on the school gate. "Eriol-kun! Nice to meet you here!"

Eriol approached them and bowed. "Nice to meet you too, Ladies." He glanced at Tomoyo from the corner of his eye. When he saw her looking away, Eriol slightly smiled. So she is still angry…

"What are you doing there?" Sakura pointed at Eriol's previous spot.

"Waiting for someone." He said, noticing how Tomoyo grimaced at the statement. "Probably she'll be here soon."

"Hoe?" Sakura chirped. "It's a girl that you're waiting for?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I think we'd better leave you," said Sakura, taking Tomoyo's hand when suddenly Eriol got in their way.

The Londoner wore his heart-throbbing smile and said, "May I have some chats with Daidouji-san, Sakura? Sorry for taking away your companion, but… I want to discuss something with her while waiting my friend."

With all her naivety, Sakura returned the same smile. "Of course Eriol-kun. Ne, Tomoyo-chan, see you tomorrow!"

"W-wait—"

Unfortunately, Sakura didn't seem to hear Tomoyo's protest. "Eriol-kun, please take care of my gorgeous cousin!"

"I promise. No harm will be able to lay a finger on her."

They watched as Sakura's back was getting smaller and smaller by distance. After she was no longer around, Tomoyo decided to speak first. There was a sarcasm hinted in her voice.

"You're good at lying, Hiiragizawa-san."

"Daidouji-san, please."

"What? You teach me not to be mad?"

"Daidouji-san. Please."

"You know, Hiiragizawa? At least you must tell me about this situation, not decide as you please and—"

"I DON'T WANT THIS TO BE HAPPEN, TOMOYO!"

Taken aback,, the young Daidouji just stood there as she stared at the midnight blue-haired guy with fears reflected in her amethyst eyes. Her body felt numb, her heart which was almost leaping out from her chest was now thumping violently against her ribs. Never, never in their whole friendship she heard the Eriol Hiiragizawa shout.

But now he just did.

He shouted… at her.

Plus, the fact that he called her 'Tomoyo' also made her dumbfounded.

And before she could prevent it, a single drop of tear was trailing down her cheek.

Good thing is, the sight of frightened Tomoyo succeeded to bring Eriol back from his trance state. Yeah, he stunned by what he had done to her, too. The shock kept himself nailed on the path.

"I-I'm sorry, Daidouji-san... I should not have roared at your face... I didn't mean to... Sorry."

When he saw her gesture relaxed, Eriol said again—softer this time. "Let's find another place. We need to... discuss this matter."

An awkward sensation floating around them during their short journey to Penguin Park. Tomoyo shifted her bag uncomfortably. Her sad eyes bore a hole on Eriol's back, wishing he won't turn around and caught her staring. The Penguin park was only two or three hundred meters away from Seijyou High, but under this circumtances it suddenly became so distant.

"I'd say my apology once more, Daidouji-san, if you're still mad."

He caught her off-guard.

Taking one step back, Tomoyo averted her gaze—pretending the trees were much interesting to watch than the handsome Clow's reincarnation.

"So you are." He deduced.

Tomoyo sighed deeply, not wanting to say anything.

"Now I'm asking you," said Eriol as he sat on the swing, scrutinizing her face, "What if it's you who stuck in this case instead of me?"

The rustling wind blew Tomoyo's long hair. She thought for a second before answering weakly. "Then I'll keep it a secret. Saying goodbye is something bitter and painful."

"I guess you understand my feeling now, eh?"

Tomoyo walked closer, took seat on the other swing. She just stayed there quietly until warm hands touched her nape. She gasped at the sensation, by reflex turning her head only to find Eriol stood right after her.

"What are you doing?"

"Putting my choker on you." He said as a matter-of-fact.

"What for?"

"Let's say it is my farewell gift."

Tomoyo traced the outline of the pendant with her fingertips. "You give me your favorite necklace. Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"Really? Is it okay?"

"To be honest, I'm afraid that I won't have any opportunity to buy you a proper gift."

"Are you that busy, Hiiragizawa-san?"

"Probably yes. Cause I'll depart tomorrow. At ten."

"No!" Tomoyo immediately rose on her feet. "Why so soon?"

"I'm worried about Kaho. She is heavily sick now and lives alone in England, Daidouji-san. Nakuru and Spinel took their flight today. I will join them after getting my things fixed. If you didn't see my proposal, I've decided to leave a letter in your mailbox." Eriol gave her a forced smile. "I know you would understand."

"What about Sakura-chan... and Li-kun?"

"I wrote three letters last night. One of them is for you... initially. The rest are for Sakura and my descendant."

Tomoyo closed her eyes. Her once pacific little world crumbled in a flash. Now she could imagine how did Sakura feel when Syaoran went back to Hong Kong years ago. She regained her courage and asked, "Would you come back? Here, in Tomoeda?"

Without deliberation Eriol nodded. "I will. But I can't promise you when."

Tomoyo stared at the earth below as her eyes curtained by her bangs. Words fail her. She couldn't tell him how crazy her chest tightened, barely letting her transmit oxygen from the air to the lungs. Heck, Tomoyo hated parting.

She loathed it with all fiber in her being.

Is she not lonely enough?

Matsuhiro Daidouji died in a plane crash when she was two. Sonomi Daidouji couldn't help but took over her husband's role as the head of Daidouji Toy Company. She chose to face the consequences, sacrificing her quality time with her little daughter. Tomoyo was nurtured by the maids for years and she never showed any sign of loneliness. Perhaps she learned about 'masking emotions' at the very young age.

Then came Sakura, her cheerful cousin who always run late for school. Her days turned brighter with unusual experiences during card-capturing and card-transforming period. But one day, Li Syaoran confessed his feeling toward the cherry blossom and now everyone can see that they become a cute couple. Tomoyo was happy for Sakura, but she couldn't deny the feeling of being robbed. Yeah, the Li kid surely had stolen her only treasure away.

Thankfully, there was Eriol. Day by day Tomoyo drew closer to the Londoner and her visit to Hiiragizawa manor became more frequently. She might bring Spinel some recommended books and chatted about random topic with the feline. Or, she helped Nakuru struggling with some cake recipes in the kitchen.

Now Eriol has to leave her as well?

Great.

"Would you wait?" Eriol whispered as he held Tomoyo's arms.

"Yes," said Tomoyo, still dodging eye contact.

"Even though it takes more than five years or so?"

No words were exchanged. But both of them knew the answer.

Graduation Book

RAY of sunlight peeked inside the library. On the couch, twenty-four years old Tomoyo Daidouji shifted feverishly. Her eyelids suddenly became very aware of the excess brightness in that room. Slowly, she opened her eyes—only to be hit by the light of crystal lamp. Tomoyo instantaneously reshut her eyes, her head felt dizzy.

"Shit." She grumbled, grabbing the back of the couch for support as she woke up. "I forgot to turn off the light…"

Tomoyo grimaced as she walked towards the switch. She felt sore all over her body. Maybe her sleeping posture wasn't right. But how could she manage that? She was naturally overslept while watching her graduation book!

The mention of 'graduation book' brought her senses into normal. Eyes wide-open, the raven-haired beauty looked around to find that thing.

"Ah, there you are." Her voice sounded so relieve. She bent down, grabbing the book which lay neglected beside the couch. After returning all the videotapes she unloaded last night, Tomoyo went out.

Two hours later she was no more at home.

To Penguin park, instead.

Tomoyo enjoyed the calm atmosphere as the swing she sat on swung back and forth in perfect, slow timing. One of plenty reasons why she loved Tomoeda is the cozy feeling it has. For Tomoyo, this small city is her forever hometown. She didn'The autumn breeze sent chills over her, so she brought her hands close to her mouth before blowing her breath to make them warmer.

"I should wear gloves..." she muttered in regret.

Tomoyo sighed. She tightened her blazer around her torso—her thumb accidentally touched the chain encircled her neck. And she smiled. It was Eriol's choker that given to her long ago. This morning she frantically looked for that thing in every room possible in Daidouji mansion, terrified at the image of losing it. But then she found it wrapped neatly in floral paper inside her treasure box, placed together with Aunt Nadeshiko's wedding bouquet and Sakura's bunny-shaped eraser.

He said it can take five years or longer, she thought, and I guess it's true. Seven years have passed.

Is it probable for them to reunite?

After being separated miles away this long?

She let out a heavy breath. "Hiiragizawa..."

"Need a companion, Mademoiselle?"

The deep voice that came from behind startled her. Tomoyo eventually reached the ground with her toes as she stopped the swing.

Thump. Her heart beat faster. Her pulse flowed quicker. Her entire body tensed.

No, it can't be...

"You're daydreaming, Daidouji." She whispered to herself, but somehow she remained stiff. It didn't work.

"A beautiful lady should not go all by herself in this cold weather." The voice spoke again. This time, Tomoyo decided to throw her fear away and let her curiousity took its role. She turned around.

And gasped in shock.

The first thing that greeted her was a pair of indigo orbs. Parted by two meters gap between them, there was a man standing sturdily before her with all his glory. Eyewear. Bussinessmen-like clothing. Midnight blue locks which looked so smooth and soft. Bass voice. Tall, fit, and firm posture—it seemed Tomoyo's height only reached below his ears. Those descriptions referred to only one certain person.

Hearing Tomoyo's gasp, the man chuckled. "Daidouji-san. Long time no see."

"What took you so long, Hiiragizawa-san?" She responded, finally being able to recompose herself and smile brightly.

I'm home.

Welcome back.

Well, it really costed time more than five years to be together...

Graduation Book

"AWW... look, Suppi-chan! They are so cute!" Nakuru Akizuki squealed while watching over her master and the young Daidouji behind a big birch tree.

The black feline scowled at its guardian partner. "First, it's Spinel. Not Suppi, you idiot. Second, don't you know that spying other people's personal business is prohibited? You act like uneducated girl. Master Eriol may delete your existence if he knows."

"Suppi-chan, you are no fun!"

"At least I'm not stupid."

"Meanie! I'll shove tons of sweets into your mouth when we get home."

"Whatever." Spinel shrugged its tiny shoulders before floating to a tree branch nearby. It crossed its front legs, taking glance at its master before switching the gaze to the clear sky.

"Suppi! Master Eriol is smiling! Waah... I've never seen that expression before. Maybe it is reserved only for Tomoyo-chan! How romantic!"

"Don't be too noisy. Or people will start thinking that you are crazy."

"They will beat Sakura-chan and Syaoran-kun as the cutest couple in Tomoeda! Even I myself can't stop smiling!"

"You know what, Ruby Moon?" Spinel said, its big cat eyes shimmered under the sunlight. "Right now Mizuki-san is smiling too... up there in heaven. That's what I feel."

end.

No Empty Promises

"Sou-kun?"

Yuki looked up from where she sat at the library, and was surprised to see Nishikado Soujirou there. Not that she didn't want to see him there. In fact, the moment she set eyes on the handsome man she had had a crush on for the past 3 years, ever since she met him through Tsukushi, Yuki had never been able to keep her mind off of him. Now, Tsukushi was safely married to Tsukasa, and though she didn't see her much anymore, she did glean off from their once in awhile conversations that Doumyouji Tsukasa was still being Doumyouji Tsukasa. But Yuki knew that Tsukushi would never be able to leave him, and vice versa. They were made for each other.

Nishikado Soujirou, on the other hand, was more complex. Yuki had made her feelings for him obvious, and in the past year, she found him calling her at the most odd times, and most of the time sounding rather stressed. Yuki knew the reason. If Yuki had heard the rumors correctly, it seemed as if Nishikado-san has been having health problems lately, and from what she had heard from Soujirou when he spoke to her, it seemed as if juggling a diploma in business and art, as well as trying to handle his father's huge corporate at the same time, was taking a toll on him.

Around 2 months ago, Yuki had jumped from calling him Soujirou-san, to Sou-kun, and to her surprise, he had no objections, and didn't even correct her when she continued called him that, which was what she called him now, when she saw him appear next to her. They had mostly spoken over the phone, and this was the first time in 3 months she was seeing him. "Daijoubu? You look tired." Yuki immediately commented, jumping up from her seat to look closely at his heavy eye-bags and pale features, before pulling out a chair, and gesturing for him to sit.

Soujirou sat down heavily, and closed his eyes for a moment, as he leant back on the seat. He knew Yuki was worried, but he was tired. Tired of everything. The business required him to stay up late in the night, his school work needed him to get up by 7 in the morning, his mother was busy taking care of his sick father, and his staff needed to run the household. Soujirou knew, he couldn't be selfish, but sometimes, just sometimes, he wished there was someone to take care of him.

Of course, that was one of the reasons why he turned to Yuki. He had no one else. Tsukasa was busy with a newly pregnant Makino, and Tsukasa being Tsukasa, even if Makino was barely 3 months pregnant, he was already furnishing a whole new wing for the baby. Rui was finishing his studies over in Australia, a bachelor in music, and Akira too, needed to look after his father's business, but at least the guy had his girlfriend Momoto to turn to. But Soujirou was left on his own, with only Yuki. Not that he didn't like the girl, in fact, he liked her a little too much for his liking. After the huge fiasco with his first love, he had no wish to mess things up by giving promises he can't keep again. Call it a fear, call it a fear, call him a wuss if you'd like, but Nishikado Soujirou liked his playboy life just fine.

But as he looked at Yuki, her dark eyes gazing at him, a worried light in them as she silently watched, sometimes he just can't help but want to give her more. In Soujirou's heart, she deserved more, much more then anything he could ever give her. She was kind, sweet, unquestioning and willing. He wanted to give her more, wanted to let her go, but at the same time he couldn't let her go. He knew he was being selfish by calling her every now and then, and by restraining her, but the thought of her with some other guy made him die inside.

"Sou-kun?"

"Daijoubu, Yuki-chan. I'll be fine after a while." He replied to her worried question, and managed a small smile. But he knew he had to give an explanation. Even if he didn't want to give one, that was the least he could do after selfishly keeping her for himself yet not giving her what she deserved. Taking a deep breathe, he tried to get rid of all fatigue in his voice and mind, before he sat up again, and crossed his fingers in front of him, before speaking. "I'm just tired, Yuki-chan. Otousan needed to get sent to the hospital again last night, and I was tying up some loose ends with a new deal. I didn't go to sleep at all, and I needed to rush to the college this morning to finish up some last minute discussion for a presentation. I actually just came from it."

"Sou-kun…" Yuki repeated his name again, but this time not a question, but more like a sigh. She hesitated for a minute, but when she saw Soujirou close his eyes and lean his head back again, the image of forlorn fatigue he presented just broke Yuki's restraint. Her hand closed around the hand he had placed on the table, and she gave it a gentle squeeze, biting her lip, before she commented. "Daijoubu des, Sou-kun. It'll be alright." She tried to encourage, her eyes earnest and hopeful when Soujirou opened his eyes, and looked at her. At her gaze, he smiled. Her warmth never failed to touch him.

But he couldn't risk it. No empty promises.

"Gambeteh, Sou-kun. Yuki will be here to help you." She said again, and Soujirou's gaze softened, looking at her. That was another thing. Sou-kun, the nickname he allowed her to use, was for her, and only for her. She didn't need to know that, but Soujirou knew that. His ex-love had called him Jirou, but almost all his friends after that had called him Jirou. But Sou-kun was only for his Yuki. "Yuki-chan… arigatou." He said softly, but as he did so, he slowly slid his hand out from her reassuring grip. He didn't want to, he swore, but he couldn't risk it. Not now. He saw the disappointed look in her eyes, and he wished like hell that he wasn't the one who placed it there, but nothing could sway from the truth that he did.

"I'd better go now. I need to go and see Otou-san, before going back to college for a class."

Yuki looked at him as he stood up, and smiled, nodding. "Go. Take care of yourself, okay?" she reminded gently, and Soujirou wanted so badly to reach out and just hug her, to just hug her and let all his troubles melt away. No empty promises. "I will. Ja." Soujirou said, and waved, before walking away.

Yuki let her gaze follow his departure, and sighed as soon as he was out of sight. She knew he was tired, and she knew that as a 20 year old, barely of age adult, he shouldn't be withstanding all this pressure. But what could she do? As of now, she was nothing to him. Perhaps a friend, but nothing more. But college was ending, and Yuki has had numerous offers, most of them overseas. As she watched the spot where he had stood before, she couldn't stop the wistful look that crossed her eyes. Would it be worth her staying in Tokyo?

It's the end of the school year, finally. He'll be getting his diploma after the next semester, which will last for around 6 months, and after that he can fully concentrate on his father and the business after that. Soujirou stepped out of the school compounds, and stretched, for once not bothering if he looked like a cat in the sun. He had one less thing to worry about for the next 2 months, maybe he could get enough rest by then. After working for 20 hours per day and only 4 hours of sleep, he deserved it.

Speaking of deserving something… Soujirou took out his cellphone, and smiled as he dialed Yuki's number. The amount of times he had went over to her when he just needed someone to hold his hand, just someone to pour out everything to. He wouldn't know what to do if Yuki left. For the past month, after that time in the library, every time he went to Yuki, she would just silently hold his hand, and each time, even though no words passed through them, Soujirou was grateful, because he knew Yuki was there. Always there for him. Even though each time he left with only a smile and a thank you, Yuki never turned him away.

He knew he should feel pathetic, he should beat himself up over it. He was using her and he knew it, but Soujirou couldn't let anyone have her. Just thinking about her in someone else's arms killed him. He loved her. But he couldn't make promises. Promises he can't keep. No empty promises. He repeated to himself, one last time before he pressed the dial button, as he entered his waiting limo, and smiled when he heard her answering voice. "Yuki-chan?"

"Sou-kun, I need to talk to you. Can we meet this evening?"

Soujirou was a little stunned when he heard her words. What was it? Did something happen? Worry immediately pooled in his chest, and his knuckles gripped. If anyone had hurt any of his family, Soujirou could easily ask Akira to help him. But if anyone had even touched Yuki, that person was going to pay dearly. Not only physically, but mentally as well. "What's the matter?" he asked, unable to restrain himself, yet got a very peculiar answer. "I'll tell you later. Ueito Park."

"I'll come pick you up."

"No need. Just be there."

But Soujirou decided to go and pick her up anyway. Night was fast approaching, and he didn't like the idea of Yuki walking to Ueito Park alone. Thus 10 minutes before their allotted time to meet at the vast park of Tokyo, Soujirou arrived in his car at the bottom of Yuki's apartment. But he was met with the most shocking sight. A flight cargo van was in front of the entrance, and Yuki was handing a huge box to the movers, a smile on her face as she seem to thank the worker, before signing a receipt. Without wasting a second, Soujirou got out of his car and briskly walked over to Yuki, catching her by the elbow just as the van moved away.

"Sou-kun!" Yuki gasped in surprise when she saw him. "Yuki-chan, whose moving?" Soujirou immediately asked, not even realizing his grip was starting to get a little hard from his racing panic. Was she leaving? Impossible, she had another year of… No wait! This was her last year of college! Baka, Nishikado Soujirou! How can you be so caught up with yourself, you didn't even notice! "Sou-kun… Itai…" Yuki starting saying out of clenched teeth, as she tried to wrench her arm out of Soujirou's grip. Finally realizing he was bruising her, Soujirou loosened his grip immediately, but his dark eyes never left her flushed face.

"Yuki-chan?" Soujirou asked again, his apprehensiveness obvious by now. Yuki looked up at him, at his rather anxious looking face, before sighing. "I'm moving, Sou-kun. I accepted a course in biotech, and its in the United States."

"Why?"

"Why should I stay?" Yuki asked in return, and Soujirou kept silent. He couldn't ask her to stay. Asking her that would mean making empty promises, and that's the one thing Soujirou abstained from at all cost. Yuki waited for a minute longer, before she sighed, and looked up at Soujirou's eyes with disappointment and wist. "I'm going to the US, Sou-kun. Take care of yourself." Yuki finally said, and she brushed her fingers briefly against his cheek, letting her gaze linger on his a minute longer, before turning and entering her house.

Through all this, Soujirou kept quiet. She was leaving? She was leaving? Reality couldn't sink in, it seemed. He stared dumbfounded, at where she had went up for 2 minutes or more, before what had happened finally made itself clear in his head, and a sudden pain shot through his chest. He couldn't ask her to stay. That would be worst then the selfish act he had been keeping up for the past year and a half. So what is he supposed to do?

Standing in the middle of the bustling Narita Airport, a main hub in Tokyo for transits and oversea traveling, Yuki seemed rather forlorn. Her family had came to send her off, but now she stood alone, for she had practically begged them to go home earlier. She didn't want to face more tears, and definitely no more of her mother's bawling. Going away from her home her whole life was bad enough. Having to comfort someone else when you feel bad enough inside was worst.

But leaving Nishikado Soujirou behind was probably the hardest part of all.

Sighing, she looked up at the silver, futuristic ceiling covering Narita Airport, and sighed. 3 years. It was going to take 3 long years. And Yuki wasn't even sure if she was going to get enough funds to visit Tokyo in this span of time. She was surviving on a scholarship there. Just for her three meals, she has to work as a part-time waitress. To get a plane ticket back to Tokyo for a visit? That chance seems practically nil.

"Yuki-chan!"

Her eyes widened, and she turned around in surprise when she recognized the voice. Sure enough, she saw the form of Nishikado Soujirou, his dark hair windswept and his black trench cloak flying as he ran towards her. "Yuki-chan! Don't leave, please!" Soujirou said, the moment he reached her. His hands grasped hers tightly, and Yuki's eyes widened when she saw the intensity in his words, the honest desperation in his tone. "You're the only reason I'm still sane right now. If it wasn't for you for the past 14 months, I'd have drowned in all the stress and pressure. I love you, Yuki-chan. I need you. Don't leave. Please." Soujirou pleaded. Actually, by now, he wouldn't mind if he had to get down on his knees and beg her to stay, all he knew was that he needed her by his side. Forget promises, forget his vows. All he needed was Yuki and he had the world.

Yuki looked up at him. His desperate tone, his pleading face, all that told Yuki that he wasn't kidding, he was for real. Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes, and she managed a small watery smile, but slowly pulled her grip out form his tight grasp, before letting her hands fold gently over his. "I love you, Sou-kun. I always had, and you know that." Yuki said, and Soujirou let himself hope, just a little, that she wouldn't go. But her next words dashed all his hopes. "But I have to go."

"Yuki-chan-!"

"Sou-kun, listen to me. I promised my family, and I already sent the college my confirmation cash. With the diploma I get there, after I finish the course, I can give my family a better life."

"I can give your family a better life! You don't have to go! Just stay with me, and they can have all they want."

"I want to do it myself, Sou-kun. I'm not going to use your money."

Soujirou's lungs deflated, as her words sunk in. His hopes dashed, and his heart sank. 3 years… "Wait. You love me?" he suddenly asked, his head perking up. Yuki gave him a dubious look, before rolling her eyes. "It took you 4 years to realize that?" she asked incredulously, before shaking her head ruefully again, before her hand went up to press a palm against his cheek. "I love you. I've always loved you, Sou-kun. Ever since the first time I saw you, and you know that." Yuki said in a soft voice, and her smile turned warm, tender even, as Soujirou pressed his hand against the one she had on his cheek.

"Then come back to me. Promise me you'll come back to me." Soujirou said hoarsely, trying to force down the lump that was forming in his throat as the other hand went to wind themselves around Yuki's free hand. He was grateful when she didn't move away this time, but his emotions shot sky high when he felt her own fingers twining around his. Yuki smiled, and nodded. "I'll always come back to you." She whispered.

Looking at her, her eyes which brimmed with vibrant love for him and only him, Soujirou felt like his heart was about to explode, and before anything, he took her chin in his fingers, and tilted her head up, leaving her questioning "Eh?" unanswered, he swallowed the muffled, surprised half-gasp, half-groan Yuki elicited, as he pressed his lips against hers. Yuki groaned when she felt his lips against hers, and before she knew it, the palm that had been on his cheek had wound itself behind his neck, and she felt his hand on the small of her back, pressing her against him as the other hand of hers wrapped around his waist, their kiss turning passionate as their lips meshed together.

A full minute later, they broke apart, Yuki's cheeks flushed, Soujirou's expression contented, and a little smug, he gave a chaste kiss on her forehead, before pulling her closer to him, and burying his head in the crook of her neck, kissing her one last time on her shoulder, before whispering in her ear. "Come back to me."

His breathe on her earlobe sent tingles up her spine, as Yuki wrapped her arms around his neck, and leaned against his shoulder. She nodded at his command, and pressed a kiss against his cheek, and another one against the edge of his neck, she giggled when she heard Soujirou growl in protest, obviously annoyed at the fact that they were in the middle of a busy airport. "Only you." Yuki whispered in response, and kissed him one last time on his cheek, before she pulled away, much to Soujirou's reluctance.

"I have to go now."

Soujirou's grip tightened on where he held her hand, and Yuki sighed, and leaned in closer, pressing one last, chaste kiss on his lips, before forcefully wrenching her hands away from his. "I'll be back, I promise."

"I'll come and visit you."

"Promise?"

"Promise. No empty promises. Not for you, my Yuki-chan." Soujirou replied, as he brushed his fingers against her cheek lightly, and leaned in to kiss her cheek. Yuki's gaze softened, and she laughed lightly, before looking over her shoulder at the departure lobby, and then back at Soujirou. "I really should go now, Sou-kun."

"Come back soon, my Yuki-chan." Soujirou replied, and watched silently, as she walked away, and disappeared through the entrance of the departure lobby. When she disappeared, Soujirou gritted his teeth, and clenched his fists. No empty promises. Not anymore. Not for my Yuki-chan. He thought to himself with reassurance. For his Yuki-chan, he'll never disappoint her. For his Yuki-chan, he'll be willing to do anything. As long as she came back to me.

-x-x-x-

The apartment was sort of small, but not that he minded

The apartment was sort of small, but not that he minded. In fact, seeing that it was full of Yuki's stuff and pictures, he really wouldn't have minded sitting in the living room all day just looking at the place.

But really, why settle for the picture when you can have the real thing?

A smirk curled his lips upwards as Soujirou got up from where he was lounging idle on the couch, and headed to the kitchen, his smirk turning in to a tender smile when he saw his girlfriend's familiar back facing him, her attention on the stove as she cooked up a storm for dinner. Silently, he treaded against the tiled floor of the small kitchen she had rented in the US for 3 years, and he laughed when he heard her squeal as he slide his arms around her waist, pulling her back towards his chest and nuzzling her neck.

"Sou-kun! Let me go! The fish is going to burn!" Yuki protested loudly, but her squeal's had melted in to laughter as she tried to pry Soujirou's arms off her half-heartedly.

"Like I'm ever going to let you go. And the fish is nowhere near burning. See?" he smirked, and waggled his brows at her as his fingers turned the gas stove off, extinguishing the fire, before he brushed his lips against her earlobe, and then her neck, smirking as he felt a shiver run across her body. He loved doing that to his Yuki.

"If I don't cook it soon, we're not going to have dinner." Yuki retorted, but her supposedly stern voice came out as something of a sigh as Soujirou started trailing kisses against her cheek, going towards her neck. "Sou-kun!" she tried to protest again, but that somehow turned to a light groan as Soujirou's tongue flicked out to tease her bare skin, and he chuckled when he heard her.

"How about changing the menu?"

"Eh?"

In one swift movement, he turned her around to face him, and then pressed his lips against hers, firmly holding her against him, before breaking off, and then whispered to her in a seductive, yet low whisper. "I'm going to have you for dinner."

"Nishikado-san!"

Wait. Nishikado-san?! Yuki didn't call him that.

"Nishikado-san!"

With a start, Soujirou jerked awake, and his eyes blinked rapidly, only to realize he was seated in his office, and his secretary was standing at his doorway, giving him an awkward look. "Nishikado-san, are you alright?" she asked, and Soujirou nodded, running his hands once through his hair, before asking. "What is it, Ooshiro-san?"

"The Akibara tea shop tycoons are here to discuss with you next month's Tea Ceremony. They'll be arriving in ten minutes."

"I'll be there by then."

His secretary nodded, and shot him one last curious look, before retreating. As soon as the doors closed, Soujirou's closed his eyes, and leaned forward to put his forehead on his mahagony table, his mind recalling every bit of his earlier daydream. Its been 2 years and 6 months, and Yuki still had another 6 months to go before she could come back to Japan. Soujirou went to visit her often enough, every festive season and every time he got a chance. In fact, his earlier dream was what he had done to her the last time he visited, but that was 2 months ago. Lately though, he hadn't got a chance to talk to her. For the past 2 months, he had only spoken with her 5 times, and each time a very short time.

Being celibate for 2 months was no easy task, at least not for Nishikado Soujirou.

But truth be told, Soujirou was getting worried. He knew Yuki was busy, since its supposed to be her last year and all, but still he couldn't stop his worry from sprouting. What if she got tired of him? Him and his obsessive ways. Not that he could help calling her so many times, till she finally gave up and gave stern instructions for him to wait for her to call him. But its been 2 weeks since her last call, and even that didn't last more then an hour.

She said wait for her to call me. She didn't say anything about visiting her, did she?

His head shot up when he thought of that, and a small smirk spread across his face as a plan formulated in his head. Picking up the phone on his desk, he began dialling the flight company, just as his door opened and his secretary peeked in again. "Nishikado-san?" She started, but a gesture from Soujirou shut her up, as the other line picked up, and he started speaking. "Two-way ticket to the States, tomorrow. I don't care if you don't have any more space, make space. Price doesn't matter." he firmly stated, and then smiled satisfyingly, before picking up his files.

"Ooshiro-san? Cancel all my meetings tomorrow. I'm going to US for the day."

Stepping in the huge Tweed-New Haven Airport, Soujirou was a little thrown off when he saw the sky was just getting a pink tinge of dawn at the US. But then again, after an 18 hour flight, he had a distinct feeling that in Japan, it was past the middle of the night, even if he had took a morning flight. Rubbing his stiff neck, he stretched his arms for a second, before smirking, and heading to where his US chauffeur was waiting. (The Nishikado's had a winter holiday cabin in US, and while a 3 storey mansion isn't exactly a cabin persay, they still had their staff there.) Soujirou knew Yuki attended Yale, and they only started class at 9. He'd have plenty of time with her before then.

Looking out of his window as his driver drove towards Yuki's place, it wasn't half an hour before he finally reached the familiar row of apartments, and smiled when he thought of surprising Yuki, three floors up. The moment he got out of the car though, his eyes widened when he saw Yuki on the doorstep, apparently opening the door for a rather handsome looking, blonde haired man. What the...? Soujirou wondered in his mind, as he checked the time in the car. Its not even 8 yet! What's she doing with a man so early in the morning? Soujirou wondered, and his mind immediately went in overdrive.

Whether he's been hanging out with Tsukasa too much lately, or he was just driven insane, he never did find out. But what he did know was that, the next second, he found himself standing in front of a very much surprised Yuki, and sending the sandy headed man sprawling on the ground with a punch of his own. "Sou-kun! What are you doing here?!" Yuki immediately gasped when she saw him, but her eyes widened when he punched the guy, and to Soujirou's surprise, she pushed him aside, before running towards the sprawling man.

"Jamie, are you okay? I'm so sorry. I don't know what got in to him! I swear, I'll talk to him later." Yuki started gabbing in English, as she helped the man up. Soujirou stood stunned at the side. She wasn't even welcoming him, and she was apologizing on his behalf?! That idiot was supposed to be the one apologizing! What the fuck was he doing with his Yuki so early anyway?

"I'm sorry Jamie, I'll speak to you in school later, okay? So sorry." Yuki said, as the man rejected her offer of going up to her place, and gave one last wary look at Soujirou, before hastening his path away. The moment he dissapeared from sight, Yuki turned on Soujirou, her lips set in a straight line and her eyes demanded explanation. "Nishikado Soujirou. I expect a legible explanation. Now." her tone dripped pure venom as she glared at him, but Soujirou met her glare head on with one of his own. "Who was he Yuki-chan? Its barely 7.30 in the morning! What are you doing with a guy so early?! And don't deny it, you were going to invite him in." he reinforced. Soujirou didn't want to believe it, but somehow his twisted logic made it seemed so wrong.

Yuki shot Soujirou a look of disbelief, her mouth gaped, before she asked in an incredulous tone. "After 2 years and 6 months, thats the trust I get? Oh very good Nishikado. Very good."

"Yuki! Tell me!" Soujirou grabbed her shoulder's and shook her, but the moment Yuki struggled, he dropped his hands, afraid of bruising her. Yet his demanding eyes never left her face, as he waited for a reply. Yuki looked up at him, before rolling her eyes, and let out a disdainful laugh. "Apparently, 2 years and 6 months means nothing to you, does it? You came all the way here just to come and tell me I'm cheating on you?" she paused, and waited for him to reply. But when none came, shook her head ruefully. "Leave, Sou-kun. Just leave."

"Yuki-chan!" Soujirou jumped forward, his hand grabbing her elbow to prevent her from leaving as she started for her house, but Yuki only shot him a glare, before forcefully yanking her arm out from his grip. "Leave, Nishikado." she repeated her earlier words, and then opened her door to enter. Before she closed her door however, she looked back at Soujirou again, and spoke. "And if you're intrested in knowing, his actually a tutor I hired to help me in my studies, since I chose to do an intensive course, and finish everything up earlier, going back to Tokyo three months earlier. Back to you." she paused, and gave him a rather disappointed look, before continuing. "But since you don't seem to like the idea, I'll just return 6 months later as planned." she bit out, and with those last words, she slammed the door, leaving Soujirou standing there stunned.

It took 5 minutes before reality sank in, and he stumbled against the wall, his dark eyes rather empty and soulless as he recounted her words. "I chose to do an intensive course, and finish everything up earlier, going back to Tokyo three months earlier. Back to you." He blinked, before closing his eyes, trying to dull the ache that had started in his chest. "What have I done..." his small whisper was tinged with regret and pain, as he slowly trudged back to his waiting car.

--
3 months later

Leaning back on his office chair, Soujirou closed his eyes and massaged his temples. Business was being hectic lately, especially at the start of spring, when everyone wanted the highest quality of tea for sakura viewing. Soujirou was driven to his breaking point, but it wasn't as if he had a choice. If only I had Yuki, everything will be bearable. Again, the same thought that had been consistently badgering him for the past 3 months surfaced again, and Soujirou groaned. But he knew it was true. If Yuki was around, somehow he'd be able to do everything. After that disastrous trip to the US, she had never called him, and he didn't have the guts to call her. She'd probably be too busy with her school work anyway. Or was she seeing someone...

Soujirou sat up sharply, and shoved that thought out of his mind. It pained him to think of that, as much as he wouldn't admit. Closing his eyes again, Soujirou sighed heavily, and returned to work. 'Ah yes. I need to go to Tsukasa's place later. He said he needed to discuss something with me.' Soujirou suddenly remembered, and rubbed his temples again. Tsukasa was getting more buoyant these days, and with the news of Tsukushi pregnant, the flamboyant force of nature was incontrollable. Soujirou sighed. 'Why must Rui and Akira dump me at a time like this?' he complained, but complied, and returned to his work.

Dark had already started to overcome evening when Soujirou arrived at Tsukasa's doorsteps, and he entered the living room as the maidservent hurried off to call her master, but everything in his world seem to spin to a halt when he saw the familiar dark locks, her laugh like music to his ears, his eyes fell on Yuki sitting on the couch with Tsukushi, laughing over some trivial matter that doesn't really matter to Soujirou at that time. She's here. His mind seem to fall in chaos, and when she finally noticed his presence, he wasn't even sure if he was breathing or not.

"Soujirou-san? Soujirou-san!"

Tsukushi's sharp voice brought his attention back to earth with a sharp jerk, but his eyes never left Yuki's rather confused expression, as he answered Tsukushi. "Eh? Er. Tsukasa asked me to meet him." he said a little hollowly, his eyes never leaving Yuki's frame. She too, was looking at him, but Soujirou couldn't decipher at all her expression. Was she still mad at him? Or did she completely forgot about him now? Did she still love him?

"Oi! Soujirou, get here."

His head turned sharply, forcefully yanking his eyes away from Yuki when he heard Tsukasa's voice, and he nodded, throwing one last look at Yuki's direction, before he followed Tsukasa to his office, his chest a little heavy. So she did come back in 3 months after all? Did that mean she continued on with that tutor? Or maybe she's with him now. Soujirou forced down the heavy gloom that hung over him as he sat before Tsukasa's desk.

Yuki watched him as he followed Tsukasa away, before sighing, and leaning against the couch she sat on in Tsukushi's living room. "Yuki-chan?" she heard Tsukushi ask, but shook her head. "Daijoubu." she whispered, but Yuki knew it wasn't okay. Even after she had practically chased Soujirou away that day, she still took that extra course, and finished it in 3 months. The 3 months was torturous, and the fact that she was fighting with Soujirou just made it worst. She had been waiting for him to call, but her pride didn't allow her to call him. 3 months, and not a single ring. 3 months of pure mental torture.

"Hontoni?" Tsukushi asked for reassurance, but Yuki just nodded. She didn't want to drag her friend in to this. Knowing Tsukushi, she'd probably end up going to scream at Soujirou, and then Tsukasa would get dragged in to this, and the last thing she wanted to do was to get Soujirou in a fight with one of his best friends. Their conversation went on for 10 more minutes, before Yuki finally decided she needed to get home. "Its late, Tsukushi-chan. I'll come see you next time. Besides, I need to get home and unpack my stuff anyway." Yuki told Tsukushi, as she was sending her out, but when she saw Soujirou step out of the study he had entered with Tsukasa, her senses dropped away in one fell swoop, and she found her pulse picking up when she saw his eyes zero in on her.

"I'll walk you home."

Yuki couldn't make a response. She knew both Tsukushi and Tsukasa were watching them closely, but somehow she just couldn't take her eyes off his face. "Ne, Ja, Tsukasa, Tsukushi." she heard him say, and the next thing she knew, she was walking next to him on the sidewalk. After a long while of silence, where Yuki kept fidgeting with her fingers behind her back, she finally asked. "Where is your car?"

"I told him to go home first. Its not safe to let you walk home alone at night." he said, and couldn't help the look he snuck at her. Just watching her walking next to him, but not holding her hand, felt awkward, but oddly reliefing. After 3 months of not even hearing her voice, today was like watching the sun rise for the first time after years of darkness. The wind was starting to pick up, and looking up, he saw dark clouds gathering. above. Was she cold? She wasn't wearing much. Did she want his coat? Somehow, Soujirou couldn't muster up the courage to ask. Looking at her again, he saw her wrapping his arms around herself.

Ah, fuck asking. He finally decided, and shrugged out of his leather jacket. Before he could even put it around her shoulder, however, his attention shifted immediately when he felt a fat drop of water fall on his shoulder. His steps halted, and he looked up, only to blink and started wiping his eyes when multiple raindrops fell on his face. Within seconds, they were standing in the middle of a storm, and Soujirou was getting soaked to the core.

"Sou-kun!"

Wait, what did she call him? He looked down at her, only to realize she was tugging at his arms. "Sou-kun, its raining! Get moving or you'll be wet through!" her voice yelled at him over the gale and rain. The name she called him shocked his numb senses enough to realize she too, was getting soaked. Without a second thought, he held the leather jacket over her head, and then nudged her forward, as both of them ran towards the nearest roofed enclosure they could find, which just so happened to be a bus stop.

"Sou-kun! You're wet! You idiot, why didn't you use that leather jacket!" he heard her reprimand, and chuckled when he heard the familiar tone in her voice. She always used her tone when she was annoyed at him for doing something stupid, but that tone also held worry, and Soujirou loved it when Yuki worried over him. Looking down at her, relief coursed through his veins when he saw that she was only slightly damp. The same couldn't be said for him sadly, but before he tended to his own sopping wet shirt and pants, he draped the leather jacket around Yuki's arms again, before proceeding to pull up the sleeves of his white shirt, and squeezing as much water out of it as possible.

"Sou-kun, baka. You're going to catch a cold by the time you get home." Yuki scolded, but only watched helplessly as he squeezed the rain water out of his shirt. She didn't want to risk touching him. Contact would only make her turn to a puddle of helpless want for him again. Yet Yuki couldn't stop worrying. The wind was biting cold, and with him being soaked through, he was definitely going to fall sick if he stood here any longer. Biting her lip, she started to remove the leather jacket from around her, but that was before his voice stopped her.

"Call me again."

"Eh?" Yuki looked up at him in confusion, only to find his eyes boring in to her. Something odd was in those eyes. Was it regret? Or was it... want?

"Call my name again."

"Sou-kun?" she asked, and almost realized her mistake immediately. Ever since that fight, she had only ever called him by his surname, and then by his name. It had been ages since he had last used her nickname for him. But she wasn't exactly given time to correct, since at the next second, she found herself swept up against him, his face nuzzled against her shoulder again as he whispered. "I'm sorry. Gomene, Yuki-chan. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions. I shouldn't have mistrusted you. I should've called you. These last 3 months without you has been hell. I swear, if I ever do that to you again, I'll get run over by a train, hit by a car, trampled by a..."

"Enough already!" Yuki said in panic when she heard him starting to curse himself, and yanked herself away to hold his face firmly in her hands, she brushed a soft kiss, a mere touch of lip against lip that left Soujirou craving for much more, and Yuki spoke. "As long as you're sorry, there's nothing to forgive, alright? Stop cursing yourself, or I'll blame myself if you ever..."

Yuki wasn't given a chance to finish her sentence. Before she knew it, Soujirou had crushed his lips on hers, the intensity of his kiss a result of 3 months penting up rage, desire and want for her. The force he used pushed her against the wall as her arms entwined around his neck, and his arms snaked around her waist, he pressed her possesively against himself. "No one... is ever... taking you away from me again." he managed to say between pants, when they broke away from air. Soujirou pressed forward again to press another kiss on her lips, before continuing. "Hear that? I love you, and you're staying with me till the ends of time."

Yuki laughed, and nodding her head, she lay on his shoulder, her heart singing with joy as she felt Soujirou pull her away from the wall she was pressed up against, to sit at the bench provided, he pulled her on to his lap, all the while refusing to loose contact. "Sou-kun baka. I missed you." Yuki murmured, after a minute or two of comfortable silence, all the while with Soujirou stroking her hair, his other hand holding her against him. He chuckled when he heard her words, and pressed a kiss against her hair, breathing deeply her familiar scent of daisies and sandlewood. "I missed you too. I'm sorry." Soujirou murmured in return.

"Iie. Daijoubu." Yuki replied, and pulled away from where she lay on his shoulder to smile up at him, pecking him on the cheek. Soujirou looked at her. He just looked at her, and even till now, he couldn't fathom why, or how, he would love a woman this much. The years of being a top-notch playboy with Akira, following his father's footsteps, was buried too deeply in him. But when he finally admitted his feelings for Yuki, he knew that monogamy, even for the notorious playboy Nishikado Soujirou, was possible. Possible, but only with Matsuoka Yuki, and no one else.

"I love you." he murmured.

"Zutto, zutto." she replied

"Eien no ai." he echoed, and both of them smiled, before Soujirou stood up, and tugged the leather jacket around her, before taking her hand. "C'mon, lets go home."

"Home? My home is three blocks away!"

"Mine is around the corner." Soujirou replied, waggling his brows playfully, and Yuki gasped. "Sou-kun!" she gasped, in a tone that definitely contained shock, and maybe a hint of shame. But Soujirou just smirked, and pressed a kiss on her forehead, before pulling her along a run. Running along in the rain was ridiculous. It was a stupid, idiotic act, and a waste of time. But with her, everything he did seemed worth it.

Stepping out of the bathroom in only a robe tied around his waist, he rubbed his hair dry and turned to look for Yuki, only to find her sitting on his bed, also in a plain bathrobe, her hair hanging damply around her face. Soujirou smiled to himself. She looked incredibly cute sitting there playing with her fingers, completely unsure of what to do. Sure, they had made love before, but it had always been in her apartment. This was the first time he brought her in his massive bedroom.

Smirking a playful smirk, he dropped his towel, before walking over to her, and his smirk widened when he saw a tinge of blush paint her cheeks as he sat next to her on the bed. Her head was held high, but her eyes were on everything but him. The paintings on his wall were intresting, sure, but what did she find so fascinating in staring at a picture of mismatched eyes and noses for 5 minutes?

"Yuki-chan..." he murmured slowly, as he draped his arms across her shoulders, his palms dangling in front of her chest, he held back a smirk, but couldn't help but laugh when he saw Yuki full out blush. Yuki's look turned incredulous when Soujirou started laughing, and she turned on him, disbelief filtering her features, before she jumped him and started pummeling him. But Soujirou's laughter continued, despite her hitting him on the chest. Not that it hurt anyway. His Yuki-chan wasn't that strong.

In one swift movement, he had moved up from where he had been lying beneath Yuki, and pinned her to the bed with his hands on her shoulder, his face dangerously close to hers, he could feel her breathe on his neck, and a wave of desire clawed at the pit of his stomach. He resisted the urge though, and merely kissed her lips chastely.

"Sou-kun?" Yuki couldn't resist asking, after they had let silence seep through them for more then a minute. Soujirou looked at her for a second more, before his look turned tender, and his hands slipped from her shoulders, to wrap around her waist, and he touched his nose to hers, before speaking. "Yuki-chan. Aishiteru." his whisper was soft, tender, and barely audible. But Yuki could hear the genuine sincerity in it, and her smile, though small, was warm and loving. It was the most beautiful thing, in Soujirou's eyes, and he'd have to be mad if he ever lets it go.

"Zutto. Eien no ai."

Tea Tastes Better When It's Sweet

When I first heard that you had killed yourself, my first and truest reaction was to laugh. I could feel the familiar tickle in my throat, the cozy and comfortable air churning in the pit of my stomach. I swore I could feel it on the verge of bursting free, of making a musically inclined sound; and yet I hadn't after all. I suppose I thought it a generous hoax, orchestrated by the biggest attention whore in all of Japan; and it wouldn't be far from the truth either. Because you were attention starved and had tried unsuccessfully to end it all on several occasions, to no avail.

And I guess I was more keen to believe that you had somehow convinced the world that you had done it. I assumed that you were pulling the wool over everyone's eyes, but I could always see through you. You were translucent, apparent to me in so many ways that it was despicable. I knew you better than I knew myself, and that wasn't a complete lie by any stretch.

Eight years didn't seem to change much, really. I thought whatever I knew would have been annihilated in that time, that I wouldn't be so damned aware of your motives before even you were. In fact, I wished for nothing less than to be impartial to you and your stupid whims. I swore, I would be able to stop caring of what you were up to, especially with all your suicide attempts. And even then, I knew you were trying, hoping that I would actually stop ignoring you. That maybe, just maybe that I would give you the time of day that you sorely wanted.

With all things considering, you were not exactly a fulfilled human being. You hadn't been for all those years in between, and I suppose I could sense it on you like everyone else. The sullen hollows of your cheeks, the dark circles under your eyes, reminded me nothing less of death. Though those were only the physical deformities of your useless existence; they hadn't a truth that spoke louder, than the actions that you had taken, and the desperation that seeped from your mere presence.

I suppose anyone in your position of life, would be nothing less than depressed. You hadn't garnished any respect from the people who knew you, and your life was on the fast track to nowhere. You weren't a productive member of society, who had succeeded in any way. You had a way of ruining everything that you touched and always failed in each one of your endeavors. It was a miracle that you even graduated from college and managed to find a job at the most prestigious primary school in all of Japan.

I do not know how you pulled that off, but I could hardly believe it was admirable in any way. And it wasn't as if you would be remembered by any of your students once they hit puberty. Kindergarteners are temperamental creatures, who had attention spans as impressive as your own. So there was no wonder that you related to them so well, and why no respectable human being could be around you for an allotted amount of time. It was insufferable to know that you were educating, even in the ways of finger painting, to the youth of the upcoming generation. Whoever thought it was justifiable to hire you should have been beheaded.

Maybe I hated you all along; I'm starting to realize the fragments of disdain I always held for you, and more so once I knew who you were teaching. It was beyond me that you were actually teaching Sho and that he adored you like no other. In his complete naivety, he had exclaimed of how he would like to marry you once he came of age; and I suppose I shouldn't have been as angry as I was. And I suppose it was not the proper etiquette to call for your resignation weeks before your death.

But it was bad enough worrying about Sho, no less Rumi who was two years younger than her brother. How should have I progressed knowing that you were teaching my children? I couldn't allow that with what you were, of who you had been, and each inane detail in between. And maybe that was the last straw, to know that Sho was my first born, my only son, and he was the reason I hated you further. Who would have known I'd act so irrationally after so long, and you were the further cause of it?

I certainly had thought I had wiped my hands clean of you, beyond what I heard through the grapevine. It was pathetic really, knowing you bore no children of your own and still lived with your parents. I suppose that is natural for any commoner, but there was no excusing how much you lacked ambition. Maybe it was for the better then, that you are dead and soon the worms will be eating you. You weren't much of a human to begin with; you had perished long ago in spirit, and I suppose you were unrecognizable at some point.

Of course I surged your hopes, didn't I? I hadn't intended on it, but the circumstances were strange and surreal. I was not thinking straight, you were never thinking logically in any sense of the word either. And I suppose a funeral parlor only made one nostalgic of the times that had gone by. Unfortunately for me, you were a main character in my past; you were a passageway from the times of wreck loss freedom, and hedonism to its extreme.

You had been someone at some point; it might have not been as large a role as you would have preferred. However, you were still part of the time that had gone by, and I sought some sort of solace in your appearance. I remember each detail as if it were yesterday, as if I needed to remember on the day of your demise, more so than ever.

You were wickedly skeletal, alluring in a black dress that was worn out of mutual respect for the dead and the living alike. You would have been gorgeous if I hadn't been a married man with a pregnant wife at my side. And yet that did not hinder me in the slightest; I couldn't cry, I couldn't show any emotion whatsoever 'til I was in a side room alone in the shadows. I had stared, tried to rationalize all I knew of life and death; and I found out that I had ran short of any explanation.

Maybe it was my misery, my dreary misunderstandings that led you to me without me realizing it. I remember you hadn't even noticed me as you slinked into the room, falling into a heap of long limbs and perfectly pale skin. And I do not know what prompted me to even approach you after so long; we hadn't exchanged a word at all, and I don't know why I found comfort in you then. I had fallen to my knees, curled around your legs, and buried my face into your lap.

I breathed in your scent, taking a shaky breath in, and finding familiarity in your very soul. I can recall with such vivid fancy, how you ran your fingers through my hair and bowed over me, as if to shield me from the rain of reality. For someone adherently weak as you always were; you had been the one to keep me together, to make sure I didn't fall apart.

You soothed me in a hushed whisper, that everything would be okay, even if it never would be. Because I could not forget that day of realization, that life was not all about money and the glories that came along with its benefits. If that were the case, Domyouji Tsukasa wouldn't have taken a pistol to his own head and blew his brains out.

Though that was a surprise, unlike your suicide. I suppose I was surprised that you hadn't killed yourself sooner; I was amazed that you managed to hold on for that many years, without realizing the futility of it all. But Tsukasa, no one had known things were that desperate then. Maybe if we had looked at the telltale signs, we would have been able to have prevented it; and I know all of us wanted nothing less than to change fate and its cruel sensibilities.

It made sense now; Tsukasa had divorced Tsukushi the year before, and even if there were no visible problems to be had. Tsukushi had been shocked by his divorce petition and it was only through his suicide note, that he explained that he had been planning to off himself for some time. Depression had been a hereditary thing in the Domyouji family, and no one had mentioned how several of Tsukasa's own family members had preceded his own actions.

I was shell shocked. I didn't know why I couldn't react to the news of his death, until I was in your embrace and wishing so hard that you were dead instead. I even mentioned it after I regained my composure and leveled you with a truthful glance. I would have thrown you under a bus myself, if it meant that Tsukasa would have revived; and I supposed that once you asked if I would miss you if you were dead, it was just to cement the truth of my feelings for you.

I wouldn't mourn, I refuse to do so. It would hardly do me any good to think of you kindly even for a moment's notice. Even once I was done moping over Tsukasa's untimely death, and took the innocence from your mouth like I had in the past. I knew I felt nothing for you, though it must have been surpassing insensitive, once I mentioned if you sucked off your college professor like you had done me.

That was a low blow, and I'm sure the memories of that year had rushed upon you like a typhoon. Everyone was aware of the fact, that you were having an affair with a married professor during your last year of college. And it was even grander news once it had hit the presses of every social circle. You had been dubbed a home wrecker ever since; you carried that burden with you until you had finally taken your last breath. But your choice of men had always been questionable, and the last eight years proved how idiotic you truly were in the romantic department.

I think it is safe to say, you were trying to forget. You had to cling onto a dying ray of light, and it took a coy look from your professor to fulfill that hole in you heart, even for a few months' time. I swore you were about to kill yourself in those dwindling hours of autumn, in the brisk October twilight. I could see your heart crumble, your future dispel into a lie; and I caused it all.

You wanted me to fight harder for us. I could see it on your features when I gave you the death blow; I was going to get married, I exclaimed it like I was reporting the weather forecast for the week. I told you in such a nonchalant way, I'm sure you were horrified. It wasn't as if we hadn't been dating for two years before then, that I told you I loved you; and I even had the gall to say I hoped that you would bore my children. I know I had said all those things to you, drove the point of my devotion into every fanciful part of your mind.

So it must have been surprising that I announced my engagement to my wife. It wasn't as if I hadn't just told you that morning that I loved you, that I couldn't wait to see you; and that I was counting down the hours 'til our next meeting. And yet, I had crumbled that piece of heaven in your life, with that simple utterance. I was getting married at the closing of that year, and I made sure to hammer in the fact, that I never wanted to see you again.

You meant little to nothing to me, and I had wasted too much time on you. I had been faithful to you for the first time in my life, and inevitably the last time too. I would have done anything to see you smile, even if it meant stringing up the stars in your likeness. I would have done anything to make you happy, and yet I was the one that took away that happiness. And I never gave it back; I refused to give it back to you, considering everything in my life.

But eights years had passed from then to now. Even if I had succumbed to some sort of weakness three years ago; I still never mentioned that I cared about you at all. Because I didn't, I still don't; you tried for my affection far too often. You begged for me to say all those years ago, that I would miss you if you were dead and gone. You wanted so much to believe that you had affected my life beyond a reasonable doubt, when all of it was a lie.

Our whole relationship was built on a falsehood. You were never going to be the one for me, and unfortunately for you I was the one built for you. I was the one that could give you glee and understanding, whilst you were not equipped to even lick the tip of my boot. You were never going to be able to take the place of the woman I had married; she was a sophisticated, gorgeous woman that made other women turn green with envy.

She was a heiress from a wealthy and traditional family, and she was an ex-model atop of that. She, my wife of seven years, was much more than you'd ever be. She was the woman that gave me two children, children that hadn't any of your features or your likeness whatsoever. Even if I had felt marginally outraged at the characteristics that Sho received; I didn't let it show, that I somehow wished he had your eyes, that insufferable smile that had been my world.

I didn't look at my daughter Rumi, and think how much more beautiful she could have been if you were her mother. I never stayed up all night and wondered how I got myself into this situation, when I was perfectly content with you, and your foolish pauper life. I never once had to think of how much I yearned to touch you, kiss you, and exclaim that everything would be okay.

But what was true, like everything else that followed, was that I was angry to know you were seeing my son everyday. You knew he was mine, it was like the elephant in the room; how could you not know? His surname, his characteristics, his damned charm was enough to give him away. And if there was no doubt that he was my son, it was only enforced with the fact that he worshiped you. He was convinced, almost too much so, that you were the greatest woman on Earth; he fell in love with you as his teacher, as his role model, as his fucking everything.

My son, mine, had taken a shining to you like no other child in your class. You even had giggled it out to my wife, who had found it equally humorous. Everyone thought it was so adorable, that Sho was making up scenario after scenario of making you his bride. Yes, it was childish and stupid, and yes it burnt like an uncontrollable fire. Because there was something about you that bewitched me, him, without even trying. You had done the same to me and I loathed you.

I hate you, I hated you. If I could, I would have spat on your grave and kicked it for good measures. I would say good riddance that you're dead; it isn't as if I'm going to miss you anyway. That would be ludicrous of me and it wasn't as if you hadn't done enough damage to my family with your passing. It wasn't as if I was told while in the middle of Sho's sixth birthday extravaganza, while I was carrying Rumi around in my arms. It wasn't as if I almost dropped my daughter, after the shock slid away from me.

It's not like I actually ran through my house almost screaming at the top of my lungs; and it wasn't as if I scared anyone in a mile radius with how irrational I was acting. No, that would be senseless, unbelievable, and laughable; because I wouldn't react to your death like that. I wouldn't be running away from my happy and glowing family, enjoying the oncoming autumn, and decide that mourning you was more than appropriate. Because I wouldn't care, I wouldn't dare to; you meant nothing at all, nothing.

And it's not as if I could kindly ask you to wait before doing something so stupid. There was no possible way that I could have asked you to wait for fourteen damned years, 'til Rumi hit maturity and we could be together. Of course I wasn't already planning on making you mine again, once my children were old enough to know better. I didn't want them to hate you, to view you as the cunt that broke up their family. I didn't want them to despise you because of my decision; and I knew that they would. Children had that in themselves to be that haughty, that irrational; and father was never wrong.

Bitches who stole men from their wives, were the ones to be blamed. And I didn't want you be to be looked upon like that; I didn't want to abandon my children, can't you see? I didn't want them to know that I never gave a damned about their mother even for one iota of a minute. I didn't want them to know that I was madly and passionately in love with you, and wanted nothing more than to hold you in my arms and crush the air from your lungs.

It was the reason I had called you less than a week ago, when you were still fully intact and alive. After causing such an uproar about you being Sho's teacher; I had managed to find your parents' number in the local directory and rang you up. But like any joke that fate had in store; you hadn't been there, and your mother had promised me that you would call me back. I left my number, my name, everything for you would call me, for I could hear your voice.

Maybe I had been aware of something, that I did not want to believe. Perhaps I had sensed the inevitable that was on the horizon, and that was what spurred me to call. I had already known what I was going to say, what I hoped to gain through our conversation. First and foremost, I was going to tell you how much I loved you, how I couldn't live without you. And I was going to beg you to wait for me, to give me some time to figure out what would be the appropriate action to take.

I might have made the decision sooner than Rumi's eighteenth birthday, to leave my wife; I might have done it at the end of the year, if you gave me a fucking chance. I might have been able to marry you by this time next year; but you never called me back, and I was beginning to suspect your mother didn't even give you my message. Hell, I'm sure she didn't; after all, I crushed her precious daughter's heart with the malice of any criminal.

I was the one that caused you to introvert into yourself, and I was the reason that you had fallen victim to your much older professor's needs. I did, after all, break up with you less than two months before then and I was married by then too. So any communication from me must have been forbidden, on the verge of being entirely taboo.

And it was because of that, that you were dead and I was alive. It was the goddamned reason that Sho was staring at me then, with the same watery eyes that mimicked my own. Did you even think, even for one moment that you would be causing more damage than good, once you checked into such a pricey hotel suite and flung yourself over the balcony's railing?

No one was going to misunderstand the sentiment behind it. It wasn't as if you wore midnight black cocktail dresses everyday; it wasn't as if you were glamorized like an actress at her final stage performance. And from what I hear, from an informant or two, you had looked stunning despite plunging to your death from a ninth story floor. Somehow the ground had neglected to crush that hard head of yours, which was by the grace of God and Satan alike.

And you were selfish enough not to take into account pedestrians. How stupid are you really? Or should I said, how stupid were you? Because you are dead after all; it isn't some elaborate hoax for my attention. You had my full attention for these eight years, without even realizing it. You had me by the heart, regardless if my wife bore my children and had my name. She was just an ends to the means really; I needed heirs, she had the impeccable genes to give them to me.

But you were the one for me, even if I do hate you. I hate you more than anyone I had ever met, because you made me this weak. You had some unexplainable control over me that transcended the lines of sanity and common sense. I despised everything about you and that was lent to the fact, that I loved you so much that my heart screamed in pain, with the dawning understanding that you were gone.

You were gone, dead, ashes. I wouldn't ever see you again or touch you again, or hold you in my arms and tumble into the madness of how much I felt towards you. And now I have Sho, who loved you so shallowly and child-like, that he is still affected by your passing. He just doesn't understand it yet, and he might be able to forget it in six months or even less. Of course all the children in your class will have to be funneled into different classrooms, and receive Eitoku's excellent and extensive counseling sessions for the rest of the school year.

But they will eventually get over it. Sho has a short attention span anyway; I've witnessed how fast he had gotten over the death of his favorite koi fish. Even if he loved that stupid thing and fed it every day, he had forgotten about it in less than a week. So I'm sure he'll forget you and his love for you just as quickly. He's only six and you cannot ask for anymore of him.

I, on the other hand, am not so forgetful. It still pains me to think of Tsukasa and I cannot even stand Januarys anymore because of his death. And now it's Octobers that I cannot stand anymore; I cannot even look at my son without thinking that it was on his birthday that you took your own life. His birth date was your death date, and there's no possible way I could forget that.

After all, you were the love of my life; you were everything to me even if I was such a malicious bastard towards you. Perhaps it was all due to the fact, that I wanted nothing more than to forget everything about you, for I could be free of your suffocating presence. I didn't want to be a prisoner to you any longer, and I didn't want you to waste anymore time on me.

And yet you are gone. My beautiful, silly Ichigo-chan, that lit up my world and humbled me more than anyone could. You were my Ichigo for a reason; you loved strawberries in summer and it was my duty as your beloved to bring them back to you, each time I traveled. No one called you that, but me and I'm sure you wouldn't want it any other way.

But to the world, to Sho sitting at my flawless winged toed shoes, you were Matsuoka-sensei. You were Matsuoka Yuki or Yuki-chan, sometimes Yuki, and rarely Yuki-tan. To me, however, you would always be Ichigo-chan and I probably would remember you best for sitting on the edge of a park bench, under the smoldering heat; and eating strawberries one by one.

"Tou-san, I miss Matsuoka-sensei." I frowned, staring down at Sho and wishing more than anything else that I didn't feel the same.

"Strawberries are more expensive out of season." I sighed, closing my eyes and perhaps hoping that Sho would go away; he hates when I'm so damned philosophical.

He wouldn't be my son if he hadn't; I hated my father's bullshit and I'm sure he'll grow up to hate mine with an equally passionate rage. And he has been bestowing me with the same inquisitive expression since his birthday.

"Even if strawberries are expensive, why didn't you buy as many as you could before then?" My eyes snapped open and I openly gawked at him.

Sho suddenly stood, giving me a harsh expression, that I would have suspected would have been hatred if I didn't think my son was too young to hold grudges.

"Some strawberries aren't as tasteful as the rest..."

"Some strawberries are worth buying still! Matsuoka-sensei loved tea but stopped drinking it because it was out of season too!"

"Strawberries and tea never mixed well, and you know that. You wouldn't be my son if you didn't."

"Tea always tastes better when it's sweet!" As if to reinforce his point, Sho stomped his foot against the floorboards, before running out of the room.

If I hadn't taken his response into consideration, I might have yelled. I would wonder what the hell you were teaching him, because it was definitely not manners and he wasn't even supposed to be wearing shoes in the house. I was the only one who could, and who was he to scream and run away?

You were really a horrible teacher, weren't you? I'm sure you let those students of yours take advantage of your perfectly meek nature for their own gain. So it wouldn't be a surprise that you were the most popular teacher amongst the kindergartners.

But Sho had a point, in fact, he was an intuitive and precocious child, and knew far too much for my liking. He was an intellect at this age and I feared he could read me like a book already. Because he was right, even if I was a Nishikado, a tea enthusiast and expert, per say; I could not deny the claim that tea did taste better when it was sweet. And my sweetness was forever taken away.

Reading Between the...Clay

Yi Jeong was utterly exhausted. Only two days into this hellish week, and the demands of his upcoming art exhibition were already taking a physical and mental toll on his body. On top of that, he, quite frankly, missed his wife.

He barely saw her these past two days since he left for work early in the morning while she was still sleeping and came home in the wee hours of the night to find her already passed out on the couch in their bedroom (neither of them slept on their big comfy bed while the other was absent). Their only exchange of words were those sleepily whispered "I love you's" to each other after Yi Jeong gently transferred his slumbering wife to their bed. It was cute, really, but Yi Jeong already found himself missing everything else: their actual conversations about nothing in particular, their random drives around town, her squash porridge, watching those tacky dramas (though he secretly held a guilty pleasure for them), their small arguments (even though he always lost to the damn country bumpkin), and, above all, the sex. Boy, did he miss having sex (or "making love" as she likes to call it) with his wife.

Fortunately, he was coming home early today and wanted to surprise her. Despite his clear fatigue, he was excited as he practically jumped out of his small, flashy orange car with a dozen roses and an ice cream cake (her favorite kind) in hand. He made his way up the wooden walkway to their home, passing his—or rather their—pottery studio on the way. He softly smiled as he reminisced about all the memories they had created there during their teenage years. It all seemed so long ago.

Upon entering the house, he immediately noticed the note sitting on the usually clear dining room table. His name graced the folded piece of paper in Ga Eul's impeccably neat handwriting, and he smiled at the cute heart drawn at the top right-hand corner. Still a childish country bumpkin at heart, I see.

After placing the flowers on the table and the cake in the freezer, he went back to the table, quickly unfolded the letter, and read:

Yah Yi Jeong,

I hope the exhibit is going well. You must be exhausted, but it's almost here. So aja, keep fighting, okay? I miss you, and I'm sorry I'm already asleep when you get home and still sleeping when you get up to leave. It's not my fault that you can sneak out like some sort of ninja…I can't even feel the bed move! But anyways, I hope this letter is cheering you up a bit. I don't know what time it is right now as you read this, but you won't find me inside the house…

At that, Yi Jeong felt his heart sink into the pit of his stomach. What was going on? Did she leave him? His breath caught in his throat.

…Pabo, don't worry, I didn't leave you...

Yi Jeong let out a heavy sigh of relief. He made a mental note to punish her for scaring him like that.

…I'm in the studio working on something, and I'll be waiting for you until you come home. If I'm sleeping, please don't carry me to bed (you're surprisingly sneaky at that too) but wake me up. I need to tell you something important. I'm waiting, so hurry up, araso?

I love you!

- Your Ga Eul

A genuine smile grazing his tired features, Yi Jeong carefully refolded the letter and placed it in the inside of his suit's front pocket for safe-keeping. Retrieving the flowers from the table, he headed directly outside for the studio. Upon arrival, he quietly pulled the wooden doors open and found her back facing him. She was working on something at the potter's wheel, apparently unaware and undisturbed from his sudden entrance. She clearly did not hear or notice his slow footsteps toward her either. From his towering view behind her, he watched her beautiful hands work on something that looked vaguely like a horse and smiled again.

"Yah, you're still putting too much pressure on your wrist."

With her hands still on the wet clay, Ga Eul immediately looked up from the wheel and smiled, unsurprised.

"Old habits die hard, Sunbae." She giggled as she heard him hiss at his former nickname.

"Yah, Ga Eul-ah, you're gonna pay for that later," He retorted jokingly as he walked to the closet to retrieve an apron. He hastily put it on and rolled up his sleeves, ready to work. He took a seat directly behind his wife and presented her with the bouquet of roses he bought for her earlier.

"For you. Mianhe, I'm sorry for the past two days. It's been hectic. I missed you so much," He shamelessly admitted and kissed her on the cheek. Satisfied with the usual blush that crept up her cheeks whenever he made some sort of endearment, he scooted closer to her back so that she was further between his two legs and carefully took hold of her smaller hands.

"Komawoyo. I know, it's okay, and I missed you too," She replied and nodded her head as she felt him get closer behind her. She instinctively closed her eyes to relish the moment. She truly missed him, his touch, and his kisses. This was where she always wanted to be ever since they were mere teenagers, and she was finally back in his embrace after what felt like two extremely long days. She forgot how much she needed it. She felt his chin rest on her shoulder and allowed him to control her hands in molding the wet mound of clay before her.

After a few minutes of peaceful silence, Yi Jeong remembered her letter and finally asked, "What is it you wanted to tell me?" He felt Ga Eul's back stiffen and soften again almost immediately. He got worried.

"Yi Jeong-ah, does this look like a horse?"

Why is she trying to change the subject? Ga Eul-ah, what's going on? Yi Jeong tried to push his anxious thoughts aside as he glanced at the horse-like clay formation.

"A horse? More like a pony from the size of it," he answered and continued, "but Ga Eul-ah, what do you need to tell me?"

"That's good. I want it to look like a pony at the end. A cute baby horse."

"Okay, we'll make it look like a pony. I'll make sure of it. But Ga Eul, don't change the subject. What's up?" He tightened his grip slightly on her soft hands.

"Should I tell you the bad news or the good news first?" Ga Eul teasingly asked and continued to mold the clay. Yi Jeong chuckled at the sudden role reversal. He was usually the one with the good and bad news, but he wasn't so sure he wanted to hear her bad news. Was this evidence that he was finally turning into someone like her? A person that loves happy endings too? Clearly. He remained quiet and waited impatiently.

Another bout of silence passed before Ga Eul broke it with another peculiar question. "Yah husband, do you think this pony looks gender neutral?"

What the hell kind of question was that?He was getting even more anxious. She has never acted this way before. And while I'm a nervous wreck here, why does she have to act all calm and collected? She's too calm and collected. Ga Eul-ah, stop acting like me…I don't like it.

"Sure it does. I mean, if you want it to look that way, I'll look at it that way." He paused and shook his head before pressing on. "But Ga Eul-ah, wha…"

"I want you to like it, araso?" Ga Eul suddenly interrupted. At this point, Yi Jeong was too confused and too scared to notice when Ga Eul slipped one of her hands from his grip and placed it on her apron-covered stomach. Little did Yi Jeong know that this question was not directed quite at him.

"Of course, I'll like it. You made it. But Ga Eul, please tell me what's so impor…"

"You're the most important person in my life now, you know," Ga Eul interrupted again in a dream-like voice, right hand still softly pressed against her small stomach and a lazy smile on her face that Yi Jeong still could not see from his position behind her.

"I know. The rings on our fingers kind of indicate that," Yi Jeong softly replied and glanced at the matching rings on their currently muddy left ring fingers.

"Ga Eul-ah, are you okay? You're acting really strange. Are you sick? Do you need to go to the hospital?" Yi Jeong asked worriedly, a hint of desperation in his voice. With his patience running thin, he needed some answers and fast.

"No, Yi Jeong-ah, I'm perfectly fine. I'm just excited, that's all."

"What? Excited about what?" Yi Jeong asked and abruptly stood up from his seat. Backing away from his wife, he urgently grabbed her shoulders and spun her chair around so that they were finally face to face. Immediately dropping down to his knees, he grabbed both of her hands in his, and held them both to his heart.

"Yah Ga Eul-ah, I love you so much. You know that right?" Despite being on the verge of tears, he looked his wife straight in the eye and remained confident and unfazed.

Ga Eul's expression softened as she saw the absolute concern etched all over her husband's handsome face, but she nevertheless remained silent. Yi Jeong was panicking now but continued on, "Whatever you have to tell me, I'm still going to love you. You also know that, right?"

Silence.

"So Ga Eul, just tell me. I love you. Please, just te…"

"I'm pregnant."

Silence.

"You're…"

"…pregnant. Yes."

"With…"

"…your baby...yeah."

"So I'm going to be…"

"…a great father." Ga Eul finished off this last statement reassuringly and watched as the shock slowly took over her husband's features.

"Yi Jeong-ah, I know we weren't actively trying to become pregnant, but I think we're ready to start a family of our own. I'm sorry that I got you so worried, but I honestly didn't know how you were going to react to the news. And I know you've been really busy with the art exhibit coming up, and I'm sorry that I had to break the news to you now while you're still so swamped with work, but I honestly couldn't wait any longer. Anyways, I'm really happy and totally okay about this…and I really just want…no...I really NEED you to be okay with this too…" Ga Eul trailed off worriedly and waited for everything to register between them. She looked down at her hands in her lap and waited with bated breath.

"I'm…okay with this," Yi Jeong finally responded after what seemed like an eternity of silence. "…I'm actually more than okay with this." At that, Ga Eul quickly looked up from her lap into his surprisingly calm face and fell in love all over again. She smiled and jumped up to hug him tightly.

"I love you too," she whispered into his ear, kissed him quickly on the lips, and turned back to finish up her masterpiece—the clay rocking horse (or, rather, rocking pony) that she was making for their unborn child.

With a new sense of pride and love instilled in him, Yi Jeong was able to smile once again and shook his head in disappointment at his previous anxiety-driven behavior. After silently reprimanding himself over and over again for his rather un-cool performance a minute ago, he happily rejoined his wife at the potter's wheel and placed both of his hands on her stomach as she continued to work diligently. His baby was growing inside there, and he couldn't be more excited. He was going to be a father…and a great one at that. He was finally at peace...for today anyway.

But after a short while, he suddenly remembered something else…

"I'm assuming that was the good news. So what was the bad news then?"

"Oh, well…you're going to have to get rid of your orange car for a while."

Silence.

THE END!